As usual, after getting clean I've started drinking again.
Can't sleep whether I drink or not, and I seem to be starving to death, so at least I'm slightly calming my mania at night and ingesting a few calories
Planning on drinking through the weekend and then stopping abruptly (likely for 2 days or weeks as usual), though I can't really see past the end of the month.
I turn another year on my life/death calendar in October (depressing), and soon we'll have more darkness than daylight, which always causes me more introspection (the last thing an under-challenged manic-depressive needs!)
Logically, I still prefer to be suicidal and sober, but tell that to my impulsive beer-buying.
I know that the conventional wisdom is that people have to get their substance abuse under control before they can sort out their other shit, but the exact opposite was true for me.
For me, getting my bipolar disorder under control changed my relationship with alcohol even though that wasn't one of my treatment goals. According to my shrink, this happens for a lot of people with bipolar disorder who abuse alcohol and I've seen enough other people mention it on addiction/recovery boards to know that my experience isn't unique. It also seems to happen more often with people who are on specific psych meds - Seroquel in particular seems to alter both the desire for alcohol and its effect.
I just wanted to throw it out there as another option which you might want to check out. For all of us, I think it's important to have as many options as possible available to us for changing our relationship to alcohol - whether our goal is complete abstinence or moderation. I only wish I'd stumbled onto the path which was right for me years ago, and that my own experience of taking a different path can help someone else.