It's very hard for me to feel sorry for somebody who are able to consume as much stuff as you do
@Zonxx
I have to confess that the only feelings I have are envy & jelousy my friend. I think that if you slowed down or better stop using stimukants for a week, you would statrt getting the effects that you want. Stay safe, you are pushing your body a little too hard man, even if you have a tolerance.
did that. no effect. in august, for 2 weeks i HEAVILY used stims, stopped for a week then started again (not recreational, seriously. i'm cutting down on pain meds and stimulants really take my mind off of them aswell as eating gaba meds, the crack i smoke TAKES AWAY MY PAIN so much so, i could cry because i feel like my old self, without that constant naggering electric feel through my spine where somtimes i HAVE to straighten my back up or else i'll look like the hunchback of notredam, and man the pain and sounds i hear are terrifying, the surgery to correct this is absurd and i won't have a 50% risk of being a vegetable if i can cope the way i can WHILE not hindering my lifestyle and health, like yeah you can say that its not really the best route, which it isnt truthfully but, i can function, while i don't idk if i can state this on bluelight but, ehm do various illegal things to make money, i make it mostly legally now except for the side stuff which isn't really all as bad as i could be doing, and it was a hard thing to give up making 1-4k a day, but at the time it was worth it i was a naive young adult and the day i was fucked up and a cop grabbed my arm and it was reflex to be honest and i hurt him, and i felt so fucking bad about it too, so he dropped any charges against me because he knew i really didn't mean to, but i sat in jail and prison for 1 single month.... they wanted me in for 5-9 years but god did i spend on my lawyer and god bless her, a good 16,000$ and she saved my ass. but. so did my doctor becuase he knew me for so long, and man am i a blessed person, and i acknowledge it, he wrote a personal letter to the judge slightly bullshitting that i was under sever depression and that he'd be responsible for me for the alotted sentence, so between that and the lawyer i can't even put into words how lucky my life has been, and i'm glad i am the person i am today, i don't give a shit if i consume crack, this and that, hey, if you're in pain and in need, those substances help, DO EM, fuck the stigma around them and fuck the judgemental shits that listen to the media, i mean hey yeah you can get addicted to em, people drink coffee like its nothing, booze like its nothing those are drugs too, maybe not as detrimental to health BUT, if you use hard substances, and take care of yourself, i passed a clean bill of health, blood test and all, a month and a half ago, with everthing i do i take all the precautions to make sure that im not losing weight from drugs, which btw i'm the only damn one who can eat on stims np and love eating, but..... that may be related to wanting to open a restaurant somtime in the next few years, but thats a seriously taxing job to take on with the pain i deal with day to day which sucks because the pain ruins my dreams NO OTHER doctor will even rx close to what i'm on, howver i do i have a private one who has no qualms about rxing the same meds but, he won't rx higher doses, thats what this opiate epidemic has caused, it's fucking stupid, i know people who've been cut off their pain meds and the methadone / subs/ bup don't help them, so theyre banging dope which i have no problem giving them my source for proper stuff but even then, tolerance drops quickly to that shit, and it also rises quickly and it's just russian roulette. ...... this is a slight ramble because i took 560mg of addy about an hour ago, smoked my last rock (and again,checking my pulse right now.... its SLIGHTLY elevated PLEASE DO NOT ENVY ME OR EVEN TRY TO BE LIKE ME, i'm not doing this shit for fun it's like i told my mother who i'm taking care of right now and shes having surgery AGAIN in a week and i'm ballshit fucking nervous and she's compounding my nerves which is maybe why i went through 16 grams of coke in 5 days and that kills me even more because thats usually a half months worth, i guess the nerves are getting to me and i'm having a problem coping, i can't take extra pain meds and nod through the nerves because you always wake up from the nods and theyre there, people who escape problems via drug use are doing it wrong, you can use them to help asses the issues but, idk where i'm going on this one, drugs aren't the answer to problems basically but other than that
NEVER envy or recreate my use because i don't choose to do the things i do, theyre my coping mechanisms, my doctor has asked me how i feel day to day and the truth is, im 3 quarters normal, i've never ever had a psychotic episode or anything like that with everthing i take
the worst negative thats ever happened was the time i took shrooms last month that were just godly strong frienddealer goes 'come downstairs, i got somthing fresh and great for you to try..... yeah sure fuck that, ate a shroom that resembled a giant nug of pot on an empty stomach, and said aight i'ma go relax on my couch peace... hit me on the way to the door........ if i didn't have the bag of coke i usually keep in my wallet, id never had made it up those stairs and home lol. aside from that, i'm as healthy as can be, i haven't had a tooth cavity in 8 years, theyre pearly white except for the bruxism which is pretty bad, that i'm prescribed tranquilizers for that when i wake up i cant really even function lelel.
Don't envy me, don't aspire to me
i'm not an addict per say, i'm a heavy drug user, and you can say i'm in denial and i can say i'm dependent which is basically addicted but, if you were in my position yeah k drugs are 'fun' but when you're forced to have to take them, its just tedious, the crack i can say i can do without, as a matter a fact, at noon i'm ordering a few rocks, but i'm not cookin them up, i'ma snort em along with subbing my amps, and then eventually maybe only have a day or two a month where theyre fuck it days and i know we all know those 'fuck it' days
so thats my life in a bundle and i just went at it because you said you were jealous don't think 'oh he can smoke gram of fishscale in an hour thats insanely awesome i wish i could get that high'
that's the worst thing you could ever think my friend, i love all of BL which is why i'm happy to participate, but for anyone to look up to me, isn't particularly the right thing, they can learn from me but to attempt to be like me, never ever aspire to be able to do what i do.
i love life don't get my wrong, but i have to live it as best as i can, i'm never going to give up fighting the fight, but in my mind, i don't except to make it to the age of 45-50, in awhile i'm saving some money i'm heading to south america, gonna get over my coke/crack dependecy/addiction by doing so much that i won't be so enclined to think 'oh its there it helps ima do it' more like 'ehh it can help but yeah fuck it'
woahs i wrote alot, this should be an inspiration to those who think that doing drugs and alot of them or being ABLE to is a positive, it can be sure if you're truely an addict but, over time and this is from experience with regards to opiates, it gets old, you still get the high but its just a high in the end, i'm not advocating sobriety but i can say that a high is a high and everything else is more important than a high, the high should help you succeed in your goals, not be the goals
i'm all for legalizing drugs, its not common knowlegde, Portual has ZERO penalties for buying/selling or possesion- only traffickick is penalized, why hasn't the world followed this, i firmly believe if this was regulation was spread to every nation, soon there would be more educated doctors that drugs don't kill (fent or carfent are killers) but way back when, 1700's maybe earlier-1905 i believe opiates and cocaine were commonly used in medicines without being demonized, the war on drugs is a ludicrous lost war, and it can fuck off, people are arrogant to think that these things kill, ive said a few times, that these drugs are essentially actually safe in a manner of speaking, if you're gonna use lets say a .2 rock, then say fuck it, i can use a 2 gram rock or use 400mg morph and then think you can take 2,000 well youre to blame, and yes sure the nature of these is to use more, but either i'm different or wrong we all have opinions however, i firmly believe in all drugs being legalized, and it's up to the consumer to use responsibly ALCOHOL is a GREAT example, how many people die to alcohol poisioning, it's not the alcohols fault, and if you think about it alcohol vs opiates, goddamn are opiates safer (with moderate doses duh) that alcohol, and i cant say i was an alcoholic i never craved a drink, but a period in my life at the age of 19 i think i drank 1.5-2Litres of hard liquor a day, rum/goldschlager/Irish mist were my go to's and i belive its during that time when i fucked up my spine, because i'm a relatively strong individual not boasting but my aging dog was having problems walking up the stairs and i ended up carrying him up for about 6-8 months, and when he passed, i went to my doctor to explain everything which he immediately put me on benzos and told me to fuck off the alcohol, but it's hard nowadays with doctos especially younger ones that're taught that these 'harder' drugs shouldnt be handed out just because somthing can have recreational value, doesnt mean people will use them that way, i take my opiates as prescribed and not recreationally but somtimes i HAVE to take extra or i have no words to explain, i've layed in med crying one day, and i'm a decently tough man because i just couldn't muster the will to sit up and crush my pain meds, i coldn't even fucking reach them which was the worst part.
i rambled and explainedm y life story as briefly as i could, This is zonxx, i am who am i am, if you want to aspire i say aspire to the good things i do like do everything safely, never endanger oneself for a buzz, because thats not worth your life, if you have to buy off the street because doctors are shitty, go the extra mile, save for a private doctor, they cost ALOT, and by alot, lol. i had to pay 200$ to register 100 to get an appointment, 200 again to see them, 100 to get into the room with the doctor and you'll find someone who'll help.
this is not at all about addiction because i don't believe in that i've personally used so many benzos to the point where i'll never recreationally use them again, i use em somtimes now for comedowns, aswell as to sleep. you can say i'm wrong and i can say that those feelings and memories of the 'highs' stay with you forever which is why people relapse, but take solace that you were able to actually feel the way you did, like the 5th time i smoked rock, i'll never forget the utter complete bliss, and said outloud 'i will never feel better than i do right now' and i haven't but you know what, thats an experience, and problem is people chase that same one, it'll never come, which is why i understand an sympathize true addiction however one thing i cant relate to is stealing and lying for an addiction, i have never done this and never will, ugh idk if this is bluelight material so a mod will edit it out if it isn't i have robbed dealers without a second thought and have done bad things in my younge naive stupid past but i know a great woman, she's an amazing person, but lies for coke, like no tomorrow, BUT idk i can say she;s fuckin good, she's used a half gram a day for about 8 years snorted, and since it's top quality, she still hasnt any nose issues (no boast, its a good 75-90%) purity which i don't take for granted, and i 'love' her to death but i feel bad because it's the same after my 2 weeks binge on heavy amps using close or more than a half g a day of em, when you wake up the next day, you CANT move for the life of you, it's a difficult experience to explain but it was gone in 2-3 days and fully recovered after 5 so i understand the need to continue aswell
this was an informative ramble and insight into my life
Love ya all, judge me if you want however, it wouldn't phase me because i am who i am and i only wish the best for everyone, good or bad, i've stayed with someone for 6 weeks whilethey withdrew from dope and id do it again, it was the worst but they're their old selves again and thank me everytime i see them, but i didn't do it just because i felt bad or was their friend, i'd do it for anybody because i know how difficult it is to be without let alot want to get clean.
i'm gonna go ahead and amp up, some more, probably head out for a few grams soon, but i wish you all the best, and hope you learn from me and know that in the end, it's all going to be fine as long as you do your part to make it so.
~Zonxx
