Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3

[Lolie]

As usual, after getting clean I've started drinking again.
Can't sleep whether I drink or not, and I seem to be starving to death, so at least I'm slightly calming my mania at night and ingesting a few calories

Planning on drinking through the weekend and then stopping abruptly (likely for 2 days or weeks as usual), though I can't really see past the end of the month.

I turn another year on my life/death calendar in October (depressing), and soon we'll have more darkness than daylight, which always causes me more introspection (the last thing an under-challenged manic-depressive needs!)

Logically, I still prefer to be suicidal and sober, but tell that to my impulsive beer-buying.

I know that the conventional wisdom is that people have to get their substance abuse under control before they can sort out their other shit, but the exact opposite was true for me.

For me, getting my bipolar disorder under control changed my relationship with alcohol even though that wasn't one of my treatment goals. According to my shrink, this happens for a lot of people with bipolar disorder who abuse alcohol and I've seen enough other people mention it on addiction/recovery boards to know that my experience isn't unique. It also seems to happen more often with people who are on specific psych meds - Seroquel in particular seems to alter both the desire for alcohol and its effect.

I just wanted to throw it out there as another option which you might want to check out. For all of us, I think it's important to have as many options as possible available to us for changing our relationship to alcohol - whether our goal is complete abstinence or moderation. I only wish I'd stumbled onto the path which was right for me years ago, and that my own experience of taking a different path can help someone else.

 

[Dragynfyr]

How have I gone all these years without spotting this thread?

Hey guys.. my name is DragynFyr, and I'm a fuckin alcoholic...


I'm looking for info on whether or not lyrica would help me quit and stumbled on this thread.. I'm hoping to get on it for anxiety..

 

[paranoid android]

I know that the conventional wisdom is that people have to get their substance abuse under control before they can sort out their other shit, but the exact opposite was true for me.

For me, getting my bipolar disorder under control changed my relationship with alcohol even though that wasn't one of my treatment goals. According to my shrink, this happens for a lot of people with bipolar disorder who abuse alcohol and I've seen enough other people mention it on addiction/recovery boards to know that my experience isn't unique. It also seems to happen more often with people who are on specific psych meds - Seroquel in particular seems to alter both the desire for alcohol and its effect.

I just wanted to throw it out there as another option which you might want to check out. For all of us, I think it's important to have as many options as possible available to us for changing our relationship to alcohol - whether our goal is complete abstinence or moderation. I only wish I'd stumbled onto the path which was right for me years ago, and that my own experience of taking a different path can help someone else.

I was also a raging alcoholic up until i was 21 and then i pretty much quit though i did go on a few benders since then. But nothing like the everyday drinking i did before because i couldnt do it even if i wanted to. I have bipolar disorder and right now it's not under control mostly due to circumstances that i cannot really control. But i havent had even a drop of alcohol since around the first of august when i got drunker then i have been in about 7 years. That kinda scared me being so out of it and taking so long to recover from the benders now. It took me a good 4 days to totally get over that hangover i had and hopefully that will be my last one for good. Even the though of drinking makes me sick to be honest.

Drinking makes my bipolar much worse and often causes either mixed state mania or major depression. It does not mesh well with the psych meds and pain meds im on either so thats another deterrant.

 

[fivelinefury]

Ah well, here goes, I guess this is night 1 without a drink. Like everything else I do (to the extreme), my drinking has gotten extremely worse probably over the past month. For the first time ever from alcohol today I was getting mild closed/open eye visuals and just feel like absolute shit. I've blacked out for hours and hours the past few days from alcohol and benzos. I know its stressing alot ppl out, especially my dad, plus I get depressed over never having money, etc., so here goes nothing.

 

[Lolie]

Ah well, here goes, I guess this is night 1 without a drink. Like everything else I do (to the extreme), my drinking has gotten extremely worse probably over the past month. For the first time ever from alcohol today I was getting mild closed/open eye visuals and just feel like absolute shit. I've blacked out for hours and hours the past few days from alcohol and benzos. I know its stressing alot ppl out, especially my dad, plus I get depressed over never having money, etc., so here goes nothing.

If you've been drinking to the point of blacking out and having visuals from alcohol, it's really not a good idea to stop abruptly on your own. You've obviously got benzos available to you to reduce the risk of seizures and DTs, but it would be a good idea to get guidance from a health professional about what doses you're going to need and over what period of time.

 

[panic in paradise]

How have I gone all these years without spotting this thread?

Hey guys.. my name is DragynFyr, and I'm a fuckin alcoholic...


I'm looking for info on whether or not lyrica would help me quit and stumbled on this thread.. I'm hoping to get on it for anxiety..

i personally get massive dysphoria from lyrica, but do take multiple 100mg +,- of gabapentin to keep my nerves from screaming bloody murder when i end up in w/d from opioids, so i would bet lyrica would help.
that is what its designed for; CNS hysteria....!

 

[SilverFeniks]

Hit the liquor store (not just beer) for the first time in many months yesterday.
Had to start the day off (before work / sunrise) with a drink. Tomorrow I'm sure it will be a double.

Perhaps I can overdo it to the extent that I keep myself far more sober than during times of moderation. So far so good

 

[fivelinefury]

If you've been drinking to the point of blacking out and having visuals from alcohol, it's really not a good idea to stop abruptly on your own. You've obviously got benzos available to you to reduce the risk of seizures and DTs, but it would be a good idea to get guidance from a health professional about what doses you're going to need and over what period of time.

Yup yur right there. I'm up to about 11 months of benzo tapering atm after 6 years of daily massive use, and unfortuneatly have always enjoyed drinking, so have always mixed shitloads with each other without caring, but yeah lately i've been drinking too much to "compensate" for my now small dose of benzos

 

[fivelinefury]

Oh, and forgot, tonight is my massive 2nd night going to sleep without a drink woo haha. I know I have no hope with the 2nd AFL grand final on Saturday, and get paid tomorrow, so, yeah. Had a chat to my dad. Apparently I was acting like a complete arsehole to them at 7am after 18 hours of drinking. If anything my dad is probably too easy going with me, and would say something like "only drink a 6 pack max tonight"(btw he doesn't even drink or anything either).

 

[Dragynfyr]

i personally get massive dysphoria from lyrica, but do take multiple 100mg +,- of gabapentin to keep my nerves from screaming bloody murder when i end up in w/d from opioids, so i would bet lyrica would help.
that is what its designed for; CNS hysteria....!

A friend gave me a handful (about 5) of his 75mg pills and I thought it made it bearable, like I didn't feel good, but didn't feel like I was going to have a heart attack for a good day or so.

Please GOD let things go good at the docs today.. I hope I can raise a good case for it, it's only schedule 5, prozac n benzos are 4. It's like if they won't try off label lyrica which works excellently in a week and has minimal side effects/tolerance build up/ withdrawal , they will have to use the 'traditional' meds which all fuck you up way worse, get you addicted, and take two weeks to start doing anything.

=\ wish me luck

 

[Lolie]

Oh, and forgot, tonight is my massive 2nd night going to sleep without a drink woo haha. I know I have no hope with the 2nd AFL grand final on Saturday, and get paid tomorrow, so, yeah. Had a chat to my dad. Apparently I was acting like a complete arsehole to them at 7am after 18 hours of drinking. If anything my dad is probably too easy going with me, and would say something like "only drink a 6 pack max tonight"(btw he doesn't even drink or anything either).

Football finals can be a bitch - everyone and their dog is having a grand final BBQ and all the bottle shops have massive specials on beer.

Your dad sounds cool. Maybe you can enlist his support by being totally honest with him about how much of a problem this has become for you. If he's a non-drinker himself, he probably doesn't realise that even a six-pack could be inviting disaster at this point. Maybe you could ask him to hold your money for you so you don't binge this weekend.

And yay on the second night. You're probably going to sweat like a pig and all that tonight, but most of us alcohol abusers get that from binging anyway so at least it's familiar discomfort.

 

[blahman8000]

Last night I drank way too much. A bottle and a half of vodka. Today I've had a bit of vodka and a few beers, but it's pretty hard to sleep without enough booze in me.

It sucks ass, I knew even before I was that heavy of a drinker, that as soon as I'd turn 21 I'd have no moderation over my drinking. I just knew. I've never been good with moderation at all, with anything. When something seems enjoyable to do, I do it REALLY excessively. So even before I was a total alcoholic, it was still between being a drunk or never drinking at all. I've said before in this thread, I really wish I could just drink a few beers and be satisfied. I wish I could wake up in the morning and go the whole day without needing some booze until night time. I can't do that.

 

[Lolie]

Last night I drank way too much. A bottle and a half of vodka. Today I've had a bit of vodka and a few beers, but it's pretty hard to sleep without enough booze in me.

It sucks ass, I knew even before I was that heavy of a drinker, that as soon as I'd turn 21 I'd have no moderation over my drinking. I just knew. I've never been good with moderation at all, with anything. When something seems enjoyable to do, I do it REALLY excessively. So even before I was a total alcoholic, it was still between being a drunk or never drinking at all. I've said before in this thread, I really wish I could just drink a few beers and be satisfied. I wish I could wake up in the morning and go the whole day without needing some booze until night time. I can't do that.

Dunno how old you are now, but there's a lot of evidence that people who drink heavily during late adolescence and early adulthood can turn into social drinkers. You probably know a fair few people who spent their college years totally wasted but who are now normal social drinkers. Stanton Peele writes a lot about this.

I'm not suggesting you push the envelope on this, but I did want to let you know that it's not inevitable that you'll never be able to drink moderately - although the longer you abuse alcohol and the greater the extent to which you use it, the less chance there is of you being able to drink socially. If you're not yet behaviourally mature in other ways or able to do other things moderately, it's possible that you just haven't finished maturing yet.

It's a bitch once you become dependent on alcohol to sleep though, whether it takes a little or a lot.

 

[fivelinefury]

Football finals can be a bitch - everyone and their dog is having a grand final BBQ and all the bottle shops have massive specials on beer.

Your dad sounds cool. Maybe you can enlist his support by being totally honest with him about how much of a problem this has become for you. If he's a non-drinker himself, he probably doesn't realise that even a six-pack could be inviting disaster at this point. Maybe you could ask him to hold your money for you so you don't binge this weekend.

And yay on the second night. You're probably going to sweat like a pig and all that tonight, but most of us alcohol abusers get that from binging anyway so at least it's familiar discomfort.

Yup all very true m8. Heaps of people say my dad is "cool", along those lines haha. Think he just doesn't seem to mind at all about people having fun, and doing shit, etc., until something bad happens.

Aaaand i've had a few drinks tonight . Ah well, guess I saw it coming yesterday since I got paid today 8)

And on the footy, personally I hate both St. Kilda and Collingwood equally
but (cannot beleive I am saying this), it will be Collingwood for me again, by 38pts.

 

[voxmystic]

after my 2nd miscarriage in about a year, i sank to the bottom of the bottle. i feel defective, depressed, unworthy. now it's beer for breakfast, scotch for supper. don't fucking care. i'll be good and drunk in an hour, then i REALLY won't give a shit.

 

[fivelinefury]

^^Take care of yurself darl. I'm not feeling the best too, as I pour myself another glass of red before bed, eventhough I was gunna fucken stop. Anyway, just remember you're not alone, just as I usually have to get told that too. PM me if you want to talk m8.

 

[fivelinefury]

^^Edit: Not to mention after 2 months off ciggies, i've been back on the bastards again. Not a pack a day like before, but yeah, I know if I don't stop again soon i'll be full on back on them again. Think the smoking has been cos of stresses and more drinking lately. Anyway, on that note, i'm going outside to have a couple of smokes cos i'm a dickhead. 8)

 

[n3ophy7e]

after my 2nd miscarriage in about a year, i sank to the bottom of the bottle. i feel defective, depressed, unworthy. now it's beer for breakfast, scotch for supper. don't fucking care. i'll be good and drunk in an hour, then i REALLY won't give a shit.

vox I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you darling Please don't give up, if this baby is meant to be in your life they will come soon. But you need to make sure your body is as optimally as healthy an environment as possible. It's okay to indulge in substances for a bit, while you grieve and regain composure. But don't let the drinking become a part of you again. Once you've had your indulgence, get back on track with sobriety and be healthy, and start again *hugs*

 

[Lolie]

How's everyone doing today?

 

[SilverFeniks]

How's everyone doing today?

Feeling the WDs setting in ... wasn't expecting them, I rarely if ever experience them, but guess I lost track of how long I'd been drinking, and I've really ramped it up recently up through last night.
Enduring chills/sweats; exhausted and restless; and my stomach is hatin'

Since this isn't the Octsober thread I guess I can admit that I've got a buddy tryin to score a bag for me so I can settle back into a more preferable habit

Anything to get thru this! I know once I turn my life/death calendar next month that's it for me, I'm simply too old to keep drinking like I'm young and healthy.
I generally regret drinking as soon as I have some in me, but even the torturous 20+ hours that follow apparently don't stick with me long enough to stay sober indefinitely.

Sorry for the incoherency, having great difficulty thinking straight today

As you walk to the corner store, don't forget to ask yourself ...
How will this bottle improve my life?
Turning down a sidestreet and detouring home will leave you healthier and wealthier.