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Mental Health Bipolar Disorder Mega Thread

SilverFeniks said:
Well as I've posted elsewhere, I had a wonderful week where I ordered an RC 'benzo' from a Euro supplier. Instead got some Chinese chemical. That didn't get me remotely high, but days later caused a breakdown of motor skills that involved visiting two ERs, wracking up $6500 in bills, missing a week of work, then finally returning to my usual semi-skewed self this week.

Have appts with some nurses the next few months (can't find a real Dr.), hopefully they can help.
Until then its the same day-to-day meds,beer, and mental instability.
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Holy crap!!!!
$6,500 that would stress out and depress even the most mentally healthy person. Hope you get sorted soon. ��


Jesus I just realise how much I fucking hate people. Is it the BP or are most people just assholes?!
 
Hi all, I want a bit of help with diagnosis to either rule out/in the possibility of bi-polar.

Very quick outline of me: 25yo Male from England, lost my mother to cancer when I was 17. I suffered a major bout of depression when I was 20 and was diagnosed with both 'Major Depressive Disorder' and 'General Anxiety Disorder' when I was 20. Consequently been on and off meds (mainly SSRI's and some atypical meds and Benzo's) for 5 years now.

It's obvious to both me, and those around me, that I 'suffer' from some kind of mood disorder. I'd almost consider to myself to be tri-polar: in the sense that I fluctuate fairly quickly between bouts of severe low depression, to states of being on edge/anxious, to being manic and feeling that I'm on top of the world.

I think a lot of the time, this almost 'high' kind of feeling with erratic behavior has been put down to as a result of my anxiety. Thus the diagnosis of MDD and GAD. I know that I do have anxiety problems but I feel that the 'high' is something else entirely. The only thing I can compare it to, sadly, is a cocaine high. Invincible, unbeatable with an unrivaled sense of ambition like I can take on the world

I have a close friend who was diagnosed as bi-polar and I see him go through his ebbs and flows. It wasn't until I saw a new psychiatrist who presented me with the 'symptoms' of bi-polar that I felt I could REALLY relate to what was being said. I seemed to fit quite neatly into the 'box' of how someone who is bi-polar goes about their daily life.

I've ALWAYS felt like I was bi-polar, but my 'highs' were always dismissed as anxiety and I was encouraged/directed to take a benzo (I've tried pretty much all of them available in the UK) to 'kill' the anxiety/high.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I guess I'm asking for help? I guess it's hard illness to provide a definitive diagnosis for and I think I'm asking for help as to how I can rule myself in/out of being bi-polar? I just feel a tad overwhelmed at the moment so I'm sorry if this seems like a long ramble. I think I just need some direction with this. I think I'm scared because I've grown up with my friend and I've seen him be put on lithium and it stole his personality completely. He became unrecognisable, a drone, plain as vanilla. As soon as he was off of it, his personality re-appeared, but so did the lows and highs. I've asked to re-see the psychiatrist for an appointment next week and I have no shame in admitting that I'm fucking terrified of that happening to me.

I don't know whether to be honest, or just carry on with the whole MDD/GAD thing and ignore what I believe to be bi-polar. Though with that, I also ignore the potential of the help that can be extended to me. Of course they can prescribe me anything and I don't have to take it, but I dunno. Honestly, I'm just scared and I don't know what to do.
 
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^i'm "tri-polar"

depressed-manic-psychotic

The first one sucks, the second two get me in trouble.
 
Hey guys,

Fairly new to Bluelight. Haven't posted much. I have really enjoyed and appreciate everyone's posts. Full of information. Has help me a great deal.

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II - Depression - Anxiety.

Currently prescribed 600mg Lithium 2xDaily, 2mg Respiridone 1xDaily, 40mg Citalopram 1xDaily, 30mg Amphetamine Salts 2xDaily, .5mg Alprazolam 3xDaily & 200mg Trazodone at Night.

I find that the Alprazolam doesn't work as effectively as it used to and my psychiatrist will not up my dose.

So, I've run into some Etizolam and was wondering if anyone could give me some tips on use.

Dosage? Best time to use? Feeling the next day? How is it compared to Alprazolam? Anything else?

I've taken upwards of 6-8mgs of Alprazolam in a 5 hour period and forgot the next 24 hours.

I want to avoid that at all costs with Etizolam. And definitely don't want the effects to be noticeable to my family and friends.

Thank you.
 
In my experience with occasional use, 1 mg etizolam is similar to 0.5 mg alprazolam when it comes to anxiety-reduction, but there is less sedation and less hangover if you do take enough to sleep.
But I'm wondering why you are on so many pills, especially for bipolar II?
 
Furry mouth said:
Holy crap!!!!
$6,500 that would stress out and depress even the most mentally healthy person. Hope you get sorted soon. �&#56883!
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Yeah now its up to about $8000 and rising,.some.of.it absolute bullshit. Haven't been provided with any records either.
Been mixed between unquenchable anger and abject depression all.week.
My.debit card got hijacked (again) this week and today I get home, got a notice from DMV that my driver's license is indefinitely suspended due to my ER visits.
Haven't been able to maintain focus at work and now I won't even be able to get there.

Supposed to meet with a new Psych next week but those never go well. That's in a different county but I can hike there at least.
 
a dream said:
In my experience with occasional use, 1 mg etizolam is similar to 0.5 mg alprazolam when it comes to anxiety-reduction, but there is less sedation and less hangover if you do take enough to sleep.
But I'm wondering why you are on so many pills, especially for bipolar II?
Click to expand...

My psychiatrist has had me on them for 5 years. Crazy They work though.
 
Started a thread elsewhere but not getting much input .. how many here are on Lithium?
The Psych I saw thinks.that would be better for me than the Lamotrigine & Risperidone I'm on. I was keen at first but all.the potential side-effects scare me. I'm unstable at times and can't live without my meds but switching it up for something so dangerous has me wary.
 
SilverFeniks said:
Started a thread elsewhere but not getting much input .. how many here are on Lithium?
The Psych I saw thinks.that would be better for me than the Lamotrigine & Risperidone I'm on. I was keen at first but all.the potential side-effects scare me. I'm unstable at times and can't live without my meds but switching it up for something so dangerous has me wary.
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Lithium is a lesser medication than risperidone. I wish I was on lithium instead of Risperidone.

The league of common psych medicines goes:
1) From weakest to strongest SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs & MAOis (Sexual dysfunction, weight gain)
2) Mood stabalizers starting at Lithium and ending with Valproate (kidney damage, thyroid disorder, allopecia)
3) AAPs ending with Risperidone (more severe weight gain, heart problems, cholesterol)
4) 1st gen APs. (brain shrinkage, blood abnormalities)

The side effects I have listed are only the physical ones that I can recall from wikipedia or studies.


I dunno why psychiatric meds have such shit side effect profiles compared to recreational drugs.
 
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Lithium commonly causes weight gain, Divalproex Sodium (Depakote) often causes some degree of hair loss.
But Lithium is harder to get prescribed if you are/have been suicidal because it is way easier to overdose on than Depakote.
 
UncookMyBrain said:
I dunno why psychiatric meds have such shit side effect profiles compared to recreational drugs.
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Psychiatric meds are normally dosed daily, long-term.
I imagine that if you took MDMA, meth, or pretty much any other recreational drug (besides maybe cannabis) daily and long-term you'd experience quite a few side effects as well.
Especially if you were doing that at recreational doses.
 
Well the poisons in the dose so say if you were to take desoxyn or endone therapeutically you wouldnt need blood tests to check for organ damage or weird blood cell count.
I cant think of a prescribed recreational drug that is as severe as psych meds, even SSRIs have black box warnings. I just find it weird thats all.
 
yeah but there's a reason Desoxyn is virtually never prescribed. very high side effects. and addiction.
 
Trying2Iso said:
Lithium commonly causes weight gain, Divalproex Sodium (Depakote) often causes some degree of hair loss.
But Lithium is harder to get prescribed if you are/have been suicidal because it is way easier to overdose on than Depakote.
Click to expand...

I was prescribed depakote years ago right when/before I was diagnosed as bipolar (coming off Prozac) .. it gave me a terrible headache so.I was switched to Lamotrigine/Risperidone quickly. Been on that since (3years I think)
I know Risperidone causes weight gain as well. I've gained about 20lbs the past few years. hard to tell if that's the Rx or bad diet/excersie & slowing metabolism. I need to lose weight tho (only 165 lbs but should.be about 150 for.my body type)

Gotta meet the psych Monday so I have the weekend to figure it out.
 
SilverFeniks said:
I was prescribed depakote years ago right when/before I was diagnosed as bipolar (coming off Prozac) .. it gave me a terrible headache so.I was switched to Lamotrigine/Risperidone quickly. Been on that since (3years I think)
I know Risperidone causes weight gain as well. I've gained about 20lbs the past few years. hard to tell if that's the Rx or bad diet/excersie & slowing metabolism. I need to lose weight tho (only 165 lbs but should.be about 150 for.my body type)

Gotta meet the psych Monday so I have the weekend to figure it out.
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lamotrigine is the best med that i've ever had. had to discontinue it because doctor freaked out i had a small rash.
but honestly i think the rash was from dry skin, and i had no other symptoms of stevens-johnson either
 
Saw some posts about Lamictal..It is what I take and I started taking it before it was FDA approved for a test. Does not fuck with your head at all. I would not be where I am today without taking it, although I've had manic events happen even when I'm on it. I have recently been looking for a plan to go with when it happens again....b/c it will. It is something more than mania, I have found.

This is what happens in a nutshell-I have sent this to experts on spiritual emergency-b/c that what it is.

MANY people go through this and are misdiagnosed as bi-polar. Not saying that bi-polar condition does not exist at all though. There's a YouTube channel called Bi-Polar or Waking Up-The guy that made the channel had this exact same thing happen. The ones that have been able to stay out of the psych ward have been able to work it out and many times become healers through this process.

Here is what I go thorough in a short as possible explanation-This is what I sent to them-

I have repeatedly-for at least 25 yrs- gone through spiritual emergence. I always end up making connections-synchs-etc. It is so overwhelming that I end up not sleeping-at all-and after 3 days it REALLY clicks on ..like a switch. I've had it happen 8 times now.


When it's going on full blast I am in a constant state of bliss..a state of self-realization. They call it manic...then diagnose as bi-polar...although I've never been depressed-only in contrast to being in that state of being.

I speak metaphorically-almost completely. I get to where I don't want to move and can only feel love in connection with the All. I look at light and think about 'God" etc.

Each time I am taken to the psych ward for anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers. -_-

So my question is: How can I not go to the psych ward next time? What 's the alternative really, besides running into the woods? lol. It's true though.

I want to work it out so badly that I just might one day. It feels like I'm dying to emerge, but I'm restricted. I can make this state happen any time btw, even though I'm on stabilizers. I choose not to b/c I'm a teacher and want to continue being one. It's a kind of sacrifice I feel, and also feel trapped in a lower level of consciousness.

Please let me know of any suggestions you may have. I need a place to go when it happens so I don't immediately go to the ward. I saw your self work kind of stuff, but I feel anything I do like that would blow it up, then I will just be in the same position.

Teaching kids is my life's work, I know that. So I can't let a random occurrence happen. Occasionally, if I stop sleeping I have to take seroquel (anti-psychotic) to flat line me.

I feel desperate to work it out though. I don't know what else I can do besides stay this way.

Thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully offer any suggestions.


Here's a forum where people go through all manner of different mental health experiences..glad I found it. It's interesting to find people that deal with the same thing... here or no matter where it is...much info

http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/
 
Like to say also, that I respect everyone that goes through these things no matter what it is...Life's a bitch already sometimes. I tell you though to stay on the trail. I wanted to give up trying to find something. I had been on the laundry list....looking for 15 yrs. I told the psych doctor I wanted to give up.

He told me never to give up and I WOULD find something that worked. The next thing I tried was Lamictal and works like a charm. Keeps me level. Don't give up.
 
Exceeded my maximum frustration limit with new insurance and providers; decided to quit further visits & meds, been at 50% this week, wicked w/ds, even worse than benzos but surviving.
Feeling just as stable and no.more suicidal/homicidal than.when.I'm.medicated. makes
Me question the past few years. Perhaps I'm not bipolar and Just have holes in my brain from past mdma & lsd use.
 
Man don't quit those psych meds cold turkey. Fuck that must be brutal. Hit me up anytime ya need to cause i know how bad that is.
 
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