15th Issue Heroin Discussion v. Be the Death of Me

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my WDs go like this and this is generally wendsday morning after using monday night...and recently, honestly i havnt gone passed weds with out using something ot take the chills away or popping a sub. i prefer to not take a sub and just get by on a bag or 2 a day for a few days until i get high again. like i have more satisfaction being sick and curing that everyday then just popping a sub and letting it take care of its own.

- i always get this weird feeling down the center of my chest. its like an impending feeling that generally has a deep chill with it
- i will then wake up sweating my ass off and with the cold chills
- the whole time my nose will be running
-and i will sometimes be dry heaving/bile if my stomach is really empty (some times you dont eat when your focused on getting high
- i will have the bladder of a 7yr old girl and in the mornings can piss 3-4x in a 6hour span (6am-noon)..for real when im using i cant piss even though im drinking and when the WDs hit, the water thas been going in, finally come out
- someitmes my stomach is fucked up and sometimes its not..if its bad its generally really really hard rabbit poop, constipated as shit even thoiugh i tend to drink alot of water. if the WDs arent really bad or i am using everyday to take the sick off but not getting high and normally by day 2 of that my stool will actually change. sometimes in the middle of a session my stool will change, and i can even feel the differnace coming out. i will go from rock hard, hard to pass,the size smaller then golf balls to something more loose and easy to pass. except you might need to sit back down 3,4,5x after standing up and taking literally 2 steps. literally not being able to leeave the room.(i generally try to sleep these fits off) and they always happen for me either late at night or early in the morning.if im sick and im going to cop that day then i might scrape something together and try and take the sick off a little bit and if im not coppin then i definetly will bust open a few old bags ro scrape or an old bill to scrape or i got a few residue straws from smoking and thats the sick away really well

generally when copping my sickness will go away. its like some strange psychologial thing but i can literally be sic kand fgeeling like shit and its like as soon as i make the call to my guy and he says "come on", my sickness just goes away and i dont feel anything. now i know its cause my brain turns the sick off cause it knows im gonna cop and ill be fine sometime within the next hour or 2. i generally wont feel the sick again until i get home and sit down and watch tv or do something else. kind of a way of my body telling me "yo make me feel normal or imma make you shit your pants"..and ill generally take a little bit and add a couple drops of water and smoke it and really take a big rip and hold it in. and when doing this i can feel the cure like run threw my body and when i ehale i ge a nive little chill that says
hry its 75% gone, take one more" and with one more good rip, ill feel fine and can do whatever i want until im ready to use the rest or whatever

like today that happened and i totally found a neqw way to get high and thats mixing the raw i get with the regular shake bags.the firs time i tried was a few days ago and i was able to actually get high off of 3 of raw and 4bags of shake (which was less then the cost of a jab cause i had .2 of raw and 4bags left over)so today i bought agram of raw and 4bags and i only had to use 3bags and a half gram to get a proper nod. and honestly it works better then snorting the whole gram of raw or a whole jab of shake. i know this cause just 2days i tried doing just the shake caues my raw guy was not pickin up the phoen and it didnt really get my high after 10bags so i stopped and the last time i bought a full jab and snorted 80% oif it , i only nodded a little bit cause i popped dorm pill and .5 of xanax, but this new method of snorting some raw and some shake bags seems to work decent.i just wish i could use back to back days to get the full advantage of this new method but it is saving me like $50 everytime i cop though so either way thats cool.
 
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Hanf in there tommyboy,two weeks will go by soon. Try to get,a shower,i can smell you in chicago already.lol,good luck,like on taken

I lucked out and just got into that house, and they make you shower daily so it's def not me you're smelling. It's a 15 min walk to the library so I'm on BL at the library now. It's a pretty sweet deal. I have 6 months of living and eating for free so I can get a job and save for my own place. I can also get $309/month towards my rent when I'm looking for a place, but they have to be willing to sign some papers and accept checks from social services. My rent will be higher than that obviously if I'm looking for something decent, but it would be awesome to be able to pay 309 less and just make up the difference.

Things are looking up now and I should be on my own quicker than I initially thought. Once I get a job I'll be set, and it will just be a matter of how long I want to deal with living in a house with a bunch of other people and sharing a room with 1 or 2 of them before saying "fuck it" and moving into my own place. I'll probably stay for most of the 6 months, but I guess I'll see.
 
This one is good cant party like you jeebis too old

ive been doing drugs for awhile and i learned right away what my tolerances were. as long as i stay within them, given a dose buffer due to the potentiation of mixing, i mix freely.

hell, last night my cousin and were driving around smoking rock (he had it, i didnt say no, lol) while trying to cash my check to get dope/weed. noone would cash it so i had to wait until today to get anything because i have the day off.

how are all yall?

edit: just picked up half a bun and an 8th of white widow. today is going to be a good day. this dope is unreal...my guy literally picked up a fresh batch a few hours ago. i could smell it through my pocket lol
 
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I lucked out and just got into that house, and they make you shower daily so it's def not me you're smelling. It's a 15 min walk to the library so I'm on BL at the library now. It's a pretty sweet deal. I have 6 months of living and eating for free so I can get a job and save for my own place. I can also get $309/month towards my rent when I'm looking for a place, but they have to be willing to sign some papers and accept checks from social services. My rent will be higher than that obviously if I'm looking for something decent, but it would be awesome to be able to pay 309 less and just make up the difference.

Things are looking up now and I should be on my own quicker than I initially thought. Once I get a job I'll be set, and it will just be a matter of how long I want to deal with living in a house with a bunch of other people and sharing a room with 1 or 2 of them before saying "fuck it" and moving into my own place. I'll probably stay for most of the 6 months, but I guess I'll see.

Glad to hear things are starting to look semi-up. Keep on truckin' man.
 
My WDs:

I always WD at the same time of the week. Sunday night I do my last dose. I try and do smaller amounts on Saturday and Sunday so that it's not as painful. This way, I start to kinda feel that 'this isn't enough' feeling by Sunday, but I know it's for the best. But ya, Sunday night I do my last dose and try and stay up as late as possible. I then fall asleep and try and sleep as long as I physically can. I will go to sleep 12 hours after my last dose and then sleep for 12 hours. This has me waking up 24 hours in. I've always been able to sleep still this far in.

But I wake up Monday evening, 24 hours in, and the first symptom is the overwhelming depression. Everything is unappealing, life seems gray and empty. And I typically remember a bunch of dreams I've had since the WD has started. These dreams are overwhelming and leave a very negative impression on me. So I'm thinking about the dreams as I try and start my day. The WD won't be there physically yet, so I'll have something to eat and just kinda mope around the apartment.

It will happen at some point in the evening. I'll yawn really big and as I do so, I feel the tears come out. I think fuck, it's actually happening, and from this point on I cannot stop yawning, tearing up and coughing.

By the next morning, my entire body hurts. My throat feels weird when I drink, my appetite is gone. I take that painful shit that we all dread, and from that point I have little control over my bowels. Tuesday afternoon, around 36 hours in, is when it's the worst. I have chills, cannot get comfortable, my entire body has that "electricity" flowing through it, my joints are weak, and my mind is screaming for its medicine.

Tuesday night I'm up in bed all night, and if I sleep it's for 15 minutes. Wednesday comes and I tell myself that if I can make it another day, things will get better. The pain is still there, the shitting as well, fluids still flow, and my mind is going insane still with horrible thoughts. But by nighttime, so 72 hours in, I can now at least do something like listen to music on my headphones or have a phone conversation. I am no longer "completely shutting off to the world" and instead am trying to survive but reintegrate as well.

Thursday comes and a lot of the worst stuff is gone. The body electricity is gone, and I'm able to sit still better. My hands no longer shake. I am able to get some food down. I'm still shitting and I am still cold. I try and watch TV to make the hours pass. That night, 96 hours in, I am typically able to go out in public without too much pain. As Thursday night occurs, I feel a lot better. I'm almost back to my old self.

Friday comes and I'm able to see my PO and pass a test. I feel fine, the WD is over. The problem is that Friday afternoon I have no reason not to go out and get high. Start this all over again. C'est la vie...
 
@RedLeader

Dude ya go through that every single week? Man that sounds so bad to relapse like that. Why put yerself through that every week just to piss clean. Man id go sober to get completely off the dope. Then when yer completely detoxed use on weekends without havin to worry bout the withdraws.
 
^ Me too once I got past that HUMP I would be like THANK GOD.... and maybe just get high once a week after that

\

- i always get this weird feeling down the center of my chest. its like an impending feeling that generally has a deep chill with it
\

That feeling to be honest is the worst of the whole ordeal, that impending doom will all stop if you just go get a bag,
I can deal with everything that comes to the body but its that mental fuck that gets the best of us...
 
Nah, once a month.

When I had weekly tests for court, it was significantly easier to just throw in the towel and go clean. Or use once in a while on a weekend. But then it changed to every two weeks, then once a month. When you lose that accountability, things tend to spiral out of control. And ya, the idea of 'go it sober until you're off paper' makes sense rationally, but we're talking about heroin here. It's addictive, I'm addicted, the rest is history.
 
well understood just thought you where crazy hardcore
willing to to be in like w/d more than half a month
Stay strong
 
Nah, wouldn't be possible to do that every week. I wouldn't be able to string enough using days together to even go into WD.

When I was doing it every two weeks, that got a little silly. I'd use for 10 days and then detox, and that was long enough to WD. But it was still baby WD, like I could go to work and sleep and whatnot.

But ya, that's the problem with the court systems. If they really wanted us to get clean, they wouldn't make us stay in the same environment for a long time. To stay clean, you need to change the people, places and things, and not be able to score even if you want to. When nothing changes, and it's just you verses your own head, you can have 23 strong hours, but one weak one that has you on your phone and then out the door.

I'm moving 3000 miles once I get off paper. Things are going to change. Just right now it's too convenient to score. That 24th hour gets me every time.
 
^ ive been talking to my buddy who lives in california. he kinda just upped and left with his girlfriend and like didnt talk to anyone about it really, he jsut left and no one really talked to him after that for a while. but turns out his dad and brother were looking to open a resturant and he got an offer to be an assist manager at some resturant. now his fmaily is loaded and they already had a house out in cali and his dad had an office out there too for work, so he kinda had ties out there to do that. well ive been talking to him recently and he told me "me and elise broke up afgter 5 years, i got an extra bedroom that was her closet, and i live on the water..whenever you want to come, all you got to do is pay for your flight..i seriously thinking of trying to start over out there. hes now the manager at that resturant so maybe he could get me job to start off with while i look for something serious. i dont know it would take huge balls for me to just drop everyone and everything and go live out there but ive been thinking about it.

living here i feel like im in a hole and everytime i try and climb the walls to get out, they either just crumble away right away and i can go no where, or it will hold but only let me get about half way up and out. and by only getting half way, it gets really frustrating and discouraging to not even want to try and i just sit there. maybe if i can get up 3/4s of the way or i can maybe reach the top and then it crumbles, at least i get so close to want to try but the way things are right now, i dont even care to want to try. its like i got a pocketful of heroin and a tv, i dont care what anyone else is doin outside of the hole anymore.

and i would say that about analogy was more like right after thanksgiving and thinking about christmas time. but i had a good holidays and everything has been cool, but i still feel like this area is a big fuckin hole

ive been doing drugs for awhile and i learned right away what my tolerances were. as long as i stay within them, given a dose buffer due to the potentiation of mixing, i mix freely.

hell, last night my cousin and were driving around smoking rock (he had it, i didnt say no, lol) while trying to cash my check to get dope/weed. noone would cash it so i had to wait until today to get anything because i have the day off.

how are all yall?

edit: just picked up half a bun and an 8th of white widow. today is going to be a good day. this dope is unreal...my guy literally picked up a fresh batch a few hours ago. i could smell it through my pocket lol
bro i cant be one to bitch about things cause i used to ride around with a half oz of weed and a 40 in my lap and half piny of hennessy in the door but man park the car and get out if your gonna be smoking while driving. im not gonna preach about innocent bystanders cause fuck all that, its not worth the risk of getting pulled over. the cops will rape you and then take your car from you. its not worth it. leave it at home and do it there. it wouldnt be so bad if you didnt have a pipe with you cause you can hide the rock but the pipe is hard to hide...so leave that shit at home, take a fat rip right when you walk out the door and hold it until you get to the car and that will give you a nice bellringer to hold you over

^ Me too once I got past that HUMP I would be like THANK GOD.... and maybe just get high once a week after that

That feeling to be honest is the worst of the whole ordeal, that impending doom will all stop if you just go get a bag,
I can deal with everything that comes to the body but its that mental fuck that gets the best of us...
it is the most minor of the wds but youre right its the worst cause its generally the first and i know everything from here on it will just be worse..so get some money and go score sometime today or if not when you wake up tomorrow your really gonna be fucked. and if you cant score, hopefully you got some emptys and a bill and some residue from smoking that you can use that will at least hold you down and cover you tonite and tomorrow morning if needed

Nah, once a month.

When I had weekly tests for court, it was significantly easier to just throw in the towel and go clean. Or use once in a while on a weekend. But then it changed to every two weeks, then once a month. When you lose that accountability, things tend to spiral out of control. And ya, the idea of 'go it sober until you're off paper' makes sense rationally, but we're talking about heroin here. It's addictive, I'm addicted, the rest is history.

you do know subs do not show up on drug tests unless they spicifically request it and im pretty sure it costs alot of money to do it, and generally wit hthe state/county, they arent paying for the extras..at least not in illinois.
 
Chink i highly suggest you do what you're talking about man. I would of never got off H and pills if i didnt up and leave for northern cali. I left a fiance` and my car and everything and just bought a bus ticket and went.

What part of Cali?
 
^^ you should do it chinky

just pick up n move, i know its easier said theen done but ive been thinking bout it too just dont know when n where to make my move
 
you do know subs do not show up on drug tests unless they spicifically request it and im pretty sure it costs alot of money to do it, and generally wit hthe state/county, they arent paying for the extras..at least not in illinois.

15 panel, including sub. It blows.

I would take the trip to Cali. That's a chance of a lifetime right there, really. At least give it a try. If you don't like it, the h will always be waiting for you.
 
Chink i highly suggest you do what you're talking about man. I would of never got off H and pills if i didnt up and leave for northern cali. I left a fiance` and my car and everything and just bought a bus ticket and went.

What part of Cali?

the marina del rey area

and i know what you guys are talking about but like i said it just akes big balls to pack up and go. but im single at the moment and got no kids so there is nothing holding me here. its just i got a habit and moving that far from home is just scary. ive lived away from home before but i was never farther then 3hours, so iwas always able to get back home on a half tank of gas. if i move out there, imma fly and all im bringing is whats in my pockets and luggage..thats scary to have your life packed up like that and starting over 2000miles from anything familiar. its not like we are kids and moving to a different school and you are almost forcved to ineract and become friends with people, i would have 1 friend out there and thats the only thing i know. i wouldnt even know a good palce to get a burger lol

the dope im not too worried about ause i would bring subs and if all fails, ill be sick for a week but have the best weed to help.
 
like i said its easier said then done, n i understand you bein intimidated by the idea, which is what keeps me here, but you should do it man

You do know they have opiate RC they they do not check for.... just a heads up

im sure there are vendors out there but ive never come across any vendors selling opiate rcs aside from odesmethyltramadol which i heard isnt very good
 
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