Training Log First Cycle Log

ElkHorn said:
haha, ya they pay me quite well. ;)

And i feel you, man. Struggled with drug addiction and depression/anxiety since i was a little kid. Held my dead friends in my arms, and all of the other stereotypical tragedy that comes with heroin. Not saying this to fish for sympathy, but just to say that i can relate to what you've dealt with, at least to some degree.

A therapist could do you some good. I'm very thankful for all of the therapy i've had in an attempt to get my drug addiction under control. I still go to AA meetings ~5 times a week, because that kind of shit helps me if i let it.

Lots of love, bro.
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hey thanks man...

I really do appreciate that....seriously..

As it happens work say they are going to get me a therapist/councillor type person..


But honestly, I don't know if I could even open up to them .....

Some of the images in my head are so bad I wouldn't know where to even start.....plus (and this sounds odd I know) but I've accepted it...honestly, terrible stuff happens every day whether you witness it or not ..some people will and some won't....but SOMEONE has too....how do you explain seeing someone blown to pieces and shit like that? where would you even start?

Did you find it easy to open into a therapist?
 
no worries, man.

And just give it a shot. Maybe find a therapist that deals with vets and PTSD.

If you find someone you're comfortable with it will be easier to open up to them, but it may take time to form that kind of relationship.

And it sounds like in some ways you've coped well with it. I think life is inherently traumatic (obviously to varying degrees), and by accepting this we do ourselves good. That being said, having someone to talk to about it can be invaluable and help lessen the load we carry.
 
PTSD counseling is probably the only reason I don't get high anymore. Terrible childhood, seeing my father pretty much dying in the kitchen when I was 4 still haunts me (he made it thanks to emergency medicine). Look into it. I know a few vets who had to do PTSD counseling. One was EOD in the marines And saw his best friend get blown to bits by an ied. Said when he dreams about it he could still smell the burning flesh. Another guy had to cover up black ops slaughters in Bosnia (dump corpses in mass graves, mostly civilians), and a coast guard rescue swimmer who did body retrieval pretty much day in and day out. Terrible shit happens all the time, and even if we seem to be coping with it, lots of times the trauma manifests itself in other areas we may not be aware of. My overall quality of life has significantly improved.
 
Do you guys ever get a bit of a rush after pinning? Seems like there is legitimately something to it. I thought it was just because i get off on sticking needles in myself, but the HGH doesn't give me a rush, just makes me more calm and a bit tired.

After i pin 200teste/200eq, i experience some decent euphoria. I will also randomly feel euphoric every so often. I feel like it was more pronounced earlier in the cycle though, which i think would be due to my body reaching more of a homeostasis with the exogenous hormones.

Finally got back in the gym today after being sick in bed for 5 days straight. Was still hitting 225x10 on bench and 315x10 on squat (no belts, wraps, sleeves, lifting shoes, etc.), so it's nice that the gear helped my strength not plummet whilst bed-ridden.

Dialing back my calories a bit as i got a bit chubbier than im ok with. I know this is counterproductive, but i'm crazy about this stuff. Really looking forward to smashing through my all time PR's. Already strongest i've ever been, as while i was hitting these numbers ~5 months ago, i was using belts, sleeves, and lifting shoes for it.
 
I think I had a rush of excitement injecting on my first cycle, but not a drug-induced kinda rush. Nowadays I'd rather not inject as far as possible because it's so tedious ;)
 
CFC said:
I think I had a rush of excitement injecting on my first cycle, but not a drug-induced kinda rush. Nowadays I'd rather not inject as far as possible because it's so tedious ;)
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Lol ...I know that feeling.

Right now I'm doing 1ml of test suspension and 1ml of tren acetate a day and obviously they have to be done separately... I'm only about 5 days in and I'm sick of it already...I wake up in the morning and see the 2 vials in the bathroom and just think..."ahh fuck this"

At least heroin addicts get some real instant gratification from sticking sharp piece of metal into themselves...

I just get sore legs..
 
Actually the injection soreness I do like. Kinda weird right? A bit like how lots of us enjoy some real nice DOMS. I like the soreness and stiffness :)
 
CFC said:
Actually the injection soreness I do like. Kinda weird right? A bit like how lots of us enjoy some real nice DOMS. I like the soreness and stiffness :)
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The only post injection stiffness I like is the one I get at about 4am after which I lean across to my lass and say "you awake" :)
 
Ya, i kind of enjoy the pain; it feeds my masochism. I honestly made a lot of progress in the gym naturally by viewing it as punishing myself for being a fat fuck. My psych issues are being addressed, lol.

Been feeling slightly depressed and more anxious the past two days. Also sex drive isn't that high. It could just be my standard psych issues going through their cycles, but the hypochondriac in me starts worrying about estrogen levels and how i'm reacting to the gear. I also seem to get more tired later in the day.

Workouts are still pretty killer though, and BF isn't too high. Been getting a ton of comments on how jacked i look both in and outside the gym. going to get blood work done again this monday, which will be just under 5 weeks since starting and ~4 weeks since last blood work.

Just weighed in at 211, but feel like abs are looking more defined than they have been.
 
Here is a pic taken 4-5 days ago. Sorry for graininess. The lighting is good though and makes me look a bit more cut than i feel i am.
uhCpZ5z.jpg
 
How tall did you say you were?

Personally, that's the highest I'd let myself go on body fat just because around that level I start to feel really shitty. Insulin sensitivity starts going down and I'm a lot more lethargic from eating, workouts, etc.

Now, that's what I did to gain muscle and I did gain about 20lbs per year the first two years after doing 40/year the first two years. On the other hand, if I could go back I wouldn't do it that way. I'd stay leaner and eat/train more for overall health and higher energy levels.

I know a lot of people will say to grow which is definitely fine and you can do it a lot healthier than I did but I also always grew while cutting on gear the first few times so it's definitely possible
 
ElkHorn said:
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ElkHorn said:
Here is a pic taken 4-5 days ago. Sorry for graininess. The lighting is good though and makes me look a bit more cut than i feel i am.
uhCpZ5z.jpg
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Looks like you've gained muscle and fat. I agree that it's not a good feeling to go higher than you are now (it makes me cringe as to how bad obese people must feel when I tell the difference between 8% and 15%). I don't like when my obliques disappear. But I'm guessing you look a lot bigger in a shirt too. Keep it up.
 
It doesn't bother me at all when my abs disappear...when you know how to get them back again who cares really.. as long as I'm not actually visibly fat, blurry abs don't matter.. it's hard to put on serious size and still have defined abs...that's just the way it works..

Of course you don't have to get really fat but if you want to get big then you cant be shredded at the same time
 
@Swim, I'm 6'0.

@RedLeader&BackfromBrink, I think I'm going to do a really light cut. Basically drop my calories slightly and do more cardio, so it's very light and i'll see if i keep gaining strength in the process. I really hate being much fatter than this. It also isn't good for dancing which brings in a lot of money for me.
 
ElkHorn said:
@Swim, I'm 6'0.

@RedLeader&BackfromBrink, I think I'm going to do a really light cut. Basically drop my calories slightly and do more cardio, so it's very light and i'll see if i keep gaining strength in the process. I really hate being much fatter than this. It also isn't good for dancing which brings in a lot of money for me.
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The dancing thing is obviously a big factor...if youb need to look in relative good shape to earn money then that's obviously a big factor..

It doesnt matter for me as I don't need to be lean and don't care but if it's going to potentially cost you money then it wouldn't hurt to do a quick cut.
 
I think i might do that. Doing a crash diet like i normally do would be super hard though. I feel like my appetite is much higher on this stuff. I've heard that's a common side of EQ. Not that i want to crash diet as i want to retain this mass and even continue minimal muscle building if possible. I think i look pretty decent still, but i don't want to get much fatter than this.

Would it be a bad idea to increase my HGH dose to help aid with fat loss?
 
ElkHorn said:
I think i might do that. Doing a crash diet like i normally do would be super hard though. I feel like my appetite is much higher on this stuff. I've heard that's a common side of EQ. Not that i want to crash diet as i want to retain this mass and even continue minimal muscle building if possible. I think i look pretty decent still, but i don't want to get much fatter than this.

Would it be a bad idea to increase my HGH dose to help aid with fat loss?
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I honestly don't think increasing your HGH will make any appreciable difference (unless increased massively....it's just not that potent a thermogenic on its own).. can you gwt some t3 and clen? Would be much more effective....or some eca?
 
Yes, i can probably get any of them with a little research. Which of them would you recommend?

I feel like my nipples are a bit puffier than normal. going to get bloodwork done tomorrow to see where estrogen is sitting.
 
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ElkHorn said:
Yes, i can probably get any of them with a little research. Which of them would you recommend?

I feel like my nipples are a bit puffier than normal. going to get bloodwork done tomorrow to see where estrogen is sitting.
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I'd go with T3 and clen...50mcg T3 and 80mcg clen for 4 weeks and a slight calorie deficit should get the results you're after..
 
Cool, thanks man!

Are we allowed to discuss brands on here?

Going with HilmaBiocare t3 and clen that comes from a well reputed domestic supplier. If this violates rules feel free to edit or ask me to remove.
 
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