Welcome How Are You in One Word vs wait! Just one?!

[ShroomySatori]

^ hey me too! I'm in oxy wd's but I quit weed and oil too last week, and I get really edgy for a while when I stop the heavy cannabis use. Try L-theanine!!! It's an amino acid that is great for anxiety. 1 gram at a time. Valerian root extract too is quite good. And a B-vitamin complex. Chamomile tea. That is my recommendation for you to mellow out : ) I went nuts at the health food store today. Felt like I was having a heart attack since 5am, could barely drive the car. And all that stuff chilled me right the fuck out.

 

[Young_ile]

Thank you. I am not angry at all today. I actually cannot even feel the physical oxy wd's that have been torturing me lately. The reason being is that I woke up having a hardcore panic attack. Going on 4 hours I feel like I am having a heart attack. I am doing everything to calm down, but I can't. This is the worst symptom yet. I would totally take an anger outburst over this. I can take the shit kicking in withdrawal, I can handle the depression but this anxiety is fucking killing me. I already have a panic disorder and I can't up my benzo dose to deal with it. It's just fucking torture.

I have been through thousands of panic attacks where I feel like this is it. Like I am going to die from it, and I never do. I understand that although I may feel like I am going to have a heart attack and drop dead, I'm probably going to be okay. I am trying to talk myself down but I haven't felt anxiety this bad in months. You know it's hell if I don't even give a fuck about the oxy wd's (although this is clearly a symptom). I just want to feel like complete shit again fuck? That sure as hell beats this, at least I don't worry about dropping dead. At least I don't have uncontrollable racing thoughts that drive me bananas to the point that I literally just almost hope that I die. It's too much for me, I already have panic disorder really bad. This is an issue in my life even with the oxy's. I'm just trying my best not to take that second valium, because I don't even think it would touch anxiety this hardcore.

We can get through this..time heals hopefully. Don't be so mad and try to deal with it as I am trying as well. Take deep breaths and try and keep your mind off things. I know I'm trying.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Thank you. I believe so as well. I think I will bounce back stronger than ever before. After this nightmare, nothing is going to phase me anymore. I'll happily take pain and stress over an opioid addiction this heavy. I got a bunch of health supplements today that seem to be helping the anxiety. I have a lot of trouble dealing with panic attacks as it is. After I get off the oxy's it will be natural to tackle the benzo habit - being clean just can't come sooner for me. I can't wait to be free of the oxycodone, abusing it ruined years of my life and it's tough not to get overly emotional when I'm fighting it. This week has been absolute hell and I never want to have to go through it ever again. Good luck to you as well.

 

[Moreaux]

(i am a) fuckup

I haven't seen you around much - how are you doing assclass? Btw - no, you're really not a fuckup - only when you choose to be

Like a loser

CoatHangerAbortion - how are you doing? I've been thinking about you, I hope all is well.

Bored...and kinda anxious because someone is over here with their kid and when she cries, it makes me nervous she hurt herself. I'm not going out there and watching that kid. I'll be glad when I get some anti-anxiety medicine tomorrow. Sick of people around me, that's why I force myself outside a lot. Anything to get out of the house.

Getting outside is good on many levels. Is that the same kid that was living with you? Btw - I give you credit for maintaining and handling yourself well and having to be around so many people. I don't think I could have done that when I was going through my withdrawal and PAWS.

gutted

I hope everything is okay. I'm already here if you ever need to talk.



Frustrated. I am no longer receiving BL notifications and I worry I am missing someone's response or message...

Other than that it's been a great day Almost went the entire day without nicotine but had a job interview and literally could not function so I had to put a nicotine patch on which is better than smoking a cigarette...my last cigarette was 5 days ago

 

[Erikmen]

Sad (for this early hours in the morning..)

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

CoastTwoCoast: Getting outside is good on many levels. Is that the same kid that was living with you? Btw - I give you credit for maintaining and handling yourself well and having to be around so many people. I don't think I could have done that when I was going through my withdrawal and PAWS.

I hope everything is okay. I'm already here if you ever need to talk.

Frustrated. I am no longer receiving BL notifications and I worry I am missing someone's response or message...

Other than that it's been a great day Almost went the entire day without nicotine but had a job interview and literally could not function so I had to put a nicotine patch on which is better than smoking a cigarette...my last cigarette was 5 days ago

Haha this is not the same kid who was staying with me in the past. Those were my uncle's girls who were like around 7 or 9. The other was younger. So now that they're gone, my cousin (my uncle's son) has a kid now that's a toddler. She tends to get into everything. And he acts like he lives here for some reason.

I'm just ignoring it all to the best of my ability.

I'm proud of you for trying to stop smoking. I don't fault you for the nicotine patch. You have important things to do and need to get through the day. Keep it up. You're on the right path. ??

 

[SpaceMildo]

Fucked

 

[dilated_pupils]

Okay I'm not feeling this word yet today however I am putting out there so I eventually and capable I'm living it - - tenacious.

 

[GaryGlisten]

wretched.. feeling unwell. tired, sore, uncomfortable, uneasy, disconnected, upset and worried.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I had a wonderful day for the first time in ages. However, I just got hit with a burst of anger towards someone who wronged me. I want to show up at their work, and beat the leaving fuck out of their face and stomp them to the ground. Break his nose and his ugly fucking teeth until he looks like a bloody pulp. I want to break every bone in his body and I know damn well that I could despite my pain condition, because he is a short little bitch and I tower over him. He was such a piece of garbage to me... my last boss. I want him begging for mercy on the ground that fucking scum. I will not let the anger get the best of me, I will never do this, but it's just how I feel. I would like him to suffer, but karma has it's own way of taking care of things.

So those feelings did not last long at all. Calmed myself down quick. I really do believe in karma. I've got borderline personality disorder so I am a loose cannon like that.

 

[Young_ile]

Glad u had a wonderful day shroomy. Karma will get him. Let's focus on having more good days. Especially for the ones who aren't having them!

 

[neversickanymore]

Sleepy

 

[PerfectDisguise]

bored

 

[swilow]

Smooth/floppy/patient.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Depressed as fuck.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I am laughing my ass off at my present situation. It's beginning to seem funny to me somehow, how bad I fucked up. I've just seen the light and I know I am going to beat it. Woke up at 1am after an hour of sleep and could not get back to bed though. It's nice to laugh... I haven't laughed naturally like this in forever.

 

[dilated_pupils]

Undecided. I need to make some decisions I think however having the right tools and doing the research will promote a healthy decision.

 

[bomber]

Exhausted. Too much work lately.

 

[herbavore]

I am laughing my ass off at my present situation. It's beginning to seem funny to me somehow, how bad I fucked up. I've just seen the light and I know I am going to beat it. Woke up at 1am after an hour of sleep and could not get back to bed though. It's nice to laugh... I haven't laughed naturally like this in forever.

This brought a smile to my face, Shroomy! Laughter truly is the best medicine.

 

[ShroomySatori]

It was really nice to laugh and smile. I'm having horrible cravings now though to rail 16mg dilaudid and ruin everything for myself. The cravings are extreme. They came out of nowhere and I am on Day 8, I can't give up for a stupid hit. Not after this much progress but I can feel them calling out to me. I can't ignore it right now, I have to get out of here and do something until the cravings pass.

Okay... I think I dealt with the cravings. I reminded myself of how much damage these drugs have done to me. I reminded myself that no matter how much drugs I have, it's never enough. I reminded myself of my last job where I was making good money as an engineer and blowing every last cent on oxy, heroin, and dilaudid until I was fired as I was dope sick half the time still. I reminded myself of the misery of having to do lines in washrooms at work. I reminded myself of the woman I am infatuated with who would never have anything to do with me as a junkie. I reminded myself that I am still an addict, and that cravings like these are going to be very common for a while. It was extremely challenging not to use but I dodged a bullet this time. I'm just an hour away from my maintenance percocet dose and then I should be able to nap this afternoon, as I didn't sleep last night.