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August: getting/staying sober thread vs. seasons end

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I totally get dropping your heavy using friends. I've always thought that made sense.

But 99.9% of the population will have a beer or two with friends every now and then with no problems. They aren't going out and getting hammered. But it still makes me uncomfortable so I avoid those situations. Am I supposed to not be friends with them for that reason? No.. That would be very silly. And incredibly unrealistic. These aren't addicts who are peer pressuring me into drinking. These are just regular people.

So I want to join in social events with these people but I don't want to do social events that involve light drinking because it makes me uncomfortable.

It's sort of funny because when I used to do stuff like this I was either miserable because I was craving beer but couldn't order any more than a few because it would be socially awkward or being the only smashed one there and embarrassing the shit out of myself.

I don't miss stuff like that. I do want to engage in social gathering and fun activities with friends.
 
Yeah generic I can only imagine. Its not like people do bumps of coke or shots of heroin while out at a restaurant or social gathering. I would certainly avoid those situations as well if I had been an alcoholic. And I agree about not dropping them as friends when they drink responsibly that it certainly unrealistic unless you make your entire life AA. When I said I dropped every friend I had when I got sober, I forgot to mention that they were all serious addicts/alcoholics.

The winds changed direction, no smoke from the fire at the moment. I don't doubt that it will be another thick blanket surrounding me by tomorrow morning though. They said this morning it was only 20% "contained" - though there is a number of roads as well ad a small river between me and the flames as well as like 15 miles so nobody is too worried here yet. This drought is killer, I didn't notice it as much in the bay area but up here in nor cal its rough...
 
Cold turkeyed off Ephedrine, Caffeine, Nictone, UEI Kratom, 30mg Oxy, 2mg Etizolam, and 15 grams plain leaf kratom all taken daily, 3 days ago. Honestly I've come off way worse, with huge xanax binges in the past, but never cold turkey, and never a huge range of substances at once. I was always a benzo guy, never had this polysubstance dependence. Found out I have a son on the way, and I have 7 months to be completley detoxed, and past whatever withdrawal will be there. It's the UEI kratom and Etizolam I am worried most about, as I'm paranoid as hell about getting PAWS that last for years.

It feels so weird to be sober, I havent been completely sober since I was 11 years old. I was put on concerta that year, and it's been off to the races since. I haven't taken any time off work, but they can tell somethings up. I just tell them I've been feeling sore, and have a doctors appointment. I might lie and say I have Mono or something, so I can get a month paid break, and since I don't think my doctor would be allowed to tell them due to HIPPA.

I would take huge doses of ephedra, caffeine, and UEI kratom in the morning. I'd use plain leaf kratom all day at work, and take a huge dose of UEI kratom and the 2mg etizolam at night about an hour before bed. The oxy only started in the past month, though I think the opioid antagonist in kratom blocked a lot of the oxy, as I never got as high as I remember getting on it before, and had very little withdrawal from it, though my head feels strange, i have terrible anxiety and dysphoria, and am very agitated, and have an overall feeling of malaise.

when I was only 18 I kicked a 25mg a day xanax habit, so i know I can do this. Only for that I went to detox over a long period of months at an inpatient rehab, with my friends and families support.

This time I had to CT at home, while still working 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and no one in my family knows I've relapsed on anything. Plus, the huge multitude of substances I've had, has me feeling very mixed up in sobriety. It's not nearly as BAD as the 25mg per day xanax taper, but it is fucking strange.

I know the caffeine, nicotine, and ephedra didn't really need cut out, but my goal was to experience COMPLETE SOBRIETY. I can't do that with these substances. I havent been sober since middle school, I want to know who that person is, even if he ends up being very ugly and demented.
 
Day 11

11:22am.

Double numbers are special.
I hope everyone has a magickal day :)
 
Papaverium said:
Yeah you are right, it is good to know who your real friends are.
Anyway, I hope your depressed feelings subside. Missing someone is tough too, I know how that feels currently.
Click to expand...

In the drug world one thing I have learnt is there are no friends in the drug world. Only user's.
 
GenericName12 said:
I totally get dropping your heavy using friends. I've always thought that made sense.

But 99.9% of the population will have a beer or two with friends every now and then with no problems. They aren't going out and getting hammered. But it still makes me uncomfortable so I avoid those situations. Am I supposed to not be friends with them for that reason? No.. That would be very silly. And incredibly unrealistic. These aren't addicts who are peer pressuring me into drinking. These are just regular people.

So I want to join in social events with these people but I don't want to do social events that involve light drinking because it makes me uncomfortable.

It's sort of funny because when I used to do stuff like this I was either miserable because I was craving beer but couldn't order any more than a few because it would be socially awkward or being the only smashed one there and embarrassing the shit out of myself.

I don't miss stuff like that. I do want to engage in social gathering and fun activities with friends.
Click to expand...

I'm the same way. Most of my friends drink, or drink socially. Some are flat out alcoholics, or going to become drunks/alcoholics.

Since I've gotten sober almost 2 years ago I don't go to bars alone, or if I go with friends I don't drink alcohol I just order seltzer water or something non-alcoholic drink they can make like juice or tonic water, and I don't stay for hours or most of the night like I used to.

I do miss drinking beer, liquor, wine, or pretty much anything with alcohol in it but I don't drink since it would lead to getting drunk, which leads to binge drinking, and frequent or daily alcohol abuse.

Sometimes if I know someone's having a party or event where it's just going to be tons of drinking like a bachelor party I just don't go to it.
 
trainspotter10102 said:
In the drug world one thing I have learnt is there are no friends in the drug world. Only user's.
Click to expand...

I can agree with you, though I'm still glad to have the real friends I do actually helping me, instead of peer pressuring or turning me away. Then again, those friends don't use hard drugs they only smoke weed :/ So yeah, you have a point..... lol
 
This is so fucking hard. Ive been on opiates for 17 years. My dose dropped to 15 today. I swear i can physi cally feel my brain changing. Still have depression & anxiety but i somehow got it to lift a bit today.

There are no words for what this feels like. If i get through this i think i can legit call myself a fucking warrior.

I bought three vicodin on the street this am, came home, & flushed them down the toilet an hour later.

Fuck you opiates. You arent going to win.
 
Papaverium said:
I can agree with you, though I'm still glad to have the real friends I do actually helping me, instead of peer pressuring or turning me away. Then again, those friends don't use hard drugs they only smoke weed :/ So yeah, you have a point..... lol
Click to expand...

Yep I only have friends that smoke weed or drink here and there I don't keep in touch with anybody I was "friends" with that did heroin cause they weren't friends they were greedy users who only call when they are in need and want some help.
Your right you really learn who your friends are when you stop in with hard drugs
 
Went to see Transformers 4 tonight... It wasnt that great, but getting out made me feel so much better. Please, next time im posting in this thread about how down i am, someone come in and tell me to GO OUTSIDE.
 
20 days amphetamine free, 9 days opiate free, day three not smoking cigarettes.

Wow I forgot how bad I crave on my third day of nicotine withdrawals. From what I remember day 3 is the worst and it takes 2 weeks for the cravings to really get below the radar.

I just got to remember that no matter how much I hate the person I've been, with time I will be a person I can both love and respect. Aside from not being addicted to opiates and speed, I want that guy to have as few lung issues as possible so I can't smoke another cigarette.

Good luck to everybody struggling!
 
Great job azure! Cigs are the devil. Anytime u crave, just imagine being a middle aged man dragging an oxygen tank around, winded after a few steps, ect. No temporary nicotine boost is worth that.
 
BlueSaffron said:
Great job azure! Cigs are the devil. Anytime u crave, just imagine being a middle aged man dragging an oxygen tank around, winded after a few steps, ect. No temporary nicotine boost is worth that.
Click to expand...
At 44 I fully consider myself middle aged, lol. But I get what you're saying BlueSaffron. I hate cigarettes and the death merchants that sell tobacco to kids. If I really could not buy tobacco at ages younger than 18, I know I would not be addicted today. Motherfuckers sold me chewing tobacco and dip when I was 12, how fucked up is that?
 
88 days today, back is fucking killing me from work over the weekend. Lifting canoes and kayaks in the heat isn't very fun. Ready for semester two of grad school to get going.
 
you're so close to 90 :) I know about back pain, I had it so bad once I couldn't sleep for two days - I have a slipped disk. I don't even know how it happened, but now I basically can't lift anything heavier than 10 lbs or I'll pay for it. Hope you feel better soon.

today two different places called me for job interviews. One of them is in reception at an auto repair shop, and it's a bit of a reach, but I really want it. If you guys could send me some positive vibes I'd really appreciate it.
 
Day 12 and counting.

*sigh* my bf gets back from rehab soon, I'm nervous. lol
 
^^ I hope his return goes over as smoothly as possible for you guys. Be aware that relapse is a possibility.

Hope everyone is well tonight. I just drove a mile and a half down the road and found the wildfire creeping over the ridge towards here. Its only 2 miles away now and burning about 3000 acres so far. There is a major road and a river between us but that won't stop it entirely if it travels our dirextion . Its more parallel than towards us in how its moving currently but I fear that could change over night. I hope we don't get evacuated! The smoke will be worse then ever in the morning I'm sure of it. I'll see if I can figure out how yo post a picture on this phone tomorrow.

Otherwise I'm well. Just got done meditating. Feeling good. :)

Started experimented with lucid dream inducing, for the purpose of dream meditating. I was able to recognize when I was dreaming right away last night but could fight the urge to wake up, I'll need to practice staying in the dream I think before I practice meditation in the dream. Either way meditation has been great for my recovery thuafar! Very underrated and under practised portion of the steps IMO.
 
^ stay safe case<3

24 more =D
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