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Addicted to the needle

rhun said:
Ugh yeah, trust me... it will be the biggest mistake of your life. It was bad enough getting physically dependent to opiates, I still remember waking up dope sick the first time.

But 9 months in, after getting clean off a pretty huge oxy habit then relapsing a month later, I started using heroin exclusively and picked up the needle. It brought my addiction to a whole new level.

I never managed even a day clean once I started shooting dope. Even being on methadone didn't stop the cravings and I failed every drug test at the clinic the entire year I was on MMT.

All methadone did was force me to use insane amounts of heroin, cocaine,and benzos. I was in a daily battle against my tolerance. Then my body just couldn't take it anymore and suddenly the fight was for my life.

And to this day I have this insane thinking that it's worth it, that all I want to do in life is be an IV drug user. But it's not. If there's anything in your life worth living for, don't start shooting dope. Because your life won't be yours anymore, I can promise you that.
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Yeah thanks i get whatya saying, i read enough on the interwebz to know that it's not a smart decision . Still, it's something i'd like to try at least once in my life (and i know for SURE it wouldn't be a "just once" kind of deal, like itnwasn't trying opiates)... i'm rdefinetely not planning to try it tho
 
^ I've personally witnessed 2 people IV heroin once or twice and never get into it. I'm ashamed to say I shot up both of them.

The first was my ex who I was with most of my active addiction. I shot him up twice, once after hitting the bars one night and once 6 month later when we were again fucked up. I had a lot of guilt around this for a long time. But he's just one of those people that can do a drug here and there and not want to do it again. As I got progressively worse he would do the same shit here and there then not feel like it for 6 months even though it was around daily.

The other person was one of my dealers who I was really close to. He smokes heroin and crystal daily and I shot up him one time because he wanted to try a speedball if I remember correctly. I think he never got into it because he was still able to get fucked up smoking and wouldn't have shot up himself. I haven't heard from him in a while though... I feel like it will happen eventually unless he gets out of the game.

But these are 2 people out if countless other addicts... And the first wasn't an addict. If you like heroin already then you're playing with fire. I met someone in rehab who'd only ever smoked and when we went on a 6 week run he insisted he wanted to IV and wore me down. He was an IV user and a straight fiend from that point forward. Robbed people, stole from his family, and just did shady shit.

Sorry this was long, guess I'm just feeling the guilt today.
 
Don't feel guilty, they're adults and made their decision! I recall one of my dealers (He only sipped lean / drank) I told him to shoot up a dilly, after 2 minutes of thinking he did it.. I was like 'why not just shoot dope?' 'I'll never do that..'
2 weeks later he's shooting mad dope. Addict turned quick.. He had all the goodies so I know he's hooked 100%. Opana 10 IR, D8's, and Grade A Hareon (No heat req!)_.. Sometimes pure glass, and caine. Those were a rarity, though..
 
Yeah I've never shot some who hadn't cept myself. Haha
Couldn't bring myself to hit any one sides my chick and she been bangin dope but is mainly clean.

Been wanting to shoot something so bad even water sound appealing, but the cocaine an ketamine have much Realer cravings
 
Yeah, I mean except for when me and my ex were drunk as fuck, they were all adults and were going to do it regardless. I really believe in HR and have taught many people to IV correctly but usually they were already IV users just fucking up lol. The first time ones just weigh on me, even if I had good reasons.
 
Any preparation for using will start to release endorphins prior to the actual use. I remember having intense rushes, almost pavlovian lol, right before crack and heroin intake. Not as much with milder drugs or any that I didn't have a tolerance to, as I didn't need it like I needed what I needed when I needed it.
 
Ugh wish I'd felt a rush or any kind of pleasure from just using the needle, even without drugs. Never experienced that. But I will say when I'd cop hella dopesick I'd instantly feel a little better as soon as I had it in my hand.
 
Yes, me too! For me …. once I had it with me, I knew I was going to be okay, and would sometimes feel more relaxed just knowing it's there.
 
When I used to cop erry mornin I'd be dope sick and it just made it worse once I got.
I'd race home like a mad man bomb the bathroom an get to bizz.

Craving it bad... smh..
Been a good run of abstinence tho
 
^ usually getting it made me feel better but only if I was just the regular amount of dopesick not really sick. Once I got past a certain level of sickness then it just sucked, I'd get these intense stomachs cramps so I'd be doubled over trying to do a shot and my veins just wouldn't pop. I'd just be so desperate to get well at that point and that's when it'd be easier to miss or fuck up.

Yeah, I've been having really bad cravings too... I feel ya. I'll have 5 months later this month, longest I've ever gone since I started.
 
rhun said:
^ usually getting it made me feel better but only if I was just the regular amount of dopesick not really sick. Once I got past a certain level of sickness then it just sucked, I'd get these intense stomachs cramps so I'd be doubled over trying to do a shot and my veins just wouldn't pop. I'd just be so desperate to get well at that point and that's when it'd be easier to miss or fuck up.

Yeah, I've been having really bad cravings too... I feel ya. I'll have 5 months later this month, longest I've ever gone since I started.
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I get extreme chills and pain in my back neck and chest from structure problems.

Congrats rhun, that's no small feet considering for me at least iTs a daily thought and craving are you enrirely sober or just from intervenous use?

Bet it's hard in the city of hyphy fuckin drugs errywhere
 
^ oh yeah, I get the all the symptoms for sure. The cramps and low blood pressure just make it damn hard to get well though.

I've been on bupe for a minute now, tapered down from 32mg. I'm at 4mg right now, though I've been lower. Yeah I'm sober from everything. And you're definitely right, I think about it at least every hour of every day and sometimes more than that.

I've been in Sac the last two months so it's been a little easier being outta the bay and not having my usual connects. But there's addicts everywhere, I know that would only keep me from using for maybe a day if I decided to pick up again.
 
rhun said:
^ oh yeah, I get the all the symptoms for sure. The cramps and low blood pressure just make it damn hard to get well though.

I've been on bupe for a minute now, tapered down from 32mg. I'm at 4mg right now, though I've been lower. Yeah I'm sober from everything. And you're definitely right, I think about it at least every hour of every day and sometimes more than that.

I've been in Sac the last two months so it's been a little easier being outta the bay and not having my usual connects. But there's addicts everywhere, I know that would only keep me from using for maybe a day if I decided to pick up again.
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Nice thats a huge jump do you plan to get off or stay on?


Sucks you can't unlearn junky once you've taught your self
 
^ I'm really not sure, tbh. I've always felt "wrong," even pre-drug use and really as early as I can remember. I first cut myself at age 10. And I always knew I'd be an addict. Anti-depressants never did shit for me other than make me feel crazy but I got hooked on opiates not because of the high but because I felt "okay" for the first time in my life. Until I picked up the needle, I was self medicating pretty successfully and I wasn't really abusing pills. I remember when I first started methadone the doctor at the clinic told me that many opiate addicts may have endorphin deficiencies naturally and that was a big "aha" moment for me because it made so much sense, once they're in your system your brain can't tell the difference the opiates and endorphins (endo-morphine). There hasn't been a lot of study in it yet but I'm hoping there will be. But at the same time, I worry I won't be functional without bupe. I'll be back where I was pre-addiction, which was essentially contemplating suicide.

Haha yeah after first smoking crystal way back when suddenly I could identify tweakers everywhere. And same after heroin and then again after becoming an IV user. I can find dope in my sleep if that's where my head is at.

Idk about you but I'll catch myself doing shit that I did in my use. Like sticking cash in my bra if it's over a certain amount or checking my arms before I go to work, or checking people out if I'm waiting for light rail in case anyone looks shady.
 
Yeah,
Once I got it in the morning … I would literally run to the closest bathroom, when I used crack… then later with heroin. The library right near the tenderloin district. I once set off the smoke alarm.

edit:
Ops! I see my comment is not in right place. I need to adjust my settings so I don't have to reply when these come in email. :)
 
rhun said:
^ I'm really not sure, tbh. I've always felt "wrong," even pre-drug use and really as early as I can remember. I first cut myself at age 10. And I always knew I'd be an addict. Anti-depressants never did shit for me other than make me feel crazy but I got hooked on opiates not because of the high but because I felt "okay" for the first time in my life. Until I picked up the needle, I was self medicating pretty successfully and I wasn't really abusing pills. I remember when I first started methadone the doctor at the clinic told me that many opiate addicts may have endorphin deficiencies naturally and that was a big "aha" moment for me because it made so much sense, once they're in your system your brain can't tell the difference the opiates and endorphins (endo-morphine). There hasn't been a lot of study in it yet but I'm hoping there will be. But at the same time, I worry I won't be functional without bupe. I'll be back where I was pre-addiction, which was essentially contemplating suicide.

Haha yeah after first smoking crystal way back when suddenly I could identify tweakers everywhere. And same after heroin and then again after becoming an IV user. I can find dope in my sleep if that's where my head is at.

Idk about you but I'll catch myself doing shit that I did in my use. Like sticking cash in my bra if it's over a certain amount or checking my arms before I go to work, or checking people out if I'm waiting for light rail in case anyone looks shady.
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That's like me they always just fit my brain so well.
It was crazy even when I sampled bupe most thought nothing of it but I could feel it stimulatin that "spot" in my brain.

I'm on my taper and plan to get off around December if I countinue my routine.
I'm a poly substance user so I still roll smoke dabble with K coke acid dmt
Sober wasn't what I was going for from my clinic I just wanted to be off of opiates and I know to keep my shit going I really can't do them again once I'm off.

Even.after.I missed one day my next days dose was so bomb body buzzin just feelin good and not soar I'm sure you all know that relief from wd feeling. Too good I'd love to get high on opiates again but sadly I don't think it can be an option.

Once iv hit the field my habit took off lik peterson an bushs but baby lol.
Before was all gravy pretty broke but gettin by and gettin high not sick


Honestly tho I'm stoked as fuck to go a do with no drugs in my system

Smoky said:
Yeah,
Once I got it in the morning … I would literally run to the closest bathroom, when I used crack… then later with heroin. The library right near the tenderloin district. I once set off the smoke alarm.
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Co fuckin caine gets you by the genitals haha
I would always wish I had gear in my car for right when I got it.
The drive home always sucks but I don't roll around with pariphanalia in the r
 
^
Cocaine (powder), didn't leave any smoke that's fer sure! And yeah, before crack and heroin, cocaine could wait a little longer to do, ha!
With crack I just couldn't wait, and heroin depended on last dose, unless it was morning.

Smart on not leaving in the car. I got pulled over 2 months ago before I quit for a left hand turn and she was looking right down at me and had all my stash right there under my ass on my seat. AFter that I never carried it!

I was lucky. A sign to quit asap! :)
 
Smoky said:
^
Cocaine (powder), didn't leave any smoke that's fer sure! And yeah, before crack and heroin, cocaine could wait a little longer to do, ha!
With crack I just couldn't wait, and heroin depended on last dose, unless it was morning.

Smart on not leaving in the car. I got pulled over 2 months ago before I quit for a left hand turn and she was looking right down at me and had all my stash right there under my ass on my seat. AFter that I never carried it!

I was lucky. A sign to quit asap! :)
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Yeah I got pulled over twice in the same night with an oz of bud a scale 3 weed cookies and a friend tossed his pipe.

Second time pulled over we ate the cookies thinking we were fucked and got sooo ripped.

Started vac sealing after that when I have to have a bit on me.
Got pulled over with 1/2 o couple hits of acid and rolls all vac sealed.
Profiling fuck walks a dog around the car for no reason and we get off scoff free told the cop he was a pos for tellin me im going to jail.
 
^
Yikes! You too - were lucky.
My friend and I carried cocaine/hash on the Eurail once down through Spain and the dogs came in sniffed our car on the train, but didn't smell it as it was up inside suitcases sealed up. I was having a panic attack sitting in my seat… not sure how they would have busted us in a foreign country… or how the jails would 'ave been there. I'm a grateful I am alive and don't have any felonies today… just bad credit.

I've tossed so many pipes. :)
 
is it weird that I IV'd meth for about 2-3 months ( probably 10-20 times a week) and have all my veins, no track marks, and no damage. i used alot of 3x antibacterial, alcohol swabs, clean rigs, applied pressure, double registered, and Vitamin E lotion. There was bruising but it all went away, i also did pretty small shots and only really got totally blitzed 5 or 6 times
I still think about registering
and the rush
it fucking kills me man
 
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