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Mental Health Bipolar Disorder Mega Thread

I've been unofficially diagnosed several times as bi-polar type 1 (gps apparently are not able to officially diagnose such) I'm going to be seeing a psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis. Currently classed as psychotic reactivate ddepression and am prescribed olanzapine 15mg nightly.
I'm concerned recently that my symptoms are getting worse, also my rx is possibly contributing to it. I'm getting major mood swings from depression to elation to almost murderous anger. Paranoia and anxiety really becomes prominent during angry and depressed phases.
I can't speak to friends and family for various reasons. I'm not sure what to do, explaining these things to a professional is really difficult and a big exacerbation of my anxiety. So if anyone could help assuage me on my med concern or any of it all it would be a positive step.
 
I nearly lost my life last week by overdosing and slitting my arms, i am in the psychiatric ward now and my lithium has been raised up to 1000mg, im delighted because it has levelled my bipolar? Anyone else on lithium? What mEdication are ye taking, my problem is when i get high i spend every penny in my pocket and feel soooo horny, thanks for listening guys xxx ☺
 
I have trouble cycling through my ups and downs... There like good and evil. Each one shows a different side of me. I wanna do things and accomplish things during my ups... During my downs I don't wanna do anything but be high... I have more downs then ups. Mania... I get these thoughts in my head. They bug and bug and bug until I go through with it. I have done crime during my manic phases and am lucky that I did not get caught... I spend money like crazy when I have it. Then the downers... They mess with everything. currently taking Seroquel... Pretty much doesn't help with anything. I agree with the argument that it is something doctors give as the shut you up so you don't whine medications as it puts me to sleep almost instantly... I barely even have time to turn off the lights, and lay in my bed. I have fainted before. Any tips/advice to control the urges brought on by mania?? When I am down.. You don't wanna be around me. I figured something out though... I am like this because I have a lack of accomplishment... I haven't had to accomplish much everything was given to me.. I need to do something for myself to revive my pride. I want to break away from this oppressive place. Its time to get the grades and transfer schools and save up to be on my own. I wanna do this on my own from now on. I am tired of being dependent on someone else. I support my habits but lately haven't even done that... Barely had enough strength the other day to FINALLY clean my room. Living with bipolar is sad and tiring... I just wanna do things in my life, but it holds me back.. I am gonna save and go to California.. That is my goal now. I WILL ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING BIG.
 
It's not pretty... Sometimes you get so overconfident to the point where you think your invincible, divine, and then you fall hard off your high cloud and get depressed when you fail.. Or some days you are so depressed that you just do the worst possible things such as do drugs. Or you do something so stupidly crazy that you risk your life doing it such as robbing cars at night or stealing from everyone just bc you have the mania that eats you up until you comply. Overall... Your so sensitive that even if someone is messing around with you it can set off a fury of anger, depression, that leads to the crash or your lowest moment when you are so miserable crying on the floor making a scene lashing out at people... Hell I'd say it's like waking up as someone else each day because for me my highs and lows are random and I never know what mania is gonna make me do. I never know if I'm gonna cry like a Babey today and beg people to help me.. Usually I fix stuff on my own as nobody understands me because they aren't sick. They can feel Normal emotions. They don't have mania the downfall of bipolar patients.... Mania is no laughing matter. Manics can do ANYTHING because they do not care about others or for themselves even worse... They are the risk takers who make you worry.. they are the ones who end up dead because mania made them crash their car into something just to do it.... Be warned... Stay away from bipolar teenagers like me :(
 
Is anyone else totally disheartened by bipolar?

As in... you put absolutely everything into life, and it starts going great, but then something always goes bad and screws whatever you were just going up. Consistency is very very difficult, and gradual long-term linear progression severely hampered, even if one is very capable. It gets to the point where life begins to be nothing but a cruel joke.

As such, I don't want to live anymore. This reality is incredibly disappointing, and although in a sense beautiful in its naturalistic self, I no longer want to be a part of it. Like... I'm sort of pissed off at the doctors/nurses who revived me when I tried to kill myself when I was younger. I think what they did is actually quite cruel... although of course it was impossible for them to know that.

Any sort of extremely stressful situation seems to be the trigger for disaster.... yet it's a fundamental impossibility in this day and age to avoid such states. Unless you want to be a janitor, or on welfare or something. Some people may be OK with such a course, but I would rather perish.

I'm sick of it. I'm probably the only person on the planet who secretly hopes to be told they have cancer when they go to the doctors.

You may ask: 'well why don't you just kill yourself then?' The answer is that, although I know of an easy painless effective method which could be arranged in a couple of days (took me heaps of research to discover it btw), there's still this..... fear. It's like jumping off into the abyss. The great unknown.... that's scary for anyone. Having taken lots of 4-HO-DMT I'm convinced we're infinite spirits, which leaves open the possibility of ending up somewhere worse! Ie: Near death experiences from suicide never seem to be pleasant.

Where does that leave me? In limbo. Between life and death. That is the fate of the manic depressive I guess.
 
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Omg yes! I feel you. You can spend years building something and just lose it all within days, or all it takes is one bad decision
 
I get very aroused when im in a manic state and have a few fuck buddies lined up, im super careful though, i always use condoms and get screened for stis,im clean by the way, i akalso impulse buy a lot to the point that im penniless, i could talk for Ireland too, i hate it, it doesnt happen as often now thanks to a good psychiatrist and lithium xxxRachelxxx
 
I myself was diagnosed as Bipolar Type 1 about 11yrs ago and at first i was in denial. I felt like a guinea pig, because i'm very sensitive to psychotropics and once staid as long as 2 months in a psych ward because the meds were fcuking me up. At first they tried Lithium and Depakote and my motorskills were shot. I also started gaining weight and pot now made me paranoid. Pot was my DOC and it was as if my body chemistry had changed because of them 'playing God'. Eventually i started doing coke and i had a good handle on things at first.. btw, i had stopped the meds. Only if i did coke would i not get p'noid from pot and so the story goes. When the mania sets in, it's usually preceded by a sudden sadness and desire to be recognized by the other children of God. It's like an inner voice telling me to go out and pick up some drugs... usually weed and coke, maybe some shrooms or acid maybe some MDMA if i'm going to a party or something. Crazy thing is, almost every manic episode i have has me ending up in parts of my city i might of never been to and i swear i'm engaging in a Masonic ritual of sorts (one of my obsessions) and i feel like i can read ppl better than most. I can tell who's good and who's evil. There's something in the air too.. like a carbon scent that i pick up when i'm manic. I'm never out to harm anyone nor myself... i don't really get depressed although i do have cry spells sometimes. I once went to a Buddhist temple to chant for an hour and i cried the whole time. It felt great though. I thought maybe the universe was going to hear my cry and end the abuse (the hospitalizations). They're in part my fault though. The cops don't even give me a hard time... it's just when i would go home that my mom would call an ambulance. Other than living with girlfriends and once a roommate, i've never really been on my own. Anyone else here go through a similar experience? Looking for Illuminatus?

I feel really close to God/the universe when I'm manic.. i love it.
 
While I'm sure mania feels good (I've experienced it), what goes up must come down. For my part, I'd rather be on the level plane that most find naturally than on a mood roller-coaster. Because I've finally taken my illness seriously, I've been able to build social relationships that are more rewarding (and of course more genuine) than any high, endogenous or otherwise.

It sucks to be made a guinea pig, but it's something we simply must go through in order to live a life of higher utility. I know that in the early days, it was all I could to keep myself from abusing drugs, but it's paid off wondrously.

I think crying every now and then is fine, even healthy. But if it becomes too frequent, it's indicative of an amount of stress that no one should have to deal with.

Stimulants and pot make anyone paranoid if they're used enough.
 
^ I totally agree with you.

Acanthus said:
Is anyone else totally disheartened by bipolar?

As in... you put absolutely everything into life, and it starts going great, but then something always goes bad and screws whatever you were just going up. Consistency is very very difficult, and gradual long-term linear progression severely hampered, even if one is very capable. It gets to the point where life begins to be nothing but a cruel joke.

As such, I don't want to live anymore. This reality is incredibly disappointing, and although in a sense beautiful in its naturalistic self, I no longer want to be a part of it. Like... I'm sort of pissed off at the doctors/nurses who revived me when I tried to kill myself when I was younger. I think what they did is actually quite cruel... although of course it was impossible for them to know that.

Any sort of extremely stressful situation seems to be the trigger for disaster.... yet it's a fundamental impossibility in this day and age to avoid such states. Unless you want to be a janitor, or on welfare or something. Some people may be OK with such a course, but I would rather perish.

I'm sick of it. I'm probably the only person on the planet who secretly hopes to be told they have cancer when they go to the doctors.

You may ask: 'well why don't you just kill yourself then?' The answer is that, although I know of an easy painless effective method which could be arranged in a couple of days (took me heaps of research to discover it btw), there's still this..... fear. It's like jumping off into the abyss. The great unknown.... that's scary for anyone. Having taken lots of 4-HO-DMT I'm convinced we're infinite spirits, which leaves open the possibility of ending up somewhere worse! Ie: Near death experiences from suicide never seem to be pleasant.

Where does that leave me? In limbo. Between life and death. That is the fate of the manic depressive I guess.
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I hear you. It seems like life is not giving you acceptable choices. You are right to be fearful about suicide. You can never be too sure of what's going to happen. I've heard of cases people who wake up totally disabled regardless of the method.

That's not even the major reason imo. I'm sure people go through horrible and long lasting nasty phases in life but it can always change. You never know what may happen in 5 or 10 years from now. Somehow most people go through phases and eventually it tends to get better.

About bipolar or even borderline conditions, I've heard of Seroquel being a good medication that might work for some people depending on the dosage so one does not sleep for 14 hours. Some doctors deal with this aligned with other medications.
 
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Erikmen said:
About bipolar or even borderline conditions, I've heard of Seroquel being a good medication that might work for some people depending on the dosage so one does not sleep for 14 hours. Some doctors deal with this aligned with other medications.
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I speak from experience that Seroquel XR has been quite effective as a mood stabilizer. The extended-release version doesn't have the drowsiness effects of the regular version, which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the patient. I also have fibromyalgia, and while the sleep disturbances were out of control, neither XR or regular Seroquel were effective. Remeron finally brought those under control, and allowed Seroquel XR to work as it should.
 
I'm looking for people who are managing their bi-polar without medication, or only use medication intermittently. I have had 10 bi-polar episodes in about 5 years but none for the last two years. I haven't taken lithium since about march last year. In that time I have been on invega sustenna though. Had my last injection about 6 weeks ago. I basically want to hear from people who have been OK without medication. Maybe learn coping strategies. I'm really sure I'm not alone.
 
I'm on mitazerpine they help I'm on the 45 mg witch is the highest one u can get but I still get days when I'm down I hear things to but I'm not getting any help with that to scared to tell the docter I don't go out I stay in my room all the time and I can't sleep
 
I'm not surprised you can't sleep if you stay in your room all day. Try expanding your comfort zone by going on a brisk walk outside. If you absolutely can't leave your room, crunches and pushups will help.

Also, given that we are social creatures, strike up a conversation with others. Ask them how they're doing, or what their day was like.

Assuming you have a good doctor, they're there to help you out. If you don't tell them what's wrong with you, they can't help you.
 
signalsign said:
I'm looking for people who are managing their bi-polar without medication, or only use medication intermittently. I have had 10 bi-polar episodes in about 5 years but none for the last two years. I haven't taken lithium since about march last year. In that time I have been on invega sustenna though. Had my last injection about 6 weeks ago. I basically want to hear from people who have been OK without medication. Maybe learn coping strategies. I'm really sure I'm not alone.
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It's not the answer you want to hear, but with the frequency you've had episodes in the past, I doubt you'll find sustained relief without medication. Bipolar meds simply won't work if they're only taken intermittently; they're not designed to be taken PRN. Coping strategies and mindfulness are wonderful tools, but I would caution against thinking that they'll solve everything.
 
signalsign said:
I'm looking for people who are managing their bi-polar without medication, or only use medication intermittently. I have had 10 bi-polar episodes in about 5 years but none for the last two years. I haven't taken lithium since about march last year. In that time I have been on invega sustenna though. Had my last injection about 6 weeks ago. I basically want to hear from people who have been OK without medication. Maybe learn coping strategies. I'm really sure I'm not alone.
Click to expand...

As i found out the hard way just taking medication every now and then does fuck all really to actually keep Bipolar disorder under control. Now i have found that once i find a mood stabilizer that actually works (in my case Lamictal) that i can take that everyday and just take a fast acting anti-psychotic such as Olanzapine as needed when i get manic or have a mixed state does work as long as i don't get episodes too often. But taking a anti-psychotic as needed as your primary med just doesn't work as you need a everyday med to stabilize your moods in the first place. I forget how often you need to get those long acting Invega injections but that is most likely the reason why you haven't had any Manic episodes. Paliperidone like it's older pretty much identical brother Risperidone is used sometimes as a monotherapy to treat Bipolar disorder despite the fact it does pretty much nothing for the depression side of things unlike say Lithium, Lamictal or even the atypical anti-psychotics Quetiapine and Olanzapine which do help the major depression part of Bipolar disorder.

If for some reason you don't like Paliperidone (brand name Invega) have you tried any other anti-psychotics? Or would you consider going back on Lithium or any other mood stabilizer that actually works for you? Honestly though if Invega is working for you and you aren't getting shitty side effects i would say stay on it especially if you have been episode free for 2 years. I mean 2 years without a Manic episode is pretty good by any standards i think.
 
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