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Mental Health Coming Off Invega Sustenna (Paliperidone) v.2

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Hey everyone, I haven't posted on here in a long time but I wanted to let everyone know that I have fully recovered. At the one-year mark since my last Invega injection I began to train Mma full time again. That was in the beginning of October. I am now 14 months off Invega and my coach thinks my striking And grappling are at a UFC-Caliber level. I will be fighting again on February 17th, 2017 in Wilkes-Barre, PA. I don't say this to brag. I'm just trying to convey the message that "physically" I feel great again.

So, for those who don't think a full recovery is possible, think again. Physically I feel back to my old self...better actually. Mentally, I still deal with depression and the occasional mild SI, but I don't think that is because of the Invega being in my body still. It's moreso because of the extreme setbacks the Invega caused in my life when it was hindering me physically...I.e. dropping out of school, losing my job, ruining my relationship with my girlfriend, etc.. But, in time, I trust I will be able to fix all of these life circumstances that are bringing me down because physically I feel recovered. So, now I actually have the energy to be a productive human being again.

Come watch the fights if you're near PA! The event is called "PA Cage Fight 27"

And hang in there if you're still struggling. I know it's tough but you can, and you will, get through it.
 
Oh and for those concerned with weight gain...I went from 186lbs to 212lbs during my first year post-Invega shot. Now that I've been back to training full time for 2 and 1/2 months I am down to 187lbs. Stronger now than I was before the Invega.
 
@invapo I was more referring to the mental effects invega caused such as apathy, anhedonia, and lack of will power.. A little belly fat I could card less about. I'd rather be fat and have my brain working normally than live through this nightmare.

@iridescentblack and zombiemode, sorry to burst your bubbles, lol, but there is no such thing as psychic powers. There is only logic. That "mind's eye" you're referring to is the frontal cortex. It finishes evolving at about age 25: longer if you're an evident smoker of the ganja.
 
Oh and Koz, yes you are bragging but that's OK!! At least you have something to brag about!! It's a good thing. Good luck and try not to get brain damage or coliflower ears ha ha!

For the first time I've actually taken time and have the money to work on my car. It's a 2000 Pontiac Firebird. I replaced the stock exhaust with SLP's loudmouth catback system. Now my car doesn't sound like a rust bucket, and more like an actual race car. So, I guess I can brag about that. I'm replacing the metal hood with a ram air fiberglass hood today, and plan on doing much more to it. Adding rear spoiler, new brakes, new sub woofer enclosure, body kit, and a paint job. Then I'll probably sell it for three times what it was worth. Or just drive it and take it to car shows, who knows. Not getting off topic, just saying I have the focus to do this now. ?

Oh and merry Christmas everybody! ????
 
NotAPsycho said:
@iridescentblack and zombiemode, sorry to burst your bubbles, lol, but there is no such thing as psychic powers. There is only logic. That "mind's eye" you're referring to is the frontal cortex. It finishes evolving at about age 25: longer if you're an evident smoker of the ganja.
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Shit, son! I'll remember that next time I sense danger and narrowly avoid getting killed because of 'logic'.
 
Really feeling like I'm falling into a bit of a rut lately. Really just wanting to vent, complain, whine, whatever. I think I am actually going to compose a letter to the doctor that put me on this injection five months ago. Again, this is the second time I have been forced on the injection. Even though I specifically requested not to be put on the injection again because of the inability to lose weight that it causes me, I was yet again forced on Invega Sustenna. For anyone who wakes up every single day feeling like scum, I get it. I just don't talk about it. I am very quietly yet controllably infuriated.
 
Forty pounds is hardly "a little belly fat," nor was the sixty pounds it caused last time. Being an active runner, and someone who simply enjoys clothing and feeling nice, my body means a good deal to me.
 
Also, just because I push past lack of will does not mean I do not feel its effect. I just remain hopeful that things will get better. I'm always stupid like that.
 
Yes I understand the whole body image thing. It's important. Not as important as your mental state. But none the less. I can say sometimes being incredibly good looking is a curse. Everybody is afraid to speak to you or connect with you on a personal level. I dont know, just an idea. Maybe Im mistaken. Hmm... That's a good idea about writing to your doctor that poisoned you. I may just do that myself.

@iridescentblack, sarcasm I sense in you. Haha. Can you elaborate on this circumstance where you escape danger and nearly get killed? Im curious.
 
I get what you are saying, and I know that importance is to lie not in a physical appearance, but rather a mental state. However, as someone who typically enjoys their "episodes," I am okay with my mental state (for the most part). I just do not care to take care of my self when I feel and look the way that I do. Having no control over a layer of fat that surrounds you is very disconcerting. And what can I do about it, get mad? Act out? Make my doctors' notes worse than they are already? All I need to do is figure the point I want to get across to my doctor, and the lack of self care I have had for myself the last five months sits at the top of that list.
 
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Ps @KOZ26, February 17 may just be a fun little getaway for me. Perhaps I will see you, whether I know who you are or not. Good luck!
 
I was taking a walk sometime in the summer, 2009 on a narrow road. No sidewalk. Not a particularly busy road. Just one of those backroads of Maine that kind of leads you more across a scenic route than an actual route of destination per se. heh. Now, this was in the days - forgive the cliches - when I was not privy to the knowledge that as a general rule of thumb one should stick to walking the roads on the side that she can see the traffic coming. Well, anywho, unbeknownst to me, until I heard it guzzling up diesel behind me, a logging truck was making its way down this road. Mere seconds before it passed me, however, I got a strange 'tickle' and decided to step off the road onto the gravel. Sure enough the big Mack passed me by, wheels on the very edge of pavement from where I had previously laid my own particular path. Had that ego-maniacal moron not seen me in clear day or had he swiveled over further to the edge of the road to evade... (drum roll) invisible/non-existent traffic, presenting the illusion that he had been on that unwavering path all along? We will never know.

One thing is certain: this 'tickle' is my intuition.
 
That is a very cool story, and I wish I could think one up right now to show you my agreeance, but as I am out the door in two minutes I just want to say that I so want to live in Maine one day, at least for a little time. There is a homeophathic medicine type of college around there. But thank you for sharing, and putting me in a better mood. I do believe in things "above" this world, so to speak.
 
@invegauser of course I know it is counterproductive to complain about something rather than do something to help it. And I know I'm welcome to come here and complain if I want to. I'm not worried about looking back on my posts though, because none of them have been really anything other than an offering of information to try and help anyone else work out what is ailing them now. But just because I don't sign in every day to say "I hate invega" and "doctors are evil" does not mean I don't have the same struggles as anyone else who has been put on Invega against their will.....oh yeah, and did I mention it has happened to me TWICE now? Just sayin'. But I continue to put that smile on my face because I have fun goals ahead, including weaseling my way back into the hospitals as a peer specialist. Then I'll feel accomplished, I believe. After all: He who has the last laugh....laughs last. Haha. B']
 
invapo said:
Ps @KOZ26, February 17 may just be a fun little getaway for me. Perhaps I will see you, whether I know who you are or not. Good luck!
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Well if you go then you'll see me on the flyer for the promotion. My last name is Koslosky. Feel free to come up and introduce yourself if you do go. It'd be awesome if you did!
 
invegauser said:
@invapo: good distraction others have provided here for you. best to get over things soon like that. your always welcomed to let some steam off once in awhile as it is part of the healing process. it's you internally struggling with your situation, how you do so is entirely up to you and is a little glimpse into who you really are. here we like to practice it safely because our limitations are stretched far enough as it is. when you are healed you will see everything you have posted here as a nightmare from the past, almost like it didn't happen. don't worry about things as best as you can and do what you can to ease the suffering. btw, one day i might flood the medical community across the world with all the negative posts about their practices and not just invega either; but remember you can lead a horse to water, you can't make them drink it. heal soon and safely.

@iridescentblack: logic is the psychic killer much like fear is the mind killer. the trick is learning how to use psychic and logic in tandem. kinda like being happy and balanced in today's day and age. without intuition we wouldn't have half of the innovations we have used logic for. the mind is still mostly unknown to us. i have heard invega has blocked psychic powers in others but they return when you are healed.

@NotAPsycho: it's practically illegal to say merry christmas today in public, in schools they have to say happy holidays i believe. all the same- Merry Christmas to you Buddy!! hope you have an awesome one.

@Koz26: Congratulations!! more power to you man. hope your career is a successful one.
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Thank you! I really do appreciate it. How are you feeling these days? I haven't checked many of the recent posts because there have been hundreds since the last time I logged on and posted. I'm trying to get myse caught up but it's an awful lot of reading.

So, I've missed a lot about what has been going on with everyone progress-wise.
 
@Invapo

You can add me on Facebook too if you have one. It's Justin Koslosky and my profile pic is of me and my dog. Apparently there's only one other person in the world with the same name who uses Facebook. But he's a jerk because I added him and he denied my request. I just wanted to know if he was secretly my twin brother or something lol.
 
@Invegauser, I definitely did not mean any hurt or harm toward you. I've just needed a place to vent lately, which is why I made that very clear before I did so. Winter has got me down just in general, I am a person of the sun for sure. I stopped hanging out with my favorite buddy around town because I just got so tired of trying to be happy and uppity all the time while I feel so gross. I did not want to complain to him all the time, I was feeling like absolute dead weight when we'd hang out, like I had nothing to contribute. So I stopped going out around town, I cancelled my other online account, and I finally broke down a bit and had to unleash some negative energy on here. I figured the excuse of this being a 'safe place' would be my reason for just saying some things. You know I was actually kicked out of a NAMI group before? So I don't believe in those b/s "support" group things. I believe in things like bluelight, where you actually have freedom to speak. I appreciate everything everyone says, and I have felt bad the past day for saying anything I did to you, the way that I did. So I sat down today and jotted myself a rough draft to my Invega-prescribing doctor. It is three journal pages front and back, probably about a page when typed. But I want to perfect upon it a bit before I send it. I'd like to have it sent within the next month. I'm really sorry for being a bit rough to you, but I'm glad you are here. I have just been feeling the need to be angsty lately, haha. ;0) I look forward to sending that doctor my letter.

KOZ, that kind of sounds pretty cool. I may have to get over my insecurities for a day and go check that out. :0D
 
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