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Welcome How Are You in One Word vs wait! Just one?!

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ShroomySatori said:
I refuse to look. I would probably see an evil eye. I can just sense it. I seem to have made it through the cravings, at least for now. Yeah.... about 6 hours of straight cravings although I tried to distract myself, it was really tough. Never knew cravings like these even existed. I'm really just getting started in my recovery.
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I used to get cravings so badly I could barely think, would shake and sweat. But they fade and diminsh every time you resist them. I hope you're well :)

I am good today, touch anxious but okay.
 
swilow said:
What's up? Both shroomy and petal...?
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November is always a difficult month for me, and lately loneliness and a lack of purpose has been grinding me down. I'm trying my best, though, so hopefully things look up soon


How are you, swillow?
 
To petal: Trying your best is the best you can do. Are you in southern hemisphere or north? I'm Australia, I get all fucked up in winter and am emerging into springtime cheer. :) I'm okay thanks...
 
swilow said:
What's up? Both shroomy and petal...?
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Well i had a little relapse yesterday but I'm already over it. I got high by accident taking 8mg oral dilaudid... and oddly enough, it was the most powerful opiate high I have ever experienced. I'm upset because I didn't even mean to get high - it was a substitute for my 20mg oxy maintenance dose but someone I attained Nirvana for 5 hours. If I wanted to get high I would have sniffed it. I'm really upset about it because I ran with it and sniffed a lot of them last night and I feel like complete shit today, but at least I am out of those evil things.

But that isn't why I'm devastated. My ex-girlfriend has been toying with my emotions lately. She won't accept that I want to leave forever and keeps fucking with me.
 
Hey shroomy, it happens. It's in the past now and you are a little more aware of how easy it is to slip. You'll use that knowledge and be stronger for it.<3

@BugLife--sorry that you feel alone. PM me if you want to talk.<3
 
Thanks herbavore. I won't beat myself up about it. I'm just learning how to deal with these types of hardcore, post-acute withdrawal cravings, and it was bound to happen.

I feel like I lost a part of my soul today. Just had some melatonin and chamomile tea. Attempting a nap. I was up late into the early morning hours dealing with a lot of tough emotions.
 
I use Gabapentin recreationally and it basically numbs my thoughts which is nice because I don't care about anything. That's a great feeling when you're used to worrying about every little thing all the time.

For harm reduction, I just want to add I am not mixing Gabapentin with anything. I am only taking the Gabapentin. Gabapentin potentiates other drugs which can be dangerous.
 
^Yes, I use GABAergics sparingly, but look at them as a brief little holiday, some temporary respite from my normal tension and anxiety. Its okay to allow yourself this break every now and then but not always.

ShroomySatori said:
Well i had a little relapse yesterday but I'm already over it. I got high by accident taking 8mg oral dilaudid... and oddly enough, it was the most powerful opiate high I have ever experienced. I'm upset because I didn't even mean to get high - it was a substitute for my 20mg oxy maintenance dose but someone I attained Nirvana for 5 hours. If I wanted to get high I would have sniffed it. I'm really upset about it because I ran with it and sniffed a lot of them last night and I feel like complete shit today, but at least I am out of those evil things.
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That's something. Don't beat yourself up, what is the point? I think a mistake can be a good thing if you learn not to do it again. :)

But that isn't why I'm devastated. My ex-girlfriend has been toying with my emotions lately. She won't accept that I want to leave forever and keeps fucking with me.
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Do you have a way to cut off contact with her? She sounds toxic. There is no utility is maintaining a friendship or any relationship with someone if you have irreconcilable differences.
 
swilow said:
To petal: Trying your best is the best you can do. Are you in southern hemisphere or north? I'm Australia, I get all fucked up in winter and am emerging into springtime cheer. :) I'm okay thanks...
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I'm the same way. Winter bums me out but summer is exciting.

North! I'm from the US

OT: Hopeful
 
I do have a way of cutting her off, but she keeps telling me that things will be different, she can change, everything will be better. I just don't trust her. I've told her repetitively that it has to be over and it's like, in one ear out the other. I just need to cease all contact, absolutely. It's too much for me emotionally right now.

There is no point in getting upset about the relapse. Even one day set me back a lot, and it's good to recognize that it happens so quickly. I'm certainly not feeling like I'm on a roll like I was before this, but that's okay. I need some healthy pastas, and good sleep. The important thing is I don't want to do it again, and recognized it as a mistake.

And we have a classic borderline/narcissist relationship. I am almost certain of it. As I am very much bpd. It has to stop, and I don't think she understands. I don't think she ever will so I just need to cease contact entirely and I'll be feeling so much better. It's tough right now.
 
ShroomySatori said:
I do have a way of cutting her off, but she keeps telling me that things will be different, she can change, everything will be better. I just don't trust her. I've told her repetitively that it has to be over and it's like, in one ear out the other. I just need to cease all contact, absolutely. It's too much for me emotionally right now.

There is no point in getting upset about the relapse. Even one day set me back a lot, and it's good to recognize that it happens so quickly. I'm certainly not feeling like I'm on a roll like I was before this, but that's okay. I need some healthy pastas, and good sleep. The important thing is I don't want to do it again, and recognized it as a mistake.

And we have a classic borderline/narcissist relationship. I am almost certain of it. As I am very much bpd. It has to stop, and I don't think she understands. I don't think she ever will so I just need to cease contact entirely and I'll be feeling so much better. It's tough right now.
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Wow. That sounds like my old relationship. It was so toxic that one night things came to a head and the relationship exploded. I knew it was over and I didn't look back. As a BPD it is hard to let go, but trust me, you need to. Run.
 
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