adrian89987
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christianh said:
Dude you just gotta learn from it is all
Anyone whose said psychs don't have their risks is a moron..
[Bad Trip Subthread] Describe your worst psychedelic experience(s)!
- Thread starter tryp2nite85x
- Start date
Dude you just gotta learn from it is all
Anyone whose said psychs don't have their risks is a moron..
junctionalfunkie
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One summer night about 15 years ago, some friends and I scored some acid and went and picked some shrooms. We planned to drive to the beach (an hour away) around late afternoon, frolic on the beach during the comeup/sunset, and then make a bonfire and basically spend the night going nuts, having a couple of tents for if/when we slept.
So, we dropped the L as we left Houston for Galveston (Texas). About halfway to the beach, we stopped and got some tacos, to which we added our hotsauce-slathered fungi. So, we're cruising along the highway in this big huge old Cadillac convertible, music blasting, passing joints around, and generally all 4 of us excited as hell at the fun night we thought lay ahead.
I was in the front passenger seat. I suddenly got very nauseous, and had to vomit with almost no warning at all. One moment, I was feeling great, then two seconds later, I was sticking my head out the window to puke while we're barreling down the freeway at 70 mph. Then, I puked again, and then again. This is all within like 20 seconds.
My 3 friends were like, 'What the hell are you doing? Why do you keep sticking your head out the window like that?' Before I could answer, one of the guys in the backseat pukes all over his lap. The guy next to him starts freaking, but the guy driving still doesn't understand what's going on, since he didn't see either me or the guy in the backseat puke. We're still zooming down the highway.
So, basically, we finally make it to the beach, and everyone except the driver is sick as a dog, and he follows suit about fifteen minutes after we got there. Our huge boat of a car is parked right on the beach, and the four of us are scattered around it, each of us curled up in the fetal position in the sand, in his own private hell.
Apparently, there was some bad bacteria or something on the mushrooms. I have never been so sick before or since that night. Puking and shitting convulsively on the beach for hours, while tripping balls. The night seemed to last forever. There was a full moon shining over the Gulf of Mexico, and I kept thinking to myself, 'If only I had the energy to crawl into the ocean, I could drown myself' but alas, I did not have the strength to put that plan into action.
Luckily, we had brought plenty of water or we might have gotten dangerously dehydrated. It was after noon the next day before anyone felt well enough to drive us home.
I haven't eaten fresh mushrooms since, and never will again. Make mine into tea, please.
So, we dropped the L as we left Houston for Galveston (Texas). About halfway to the beach, we stopped and got some tacos, to which we added our hotsauce-slathered fungi. So, we're cruising along the highway in this big huge old Cadillac convertible, music blasting, passing joints around, and generally all 4 of us excited as hell at the fun night we thought lay ahead.
I was in the front passenger seat. I suddenly got very nauseous, and had to vomit with almost no warning at all. One moment, I was feeling great, then two seconds later, I was sticking my head out the window to puke while we're barreling down the freeway at 70 mph. Then, I puked again, and then again. This is all within like 20 seconds.
My 3 friends were like, 'What the hell are you doing? Why do you keep sticking your head out the window like that?' Before I could answer, one of the guys in the backseat pukes all over his lap. The guy next to him starts freaking, but the guy driving still doesn't understand what's going on, since he didn't see either me or the guy in the backseat puke. We're still zooming down the highway.
So, basically, we finally make it to the beach, and everyone except the driver is sick as a dog, and he follows suit about fifteen minutes after we got there. Our huge boat of a car is parked right on the beach, and the four of us are scattered around it, each of us curled up in the fetal position in the sand, in his own private hell.
Apparently, there was some bad bacteria or something on the mushrooms. I have never been so sick before or since that night. Puking and shitting convulsively on the beach for hours, while tripping balls. The night seemed to last forever. There was a full moon shining over the Gulf of Mexico, and I kept thinking to myself, 'If only I had the energy to crawl into the ocean, I could drown myself' but alas, I did not have the strength to put that plan into action.
Luckily, we had brought plenty of water or we might have gotten dangerously dehydrated. It was after noon the next day before anyone felt well enough to drive us home.
I haven't eaten fresh mushrooms since, and never will again. Make mine into tea, please.
dankstersauce
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I very stupidly ate 7 hits of acid from a batch i hadn't tried yet. I had a great come up and couldn't stop laughing. Then about an hour into it I realized what i had done.
I was getting crazy auditory hallucinations, I thought people were running around banging on the windows of my apartment and laughing and screaming.
I tried to chill out by listening to music, but I basically started having a panic attack. i thought there were little dogs everywhere trying to attack me, they were barking and snarling at me. I could hear a rattle snake shaking its tail and slithering around me. I tried to distract myself by staring at the wall and it didn't help at all.
On the wall i could see a shadow of someone with a knife and it looked like they were going to stab me. i was literally scared out of my mind.
another time i ate 3 really good gel tabs and i was certain i had gone schizophrenic. I was all alone and i thought this person who was chillin in the courtyard of the apartment complex was a figment of my imagination. I thought it was some fight club style shit, and i thought that everyone i knew, already knew i was schizo and were constantly fucking with me.
I had to call my girlfriend the next morning to make sure that i really wasn't insane. even after she told me i wasn't crazy i still wasn't sure. the next day a girl i work with (who lived in the building across from me) commented on the sketchy dude who would just chill in the courtyard and i finally knew i hadn't lost my mind.
it really sucks to think you've lost your mind for couple days at a time
I was getting crazy auditory hallucinations, I thought people were running around banging on the windows of my apartment and laughing and screaming.
I tried to chill out by listening to music, but I basically started having a panic attack. i thought there were little dogs everywhere trying to attack me, they were barking and snarling at me. I could hear a rattle snake shaking its tail and slithering around me. I tried to distract myself by staring at the wall and it didn't help at all.
On the wall i could see a shadow of someone with a knife and it looked like they were going to stab me. i was literally scared out of my mind.
another time i ate 3 really good gel tabs and i was certain i had gone schizophrenic. I was all alone and i thought this person who was chillin in the courtyard of the apartment complex was a figment of my imagination. I thought it was some fight club style shit, and i thought that everyone i knew, already knew i was schizo and were constantly fucking with me.
I had to call my girlfriend the next morning to make sure that i really wasn't insane. even after she told me i wasn't crazy i still wasn't sure. the next day a girl i work with (who lived in the building across from me) commented on the sketchy dude who would just chill in the courtyard and i finally knew i hadn't lost my mind.
it really sucks to think you've lost your mind for couple days at a time
Ungoliath
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100mg of 2c-i and ending up in lockup for 8 hours was pretty fucking SHITTY. (Got arrested 1 hour after dosing on comeup, warrents)
The worst was on 7grams of mushrooms (Found em at my place after a party), and why im never fucking ever doing anything trippy again. Ever. It started well, munching down the zoomers, my ex-fiancee had left for work, and well, it was going fine and dandy, then all of a sudden I became filled with fucking rage, I kept putting my fist through the walls in my living room (I couldn't stop, i tried to stop and i kept shoving my fingers and shit in my mouth, it was seriously like i could do only two things, punch or shove both my hands in my mouth and pull on my tongue)
Well, I made a fuckbang of holes, and the holes in my walls turned into mouths and started swirling around the walls showing fangs, I fucking lost it hardcore. I was naked for some reason, and when the mouths started talking (FUCKED UP SHIT, this was in my room where my best friend died [in my bed, in her sleep] in november)er
Well, I thought it was Jody's (her name) ghost talking to me, well, I was at the time (and still am) facing a possible 15 years for death by criminal negligence for it.....long story....anyhow I fucking had all these horrible angry emotions over what happened (I was yelling at the holes in my wall cursing his fucking name and wondering why he damned me)
Then she told me to join him......
I fucking FLIPPED, this was about 2-3 hours into it and I couldnt see anything normal, my furniture melted into puddles, I ended up grabbing a gun [c-45], leaving my front door wide open, running down the stairs in my boxers....
I really don't even know now if i took it to kill myself or protect myself.
Anyhow, its 3 in the afternoon, im walking through the fucking ghetto (my area) in my boxers with a gun handle sticking out of my pants, i was fucking losing my mind, i kept putting random shit (fingers, feet, garbage) in my mouth and talking outloud everything I was thinking.....
People cleared the fucking streets i was hysterical, i eventually bolted off as fast as I could to the woods, by some luck i found a treehouse me and jody built when we were like 8
I couldnt fucking handle it anymore, i lost my fucking mind
I ended up holding my breath till I passed out (which was fucking LUCKY, a shitbang of police were combing the hood)
Im not ment for psycadelics
The worst was on 7grams of mushrooms (Found em at my place after a party), and why im never fucking ever doing anything trippy again. Ever. It started well, munching down the zoomers, my ex-fiancee had left for work, and well, it was going fine and dandy, then all of a sudden I became filled with fucking rage, I kept putting my fist through the walls in my living room (I couldn't stop, i tried to stop and i kept shoving my fingers and shit in my mouth, it was seriously like i could do only two things, punch or shove both my hands in my mouth and pull on my tongue)
Well, I made a fuckbang of holes, and the holes in my walls turned into mouths and started swirling around the walls showing fangs, I fucking lost it hardcore. I was naked for some reason, and when the mouths started talking (FUCKED UP SHIT, this was in my room where my best friend died [in my bed, in her sleep] in november)er
Well, I thought it was Jody's (her name) ghost talking to me, well, I was at the time (and still am) facing a possible 15 years for death by criminal negligence for it.....long story....anyhow I fucking had all these horrible angry emotions over what happened (I was yelling at the holes in my wall cursing his fucking name and wondering why he damned me)
Then she told me to join him......
I fucking FLIPPED, this was about 2-3 hours into it and I couldnt see anything normal, my furniture melted into puddles, I ended up grabbing a gun [c-45], leaving my front door wide open, running down the stairs in my boxers....
I really don't even know now if i took it to kill myself or protect myself.
Anyhow, its 3 in the afternoon, im walking through the fucking ghetto (my area) in my boxers with a gun handle sticking out of my pants, i was fucking losing my mind, i kept putting random shit (fingers, feet, garbage) in my mouth and talking outloud everything I was thinking.....
People cleared the fucking streets i was hysterical, i eventually bolted off as fast as I could to the woods, by some luck i found a treehouse me and jody built when we were like 8
I couldnt fucking handle it anymore, i lost my fucking mind
I ended up holding my breath till I passed out (which was fucking LUCKY, a shitbang of police were combing the hood)
Im not ment for psycadelics
two nights ago, i was kandiflipping at a party (i had taken 6 cubes of acid and two pills) and got a phone call from a friend of mine asking if we could meet up outside for a bit.
i thought nothing of it at the time (i had 3 sugarcubes in my pocket yet) and headed outside to meet him. i started to have madly paranoid thoughts, as i turned a corner i saw some lady walking by me talking into her jacket, saying some type of police code. i thought everyone out on the street most have been an undercover policeman on patrol. i saw the street hooker holding up a small radio talking to it as she went down the street. at one point a lady on a cell phone passed in front of me, i distinctly heard "i can tell by the way you're walking..." and her voice trailed off. as she passed behind me she said "don't trip too hard." i looked behind me to affirm her existence and yes, she was still walking away talking on her cell phone.
later that night i was standing outside the apartment, having a cigarette with a friend and this lady with a small dog walked by, the dog tilted his body at the apartment and then they walked off. when she got to the end of the street, she got on her cellphone and stood and talked on it for a minute or two, then continued on her way.
my friend W had visited that night as well. while he was in the house, he seemed rather ancy and was in my mind "asking too many questions." i told him to sit down, very sternly, and i think i must have looked like a maniac. i certainly felt crazy, i thought he was an fbi agent or something.
it was the most paranoia i've ever experienced. i either think there was some sort of large sting operation going down, FBI agents were after me, or i had completely hallucinated the people walking- but i'm not so sure. is it possible to hallucinate things that fully aren't there?
later that morning, i was still wide awake tripping. My friend J had busted in the door exclaiming he had some sort of epiphany about his life, he was crying profusely. i was getting ready to leave when i felt something wrong in the house and i felt i wouldn't leave until i knew what was wrong. i went and sat down with my friend A, and J and C. we were all frying at this point. J went on about 2012, the failing economy, family issues and all sorts of things. it was very, very emotional and tears were shed throughout the conversation. hours passed, and i started to feel the effects of the acid subside.
it was a good and bad trip overall, with extremely polar highs and lows.
i thought nothing of it at the time (i had 3 sugarcubes in my pocket yet) and headed outside to meet him. i started to have madly paranoid thoughts, as i turned a corner i saw some lady walking by me talking into her jacket, saying some type of police code. i thought everyone out on the street most have been an undercover policeman on patrol. i saw the street hooker holding up a small radio talking to it as she went down the street. at one point a lady on a cell phone passed in front of me, i distinctly heard "i can tell by the way you're walking..." and her voice trailed off. as she passed behind me she said "don't trip too hard." i looked behind me to affirm her existence and yes, she was still walking away talking on her cell phone.
later that night i was standing outside the apartment, having a cigarette with a friend and this lady with a small dog walked by, the dog tilted his body at the apartment and then they walked off. when she got to the end of the street, she got on her cellphone and stood and talked on it for a minute or two, then continued on her way.
my friend W had visited that night as well. while he was in the house, he seemed rather ancy and was in my mind "asking too many questions." i told him to sit down, very sternly, and i think i must have looked like a maniac. i certainly felt crazy, i thought he was an fbi agent or something.
it was the most paranoia i've ever experienced. i either think there was some sort of large sting operation going down, FBI agents were after me, or i had completely hallucinated the people walking- but i'm not so sure. is it possible to hallucinate things that fully aren't there?
later that morning, i was still wide awake tripping. My friend J had busted in the door exclaiming he had some sort of epiphany about his life, he was crying profusely. i was getting ready to leave when i felt something wrong in the house and i felt i wouldn't leave until i knew what was wrong. i went and sat down with my friend A, and J and C. we were all frying at this point. J went on about 2012, the failing economy, family issues and all sorts of things. it was very, very emotional and tears were shed throughout the conversation. hours passed, and i started to feel the effects of the acid subside.
it was a good and bad trip overall, with extremely polar highs and lows.
junctionalfunkie
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Holy hell. 8(Ungoliath said:
Yeah, probably a good idea for all if you avoid psychedelics.
malakaix
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Haven't had a full on 'bad trip' but i've had a few scary/frightening moments on LSD.
Walked upto a campfire at a Doof/Rave.. as i got closer the tree's shadows from the moonlight looked like burn lines coming out of the fire which looked like some spiritual/satanic symbol, and i had just walked upto some satanic gathering of people or something.. didn't know what the fuck was up, got really worried untill i realized they were just other ravers.
Another time after been on 3 hits of acid, some girl came upto me and my friend and started talking really worried about her boyfriend who took alot of mushrooms and was talking about death,misery,eternity etc.. this put a bad vibe on me.. and then we hear a car door shut behind her.. and someone running off into the darkness.. the guy was gone, and for some reason i had it in my mind that he was gonna jump out from anywhere and attack us.
At another time, i was really disconnected from reality.. and i even said to myself 'if i die now, i wouldn't even care'
Luckily most of these moments have been pretty brief.. and the majority of my trips have been fun and entertaining.
Walked upto a campfire at a Doof/Rave.. as i got closer the tree's shadows from the moonlight looked like burn lines coming out of the fire which looked like some spiritual/satanic symbol, and i had just walked upto some satanic gathering of people or something.. didn't know what the fuck was up, got really worried untill i realized they were just other ravers.
Another time after been on 3 hits of acid, some girl came upto me and my friend and started talking really worried about her boyfriend who took alot of mushrooms and was talking about death,misery,eternity etc.. this put a bad vibe on me.. and then we hear a car door shut behind her.. and someone running off into the darkness.. the guy was gone, and for some reason i had it in my mind that he was gonna jump out from anywhere and attack us.
At another time, i was really disconnected from reality.. and i even said to myself 'if i die now, i wouldn't even care'
Luckily most of these moments have been pretty brief.. and the majority of my trips have been fun and entertaining.
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My worst trip was actually not that bad. Me and my 2 friends got some very strong salvia (i think it was 35X). We went into one of my friends basements and decided to smoke in this little dungeon-esque room (bad idea). When I hit it I couldn't move and had visions of a future human society where everyone is a blue hologram. It was kinda cool. But one of my friends startedd laughing so much it got really annoying. I also thought the room was keeping me prisoner. I thought we would live the rest of our days out in that room....imagine how happy i was to go out of it and go upstairs to my neighbors porch for a nice fatty
metalfan3690
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Me and 2 friends split a 1/4 (rough 2.3 each) and we were smoking regs (weed). 20 miniutes in i felt the trip, strong too. Ive done lsd and some RCs so i know it should take at least an hour to kick in. Well the first few hours were good. My friend stopped at a liqur store and me and the 2 who were shroomin got out. My friend said somethin bout his pupils, then i said "these cars are freaking me the fuck out" and my friend then said my puplis went from nothing to my whole eye and then i blacked out. My friends (total of 4, 2 shrooming) said they though i was dead. 2 minutes later i awoke but had no clue about anything, not where i lived, if i had money, who i was, and i asked these questions multiply times. It took me 20-30 minutes before i was straight again.
this is in my shroom theard, please visit
this is in my shroom theard, please visit
Erebus-
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MDxx + methamphetamine + salvia.
I had a constant stream of consciousness that would fade in and out of actual reality. About the fourth time returning to my two friend's commonplace I apologized for anything I might have said. They said I had been mumbling incoherently for about 20 minutes with no particular human distinction in my eyes. Awful feeling in my hands. Couldn't sleep for three days. I hate meth.
I had a constant stream of consciousness that would fade in and out of actual reality. About the fourth time returning to my two friend's commonplace I apologized for anything I might have said. They said I had been mumbling incoherently for about 20 minutes with no particular human distinction in my eyes. Awful feeling in my hands. Couldn't sleep for three days. I hate meth.
My bad trip. What exactly is wrong?
Hi, i'm new to this forum but read this great thread about ego loss. I had a extremely frightening and a bad trip last time (did it twice with shrooms both bad trips) which was even worse than the first time.
I turned out violent towards my friends, screamed at them telling them to go away (cuz i thought they were evil, etc) and they constantly had to be around me and even physically control me. Only a few parts were good and happy in it.
I the 2nd half i was saying my parent's names and saying sorry i fucked up my life, i won't take drugs ever again (i even cried) and saying stuff like: "atleast im alive" and "atleast im concious" over and over again in order not to forget it. My friends sometimes appeared evil and another time good, but mostly evil. However the reality is they are good and they are good friends, nothing bad happened beween us, also environment was good with a comedy movie (which i wasnt able to watch). However sometimes, briefly though, i was able to control it and have a good time and have no negative thoughts but it was very brief and then the negative emotions took over.
Anyway i know the cause of it is that i am controlling it, scared of letting go, but it is exactly what i dont want! i do not want to control it, i want it to happen smoothly and just accept it. What does it all mean? why am i scared of letting go? Im not someone who don't give a fuck about others (selfishness = ego) and all that. Do i not like myself for some reason? I am just not sure why i get scared so easily by negative thoughts, cuz when they do happen it is as if the demons or monsters are dragging me somewhere bad and i dont let them. I guess im just really confused. I would LOVE to experience the good side of it, i want to know more and explore. But won't try this stuff for some good many years specially now as i'm studying.
Would like to have some opinions about this, please do share a related story thanks
Hi, i'm new to this forum but read this great thread about ego loss. I had a extremely frightening and a bad trip last time (did it twice with shrooms both bad trips) which was even worse than the first time.
I turned out violent towards my friends, screamed at them telling them to go away (cuz i thought they were evil, etc) and they constantly had to be around me and even physically control me. Only a few parts were good and happy in it.
I the 2nd half i was saying my parent's names and saying sorry i fucked up my life, i won't take drugs ever again (i even cried) and saying stuff like: "atleast im alive" and "atleast im concious" over and over again in order not to forget it. My friends sometimes appeared evil and another time good, but mostly evil. However the reality is they are good and they are good friends, nothing bad happened beween us, also environment was good with a comedy movie (which i wasnt able to watch). However sometimes, briefly though, i was able to control it and have a good time and have no negative thoughts but it was very brief and then the negative emotions took over.
Anyway i know the cause of it is that i am controlling it, scared of letting go, but it is exactly what i dont want! i do not want to control it, i want it to happen smoothly and just accept it. What does it all mean? why am i scared of letting go? Im not someone who don't give a fuck about others (selfishness = ego) and all that. Do i not like myself for some reason? I am just not sure why i get scared so easily by negative thoughts, cuz when they do happen it is as if the demons or monsters are dragging me somewhere bad and i dont let them. I guess im just really confused. I would LOVE to experience the good side of it, i want to know more and explore. But won't try this stuff for some good many years specially now as i'm studying.
Would like to have some opinions about this, please do share a related story thanks
Shrooms are somewhat darker than most psychedelics, which doesn't help (LSD has a positive push to it, and 2C-I/C also have more of a positive push. The 2C's are also not as deep as LSD/Shrooms)
And, if you got violent on a trip, i'd definitely say you went too high on the dose. If you make another try, i'd make sure it was done in a more comfortable setting, around people you're really close to, on a lower dose, with a different psychedelic.
And, if you got violent on a trip, i'd definitely say you went too high on the dose. If you make another try, i'd make sure it was done in a more comfortable setting, around people you're really close to, on a lower dose, with a different psychedelic.
solistus
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Shrooms can be extremely difficult. How much did you take? Did/do you have reservations while sober about using drugs (aside from having had unpleasant trips on this particular one) that may have spurred those negative thoughts? If you're not 100% comfortable with the idea of taking psychedelics, that can spur a bad trip.
If you decide to pursue psychedelics further, you may want to try to get your hands on a 2C*, mescaline, or even LSD. Mushrooms can be a valuable tool but they can also be extremely difficult to work through, and they may simply not be for you.
You may want to try being mostly alone, with a mostly sober sitter friend nearby to keep an eye on you but with a room you can go into alone when you don't want to deal with others. Even close friends can seem like unwanted interruptions to your experience while tripping. It's overwhelming enough trying to deal with the experience you're having - other beings you can't control taking even the most innocuous actions can be a terrifying prospect while tripping. Be careful going off alone, though - if you get stuck in a negative thought loop you may very quietly have a very miserable time and your friend, not wanting to bother you, would never know. That said, I usually prefer to spend most of my trips alone.
If you decide to pursue psychedelics further, you may want to try to get your hands on a 2C*, mescaline, or even LSD. Mushrooms can be a valuable tool but they can also be extremely difficult to work through, and they may simply not be for you.
You may want to try being mostly alone, with a mostly sober sitter friend nearby to keep an eye on you but with a room you can go into alone when you don't want to deal with others. Even close friends can seem like unwanted interruptions to your experience while tripping. It's overwhelming enough trying to deal with the experience you're having - other beings you can't control taking even the most innocuous actions can be a terrifying prospect while tripping. Be careful going off alone, though - if you get stuck in a negative thought loop you may very quietly have a very miserable time and your friend, not wanting to bother you, would never know. That said, I usually prefer to spend most of my trips alone.
Captain.Heroin
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Try taking 1/2 as much shrooms next time for a more enjoyable trip. I would say 1.75g can even give people difficult experiences.
guerillabedlam
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I would go with MDMA (Ecstasy) with a few close friends if you want to continue exploring psychedelics. You don't hallucinate on MDMA and you probably won't have bad thoughts except some possible anxiety during the first couple minutes of the comeup. MDMA may even allow you to come to realizations why you are scared to let go and you may even open up to friends about it. There is a comedown on E that can be kind of rough though, so be prepared for that. Mescaline is probably the best of all worlds without a significant comedown but it's pretty hard to find unless you are willing to eat some cactus.
LSD can be just as frightening as shrooms. I've only tried a few 2c's and while they can have good visuals and be enjoyable, they usually lack in depth to me.
Whatever you decide to try read up on all the possible effects before you dose.
LSD can be just as frightening as shrooms. I've only tried a few 2c's and while they can have good visuals and be enjoyable, they usually lack in depth to me.
Whatever you decide to try read up on all the possible effects before you dose.
solistus
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MDMA is certainly easier to work with and can lead to some of the same interpersonal results as a productive trip. It is certainly more different from the various 5HT2a 'classic' psychedelics than they are from each other, though. Both are wonderful experiences that have enriched my life.
Teotzlcoatl
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Sounds like the 'Shrooms were telling you that you need to get your life in order before taking them again.
This is very common.
This is very common.
strangedays_indeed
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when i was younger and ate dried mushrooms i had many very very intense trips, ego broken to pieces and I didnt understand. but those trips showed me a lot about myself as a being in the physical and non physical states of consciousness. psilocybin is powerful and a majority of my higher doses of mushrooms have been a long and coherent idea of what my world is leading up to a deep psychological breakdown leading to me being unable to talk to people around me if I was with people, having super strong cevs and oevs and just being in my own space. its unique man, maybe you should a) take a lower dose and b) let things happen and begin the experience in a positive mindset and comfortable setting with music, lets say boards of canada for instance. its ok to forget who you are just become comfortable with your spiritual side and the real you rather than an image or composure. good luck though answers can be found if you look.