OK I don't agree with you here. You jump around too much
Back in days of yore, religion or faith meant a lot more than it means in today's world. People lived by their oaths/word etc It wasn't like now where it's all or nothing materialism
Also, instinct is just that. Think of surviving a war in the midst of it by sheer..will power? No, rather instinct. It's the desire to live
Personally I even argue that because I bet a lot of those war torn people are so worn out that they barely have the ability to thrive, let alone possess an ability to desire to live
Personally, I've dealt with depression, the anhedonic type forever and I'd shudder at the idea that I enjoy or even wish to continue with life. Imagine waking up everyday and not feeling empty or alone, but instead feeling as though you've already seen everything you need to see because you're weary
Where's your god now?
You disagree but do not know with what.
To your last.
I am a Gnostic Christian. My god is I am.
Modern Gnostic Christians name our god "I am", and yes, we do mean ourselves.
You are your controller. I am mine. You represent and present whatever mind picture you have of your God or ideal human, and so do I.
The name "I Am" you might see as meaning something like, --- I think I have grown up thanks to having forced my apotheosis through Gnosis and meditation.
In Gnostic Christianity, we follow the Christian tradition that Christians have forgotten that they are to do. That is, become brethren to Jesus.
That is why some say that the only good Christian is a Gnostic Christian.
Here is the real way to salvation that Jesus taught.
Matthew 6:22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
John 14:23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
Romans 8:29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
Allan Watts explain those quotes in detail.
Joseph Campbell shows the same esoteric ecumenist idea in this link.
The bible just plainly says to put away the things of children. The supernatural and literal reading of myths.
Regards
DL