Thanks for your concern, seriously.
Kratom is soon to be made illegal in my country (may 28th to my knowledge) so unless I win the lottery I don't see myself getting a Krat addiction.
I am at this very moment studying other options, 5-htp being one, Kava (also soon to be made illegal, and currently already illegal to import in any form other than it's natural form, I believe powdered root is ok atm).
I am then looking towards other natural remedies that are not to be banned, but have not got to that point yet.
Yes I like the Krat, it is currently fulfilling my needs and I dose it as needed, not when I wake up for example.
I gave the booze up, with some benzo help and counselling, (2mg valium per day) and then gave up all drugs except my Amitriptyline as I struggle to sleep.
I did falter, hence I'm here.
Someone made a good comment about sugar which rings bells with me as right before I relapsed I had started a LCHF (Low carb high fat) diet to lose the drink related weight I have got (I need to lose about 4 stone) and I think that diet triggered my total relapse as I couldn't handle no carbs at that stage (this is all just my opinion based on hindsight).
So, I'm not drinking, I'm not eating 20 grams of Krat a day, I soon won't be able to buy Krat and I am building a plan for the future.
I really do hope the writing is on the wall for me, just not in the way you envisage.
To round it off I can contact my local mental health service in 5 days and talk to them also.
I seriously understand your comments, but please don't underestimate how much I want/ need to do this (get off the drink) because my children are reaching an age now where they are becoming aware of what I do/ have done, and I don't want to be that Dad.
Thanks.