Advice on my MDMA recovery

[Maya]

^Your life would definitely return when it comes to resuming old activities and pursuing your dreams. It will change in a way that you are going to be more careful with your use and be more focused on your goals etc. Just try not to worry too much and try to live a normal life. You are quite lucky that you don't have any other symptoms compared to some of us who has had to deal with more than one symptom and still try to work or go to school. This will pass but patience is needed.

 

[Delfin]

I'm definitely trying to live a normal life, and for people who don't know about my condition, it might seem as nothing is wrong. Even though I for some reason are able to continue school and social activities, I just can't enjoy it anymore. Friday I'm having another conversation with my psychiatrist, and I think we are going for some medication. I'll keep you posted on my recovery.

 

[Maya]

^good luck Delfin! But I still say do it the natural way and just workout as much as you can. You will be in the recovered ones like some of us in no time

 

[Flaga121]

Hmmm, I suppose I didn't listen well enough in ethics, because I'm not so sure what I'm allowed to say here, but meh, I'll give it a whirl.
I'm a shrink with a specialization in Cognitive behavioral therapy. One of my clients dealt with an issue very similar to your own, I can't
give their story, but suffice to say it culminated in a very normal life falling apart due, seemingly, to a typical MDMA dose.
I'll be honest and say from speaking to my client, I'm not clear that the chemical in question was a true mdmx, but thats irrelevant.
What is relevant is that my client made a full recovery within 10 weeks, and I don't think I played much of a roll in that.
The human brain is far more resilient then most credit it for, my client has a terrible reaction to whatever they took, and it
seemed to trigger drastic reduction in psychological reward systems within the clients brain. Over the course of a little over 2 months,
they saw the issues fade, and returned to, what I would consider, 100% function. My client played college sports and continues to,
so in terms of the lethargy, I think it will fade. No two cases are alike of course, but the brains resilience is a universal truth.
With healthy life style and continued sessions (in case this was not drug related depression and to keep your thoughts organized)
things will improve.

 

[Dunno]

The OP claims in his original statement "Me and two buddies shared 250 mg of MDMA - so I did less than 100 mg. I drank a lot of alcohol as well though, and around 4 hours later, I did a very little amount of coke - not more than 50 mg."

This is not true and The OP has got himself mixed up with how much of each substance he took that night.

"Me and two buddies shared 250 mg of MDMA - so I did less than 100 mg. Less than 100mg? Wrong. We don't know what to believe in the amount you took as a half of 250 = 125mg.

"I drank a lot of alcohol as well though, and around 4 hours later, I did a very little amount of coke - not more than 50 mg."

This also was never mentioned by anyone who replied, and I think it is very important to include in the story, considering the amount of MDMA consumed was unknown as demonstrated by me, above.

a lot of Alcohol? We don't know how much the OP drank either, once again because of my calculations above. Keeping in mind with Alcohol you can have a lot but everyone has woken up the next morning feeling like crap and not recalling how much Alcohol was consumed.

Also i'd like to add, "and around 4 hours later, I did a very little amount of coke - not more than 50 mg. 4 hours or less?---not more than 50mg?
Since you were under the influence of who knows how much of these 2 different substances, I think it's quite fair to say you cannot claim it was "about 4 hours later that you did a very little amount of coke" - not more than 50mg" Again...You cannot make that judgement.

Anyway...Good luck with it all, Try doing something different, draw, write lyrics...could just be that you've associated that experience with depression and all the media ever relates "ecstasy" with is depression. Quit that negative voice out of you're head.

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

"Me and two buddies shared 250 mg of MDMA - so I did less than 100 mg. Less than 100mg? Wrong. We don't know what to believe in the amount you took as a half of 250 = 125mg.

Delfin + 2 buddies = 3 people. 250mg / 3 ≈ 80mg of MDMA.

Hmmm, I suppose I didn't listen well enough in ethics, because I'm not so sure what I'm allowed to say here, but meh, I'll give it a whirl.
I'm a shrink with a specialization in Cognitive behavioral therapy. One of my clients dealt with an issue very similar to your own, I can't
give their story, but suffice to say it culminated in a very normal life falling apart due, seemingly, to a typical MDMA dose.
I'll be honest and say from speaking to my client, I'm not clear that the chemical in question was a true mdmx, but thats irrelevant.
What is relevant is that my client made a full recovery within 10 weeks, and I don't think I played much of a roll in that.
The human brain is far more resilient then most credit it for, my client has a terrible reaction to whatever they took, and it
seemed to trigger drastic reduction in psychological reward systems within the clients brain. Over the course of a little over 2 months,
they saw the issues fade, and returned to, what I would consider, 100% function. My client played college sports and continues to,
so in terms of the lethargy, I think it will fade. No two cases are alike of course, but the brains resilience is a universal truth.
With healthy life style and continued sessions (in case this was not drug related depression and to keep your thoughts organized)
things will improve.

Thank you for this post man. Means a lot to hear from a professional who has encountered something like this.

 

[Zwanya]

This is for anyone strugglng after an mdma binge.

I used mdma for 12 years in the San Francisco and New York party scenes. I have a lot of experience with what you're describing. Here's what helped me get through what felt a lot like depressive disorder:

I am incredibly sensitive, in all ways, so the phenomenon of not being able to harness my emotions, particularly positive ones, was very traumatic for me. As folks have suggested, CBT worked wonders for me in terms of learning how to balance emotions. But sometimes I didn't even feel as though I had emotions to balance out. I just felt empty. When I felt this way, meditation became my saving grace. It allowed me to ignore everything around me, and focus on my breath and myself. As I learned to be more in touch with my own thought process, I was able to access positive and negative thoughts, and therefore, those feelings as well.

Secondly, I focused on my physical self. I began to understand just how important it was for my body to be "well" in order for my mind to follow suit. So here's what I still do for myself, for all around wellness:

Drink plenty of fluids. This seems obvious, but often we forget how vital water is to our health. Most of our body is made up of water, and a whole lot of it gets depleted when we roll. Try for 2 liters a day, for a few days. I substituted coconut water which also has great electrolytes in it as well.

Take a multivitamin. Again, just giving the body back what got depleted.

Eat whole, fresh foods. Raw fruits and vegetables are more nutritious than cooked foods, as heat sucks all of the stuff you need out of the plant or vegetable. So go for salads for to easily accomplish this one. As many leafy greens as you can handle, but all veggies and fruits, especially those that are purple, are going to be great for giving re-arming your body.

Do some gentle stretching or yoga: Our muscles ache after a night of mdma use, and paradoxically the only way we can feel better is to keep gently moving. Movement gets the blood flowing, which allows all of the nutrients you are putting back into your body get there as quickly as possible.

If you can, get in a hot tub or sauna. Or just take extra hot baths. Sweat those toxins out.

Be gentle with yourself. When you can, rest. Watch movies, read books if your head doesn't hurt to badly and be kind to your body and your mind. Watch comedies, have sex, hang out with friends who will lift your mood. Get those natural endorphins flowing.

Most of the tips I gave you seem like physical solutions. But body pain can be a reflection of our mood. Certain types of pain is psychosomatic, meaning it is dependent on the state of mind you are in. It also can work the other way--if you are good to your body, your temperment is going to reflect that. Remember, your mind is powerful, and the mind-body connection is stronger than we realize sometimes. If you can muster the strength to meditate and think positively, along with healing your body physically, things will change quickly.

Try all of the above for a few days. I promise you will at least feel slightly better. I suggest trying everything I've outlined before going for any pharmaceutical remedies. I always employed all of the strategies I outlined for you, and in a few days I felt like myself again. Remember that only you and your doctor are going to know best how to treat your symptoms.

I hope you feel more like yourself again soon.

much peace.

 

[thedawn]

i was in the london summer of love 88 rave scene.
i took MDMA pills with car brand names and smoked weed.

for me,i ended up really fucked up on other drugs.
that's the worst option.
like use an opiate for depression.

some docs are in the know.
some aren't.

love from the united states of america.

 

[cook]

Thank you for the replies Cook and Maya

So my question to you guys is; when you recover are you also recovering in the matter of energy level and general life quality - in other words, have you resumed your old life again and followed or fulfilled your dreams (career, love life, family, etc.). I ask this because my biggest worry is that my enthusiasm on life wouldn't return on the same level as it wore before even though all of my symptoms disappears, if you understand me?

also, Cook, may I ask how much MDMA you did prior to your comedown? and also if you have any experience on antidepressant while you recovered?

Sorry for the late reply,

I had lived quite fun, social but still somehow unsatisfactory life prior to this event so no, I could not return to my old patterns (even I initially tried and saw it good) but I quickly found I didnt really want to. I had an extremely stressful relationship which was eating me alive but somehow just ignored it completely, and the MDMA just then induced this defensive reaction that is called depression, but it really is a psychological reaction when things go bad and emotions become too hard to bare, so it leaves the person with this emotionless state. MDMA is used in therapy setting because it can unlock emotions and allow the person to work on them (with a therapist), but in recreational setting it can be risky and not just physically.

I have no idea what my dose was, but it was some regular dose which many people took that night without adverse effects.

I do not know why you experience this now, it may be just chemical but theres a good possibility it isnt. Im suggesting taking a look at your past life, did you have any major life events recently that stressed you, positive or negative? Because those things you should be paying attention if your condition still continues and doesnt improve.

I didnt benefit from antidepressants, tried several on their own + combinations but was disappointed. Nothing. I did not even get adverse effects, they were like sugar pills to me. Some people like me just dont react so I got little benefit, expect some antidepressants taken at night help to sleep, which was major issue for me. However I would still recommend trying them if you feel your symptoms are too hard to bare, there is a group of people that get help from them.

Is your condition still the same?

 

[Delfin]

Thank you so much for your reply Cook

So how are you doing in life now? Do you feel 100% in control again?

I havent experienced any improvements, quite the opposite actually. I started on lexapro today, and hopefully it will make a difference I will keep you updated on my progress

 

[cook]

Thank you so much for your reply Cook

So how are you doing in life now? Do you feel 100% in control again?

I havent experienced any improvements, quite the opposite actually. I started on lexapro today, and hopefully it will make a difference I will keep you updated on my progress

Sorry to hear that, but these conditions tend to take at least few months to improve so theres no need to get worried about that. I am very much in control now, the depressive symptoms resolved 100% but I have still some issues with my personality which cause some problems but I am working on them long term. These have existed throughout my life anyway, so the depression was kind of its own thing.

Some say that depressive symptoms resolve very slowly over time, one by one, but my experience was quite different. I spent around 6 months severely depressed and was convinced that it was going to be my state for the rest of my life, no doubt I had lost all hope and just wishing death but was not able to commit suicide. The initial recovery was very sudden, virtually waking up one day and feeling absolutely alive like I didnt know was even possible, and I just could not believe it that I had gotten my life and functionality back. I still remember it being the most powerful single experience of my life, but life throws stuff at you when you least expect. Sure there were some steps back afterwards, but eventually all symptoms cleared which took total of couple of years, but I was well functional during most of it so its not that bad. I was on anti-depressant (Effexor) long time but came off quite easily with little withdrawals, I know some experience major difficulties but for me it was not that bad and mostly physical symptoms.

I dont have any very good suggestions as I know that when youre depressed everything sucks and activities feel meaningless, even if you did them you get no pleasure what so ever. Eating healthy, fish oil EPA&DHA and perhaps some other supplements too. But its kind of a waiting game too, unfortunately. Medication may speed up it or it may not, but I think its worth a shot and its good that you took it as you were offered, because its clearly a disorder and not just that you feel bored about your life etc, depressed (normal emotion) which is not an indication for such medication.

If you still get much worse then just contact the doc immediately, he will have other treatments which include some very efficient ones too.

 

[Allein]

Good to hear from you Delfin.

I hope the SSRI works out for you, they can be a little rough for the first couple of weeks or so and you need to give them a good 4 weeks or more to assess the effects.

I neither pro nor anti Antidepressants, I've had mixed results which seems to be generally the case for many.

Have you sought any counseling ? I can't help but suspect that, in cases such as this MDMA has been a catalyst in triggering underlying anxiety and depression issues rather than it's chemical action causing physical 'damage' to the chemical balance in the brain. Although modern medicine seems to connect mental illness and chemical imbalance so closely we seem to often be left with the chicken and egg conundrum.

None of the above is much use to you, my advice in such situations would always be to deal with the hear and now rather than get bogged down in the past.

I few years back I managed to get a course of CBT Cognitive_behavioral_therapy I found it a really good start on being more mindful and understanding my thought patterns and aspects of my perspective etc.

 

[Delfin]

Sorry to hear that, but these conditions tend to take at least few months to improve so theres no need to get worried about that. I am very much in control now, the depressive symptoms resolved 100% but I have still some issues with my personality which cause some problems but I am working on them long term. These have existed throughout my life anyway, so the depression was kind of its own thing.

Some say that depressive symptoms resolve very slowly over time, one by one, but my experience was quite different. I spent around 6 months severely depressed and was convinced that it was going to be my state for the rest of my life, no doubt I had lost all hope and just wishing death but was not able to commit suicide. The initial recovery was very sudden, virtually waking up one day and feeling absolutely alive like I didnt know was even possible, and I just could not believe it that I had gotten my life and functionality back. I still remember it being the most powerful single experience of my life, but life throws stuff at you when you least expect. Sure there were some steps back afterwards, but eventually all symptoms cleared which took total of couple of years, but I was well functional during most of it so its not that bad. I was on anti-depressant (Effexor) long time but came off quite easily with little withdrawals, I know some experience major difficulties but for me it was not that bad and mostly physical symptoms.

I dont have any very good suggestions as I know that when youre depressed everything sucks and activities feel meaningless, even if you did them you get no pleasure what so ever. Eating healthy, fish oil EPA&DHA and perhaps some other supplements too. But its kind of a waiting game too, unfortunately. Medication may speed up it or it may not, but I think its worth a shot and its good that you took it as you were offered, because its clearly a disorder and not just that you feel bored about your life etc, depressed (normal emotion) which is not an indication for such medication.

If you still get much worse then just contact the doc immediately, he will have other treatments which include some very efficient ones too.

It's great to hear that your symptoms resolved. it kinda brings me some hope I hope your personality issues doesn't hinder you from enjoying life.

I'm actually very active, and I'm getting out of the house every single day - to university, to exercise and to hang out with friends. These activities doesn't bring me much joy, but they do have an somewhat calming effect on me. Whenever I'm on my own I'm getting really uncomfortable and restless. I have developed some really bad habits when I'm alone, like searching the internet for meaningless shit and information about my condition, for hours everyday. Prior to my comedown I could enjoy being on my own. I would read a book, watch a movie, listen to music etc. but I can't do these things now, and it's killing me!

Good to hear from you Delfin.

I hope the SSRI works out for you, they can be a little rough for the first couple of weeks or so and you need to give them a good 4 weeks or more to assess the effects.

I neither pro nor anti Antidepressants, I've had mixed results which seems to be generally the case for many.

Have you sought any counseling ? I can't help but suspect that, in cases such as this MDMA has been a catalyst in triggering underlying anxiety and depression issues rather than it's chemical action causing physical 'damage' to the chemical balance in the brain. Although modern medicine seems to connect mental illness and chemical imbalance so closely we seem to often be left with the chicken and egg conundrum.

None of the above is much use to you, my advice in such situations would always be to deal with the hear and now rather than get bogged down in the past.

I few years back I managed to get a course of CBT Cognitive_behavioral_therapy I found it a really good start on being more mindful and understanding my thought patterns and aspects of my perspective etc.

I know there are so many theories on these MDMA-comedowns, but I too believe that the MDMA have triggered something, and my symtoms are now mainly anxiety related.

I'm getting some CBT, and I'm very optimistic about this.

 

[Maya]

^Thats good that you are getting CBT. It was also suggested to me but I know some of our fellow sufferers have had successes with CBT in the past. Keep on being active and keep yourself busy. The more you dont pay attention to the symptom the more it will fade faster.

 

[Dunno]

off topic , Allein: Yes I did see my post i'm not really there at the moment. Long story as usual when isnt it a long story with me .

My post was just because I USED to be biased against mdmda...i was typing half of it in lawyers terms (for certain reasons not gonna share all my secrets, not that its a secret i just dont want people to know because it will make things even more difficult than it already is at the moment with a friend of mine)

Sacredfirstimer apologise i used to take it a lot mixed with 5,6,apb(even though u dont need those chems with mdma my tolerance was that high I did because I kept pushing the limits....that should have been a sign but it wasn't just lost in the music and other certain chems (which in my opinion it should be on the label of prescriptions DO NOT MIX WITH THESE DRUGS.

I've already called one drug place, which was government funded and ime they are a joke but surprisingly they said thanks very much for that it's always good when people call in with helpful info.
No you smart asses out there lol you know who you are i ain't writing a book lol but I do plan on informing chemists) I already knew and have read my older posts from a while ago and think, shit, the people on bluelight warned you, i refused their advice i kept pushing it , in the end mods said something like , well its obvious the op has made up his mind what can we do about it.

To the OP I understand everyone is different from a few people who kept drilling it into my head, but I was in such a bad case i am extremely lucky to be here.
I am fine, just had a few drinks because i can't access my money at the moment from from ATM's only from reception.
You're welcome to see a full 60 something page of what actually happened if you want.

You'll get through it, you will return to "normal"

you mention :I have developed some really bad habits when I'm alone, like searching the internet for meaningless shit and information about my condition, for hours everyday."

Yep!!! same thing! I was obsessed.
I probably sound like a hypocrite But don't fuck up..cos you won't even know til u wake up in hospital half asleep awake then about 5 minutes later it hits you, you don't even really think of anything when you wake up cos they pump you full of heaps of stuff then about 5 mins later you realize , oh damn I fucked up, but you don't care cos you can't move..i'll leave it at there cos I'm telling the same story that i think a lot of people know about. peace
stay safe.

 

[Delfin]

Hi dunno.

Sounds like you went through a tough time. How long did it last? and are you 100% back now?

I really need to control my internet-obsession, I really feel as it is keeping me from progressing in my recovery.
It is really difficult though, when you don't feel like watching movies and listening to music anymore. And it's not always a possibility to go out and socialize.
I would love if anybody had some suggestions (;

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

I felt like that for the first 6-8 weeks. I tried to play computer games, but I would get extremely uncomfortable and scared tbh out of nowhere about 1 hour in. Usually this was late afternoon, and where I live there hasn't been much sun for the last months.

What I did in those situations was watch youtube. I'm not the biggest youtuber, but I follow a few people, and I would watch uplifting and motivation stuff, as well as some exercise channels I follow, like crossfit. It would be soothing to me to see people be motivated and enjoy life. Watching vids that lasted 5-20 mins was great, because I wasn't able to fall down in a depressive rut as I would do watching a movie or play a game.
Just lurking facebook and chatting up people I haven't talked to for a while also seemed to help!

I also forced myself to go outside. I went walking at night around the city, it actually felt very therapeutic for me. I've felt very detached and disconnected from reality during this, and I would often imagine myself, how I was, at 5 or 10 years old. I'd get extremely sad and sort of empathetic, nostalgic about my old self and my parents. This would feel uncomfortable, as well as therapeutic. After one of these walking philosophical sessions I would always feel very calm for the rest of the evening.

 

[THeW0rm]

I second the late night walks. they definitely help me out. I think mild exercise might be more beneficial then long runs or hitting the weights super hard.
I've been getting my libido back over the course of the last week. Hopefully this continues. After that it will be this feeling of emotionlessness/no motivation and my memory which is still totally hammered

 

[Dunno]

Hi dunno.

Sounds like you went through a tough time. How long did it last? and are you 100% back now?

I really need to control my internet-obsession, I really feel as it is keeping me from progressing in my recovery.
It is really difficult though, when you don't feel like watching movies and listening to music anymore. And it's not always a possibility to go out and socialize.
I would love if anybody had some suggestions (;

Oh well, different case to yours. To be honest, I dont think i've come out of it alright at all.

At this point I have destroyed a lot of things, and atm if certain things don't improve, ....I dunno. But the improvement part isn't related to MDMA right now.

I know I can't put another foot wrong, otherwise I will be right where they have wanted me for years.

I can't fuck up. Far too much to lose. But..................Benzo's make me worse, a lot worse!

I just think of other stuff that's happened or happening and block it out, and i got no energy to do anything anyway lol, so cops don't pop you're bottles just yet .It will happen just keep them til they age a little bit longer, then crack them open.

Hi dunno.

Sounds like you went through a tough time. How long did it last? and are you 100% back now?

I really need to control my internet-obsession, I really feel as it is keeping me from progressing in my recovery.
It is really difficult though, when you don't feel like watching movies and listening to music anymore. And it's not always a possibility to go out and socialize.
I would love if anybody had some suggestions (;

It wasn't tough for me, just a wake up call, but...Have I listened to the person on the other end of the phone who called me? No.

 

[Maya]

It was very tough for me, I originally joined BL because i was looking for information on how to recover. There are some days where I would feel hopeless and though I would never recover but on the 11.5 mark I started to feel better and by one year almost 100 percent. There are still days where it would hit me but it's not as bad as it used to be. This taught me to always test your product and that I am not invincible forever.