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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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My long term comedown of a couple years heavy mdma abuse is finally over, and I'm finally standing on two feet again With the help of a healthy lifestyle and ssris, my comedown of a year has finally ended and my anxiety is gone :)

It does get better, just hang in there guys <3. I've even overdosed a few times, but the damage does improve!
 
Congrats on your recovery Cyberius! But can you tell us more about what you did? Do you attribute the recovery more to the SSRI meds or other stuff? What else did you do besides the meds? Did you do any therapy? How long were you on the meds and when did they kick in and then make you recover?
 
Can anyone speak to the efficacy of NSI-189? People seem to mention it here and there as a "cure". Wondering if anyone has experience with this.
 
This weekend took about a 100mg Tramadol and approx. 0.2g weed and it changed my mood to positive. Maybe it was my fear to never feel really good again and this broke the anxiety. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, I had experimented with Tramadol a few times during the LTC but it nearly had no positive effects rather than negative. At some point the problems seems to come more and more from the psychological side.
 
I'm finally happy to say that i'm over my LTC. Seven months of living hell and i'm back. Feels like a rebirth. For everyone who is still going through it: recovery is possible and i'm living proof.
 
fnono33 said:
Can anyone speak to the efficacy of NSI-189? People seem to mention it here and there as a "cure". Wondering if anyone has experience with this.
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NSI-189 may be as much of a cure as for example Sertraline. For what it is NSI-189 is just a chemical compound which still requires sufficient testing in order to ensure its safety and efficacy in treating mental disorders.
Concerning "cures" and stuff like that for example SSRIs have real chances of being a cure judging from the evidence we have on these forums.
 
Scratcher said:
I'm finally happy to say that i'm over my LTC. Seven months of living hell and i'm back. Feels like a rebirth. For everyone who is still going through it: recovery is possible and i'm living proof.
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Awesome! What was your process?
 
Does anyone have ANY info on this "pandora's box syndrome"? http://www.ecstasy.org/info/karl.html (Scroll to find bolded title)... I've only taken MDA once but my life has been hell since it, it's 2 months later and I'm having the most inexplicable thought processes that come out of nowhere and make absolutely 0 sense. They aren't even thought processes they're these incredibly strange inexplicable feelings... It's insanely frustrating because I can't even explain them. Like right now I'm trying to sleep but I can't and they're horrible during that in-and-out restless feeling. it's honestly ruining my life and only getting worse. Does ANYONE know about this issue?? Please help me... I can't keep doing this, I know it might be some kind of mental issue that the drug provoked but I just need something. Anything. I can't find a single bit of helpful information online. I feel like my brain is seriously malfunctioning, matching strange, foreign feelings with familiar things. Or just complete nonsense. It makes me feel insane. I wouldn't classify my LTC symptoms as "depression" or "anxiety", as I've been diagnosed countless times. I've also been diagnosed with Dp/Dr, which I do identify most with, but many of my mental issues still are not explained by this. My mental state is literally constantly in flux, I do panic about how strange I feel but I'm numb even under the crying... I can't even remember what it's like to feel normal, how am I going to be able to come back from this... It's like I can't even identify with normalcy anymore...
 
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Hey, I was in your exact spot about two months ago. I am four months in. Basically my brain just calmed down over time. It got to it's absolute worst and then that's when it started to get better. I'm at a point where I can remember what normal feels like. I can almost feel it at some points during the day. I do feel that I have a long way to go thought still. Hang in there and don't fight the feelings. If you just observe them and let them pass I think you'll be better off. Easier said than done I know.
 
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fnono33 said:
Hey, I was in your exact spot about two months ago. I am four months in. Basically my brain just calmed down over time. It got to it's absolute worst and then that's when it started to get better. I'm at a point where I can remember what normal feels like. I can almost feel it at some points during the day. I do feel that I have a long way to go thought still. Hang in there and don't fight the feelings. If you just observe them and let them pass I think you'll be better off. Easier said than done I know.
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Thank you for your advice. Would you mind explaining some of your symptoms/experience to me?
 
Yeah, I actually did do a four month update a couple days back but felt it was too negative so I took it down. Here is a more positive version:

Briefly here has been my experience: The night I took MDMA, I was in a very low point in my life. I was going through a hard time at work and life. I spent the night re-dosing, and not hydrating properly. I was also on an SSRI at t the time which didn’t help probably. The following month was hell on earth. Extreme anxiety, chronic heavy DP/DR, rashes on legs, vomiting, head pressure, crying, the whole nine.

The second month I got a lot better doing everything that you guys were saying. I was running about two miles a day and got up to about 70 percent of my old self. Then I f’d up and drank about four cups of coffee one morning.

The third month - That coffee brought me back to square one and then some for one month. Extreme fatigue set in plus severe severe depression on top of my other symptoms. I then introduced trazadone and was able to get my sleep back a bit.

The fourth month - I tried to do everything I could to get better. Got a neurologist, Psych, and therapist involved. I also now attend 12 step meetings. Recently, I re-introduced exercise and started Lions Mane Mushroom. I am slowly building back to where I was before the coffee.

Right now, I am experiencing some light HPPD, social anxiety, chronic DP/DR. But, I can say that my life is tolerable at the moment. I am able to put my symptoms in the back of my mind for long periods during the day. I can almost feel my seratonin system reworking itself. Night Elf wrote a good guide for this a couple weeks back.

Also, I found an old photo album of me when I was in high school and college. It brought back vivid memories of who I was, my soul. This process can make you feel like a ghost. I felt reconnected with myself, my life force before all this stuff happened.
 
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Hi all,

I hope you're all okay.

I haven't been on here for a month. 5 months in and my anxiety is getting better, but the depression is still pretty intense. The lack of positive emotion and fatigue is pretty fucking hard to deal with, but I fight my way through it.

To be honest, the exercise is hard to keep up, but I make sure I at least go for a walk everyday. I probably manage one or two runs a week.

I managed to go to a Justin Bieber concert in London last week (LOL). There is no way you would have got me in a 20,000 seater arena two months ago so that's progress! To be fair I was pretty much on edge all night, but no full on panic attacks. And went to a bar afterwards and there was some decent house music on - I had a little boogy with my lime and soda Haha. Again, listening to house music before made me feel extremely uncomfortable so that's progress.

I have got myself a psychoanalyst to talk things through - which is tough. Bringing up a lot of crap from my life that I hadn't dealt with in the past.

I'm also going to see an expert psychiatrist and research fellow here in the UK next month. He does a lot of work with professor David Nutt and is considered a leading expert in the field of MDMA research and treatment. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm hoping he'll be able to put the facts in front of me and I'll let you all know what he says and any beneficial treatment options.
 
mf140 said:
Hi all,

I hope you're all okay.

I haven't been on here for a month. 5 months in and my anxiety is getting better, but the depression is still pretty intense. The lack of positive emotion and fatigue is pretty fucking hard to deal with, but I fight my way through it.

To be honest, the exercise is hard to keep up, but I make sure I at least go for a walk everyday. I probably manage one or two runs a week.

I managed to go to a Justin Bieber concert in London last week (LOL). There is no way you would have got me in a 20,000 seater arena two months ago so that's progress! To be fair I was pretty much on edge all night, but no full on panic attacks. And went to a bar afterwards and there was some decent house music on - I had a little boogy with my lime and soda Haha. Again, listening to house music before made me feel extremely uncomfortable so that's progress.

I have got myself a psychoanalyst to talk things through - which is tough. Bringing up a lot of crap from my life that I hadn't dealt with in the past.

I'm also going to see an expert psychiatrist and research fellow here in the UK next month. He does a lot of work with professor David Nutt and is considered a leading expert in the field of MDMA research and treatment. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm hoping he'll be able to put the facts in front of me and I'll let you all know what he says and any beneficial treatment options.
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I'm glad to hear about your progress, I wish the best for you. And my gosh, that's such a great person to get to meet up with! Please fill us in about his advice. I wish I could find someone like that in the northeast US. If anyone knows anything about someone with similar experience/knowledge, maybe in the NYC area, please fill a girl in.
 
Hellome said:
I'm glad to hear about your progress, I wish the best for you. And my gosh, that's such a great person to get to meet up with! Please fill us in about his advice. I wish I could find someone like that in the northeast US. If anyone knows anything about someone with similar experience/knowledge, maybe in the NYC area, please fill a girl in.
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Thanks you! I actually got recommended to see this psychiatrist (Dr Ben Sessa http://www.drsessa.com ) by David Nutt himself: http://www.imperial.ac.uk/people/d.nutt

I sent him an email explaining my situation and describing my symptoms and he got back to me within two days. What a guy!!

Maybe he'll know someone in the USA for you?
 
Hellome said:
Thank you for your advice. Would you mind explaining some of your symptoms/experience to me?
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The thoughts that don't make sense type stuff is really common with chronic sleep deprivation, I think if you slept better you would probably feel a lot better and realize a lot of your symptoms are really due to sleep deprivation. Unfortunately it's kind of a vicious cycle, sleep deprivation causes those strange thoughts and then those strange thoughts keep you up. Mindfulness and antipsychotics helped me break the cycle personally.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
The thoughts that don't make sense type stuff is really common with chronic sleep deprivation, I think if you slept better you would probably feel a lot better and realize a lot of your symptoms are really due to sleep deprivation. Unfortunately it's kind of a vicious cycle, sleep deprivation causes those strange thoughts and then those strange thoughts keep you up. Mindfulness and antipsychotics helped me break the cycle personally.
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It's strange, because some nights I may sleep through the night, but I'm beginning to suspect that the quality of the sleep is likely very poor, as I never wake up feeling groggy or rested, and as soon as the tiniest amount of light hits my face/I hear the slightest sound, I'm awake. I never have that exhausted sleepy feeling at night anymore either. I think that may have something to do with some deep level of anxiety - I don't even have to think about the day, the sheer moment of waking up is enough to get my heart racing and make me feel strangely awake. I'm not sure if it's just coincidental, but I notice that on days where I have to be somewhere in the AM, and dont keep trying to hit the snooze button with bad sleep in between, I feel a bit better. I've been taking melatonin, ordering some glycine later. Sorry for all the info, just want to get everything out there if anyone has a similar situation. I'm open to any other suggestions from anyone who's had similar issues.
 
Of course :) Protein intake produces deeper sleep reliably in mammals while people seem to have different reactions to food before bed so it's definitely something to experiment with. Getting some protein will help you get L-tryptophan, the amino acid precursor to serotonin - Tryptophan has been shown to help humans sleep. You can take straight L-tryptophan but it's probably similar to just eating protein unless you want to push the dose. Same with glycine, you'll get some with eating protein.
 
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