Hello guys.
I am here to update you. It's been a while since I've posted anything here, why? I recovered 100%. In fact I can say that I recovered 200% cuz I live better than any time in my life now. I've never been so happy, so focused, so wise and in controll as I am now.
I went trough the most horrible moments of my life not long ago, and I can't help to notice the similarity between what I went trough with many of you here.
For those of you who doesn't know my story, you can click my user and see my latest posts, see the desperation in my words.
Summing up, I took like 30 pills of E in my life, and one night I exagerated and took 700mg. I had a panic atack and went into a deep depersonalization. I started to have insomnia. I was wakin up 3-4 times a night. Spent numerous sleepless nights with extremely high anxiety and terrifying thoughts about going crazy, about never return to normal again, about suicide. I started to wake up 5 to 7 times per night. It became my endless routine, 24 hours a day thinking I lost my mind, thinking that night messed my neuro system. I became obsessed about neuro system damage and i was sure that happened to me. I was sleeping like 2/3 hours a night, working the whole day like a zombie. Extreme difficulty to concentrate, my memory simply wasn't working. My libido was fucked up. I couldn't get it up even alone. Tought it was a permanent damage caused by ecstasy and it freaked me out so badly. I felt palpitations all day in my head and other parts of the body. I was constantly afraid of having a heart attack. My heart was racing all day, my legs were shaking all day. I consulted with 5 different psychiatrists, one neurologist and one psychologist. There was a time when, at some moments I could not distinguish reality from a dream. I had earworms all day, non stopping songs playing in my head over and over again. I was tortured by brain fog and anhedonia. I just couldn't concentrate in living life. I was always inside my own head, not consciously living my life. I was permanently stuck in my mind with never-ending devastating thoughts.
It was the darkest time of my life. I don't wish what I went trough even to the worst person in this world. I tought i had all kinds of disease: Brain Dammage, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Schizophrenia, Multiple Sclerosis. I bought all kinds of supplements: Ashwagandha, Gingko Biloba, Rhodiola, Melatonin, ZMA, Glutamine, Maca, Tribulus, Pregnenolone, Gaba plus, Magnesium, Omega 3, and these were very expensive shit (I don't take any of these crap today). You can get a sense of my level of despair.
but hey, I'm cured now, how did this happen?
You can check my latest posts and you will find several tips, but I can say that my problem was 100% psychological, as I believe it'salso the reality to many here. No brain damage, only a young man in collapse that needed to analyze his life.
I wrote about 4 books about my life, and I understood that all this was a depersonalization caused by my anxiety and obsessive thinking. So I learned to control it and today I am much better.
I even did one year treatment with sulpiride 50mg, xanax 2mg and 20mg lexapro and decided to stop taking all medicines. Today I'm a sex machine, absolutely no problems with libido, constantlu smoking marijuana (could not smoke without having panic attacks) and what I can say to you is: don't give up, and seek to understand more about yourself. The best way to do this is to write, write what you feel, why you feel it, when you began to feel that way. Each one of you have your own journey. You'll get better only when start understanding about yourself, there is no cure, miracle supplement. Meditation and exercise are good but are not the cure. What really will heal you is your own mind, the way you think and face life. I recommend watching the movie "Waking Life" I began to improve considerably from the moment I got the message the movie passes. I just returned from the best weekend of my life and I can say I've never been so happy and I can guarantee that all of you will reach it.
if you have any specific questions, feel free to ask. I will try to help the most but know: yes, it's possible to return to normal, it is even possible to be better than before.
Stay strong.