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August: getting/staying sober thread vs. seasons end

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^ i need to take that attitude. I like that: "i love being alive...one day I'll love my life."

Depression lifted a decent amount-it does sometimes at night, i dont know why. Maybe my brain realizes no more synthetic opiates are coming today & decides to begrudgingly parcel me out a few natural ones.
 
BlueSaffron said:
^ i need to take that attitude. I like that: "i love being alive...one day I'll love my life."

Depression lifted a decent amount-it does sometimes at night, i dont know why. Maybe my brain realizes no more synthetic opiates are coming today & decides to begrudgingly parcel me out a few natural ones.
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Your brain really is healing. Though not insignificant, you are getting to a pretty low dose of methadone. I never got as low as you are while on methadone but as I tapered down to low doses on suboxone, I could definitely feel my natural endorphines coming back.

You are doing so good, you really do deserve to catch a break and I truly hope you do; I wish/hope/pray for happiness to find you sooner than you expect.
 
3 months and 4 days for me today. I am worrying about money of course but I am clean today! Things would be much worse if I was using.
 
phactor said:
3 months and 4 days for me today. I am worrying about money of course but I am clean today! Things would be much worse if I was using.
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Your clean time is awesome phactor. You have every right to be very proud of yourself.

Man I'm stressing about money as well but you are dead right to remind all of us who are struggling financially and in recovery, we'd be in a shit load deeper financial dispair if we were still using.

Me: 4 weeks clean. 11 days off nicotine.
 
Bit late to this thread but I must say you are all doing so well. I've been of a mind to quit my party lifestyle for some time now, it's a drain on my cash and energy. I'm sure everyone is familiar with that.

Anyway I had a huge blowout at the weekend which left me feeling guilty like never before. I slept through my come down and now I just feel like enough is enough. Today I went out and did all the things I've been planning to do for ages but failed, and its spurred me on to take things a step further and disassociate with my Facebook account, which will reduce the amount of party invites I get exponentially. I'm going to the gym tomorrow because that always improves my mood.

Anyway wish me luck guys, I'll be keeping an eye on this thread to find motivation from y'all and to offer support as and where needed.

Mx
 
First morning of my third week...

The Bf finally came back from rehab just in time for my birthday yesterday ^^, very happy to see his attitude towards staying clean. I hope we stay healthy for now on!
And that goes for everyone else in here, keep it up!

Have a great day! <3 get/stay well everyone :D
 
Papaverium said:
First morning of my third week...

The Bf finally came back from rehab just in time for my birthday yesterday ^^, very happy to see his attitude towards staying clean. I hope we stay healthy for now on!
And that goes for everyone else in here, keep it up!

Have a great day! <3 get/stay well everyone :D
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Excellent, sounds really positive! Best wishes and happy birthday for yesterday!

Love and light.
Mx
 
Minxy said:
Bit late to this thread but I must say you are all doing so well. I've been of a mind to quit my party lifestyle for some time now, it's a drain on my cash and energy. I'm sure everyone is familiar with that.

Anyway I had a huge blowout at the weekend which left me feeling guilty like never before. I slept through my come down and now I just feel like enough is enough. Today I went out and did all the things I've been planning to do for ages but failed, and its spurred me on to take things a step further and disassociate with my Facebook account, which will reduce the amount of party invites I get exponentially. I'm going to the gym tomorrow because that always improves my mood.

Anyway wish me luck guys, I'll be keeping an eye on this thread to find motivation from y'all and to offer support as and where needed.

Mx
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Minxy, if you think your lifestyle is a problem, it probably is. It sounds like your at a place where you'd actually by nipping a potential problem in the bud. If you are smart enough to get out of the game while you are ahead, that is great. You'll be thanking yourself immensely ten years down the line.

Good luck!
 
Absolutely, I think hitting 30 had a great deal to do with it. I can't handle the weekends like I used to. I also enjoy having money for 'other things' than drugs nowadays.
 
Minxy said:
Absolutely, I think hitting 30 had a great deal to do with it. I can't handle the weekends like I used to. I also enjoy having money for 'other things' than drugs nowadays.
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Stick with it! From personal experience sobriety feels much better in your thirties than waiting until your forties. Also from the perspective of my mid forties, you don't want to wait this long to get your life together.
 
I had a lead on a job, she wrote me back twice and was interested, was all set to have me come in for an interview, and I just got an email from her that said "just want to make sure you can work in the US and have no felonies".

I can work in the US, I was born here, but I have a felony drug conviction. It's super old, but I don't think they care.

This job would've been perfect, it's near the city I want to move to, decent pay, decent job....

Depressing.

I really hate to sound like a woe-is-me hippie liberal, but sometimes it does feel like the system is made to keep you down, even if you're genuinely trying to do the right thing and change your life.
 
BlueSaffron said:
I had a lead on a job, she wrote me back twice and was interested, was all set to have me come in for an interview, and I just got an email from her that said "just want to make sure you can work in the US and have no felonies".

I can work in the US, I was born here, but I have a felony drug conviction. It's super old, but I don't think they care.

This job would've been perfect, it's near the city I want to move to, decent pay, decent job....

Depressing.

I really hate to sound like a woe-is-me hippie liberal, but sometimes it does feel like the system is made to keep you down, even if you're genuinely trying to do the right thing and change your life.
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Don't look at it that way, its just another thing that could've been, probably like the outcomes to most things in your life positive or negative. I had a similar experience today applying for a job, I got more than three quarters of the way through the application THEN they decide to mention that a perfectly clean sickness record is expected for acceptance (be perfectly clean they meant less than 10 days pcy). Since I had a month off sick with depression and anxiety (work related) it put me off applying. Shit happens, you just gotta pick yourself up and carry on. :-/
 
BlueSaffron said:
I had a lead on a job, she wrote me back twice and was interested, was all set to have me come in for an interview, and I just got an email from her that said "just want to make sure you can work in the US and have no felonies".

I can work in the US, I was born here, but I have a felony drug conviction. It's super old, but I don't think they care.

This job would've been perfect, it's near the city I want to move to, decent pay, decent job....

Depressing.

I really hate to sound like a woe-is-me hippie liberal, but sometimes it does feel like the system is made to keep you down, even if you're genuinely trying to do the right thing and change your life.
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Felonies will fuck you up something stupid with respect to the job hunt. I was lucky that my record was expunged after I successfully completed probation. 1st offense grow = manufacture with intent. Idk about statue of limitations and felonies but if your only offense I'd look into legal ways to expunge, or at last background check yourself and see what your record looks like.
 
BlueSaffron said:
I had a lead on a job, she wrote me back twice and was interested, was all set to have me come in for an interview, and I just got an email from her that said "just want to make sure you can work in the US and have no felonies".

I can work in the US, I was born here, but I have a felony drug conviction. It's super old, but I don't think they care.

This job would've been perfect, it's near the city I want to move to, decent pay, decent job....

Depressing.

I really hate to sound like a woe-is-me hippie liberal, but sometimes it does feel like the system is made to keep you down, even if you're genuinely trying to do the right thing and change your life.
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There are often weird things that go down around this. You basically have three options. Just say your never going to get it and not even try. Assume they are going to find it in a background and write a well composed explanation along with evidence that supports the changes you have made to yourself and your life along with an personal explanation of the events. Or say fuck it and not tell them and see if they catch it. Some companies to save money never actually run the check. Some people who are supposed to run the checks never do. Sometimes the endless paper trail shits itself and it never even shows up. Some companies to save money only check for felonies in the state they are in. Some people run the check and never read it because they end up going to lunch and it blows out the window or their computer crashes, or the fire alarm goes off. Some people who run the checks have unknown felonies themselves and let the minor ones slide. So many things can happen. If you have no intention of trying to explain some ancient charge then why not tell them you're all clear and see what happens. What do you have to lose?


The system is broken, years ago people could move to another area and start their lives over, with computers this is pretty tough these days. If the system, even, wonders why its such an utter failure its because it does its very best to make people fail. consider joining in the fight to get it changed, there are a ton of people and not for profits working at this, maybe you could get lucky and find a job with one of them.. pretty sure they wont be doing background checks.. unless its to see if you work for the system.
 
Yeah getting a job is definitely a big bitch with a felony on record... even though both of my cases should be dismissed once I finish Outpatient, I dont know if anything is getting expunged, but we'll see.

Couple more days, and it's been 2 MONTHS for me. It's a tough fucking journey, I find it hard to wake up in the mornings, there is nothing to look forward to except for staying clean! I miss going out and having friends, always inside my head. I do my best to remind myself to be grateful that I am not in jail, and that I have a pool and two wonderful dogs whom I love so much. But money is an issue, as was said, and what sucks is that some days I'm just so impatient I guess, and I fear that I won't be shit in life! And that I won't be able to get any of my good friends back or even any girls, anytime soon... I just feel so alone, and pretty useless.

But I must admit, I DO NOT want to go back, as much as I sometimes picture smoking some up a little... No... no way am I repeating everything all over again. This time I can be confident in myself that I won't break down, because this time I truly care, for myself, and no one else. I just wish I didn't have these depressed feelings. Heck, I don't even look forward to meeting anyone who comes to buy Ethnobotanicals off me locally that I sell. I just don't even want to interact. Is this all PAWS? 2 months in I expected to feel a hell of a lot better than THIS SHIT.

/endrant
 
^You should slide out around month six or seven on the way to l that point you will fell a smidgen better each day. even if its to small to register the difference each day, looking back on weeks you will see it. What are you doing to promote your healing Zerix?
 
I'm working on getting them expunged - actually the organization doing it says they'll be "dismissed". Which kind of sucks, because expunged means GONE (I believe?) and dismissed just shows you were arrested for it but the charge was dismissed. So no convictions, but a bunch of arrests - it still doesn't look good. Anyway, I'm working on it, but it takes forever. They said six months... But I can't wait six months to find a job, lol.

You know, after I posted what I did earlier, I wrote her back and told her I had old convictions and politely said I understand if she's not interested. I didn't even bother to see if she wrote back or not. Just now I checked my email, and she wrote back and said because they were that old they shouldn't be a problem, and asked what the charges were. So I guess it's not totally out of the question yet? I'll write her back and tell her and see what she says.

I'm also worried there's a drug screen. I'm clean except for methadone, but I worry that they'll do the more extensive test that finds methadone, and I"m worried because my roommate smokes a ton of weed and sometimes I'm in the room. I don't smoke it, ever, but I wonder if the secondhand smoke has gotten in my system. He always turns on the window fan, and I fan the smoke away if it gets close to me but I know I've probably inhaled a bit.

Two months is awesome Zerix :) I'm pretty sure you're probably still in PAWS, and it should be getting better each day... but I've also personally decided that I kinda wish I never even heard of PAWS. I mean I understand the benefit of realizing that the reason you feel down is that you're experiencing lingering withdrawal, but I find myself fixating on it like I did with acute withdrawals: when will it start? when will it be over? is this it? How am I supposed to do this when I have to go through months of PAWS?

So I have decided that for me, PAWS doesn't exist, or if it does, it lasts a month, tops. It's just a better way for me to think about it... gives me less excuse to mope around thinking "of course I feel like this - I'm in PAWS!!!111oneoneone!" and more reason to just get on with my life.
 
As long as you have the script or the paper work from the clinic showing a doctor is prescribing it to you, any drug you are legally obtaining is not reported to the employer.

I was around second hand smoke while on probation, it never showed up on a screen.
 
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Good morning everyone, I hope you are all feeling better each day :)

Much Love from day 22,
~Verri
 
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