I never came back to update, maybe because there wasn't much to say... I Relapsed. The crazy thing is, I hate the fuck out of opiate high which by me is really LOW, but anyways I got my girlfriend into a 120 Day inpatient program and I continued using for about a month and a half until I got myself some Suboxone 8mg strips. I originally started using as she was supposedly getting them, when that turned out to be a lie I kept using and hoping for sub's. Well, damn near a year to date and I finally got a bunch. I'm happy as shit it was either 2 jabs or bunch 'o subs and being that my GF is in rehab its perfect time to get clean as she is just too goddamn weak to say no and I'm too goddamn much in love with her to say no and I'm not saying this as a way to justify my use it just like that with anything when it comes to her.
Now, Mr.Scagnattie, being that I've never seen a real doc to get these, im on my third day (fifth day without dope) I am still uncomfortable and can't seem to get the time/dose right. I'm still lightyears ahead of what I felt like before taking any Suboxone, I just can't seem to get it right. Also, about 6-7 20$ bags of good shit a day damn near every day. Am I doing something wrong or is it just the amount I used to use and need to give the Suboxone few days to start working.
Thanks all. And please, just say NO.
Edit to add: My original post was last year 3/3/14
That was my last post and after that I decided to just stick with the sobriety at all cost...
Anyways, all was well until September '15, my mother in law committed suicide, not being able to take the loss of her son, she found him OD'd in his computer chair wit a rig stuck in his arm and the tourniquet still tied tight.
After her suicide my GF relapsed and pulled me in shortly thereafter. By December '15 I was back to doing quit a bit and then decided to leave Chicago and come back to Phoenix where my family is, for support. We came back to Phoenix in January and both kicked it again but by April first my GF got sick, her legs swell up and she wasn't earing or drinking anything... After a week of saying shit is gonna get better and it not getting but worse I still couldn't talk her into going to the hospital. On the 10th day I finally got her to agree to go see a doctor in the morning after getting some sleep. I went to check in her around 3 am an found her taking her last breath... She died in my arms and I found out from autopsy that her liver and kidneys failed due to past opiate abuse (2009-2011 pills of all kind and 2011-2016 heroin off and on).
I lost my best friend and girlfriend of eleven years, the mother of my four children who didn't deserve to lose their mom at the and get of 28, before they really got to even know her. Thank got for my parents and the fact that they have money and are willing to help even after all I put them thru, I guess they're doing it for the kids really... I relapsed after her death and am again writing this while in WDs and so much pain both physical and especially emotional. I haven't really death with her passing yet, I'm yet to go thru grieving process and it scares the shit out of me but I know I have to, I can take the only parent my kids have away from them, it's too selfish a thing to do.
I came back to say that we don't have time to get clean, we don't know how long we have so saying that were gonna do it soon or one of these days is just stupid and unreasonable to even think, every shot/dose may be the last. Stop kidding yourself, this shit is no joke, it kills, period.
If you have never tried it, thank God for it and stay far, far away. If you have, I hope you don't like it. If you're on it, please do yurself and especially your loved ones a favor and quit, like, right now!!