easyeasy
You got that right. I've seen too many times people in recovery start thinking they're better than everyone else then after they relapse they realize they're no better than anyone else in recovery. Recovery is just that, RECOVERY. We didn't become addicts over night nor are we gonna eat a magic pill and get better over night. Recovery is a lifelong process. Everyone is going to fall back sometimes, but you just gotta pick yourself back up and move toward. Don't listen to anyone downing you because in the end all that matters is what you achieve not what they said. Good luck!!!
Well said, so have I. Often when you relapse you find out who your friends really are. Put another way, there are two paths to humility, as i've heard it put, humiliation or the steps. i've seen people tie too much time to there self-esteem, not how they act or treat others. After condeming others for relapsing they usually end up relapsing themselves.
The addicts with decades clean are often the most humble. Time clean has lost its ability to prop their ego. They've evolved into having better self-esteems for the people they help- the comonality between an oldtimer and newcommer is today. In NA they have a chapter recovery and relapse.
When I broke my wrist at age 11 my dad gave me a codeine for the pain. I felt wonderful despite the pain. Apocalyspe Now which we watched on HBO @ 3 am b/c I couldn't sleep from the pain still has fond memories for me. When I when I smoked real opium at age 16 made me feel sublime. At 19 i smoked tar for the first time- I feel in love all over again. I, unlike others on this thread was made differently- I don't feel trully alive without opiates- unless i'm in recovery. Thats the solution. I've been following the drought since January when I was vacationing in Hawaii on the Big Island. The people over there are tortured obsessing all day long and then getting beat for overpriced, wacked to shit garbage.
I've had days like that in the 90s, before the quality of dope improved dramatically when we would pay for way overpriced quaditos (quarter grams) of tar that would be rock hard and have a sickly sweet chemical taste but leave you broke and fiending for more. Over the years I've seen the price drop sharply and the quality improve dramatically. But the last time I did heroin is a week before my daughter was born in 07'. I was on juice, had to raise the dose to 135mg before I wasn't craving enough to chip on top- but they did a peak and trough at my old clinic and found that I was a "fast metabolizers". Anyway what was supposed to be a 6 month taper turned into being on juice for 6 years- 300/ month. My last clinic was prety customer friendly in SD- open from 5:45 am- 7:00 pm. The clinic in San Jose where I started was county- they droped my fees because at that time I didn't have a job- but they would slam the door in your face if you didn't get there by 11:00.
I can aford things like vacations- I work my ass off- but one thing I can't explain to people in the program is my bluelight addiction. Not one person I've met has heard of it. Still recovery is the only thing I've found that prevents me spending every waking hour thinking of dope. I still spend alot of time- dope for me was more than just using- it was like an art lover appreciating a work of art- learning about the artist, the context it was painted in. In the same way an extension of my addiction is obssessing about all aspects of drugs- in college I majored and got my degree in biochemistry because I was fascinated in neuropharmacology, I read about the history of drugs, geopolitics, ect... Like a baseball lover being obsessed with statistics, batting averages, ect
I'm a real addict...but anyway I have found a way to live and enjoy life without drugs otherwise, like I said i'm tortured by the obsession... like our suffering brothers and sisters in Europe. Sometimes there are people that can find dope in the hubs- London, Birmingham. In Dublin its hit and miss. Apparently oppressive Sweden is one of the few places not hit hard by the drought. Anyway, now I'm rambling.
But if the Colombians saw the profits available- the US would get potentially hit with a drought of catastrophic proportions potentially. Thats why I'm glad to be outta the game.
New York is exciting, but its spooky in one respect
Rock. In AZ, in response to increased abductions your state legislature has allowed concelead weapons without permits according to our relatives in tuscon. Here, There are cops with H&Ks and M-16 patrolling major subway stops like Penn Station, guarding tunnels, ect...its spoky seeing cops carrying that kind of weaponary in public with flack jackets and paramilitary helmets.
The other interesting thing is that New Yorkers were known for rudeness but they have been extrordinarily hospitable (we do have a 3 year old) but many people have gone out of their way to direct us though obviously tourists (one guy helped me carry my sleeping daughter in the subway down the steps, 2 lent us there metrolink card when mine was acting up.
Saw the Statue of Liberty Today, NYSE, place were Washington was inagurated, Ellis Island.
All the antipathic people live in the Bay Area it would seem. Well there I've seen a localism and geographic elitism that is worse than anti-Haloeism in Hawaii (actually alot of Aloha still in the Islands)- not much black but the tropical streets out there are full of Ice.
Gonna try to squeez in SOHO, Tribeca, East Village, and lower Eastside tonight but we tired and that may be too ambitious. Also want to hit a midnight meeting in Soho- get sanity, fellowship, and insider info on the scene- always curious.
the city is blowing my daughter's mind the energy and people- its cool as fuck- and i don't need to worry about getting dope.
