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Girlfriend in 6 year relationship just broke up with me after my cancer diagnosis and 6 month chemotherapy.

Sergeant Absent said:
And you've been on this forum 17 years to bring a comment like that, well you've left me feeling nothing but utter contempt for you, there's no fool like an old fool.
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yup - i've got enough miles to recommend that you forget about that one and move on to the next one

ive been there

so don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself

understand that you're sad because a part of you has died but you'll come out ahead from the lesson learned
 
Sergeant Absent said:
If you wanna call I'm used to listening to people with shit going on in their mouth. I"m not trying anything on here I know you're wise enough to know I'm not here chasing women. Call if you want, might be quite funny. Or don't and the day will be funny anyway
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I had to sleep.. Now feeling pretty average. Yeah I didn't think you were after anything but company. Happy Easter 😐 I guess that's a bit funny in your situation (and mine). Just glad I can spend the day in bed! The only advice I have is drink water lol 😕
 
Poor guy, this is a sad thread, on a variety of levels.

What I will say to the OP, sounds like your bender is about over, push it much longer and any number of things that you don't really want to happen will probably happen. You don't want the last thing people to remember you by be, "yeah they found him in a hotel room, he had been in there smoking crack and doing drugs for days".

Time to check out of there before you do so involuntarily. Don't let some russian bitch with liquid nitrogen in her veins do what cancer has been trying to. Of course, like almost all of us drug addicts, we have a particularly hard time detaching from people. I find withdrawal from a romantic partner leaving to be one of the worst withdrawal syndromes. Very difficult to cope with. Even if i didn't even like said ex-girlfriend very much at all if they'd leave it would produce a strong response. Those are historically the cases when I'd get back into drugs. Though i once had a girlfriend leave while i was in the middle of benzo withdrawal. In that case I was really bothered by it because I was more focused on figuring out why invisible (ie, non-existent) parasites were crawling out from under my fingernails. In any event I get what you're going through but you need to level out that plane or you're going to crash.
 
negrogesic said:
Poor guy, this is a sad thread, on a variety of levels.

What I will say to the OP, sounds like your bender is about over, push it much longer and any number of things that you don't really want to happen will probably happen. You don't want the last thing people to remember you by be, "yeah they found him in a hotel room, he had been in there smoking crack and doing drugs for days".

Time to check out of there before you do so involuntarily. Don't let some russian bitch with liquid nitrogen in her veins do what cancer has been trying to. Of course, like almost all of us drug addicts, we have a particularly hard time detaching from people. I find withdrawal from a romantic partner leaving to be one of the worst withdrawal syndromes. Very difficult to cope with. Even if i didn't even like said ex-girlfriend very much at all if they'd leave it would produce a strong response. Those are historically the cases when I'd get back into drugs. Though i once had a girlfriend leave while i was in the middle of benzo withdrawal. In that case I was really bothered by it because I was more focused on figuring out why invisible (ie, non-existent) parasites were crawling out from under my fingernails. In any event I get what you're going through but you need to level out that plane or you're going to crash.
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This ❤️


You don't want the last thing people to remember you by be, "yeah they found him in a hotel room, he had been in there smoking crack and doing drugs for days".


One of the things that has saved me is "that's not the way I want my story to end".
 
By the way I wasn't taking the piss yesterday when I said "I don't care who calls me" and now realise how insensitive, ungrateful. and asshole-like that looks. I'm sorry for the arrogance that could clear as day come across in that message.
 
SLR -> TDS
@Sergeant Absent, I think that you’ll get more helpful responses now that the thread has been moved. SLR is more suited to relationship advice, and focusing on your ex is probably not going to help you.
 
Sergeant Absent said:
I think it's getting more real now,
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This kinda realization has (usually) well thought out exit plan(s) attached.
Any thoughts along these lines? I know its early but the longer we put this off blah blah blah we all know.
I feel for ya. I do. Seems I have been between that rock/hardplace for the better part of 50 yrs and still not sure wtf my presence is required.
Dumb ass question but is there anything or anyone to focus on until shit is less chaotic?
Love and best hopes
 
What's complicating things on top of losing someone I really loved....is the bottle and the pipe are in my hands still....that's actually really scary for someone who specifically gave them both up for a decade. The cancer diagnosis I've reached the point where I don't really care, which is disgusting and ungrateful behaviour but I don't.
 
negrogesic said:
Poor guy, this is a sad thread, on a variety of levels.

What I will say to the OP, sounds like your bender is about over, push it much longer and any number of things that you don't really want to happen will probably happen. You don't want the last thing people to remember you by be, "yeah they found him in a hotel room, he had been in there smoking crack and doing drugs for days".

Time to check out of there before you do so involuntarily. Don't let some russian bitch with liquid nitrogen in her veins do what cancer has been trying to. Of course, like almost all of us drug addicts, we have a particularly hard time detaching from people. I find withdrawal from a romantic partner leaving to be one of the worst withdrawal syndromes. Very difficult to cope with. Even if i didn't even like said ex-girlfriend very much at all if they'd leave it would produce a strong response. Those are historically the cases when I'd get back into drugs. Though i once had a girlfriend leave while i was in the middle of benzo withdrawal. In that case I was really bothered by it because I was more focused on figuring out why invisible (ie, non-existent) parasites were crawling out from under my fingernails. In any event I get what you're going through but you need to level out that plane or you're going to crash.
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Thanks for your message. You're right, shits gonna start going down here in the hotel room because I can't face the music. What's not helping is the bone pipe I've been on since Tuesday, and the whisky.
 
@Sergeant Absent I know you have gotten a lot of solid advice in this thread and I see that most have told you to lay off the drugs and alcohol. If you feel you have no choice but to continue using, please take a moment to view the post I am linking below. I don't know where you are located but there is a 1-800 number you can call and if you go to the website link, a chat box should pop up immediately where presumably you can get connected with someone to talk with.

AFAIK this is not a suicide hotline as I know you are not suicidal, per se. It's just a line called Never Use Alone where you can hopefully get in contact with someone and not be alone during this trying time you are experiencing <3

Mental Health - Mental Health Resources/Treatment Options/Community Assistance

Useful links to Hotlines and websites, Needle Exchanges, Harm Reduction Organizations, Mental Health Resources, Crisis Care and Medical facilities by region: Drug and alcohol treatment services in Australia: New South Wales: Mental Health and Drug and Alcohol Office (MHDAO) Northern...
bluelight.org bluelight.org
 
Jerry Atrick said:
@Sergeant Absent I know you have gotten a lot of solid advice in this thread and I see that most have told you to lay off the drugs and alcohol. If you feel you have no choice but to continue using, please take a moment to view the post I am linking below. I don't know where you are located but there is a 1-800 number you can call and if you go to the website link, a chat box should pop up immediately where presumably you can get connected with someone to talk with.

AFAIK this is not a suicide hotline as I know you are not suicidal, per se. It's just a line called Never Use Alone where you can hopefully get in contact with someone and not be alone during this trying time you are experiencing <3

Mental Health - Mental Health Resources/Treatment Options/Community Assistance

Useful links to Hotlines and websites, Needle Exchanges, Harm Reduction Organizations, Mental Health Resources, Crisis Care and Medical facilities by region: Drug and alcohol treatment services in Australia: New South Wales: Mental Health and Drug and Alcohol Office (MHDAO) Northern...
bluelight.org bluelight.org
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That's a really helpfull respons Jerry thanks so much. I think I may end up calling it but I need to be able to talk sense to them. When you type you can get away with how much you've used, but via mouth it's a risky game. I've smoked a lot of bone, taken oxy's evryday, drank whisky 24/7 and even mixed a few benzos in. I mean in all seriousness I'm wrecked, as in at 4am I'm putting glasses to the wall thinking people are talking about me. But that hotline you kindly provided is for allsorts I get it, thanks so much.
 
Jerry Atrick said:
@Sergeant Absent I know you have gotten a lot of solid advice in this thread and I see that most have told you to lay off the drugs and alcohol. If you feel you have no choice but to continue using, please take a moment to view the post I am linking below. I don't know where you are located but there is a 1-800 number you can call and if you go to the website link, a chat box should pop up immediately where presumably you can get connected with someone to talk with.

AFAIK this is not a suicide hotline as I know you are not suicidal, per se. It's just a line called Never Use Alone where you can hopefully get in contact with someone and not be alone during this trying time you are experiencing <3

Mental Health - Mental Health Resources/Treatment Options/Community Assistance

Useful links to Hotlines and websites, Needle Exchanges, Harm Reduction Organizations, Mental Health Resources, Crisis Care and Medical facilities by region: Drug and alcohol treatment services in Australia: New South Wales: Mental Health and Drug and Alcohol Office (MHDAO) Northern...
bluelight.org bluelight.org
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There's a Scottish version of this. Not sure if it's UK wide.

https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk/media/press-release-archive/new-phone-line-to-help-tackle-scotlands-overdose-epidemic
 
Sergeant Absent said:
What's complicating things on top of losing someone I really loved....is the bottle and the pipe are in my hands still....that's actually really scary for someone who specifically gave them both up for a decade. The cancer diagnosis I've reached the point where I don't really care, which is disgusting and ungrateful behaviour but I don't.
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Hey @Sergeant Absent

I'm an alcoholic (but having to *learn* moderation). I would say the alcohol is worse than the "bone" for you right now.

Just be mindful of using the girlfriend thing as justification to get back on that stuff and self destruct. I know I do that.. Something goes wrong and I go on a complete bender, but in hindsight the bender had been building up and some person acted like a dick and it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I know of a young guy who was in love with this chick and found out she'd hooked up with someone else. He was a vet (animal doctor not veteran) so he had access to strong medication. He killed himself that night 😞 My friend and I knew him online and we followed the fall-out on Facebook. That woman didn't give a shit. He was a nice guy and it was so sad and so not worth him ending his life over.

Hang in there..

Abbey x
 
Sergeant Absent said:
So as above, and I had no idea it was coming. I've just relapsed on everything I gave up...even alcohol. I'm not blaming her, but I'm in big pain now, I'll admit it publicly I'm a 42 year old man with a massive history of drug and alcohol abuse, and my girlfriend leaving me has triggered a full on 72 hour blow out. I'd already relapsed on the benzos and the oxy's, but now we've got alcohol (10 years dry) and bone (10 years no pipe) involved. I'm scared a non- intentional OD is coming up. Im taking valium, pregabalin, oxycodone, alcholol, bone and citalopram, In a hotel, alone. Just needed to write it somewhere.
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I'm sorry but what a cunt! Sounds like a lucky escape and you're much better off without her!

I'm so sorry to hear about what a difficult time you're going through!
Please, please keep writing here if it helps, or distracts you!
I'd definitely continue with the Citalopram! They "discontinuation" (which I think they made up "discontinuation syndrome" because it sounds less scary than "withdrawal") will make you feel so much worse, and it sounds like you really need it right now.

The bright side if that 72 hour binge won't have caused a physical dependency again. The alcohol definitely gotta go! That shit is poison and makes every aspect of life worse in every way.
Can I ask why you're in a hotel room? If it's because of the breakup, go home and make her pack her shit and leave.
 
Yeah, 6 years is a long time. I didn't mean to trivialise it sorry. Just meant *people* aren't worth dying over. But it would be very painful.
 
I've checked in another night. When people might be wondering where "home" is to me, it's my mum's with her second husband. I explained to them I need time alone, they understand but worry. I do too. @ChemicallyEnhanced yes I think I agree she's a horrendous cunt for the timing, it's not level in my head yet atall. God I relapsed massively and strangely that bothers me more at the moment than the girl leaving me, I don't know what that makes me but that's honestly what I feel. That pipe got hit hard Jesus, part of me missed those days too
 
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AbbeyLee said:
Hey @Sergeant Absent

I'm an alcoholic (but having to *learn* moderation). I would say the alcohol is worse than the "bone" for you right now.

Just be mindful of using the girlfriend thing as justification to get back on that stuff and self destruct. I know I do that.. Something goes wrong and I go on a complete bender, but in hindsight the bender had been building up and some person acted like a dick and it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I know of a young guy who was in love with this chick and found out she'd hooked up with someone else. He was a vet (animal doctor not veteran) so he had access to strong medication. He killed himself that night 😞 My friend and I knew him online and we followed the fall-out on Facebook. That woman didn't give a shit. He was a nice guy and it was so sad and so not worth him ending his life over.

Hang in there..

Abbey x
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Hi there Abbey you're right, the whisky is penetrating my stomach lining. I won't intentionally kill myself over her, but the magnitude of the relapse won't necessarily prevent it either. I'm worried, I've got so much whisky both in me and in front of me.
 
I mean, what does one do when presented with one of the ultimate reasons to relapse? I couldn't stop myself it was utterly compulsive and I knew I wanted to do it. But 10 years dry and no pipe man ...10 Years! I hate myself but I couldn't control it
 
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