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[Captain.Heroin]

Hey Ash, welcome to Bluelight! Have you considered tapering off of amphetamine? Despite how long you have been using, there should still be a possibility you can still quit if you want to.

 

[dustin11928]

Hello, here is my story.

This is my first time on this site and I would just like to say thank you for posting this topic. I got in to heroin early this summer and have became pretty attached to it, and the thing is I am only 17 years old and not like this at all.

I live in a nice area with a family that would never even suspect me to touch marijuana. I live with my Mother and Step-Father, and he is a real ass.

I have been getting my dope from one of my biological father's best friends growing up, and I have also bought it from another dealer through a friend, I have been doing it almost everyday for the last two months (I IV mostly, and only snort when I have to). Just recently there was a big bust where I got some of my stuff through my friend, and my Father's friend just recently decided that it was wrong to sell heroin to minors, and he didn't want my Father to find out he was selling to me. So he is ignoring all my calls and won't talk to me.

It's been almost a week and I don't know what to do, I have never felt pain like this before and I had no idea what I was getting myself in to. The thing is, I don't know any dealers and most won't sell to me because of my age. The only drug I really did before heroin was just weed, DMT, and Oxycontin (sometimes). I've been crying myself to sleep (when I can), and a lot of my friends don't even want anything to do with me. I am too afraid to tell my family, and I can only hope that I can get through this.

The infomation you have posted, and some of the comments has given me a new branch of hope. Hope that I can do this, and I will. I have taken all of your recommendations and plan to fight these withdrawals. Again, I thank you.

With all of this being said however, I still will never forget this crazy ass summer. AND the truth is, even after all the pain I am going through... If I had some dope, I would still shoot that shit up just to get that feeling again...

Thanks for listening, I hope I didn't sound like a whining junkie even though I guess I am.
I just needed to get this out, because there aren't many people I can talk to about this. Thank you.

 

[Znegative]

hey dustin, I felt sort of sad reading your post. I'm 22 now and I started using heroin when I was just a little older than you (18). I know it sucks to not be able to cop, but maybe it's a good thing. When I was around your age, ANYONE would sell to me, and I looked like I was 14 years old. It was fucked up. At the time I thought it was cool, but looking bad, these people just though it was an easy way to get money (get a kid addicted). I'm sure that you don't want to tell your family about this, but if you want to stop, that might be your best shot. There are lots of programs out there that can help you detox, and you could even get on suboxone if you feel you need it. But I'm pretty sure at 17 you'll need your parents permission. If you want to ever talk you can PM me. good luck man.

 

[dustin11928]

hey dustin, I felt sort of sad reading your post. I'm 22 now and I started using heroin when I was just a little older than you (18). I know it sucks to not be able to cop, but maybe it's a good thing. When I was around your age, ANYONE would sell to me, and I looked like I was 14 years old. It was fucked up. At the time I thought it was cool, but looking bad, these people just though it was an easy way to get money (get a kid addicted). I'm sure that you don't want to tell your family about this, but if you want to stop, that might be your best shot. There are lots of programs out there that can help you detox, and you could even get on suboxone if you feel you need it. But I'm pretty sure at 17 you'll need your parents permission. If you want to ever talk you can PM me. good luck man.

Znegative, thanks for the advice and infomation.

"When I was around your age, ANYONE would sell to me, and I looked like I was 14 years old."

Funny to hear, I look about 14 as well. And I am sure there are some dealers out there that would sell to me, I just don't really know any serious hard drug dealers. The guy I was getting my stuff from wasn't really a dealer, just a junkie trying to make some cash on me. He doesn't really like to sell to anybody, he just buys.

"I'm sure that you don't want to tell your family about this, but if you want to stop, that might be your best shot."

I know that's the right thing to do, but it's too late man... I already failed at quitting, I just got off this morning (Injected Heroin), and got about 3g worth today. My Father's friend (My Dealer) finally called me back early this morning and said he would sell to me again. (He needed the extra cash) I just couldn't go on any longer, I never wanted to feel that pain again and I couldn't wait however much longer for it to stop.

"If you want to ever talk you can PM me."

Okay man will do, again I really do appreciate the reply. Thank you.

 

[qwe]

^ sorry to hear that. the longer you're in withdrawal the bigger the release is, it's hard i know

if you've only been using daily for one summer, a harsh dose of reality is you're really not going to like w/d from a longer habit. and you won't be able to quit while trying to study for school unless it's involuntary

 

[dustin11928]

^ sorry to hear that. the longer you're in withdrawal the bigger the release is, it's hard i know

if you've only been using daily for one summer, a harsh dose of reality is you're really not going to like w/d from a longer habit. and you won't be able to quit while trying to study for school unless it's involuntary

Well class starts in a month, so your right that I won't be able to quit while school is in unless I drop out. I suppose by the end of winter I can start by coming out to my parents about the situation (if they don't find out by then) and try and start these methods to quit heroin.

I'll see how the school year goes, thank you for the reply.

 

[doppelganga196]

Seriously reckon i'm becoming addicted to codeine. I've used poppy tea these last few months & this always results in alot of codeine useage when i haven't had any tea, & i'm not willing to take poppy tea on a regular basis anymore.

Ive been prescribed boxes of 100 30/500 co/codamols, but my last box ran out weeks ago, now i've been biting the bullet & buying 8/500's from the local chemists, visiting 2 at a time, & doing cwes.

This is becoming a problem & it needs to stop, trouble is i see codeine as a staple medicine to have around the house in case of bad back pain or a really bad cold.

For the last week i've done 300 mg a day, sometimes more.

 

[Tommyboy]

^ Yes, but be careful as it is rather dangerous to take recreational doses of darvocet. In fact, it is being discontinued.

 

[MagickalKat777]

Does anyone know of a place in Colorado that successfully gets people off of benzos? I don't abuse them but I am extremely addicted... 2mg of Klonopin a day keeps me somewhat "stable" but I can't really function on them anymore and I am on short term disability - my doctor increased my dose to 4mg a day and even taking 3mg, I am way too tired and I STILL panic... I'm getting to the point where I'm about to give up and go c/t and hope I don't seize...

Oh and I've been on them since 2004... highest peak was between 6 and 8.5mg a day of Xanax which is when we switched me to 3mg of Klonopin. C/t cut from Xanax to Klonopin. Don't really remember the withdrawal (thank god) but from what my family tells me it was hell... Went on for 5 days before my Klonopin levels were sufficient... Cut from 3mg to 2mg in December with no withdrawal... but I can't seem to make any cuts below that...

 

[Where Wolf?]

I posted this as a stand-alone thread in the dark side, then finally, as I'm having problems with painkillers and downs, took a look at this one (been a Bluelighter- though I mostly lurk, for 4 years, never looked before), and thought it might be a bette place for it:

So, after years of priding myself on my ability to stay unaddicted, I fucked up and began popping pills on a daily basis. For a solid month, now, I've been on opiates, with two months of near-daily use of benzos - mostly xanax, in doses from 0.5mgs to 2mgs, and sometimes nitrazepam (5- 10 mgs with less daily xanax).

In August, I was on 5-20 of hydrocodone a day, after years of recreational opiates, and hardly feeling them: in the past months, I've been through piles of dihydrocodeine 30mg tablets, bottles of Oramorph oral morphine linctus, and Mscontins, crushed to side-step the time-release. My 'stable' dose has been 120 mgs of mscontin every 24 hours, typically in two doses. It's been about 2.5 weeks at least since I had a day off opiates.

I realise - this weekend brought a moment of clarity - that I have to stop, now, or this habit could grow to destroy my whole life. I'm currently working long hours, and can't just turkey - but I'm determined to begin and maintain a reduction. Any advice on how quickly I should go with both drugs - especially from people who've been through this - would be very welcome.

I'm hoping to bring down my morphine dose to 90mgs today - amibitious, I know, but it's a very new habit - keep it there tomorrow, then jump to 60, 30 by week's end: then try a day without. Is this unrealistic? I'm running out, and really don't want to get any more - but I can't take any days off work this week (maybe Friday, at a pinch, giving me three days to jump-start turkey). I also have 3 x 25mcgs an hour Fentanyl patches - but I'm tempted to just throw them out, as I think it was using two last week that pushed me over the edge into habituation. Or could I cut these into pieces, and use tiny fragments of them to help with the reduction? Any ideas?

For the benzos: I should have some diazepam arriving tomorrow. I'm going to try to start by just switching to 20mgs a day(equivalent) of the longer-acting diazepam, then come down in 2.5mg increments every couple of days, and kick once on 2.5 mgs. Does this sound plausible? Remember, I'm only on about 1mg of xanax a day (sometimes the bar doesn't split evenly, and it can be a little more or less.)

I have a big day's work - meetings, travel, et cetera - ahead of me. This morning I took half my daily wake-up dose of Morph - 30 mgs, and about 2/3rds of a 0.5 xanax fragment: I feel a little fragile, but there are no obvious signs of w/d. I'm hoping to get through the day and night ahead with just 0.5 mgs more of xanax tonight - but will take 0.5 with me, in case I start to feel shaky.

I'm torn as to what to do about today's morphine dose. It's occured to me to just take the coating off a 60mg MScontin, and chew it slightly before swallowing, so there will still be some time-release effect, before I leave for work for a few hours, and hope that holds me till tomorrow. Any ideas as to whether this is a good/bad plan?

Thank you all in advance for any responses (including useless/dumb ones) - as people who've been through this will know, I'm in a dark and lonely place: only my gf and one friend know about this, in any detail, and it's difficult to face the world - let alone work - with a secret like this in your pocket. I'm hoping I can drop it quickly, before it becomes too much of who I am.

 

[jamesBrown]

I dont know much about how to help you with immediate problems.....but in the long run, if your not happy with you being dependant upon opiates.....get on suboxone maintanence and you can live your life without having to worry like you do.

Also, you really dont have a very big opiate habit in the first place, I would also think about simply lowering your dose and taper off sicne its not that serious of an issue yet. you may think you have a huge problem right now, but I guarantee you that on the scale of how bad an opiate addiction can be, you are very close to the bottom. Im not trying to belittle your addiction, im just warning you that you really are lucky to realize so early on that you have a problem developing.

Also, I really dont see a problem with your benzo usage.....those really are very small recreational doses of benzos. I dont think you would have any trouble stopping your use of them at all.

I hope this helped.....if not let me know how I can help you more, and I will be glad too.

 

[Where Wolf?]

I dont know much about how to help you with immediate problems.....but in the long run, if your not happy with you being dependant upon opiates.....get on suboxone maintanence and you can live your life without having to worry like you do.

Also, you really dont have a very big opiate habit in the first place, I would also think about simply lowering your dose and taper off sicne its not that serious of an issue yet. you may think you have a huge problem right now, but I guarantee you that on the scale of how bad an opiate addiction can be, you are very close to the bottom. Im not trying to belittle your addiction, im just warning you that you really are lucky to realize so early on that you have a problem developing.

Also, I really dont see a problem with your benzo usage.....those really are very small recreational doses of benzos. I dont think you would have any trouble stopping your use of them at all.

I hope this helped.....if not let me know how I can help you more, and I will be glad too.

Thanks for your post. Since Sunday, I've dropped my morphine dose rapidly, from 120mgs to 90 to 60 - to only 30mgs as this morning's dose, leaving myself wriggle room to do another 15mgs if needs be. I'm not feeling great - but if I didn't know the cause, I'd think I just had a viral and depressing cold. I don't think I'm far enough in to need subs, and I've deleted the contact details for my supplier, so 2 60mg MSTS stand between me and going Turkey. Small amounts of codeine and DHC are OTC, in the shithole country I live in, so if I need further meds, I can always switch to CWE's...but I'm going to try and kick, clean, after two more days on a stable dose of 30: two on 15, then down to 10, then nothing: that'll leave me with a tiny taste left, if it's worse than expected, and I need to get straight in a hurry.

I WISH I had some weed, but I'm broke till I get paid on Thursday, and I don't really feel up to the journey to cop. A few meetings were cancelled, allowing me to work from home for a few days - hence I've been able to go quicker, reducing, than expected.

As to the benzos - I've switched from xanax to the longer-acting valium, and for now am on an equivalent dose: I'll start reducing, slowly, at 2.5mg increments once I'm off the morphine. Then, hopefully, it's nothing for this boy but some booze and weed. Hopefully, I won't be tempted back: no way in hell can I 'use recreationally' - I could, for a long time, but those days are gone, and like the jobs in the Springsteen song, 'they ain't coming back.'

Thanks again for your post, and to anyone who may be where I am: on the verge of a habit, where you still have a choice: stop and stay stopped. Take a look at the 'you might be a junkie if...' thread in TDS, and see if that's where you want to go...

Sister Morphine and her kin can be real bitches, if not shown the proper respect.

 

[CitioKid]

Suboxone can be a miracle cure for some, but I would not suggest anyone stay on it for longer than six months. Of course you will most likely, like I did, think "wow life is so much better now, I think I'll just stay on one more year to stable things out a bit more" and soon that year has become four years.

It took me six months to get off of suboxone, and this is after I had tapered down to 1mg a day for a whole year prior, and then down to .3mg for a few months. The withdrawals, while not as intense as oxy or dope, are of a slightly different character and just make you feel an overwhelming sense of exhaustion and depression. I hadn't had one thought of using an opiate while on it, yet suddenly I was tearing my house apart looking for any crumbs that were left.

So I say use suboxone with caution. I used loperamide to taper off in the end, and that made it a hell of a lot easier, but now I'm still left, 2 months post suboxone, with lingering depression and creepy crawly skin. But I feel a hell of a lot better now than I did a month ago.

 

[rolls_]

It took me six months to get off of suboxone, and this is after I had tapered down to 1mg a day for a whole year prior, and then down to .3mg for a few months. The withdrawals, while not as intense as oxy or dope, are of a slightly different character and just make you feel an overwhelming sense of exhaustion and depression. I hadn't had one thought of using an opiate while on it, yet suddenly I was tearing my house apart looking for any crumbs that were left

I am down to 1mg daily at the moment, going to get switched to subutex and drop down to 0.4mg, have maybe 3 or 4 more 0.4s stuffed up my sleeve and jump off, if the WD is too intense I'll wait as long as possible and take half one.

What does jumping off 0.3/0.4 feel like compared to other drugs?

I've jumped off a 2kg a day poppy tea habbit before which was strong enough that 100mg of oxy did bugger all, wd lasted about 1.5 weeks then I felt a lot better.

I've got plenty of clonidine as well, do you think I should be set?

 

[Where Wolf?]

Day 2 on a mere 30mgs of oral morphine - down from 120 just 4 days ago. Valium has been a Godsend, especially because I can't get any weed till next week, and am down to smoking spore and stem.

Of course, I only had/have a baby habit - but still, the discomfort of reducing has been pointed enough for me to know I really, really don't want to get any deeper in. Cold symptoms, and the kind that bring depression with them, moments - passing ones - of suicidal thoughts appearing from nowhere. And I still have to actually kick, of course. But 30 mgs of oral morphine, given bioavailibility = 5gs of hydrocodone, more or less, or 30mgs codeine, so I'm hoping that it won't be all that bad.

But I'm lucky - I stopped wanting to use just when I crossed the line. No need for subs or the like, and needles never entered the picture.

 

[Where Wolf?]

3rd day off the morphine, taking only 5 x paramol tablets (7.5mgs dihydrocodeine, 500 apap) a day, three in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. Valium doses have gone up a little to take the strain (3 x 10mgs a day), but I'm hoping to start reducing in a couple of days.

Felt normal enough yesterday that a few drinks felt like a good idea: two bottles of wine and a heavy sleep later, I learned that hangovers in even the mildest of w/d really fucking suck. I've managed to postpone all meetings till the end of the week, and have barely left my shithole apartment in days...but I'm feeling clearer mentally, if still depressed and agoraphobic. I'd love some weed, but can't find the energy to make the hour-long journey there and back to cop.

My last 60mg MST went into the toilet: I'd never thrown drugs away before in my life, and it wasn't easy to let go...but I'd have ended up scraping up that coating and powdering the fucker, otherwise, making a relapse altogether too easy. I'm hoping that's it, for me an opiates, and to quit the dhc by the end of the week.

 

[LittlebyLittle]

about to switch from methadone to bupe, been on Methadone for 4 days...30 mg the first, 25 the second, 20, and 15. today i'm going to go into WD as deep as i can before taking the bupe.

any suggestions????

 

[CitioKid]

I am down to 1mg daily at the moment, going to get switched to subutex and drop down to 0.4mg, have maybe 3 or 4 more 0.4s stuffed up my sleeve and jump off, if the WD is too intense I'll wait as long as possible and take half one.

What does jumping off 0.3/0.4 feel like compared to other drugs?

I've jumped off a 2kg a day poppy tea habbit before which was strong enough that 100mg of oxy did bugger all, wd lasted about 1.5 weeks then I felt a lot better.

I've got plenty of clonidine as well, do you think I should be set?

Jumping off at .3mg reminded me mostly of codeine withdrawals - some restlessness but less so than WDing the more sedating opiates. Uncomfortable skin, tearing eyes and runny nose. Difficulty sleeping - but thats mostly alleviated with sleeping pills.

Beyond that it was all mental. But the mental part is bad. I suggest you go camping by yourself for a week (which I did and it was damn successful and saved me tons of money) or just leave the house every day soon after you wake up and go hiking. Being out in nature makes it much better - even if you feel weak.

Never allow yourself more than an hour inside your house during the daylight hours. When I did, I felt more depressed and did nothing but thought about the WD's and getting high.

with a good attitude, the "how the fuck do I get out of bed this morning" feeling can be mostly gone by day 12 - 16.

You can do it! It's not really that bad if you don't think it is. If you expect it to be bad, it will be.

 

[Chance1214]

Well, i just joined this tonight. and i just came upon this certain thread browsing for the past few hours, and i wasnt going to write in yet, but you all have given me well the courage just come clean with myself. the truth is, and i dont mean to offend anyone if i sound selfish or conceeded, ijust want to be able to be honest and seek help, perhaps some or any of you can help me with my problem. so the thing is (sorry if this is all choppy im actually a great writer im nervous!!) i have a lot going for me, a lot sitting right in front of me right in the palm of my hand waiting for me to just get up and ya know pull my self up by my boot straps so they say im in my young twenties and have opportunities in front of me i truly want to pursue but i cant until i clean myself up. only a few people well three, only one knowing its still going on besides my loving sidekick pooch. i started taking methylphenidate (ritalin 10mg) about four years ago my doc prescribed me i have very bad adhd it was appropriate. i also hve an anxiety disorder and depression wchih well they all go hand in hand and cause each other as 'm sure many of you know. so i'm on SSRI cymbalta 40mg, ativan 1mg when needed for anxiety (i dont abuse this), (to top it off i have migrains so i take meds for that and that damn acid reflx lol i sure some of u know how much both of those truly suck especially migraines).... back the problem at hand. it started out just taking it orally and i really only ever drank and smoked never even considered snorting anything, i get so anxious and at that point in my life my anxiety was pretty bad so just thinking about snorting something made me a nervous wreck, my roomate in college at the time well we complemeted each other in some good but well all of our negative qualities she got me to try it with her, and i loved it i got so much work done i even cleaned my room and did my laundry, this was huge for me the woman who could never concentrate on anything (not that taking it orally didnt do the same but that extra kick in the ass felt, well, really good). i started doing it just once in a while. a year later it got really bad i would do up to 100mg. a day snorting it and some how work and go to school and still have to take lorazapem to be able to come down from it so i could function the next day and go out at night, going out ended quicklly (which became the summer i finally broke down and told my longterm boyfriend at the time and best friend forthe first time-- the were there for me but for some reason it was stronger than me yes it sounds cocky for some reason its just tat it makes me feel crappy...) well i would stop for weeks take it orally or not at all and be just fine some how no with drawl some cravings a bit sleepy perhaps so yes some. i would sleep a hell of a lot more thats for sure. not concentrate as well it was obvious if i was going to quit i needed something else. but as much as i hinted around it with m therapist he just didnt get it and i just couldnt brng myself to tell him... my fear of being sent to rehab, my family for the past few years has been going through well a lot of hard ships... we would not have the money i did not make enough and they just could not handle something else coming down on them (a sibling was recently involved in a high profile case and sentenced to jail so press etc at our house the stress between our families .. well) its gotten worse. when i do it now i just get depressed and sit in bed and play solitiair or some computer games, i try to get my work done i just cant do it-- i do it more when i get depressed or stressed like somehow itll make me feel bette but i mean i know for a fact that itll make me feel like shit when i dont do it and i just take low doses orally i feel fine im happy i work i get shit done -- i give in to the stupid temptation and end up depressed. i am not doing 100mg. a day tho anymore ill do about 50mg at a time or spread out through a couple hours then a bit later take vicodin i take for pain from an injury (hockey player former now) or ativan or migraine meds u can imagine the havoc SNORTING does on my migrains-- its like im listing the reasons to quit hello!!!! to come down from it... i know i need something to keep me alert to treat my adhd for grad school im working on applications in the states and overseas (my grades boosted over a letter grade bc ofmy concentration) i just cant deal with the ritalin.... well i'm really sorry i just told you my life damn story there!! im very nervous i never did this before admited all of this so well it just all came out in a big ramble!! im not good at summing things up!! i hope i can get some advice perhpaps... thanks for hearing me out guys

 

[HdoubleODeezy]

i really don't have advice for you as i was never a stimulant abuser (always a downer type person) but i read your story and just wanna wish you luck.. im not going to get into my past addiction (opiates)im now on suboxone 3rd year off full agonists, and my current addiction (benzos) im on a klonopin taper to get off them. But i'm doing it, slowly, but still getting clean step by step.. it's hard cuz im bipolar and drugs seem like a cure all to me and to stop them takes hard work and will power.
I'm just telling you that to point out if i can do it you can too (even though our addictions are different, they are still both addictions).

So again good luck and i hope someone with stimulant experience can chime in and help you out a bit.. %)