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Mental Health Eating disorders support thread v.2

I had anorexia when I was a teenager and was hospitalized for it.

I still struggle with food and body image. The tiniest things can set me off... I've been on a self induced "fast" for the past 1.5 weeks now. I saw my ex make a comment about a certain female whose gorgeous and got triggered. She also has DD's and I have an A cup so I just feel all around inadequate. I've even been looking into implants because I hate my body...
 
^same...I also had anorexia a few years ago but now I've gone the opposite way and I'm a binge-eater. I've only come to realize this very recently, I didn't think I had an actual problem before, I figured I just liked food as much as the next person...but it's actually way more than that. The irony is whenever I have moments of intense self-hatred about my body, I eat to feel better. I hate it. I hate how I look and I hate this addiction to food, I'm ashamed of it. I'm too embarrassed to tell my therapist because I feel like she wouldn't take me seriously. I just wish it would stop.
 
Been there, girlie. I was a binge eater for hmmmm at least 18 years. There is no shame in it. Not getting help is the shameful part. Don't be embarrassed.
 
How did you get out of it PI?
I think I'll bring it up in my next therapy session but I just feel so hopeless about it. I'm realizing I've had this problem for about 4 years and it's just been getting worse and worse so I just don't see a way out...although if you say you were one for 18 years that does give me some courage.
 
^Yeah. I always just feel like talking about my weight or body image issues or whatever is too 'trivial' to be taken seriously by a therapist just because so many women go through it, but I guess it's a bit dumb to reason like that...
 
Pagey said:
How did you get out of it PI?
Click to expand...

I got so fuckin tired of the ridiculous cycle. I was embarrassed that I could not help myself and admitted I needed professional help. My internal struggles were negatively affecting my relationship with my now husband. He said to me one day after living together for about a year. I love you. I want to marry you but there is something wrong in your heart, your head whatever. I am trying to fix it and make you happy but I don't know how and it is making me sad. You are so angry all the time. I knew I was going to marry this man and nodded you're right. I need some help. He has/had no idea that I had an eating disorder but looking back it was very stressful to hide it when living with someone I loved. Telling him would not make a positive difference for me. I think I would feel paranoid if he knew.

I finally went to therapy in 2007-2008. 6-7 months weekly sessions. I had a great therapist and I was ready to do the work. My childhood nor life was not traumatic. I did have issues I did not realize or want to realize that were creating such negative thought/behaviour patterns. Frig, I had no idea I was depressed. I had a lot of a-ha! moments and wtf was I thinking?

My symptoms of depression were like a man's:
Escapist behavior (binge eating for me)
Alcohol or substance abuse
Controlling, violent or abusive behavior
Inappropriate anger
Risky behavior, such as reckless driving
Infidelity or unhealthy sexual relationships

My therapist challenged my thought process and made me delve into myself. She used behaviour modification techniques. She had me keep a journal of the process which I still have as a reminder of where I never want to be. I am very grateful that I am finally the person I am today. I am lighter. I am happier. I am positive. I am healthy. I am more than just a number on a scale. I am beautiful with everything to offer and willing to receive.

Exercise helped immensely too. Not all out crazy exercise either.

You'll get there with professional and personal help.
 
PI, that is really inspiring. I think that is the thing about therapy, or rehab too--you have to be totally ready to do the work. You have to have faith in yourself, that you can grow and change, and most of us aren't trained to have faith in ourselves.Your husband also sounds like a gem!<3
 
My prescriptions/ coming off benzos is triggering my eating disorder big time. I was a restrictor, then bulimic and binge eater for years till I started taking benzos, and now coming off them and having the side effect of having no appetite from an snri and stomach pains when I eat is making me pretty obsessive.

Eating disorders suck. I'm going through the restricting phrase, purging most food. My body feels feeble and I look a bit sick but I can't stop.. Plus it's helping me and distracting me in a bad but sort of working copying mechanism way.

Sorry for the ramble. I've spoken to a doctor but the waiting lists for a referral are long here, meh.
 
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Wow I had no idea there would be an ED thread here. Awesome. Hi. I'm currently stuck on an involuntary treatment order after 2.5 months in the hospital. I'm fatter but certainly no better. This 'treatment' is such a fucking joke. The whole world is a fucking joke.

Does anyone have experience getting off involuntary orders/sections etc?

If anyone wants to talk, I'm here.
 
There would be complications and you would be more likely to miscarry than a person with a higher BMI (but only by a few % IIRC). I'd take a test and if it comes up positive, talk to your doctor about your concerns.
 
PortalFloyd said:
I'm worried I may be having morning sickness but not 100% certain of anything. Wouldn't you be more likely to miscarry though at a lower bmi?
Click to expand...

Yes your chances of miscarrying are more high if you have a lower BMI/malnourishment from an ED. When was your LMP?
 
About 28 days ago. I just recently lost around 4 few pounds within 3 weeks or so. But I've had regular cycles. I just recently came off methadone too. So I'm not sure what's going on.
 
PortalFloyd said:
About 28 days ago. I just recently lost around 4 few pounds within 3 weeks or so. But I've had regular cycles. I just recently came off methadone too. So I'm not sure what's going on.
Click to expand...

Take a test sweetie. The sooner you find out what's going on the better. The methadone may or may not impact menstruation- when I was using opiates I still got my period (unfortunately), but when i was at my lowest with my eating disorder I never did get my period.
 
I need to understand more about the whole Control thing of all this... I have this friend who has admitted to me she was sexually abused. She hates men now. And she might even be so antagonistic towards men that she is confused about her sexuality. And she has been struggling with an ED, but she won't talk about specifics to me (me being a guy and all; I think I trigger her, because she goes into hiding a lot after periods when we are close or remotely romantic... Sucks..), and anyway, I just.. I don't understand. And I want to. Because I love her. And I might be in love with her.. And I don't even honestly think it's healthy that I love her. Because, I guess I'm honest enough with myself to realize that I'm recklessly attracted to sickness.. I like skinny girls, too skinny for society, and I've had difficult relationships in the past with both another girl with anorexia, and also with a meth addict. And since I want these girls to like me, even though I don't condone their behaviors, secretly, I kinda do.. And I probably subconsciously and subliminally show it.. And I know it makes me sucky. And I hate that I allow it. But I want her to like me, ya know? And if I take a stand (because of course, more than I kinda relish the depravity, I want them to be happy and healthy and loved), but I'm afraid that confrontation will steal them from me.. And then, when she's doing well, I can't even compliment her, because she hates it, and she hears it from everyone all day everywhere anyway, and she knows it (especially because she's got a special kind of look to her, too; damn stunted development; why's that so common? Ughh, Rrrrggghh...), and I know I suck and all that, but I can't help it. Jeeze, I'm rambling.. and I'm mixing up girls now; sometimes I feel like they're all the same person, just in different bodies. Every girl I've ever loved has been basically the same at the core, the same foundations, just with differying scenery and dresses, and oh man.. I've had a weird day, and I feel confused I guess, and I just only came to this subforum for the first time today, and I need to know more. I need to understand better please...
 
GREAT. I've been "slipping up" on my "bulimic" tendencies recently. Its been an ongoing on and off "habit" since I was 14 and I am 26 years old now. No one is aware of my habits besides therapists I have briefly seen in the past. It's my little secret. If the quantity of food I eat is out of my comfort zone, I throw it to up as a method of weight control. Recently, I am back to eating in excess intentionally just to throw it up as soon as I swallow the last bite. But this is all so normal for me. I've been doing it for so long, the sickness of what I am doing rarely registers. But there are moments when I really SEE myself with my head perched over the toilet, my fingers down my throat, gagging, while looking at my own vomit and I realize that this is fucking sick. From the outside looking in, I am fucking crazy.
I do want this to stop. I want a healthy body image. I want to feel satisfied and just fucking OKAY with my body. I want to be healthy-minded. I want to love myself and know that I am capable of being loved, regardless of what I look like. But these are destinations and I have no way to get there. These longings are pipe dreams. I am enslaved to feelings of inadequacy. No matter what I look like, I am just never good enough.
 
the road to recovery is a long process, and like a lot of illnesses in life, especially mental illness, it is something which we never let go of. hope is an important thing - wanting to be happy and healthy is a great start. but I think that you need to speak to a professional - not only because they know what theyre doing, but also because they are subjective and you can tell a psychologist anything. psychotherapy at first can sound daunting and perhaps airy fairy but give it a chance. and then you have to make an effort to change yourself

things will only change if you put in the work. it will not be easy. if you make it, it will be worth it. you will slip and it will be discouraging and youll feel like shit, but you will need to find the strength to try again.

love to all in this thread, stay strong
 
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