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Harm Reduction ⫸Should I Try HEROIN?⫷

Dont

Hey you, yeah....YOU. I know what you're going through. And I will tell you how it ends. I am a 25 year old girl and I spent the last 7 years on and off of any type of narcotics. I'm free...let me tell you how this feels. First, let me warn you.
Getting on drugs will give you the single most difficult, painful, soul-crushing experience in your life....soon or later. You've never experienced completely LOSING yourself and all form of life and hope like you will if you take for just one more day. Because one more day is just a precursor to an endless number of one more days. I know you don't believe me....I know you think you have control....I know you've heard that before....but you don't....and you won't. Because if you take for one more day thinking you can stop tomorrow....tomorrow never comes. Because why would you wake up and choose to stop taking when you could just choose to do it "one more time"....to feel good today instead of bad. You won't. Don't tell me you will.
You might find yourself 7 years later and talking to your sister about how she gets the same high, happy, "all is good in the world" feeling without any drugs, as I do with them....and not be able to for one micro-second wrap your head around that idea or remember what that was like, or if you have even experienced that before. Because in the blink of an eye....you lose control....and you forget. And you look back and all you can remember is being unhappy without drugs...we can't seem to remember any joy we actually did feel...that's because the drug will refrain to give you any reason to let go of it.
So here I was....7 years later....after endless nights of crying and asking God to help me stop...but waking up the next day to choose to take something because why wouldn't you choose happiness if it came in an easy to take form? You would. And then it wears off and at night you find yourself crying and feeling the weighted blanket of shame covering your eyes all over again. But you live to quit another day. Tomorrow? Keep telling yourself that.

After talking with my sister about her joy and me not being able to fathom feeling it without drugs....I came to the end....I decided that I will never stop if I don't just do it NOW and choose to never look back. Am I ready? No. We will never be ready.
I needed to remember how that felt....it really was possible to feel joy and happiness like I do now without habitually taking something right before? I don't get it and it made my brain hurt and my heart ache that I couldn't grasp this. I really am not normal anymore.

So I stopped. Cold turkey.
I just decided that I am going to suffer....because if I don't feel the pain I need to feel from 7 years of drug use than I will never be terrified enough of returning. So I did...I didn't occupy my mind with other things to get it off of the withdrawals, no....I took it all in. Every restless leg jerk at 4am, every anxiety-ridden thought, every tear. And I just prepared myself for the worst....and somehow....that made it easier....
But cut to 6 days later. In the past withdrawals took about 3 days and on the third day it was either the worst and gone the next day or already gone completely. I think it's because in my mind I always had that blanket of drugs to run back to because I never fully committed myself to stopping for good.
But not this time....it's day 6 and for the past few days I gradually began feeling nothing.....just....nothing. And by nothing you're probably thinking...that doesn't sound all that bad. We hear in songs all of the time about feeling nothing and it somehow sounds attractive almost. But no...it's not. It's not at all what you imagine it to be like.
Imagine opening up your eyes in the morning to a feeling of complete apathy towards life. You have absolutely no desire and no motivation to get up. You look out of your window and all you can see is death...decay...surrounding and in everything. You feel no life. Nothing. Nothing except this hollow, empty, hungry feeling in your chest and gut that is driving you to the point of insanity.
Insanity? No....that's not actually all that attractive either.
I had NO idea who I was anymore...I didn't just feel nothing....I WAS nothing. There was not an ounce of life or juice or anything inside of me worth going on and worth fighting for. Why did I fight? I had no other choice. I decided drugs were not an option. And honestly....at this point....the only desire stronger than the idea of taking something to make this all go away....was the desire to just die.
And stop fighting.
But I just decided that wasn't an option either.
So on day 6....I lost all hope. I thought that I lost all hope on day 4.....but day 6 was a reminder that I did have a shred of hope still hiding in me somewhere on day 4. Now I have found out what it's like to ACTUALLY lose all hope.
Withdrawals are lasting too long this time and not even a shred of happiness has entered my lifeless being in the past 6 days. My brain just stopped producing ANY good chemicals. The brain heals right? Well when the spirit is broken....you'll start to lose faith in that too.
I just accepted that this was it for me. I am probably going to feel this for the rest of my life. And it's not that I'm okay with it....but I guess I just developed this coping mechanism in the past 6 days of suffering.... that was that, I accept this. I hate it. I hate me. But I'll go on. I gave myself no other choices.
I went to bed on day 6 feeling COMPLETE hopelessness.....really and truly weighing the idea that is it worth living anymore.....I had absolutely no idea that I would wake up the next morning and feel that first BURST of joy inside of my chest. It was more powerful and satisfying than I ever imagined it to be. I began waking up each day....deciding to get up and take a bath, get dressed, do whatever....simply because the idea of doing that made me feel good. I never ever imagined that I would feel this way or get to know what this feels like again after completely losing myself to drugs. But I did.
I truly believe that sometimes with withdrawals we need to hit COMPLETE rock bottom before there's no where else to go but up. So if you are feeling absolutely hopeless and like "will this ever end if so....when".....well, if you're as far down as you can possibly go, than probably tomorrow.
But you have to hit that.
The worse that you feel, the closer you are. And just know...you won't encounter anything that you really can't handle. We as humans developed a way of coping with anything. You will survive. So lose hope. But at the same time...don't.
Don't listen to anybody's stories online about how it took them weeks or months to recover....
It's all about how quickly you hit that rock bottom. So that you can fly again. And you might not be able to remember what that feels like....but you will. And just in time. Not a second too late.
It's worth it.
 
All efforts to get out of rock bottom and survive is definitely worth it.
It's a difficult process but it's good when you can see yourself from the other side.
Keep up!
 
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I don't think she meant heroin/pain killer addiction is worth it. I think she means that, for those who are already addicted, the struggle of getting clean is worth it.

She talks about having to hit rock bottom but she doesn't use the term in the traditional sense. She uses it to say that the withdrawals will have to get worse before they get better. The absolute worst point of withdrawals is what she refers to as 'rock bottom'. She is saying it is worth it to struggle through this point because once you do it gets better from that point on.
 
^ Yes, indeed. The struggle is definitely worth it.
And so rewarding despite of some blue days you may face ahead, the key is always be honest about our situation.
 
When I first started heroin is when I decided to take guitar seriously, pick up a strat and a tele, some pedals, and start writing hardcore music. I was writing chord progressions and fills riffs and lyrics in a notepad with song titles for a while but that only lasted a few months, then I lost interest in guitar for about a year as my habit caught up with me and all I cared about was not being sick and trying to feel normal for a few hours. That talent is still with me - moreso than ever, as suffering breeds creativity - but withdrawal prevents me from playing too much anymore. I used to practice at least 4 hours a day and it's just not like that anymore. It wasn't worth it because I wish I was healthy enough to still practice seriously. Lately I've just been trying to say FUCK THIS and get out of bed, but it's tough, man is it tough. I'm choosing the cold turkey route over tapering this time because any amount of any opiate gets in my system and I'm an addict at this point. I cannot handle anything stronger than percocet to treat my severe back pain, yet I curse that I am prescribed them, because all I want is something to sniff.

It is the most depressing thing I have ever experienced. It literally slowly steals your soul until your a tortured zombie feeling like you are being burnt alive and wondering how the fuck you got here. For me, it took 18 months, I was in my early/mid 20's and I know a thing or two about addiction already, so just because it's "under control" after 6 months or even a year doesn't mean shit.

Eventually you might finding yourself fucking suicidal, bedridden like an old man for TEN DAYS until you even begin to see the light of day at all. And then, you do it all over again.

It is the most miserable thing I have ever experienced in my life. I should have stuck to the low dose oxy's for my pain... but I have an addictive personality. Recreational use? LOL. Whoever is thinking of that needs a slap in the face. I was tortured with physical and mental health problems, had already ruined my life, and it was heroin or suicide. If you are normal and healthy, I just don't understand that. Why not stay that way.

In the world of drugs, if you keep off heroin you are pretty much good in my opinion. The high is magic, I have experienced constructive telepathy with it. As in, I have controlled the reality around me with euphoric, positive thinking to the point that really weird shit happens, like I'm randomly given 3 grand from taxes 2 years ago on the day I relapsed. It's powerful black magic, moreso than any psychedelic. DON'T FUCK WITH IT.

I read this thread through several years ago, and I still did. Most people coming here have made up there minds. There is one thing I can promise. It might take a month, it might take a year, it might take 5 years, but YOU WILL SUFFER.

Just keep in mind NONE OF US WANTED THIS. HOW ARE YOU ANY FUCKING DIFFERENT. GET YOUR EGO IN CHECK. THIS SHIT IS FUCKING WITH THE DEVIL INCARNATE. It is NOT like prescription meds AT ALL. Those never fucked me up too bad when I popped oxy and sniffed the odd dilly. This is like having a bag of dilly 8's for 100 bucks with a way more powerful, occult high to it. It's INSANE to use it.

But then again, I read this thread when I was taking half-percocets to get high several years ago (2.5mg oxy, lol, I can barely catch a buzz of 80mg now) and I still tried it. I remember feeling shocked that people were actually using OC 80's and I was like, my tolerance is just too low for that. But god damn it rises quick and it's sneaky too. I didn't even REALIZE it, 18 months later I just woke up dopesick. I spent a week in bed watching movies, with no priorities, barely managed to get through it, then sniffed 20mg oxy. Then I went on to do more heroin. Withdrawal is not so easy as laying in bed rather comfortably for a week anymore. I have to suffer beyond most of you non-users have ever experienced. I just hope I never go back. You can never truly trust yourself again, and it's when relapses happen that overdoses are very likely (and with new users) because tolerance to respiratory depression happens fast with daily use.

I feel like a frail old man now, and I had chronic spinal pain before this. Excruciating, agonizing, 24/7 chronic pain in my fucking spine. The type that makes it tough to stand up for a 6 hour concert for your favourite band, making you wish you could stay hope so you didn't have to suffer. This is WAY the fuck worse than that. If I quit, I might not even have the pain anymore, most of my withdrawal symptoms are different types of pain.

Man, I am in tears right now because of this fucking withdrawal and I am tough as fuck. It's unbearable. I think of slitting my wrists to escape it. If you think you're stronger than me by all means go ahead and tempt fate.
 
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You are strong! You can do this. It's difficult I know. It crushes our soul, mind, body. We feel worthless at times. But there's a giant inside all of us. You are just about to find yours. If I did, you certainly can.
Good luck!
 
I'm a big believer that people have the right to put whatever substances they want into their body and the government has no right to get into peoples personal buisness of what they do. Sadly nature has this nasty way of making you suffer for feeling good(High vs Withdrawal).

In a progressive society, where addiction is treated as a medical issue, like Switzerland, heroin addiction is actually very manageable and no different than someone needing to take insulin. Rather it is the prohibitive nature, federal law, black market, finances, and the demonization of addicts that is what is truly dangerous. Heroin is very cheap in a legalized setting is extremely cheap and a million times cheaper than incarceration and black market costs and damages. Because it is illegal the price skyrockets, which dealers take advantage of, which is the impetemus of crime.

Addicts need medical support like Heroin maintenance, along with methadone. In fact I believe people like Seyymore Hoffman and Cobain would still be alive today if that was so. Rather they were vilified, which partly is what led to cobains suicide.By keeping these drugs illegal, and forcing people to turn to an illegal market, we are causing more harm than the drugs themselves. Imagine every time you wanted to have a drink, you had to go to an unknown source, and every now and then, you got alcohol that contains paint remover. It would burn your esophagus and you’d need to be hospitalized. It seems crazy and makes no sense. But we’ve tolerated that with drugs like heroin.

All the chatters about the "evils of heroin" is just backwards western conservative propaganda. And until we reach a more progressive stance it will never change. Prohibition is what causes the deaths, jail, financial loses and damage to society. Whereas if heroin were legal, it would be sold just like alcohol or tobacco or any other personal "vice" that has been legalized. There have been numerous heroin maintenance trials in more developed western countries like Denmark, Netherlands, Swizlerland that are less ignorant than the US. Addicts have been able to get jobs and live normal lives since the programs begun. Crime and AIDS was drastically reduced.

So no, I;m not going to give the typical conservative anti-drug response that heroin is bad is a moral failure of the person and they should be punished by the law and addicts are given these demeaning 'interventions' that have no understanding of the science of addiction. As it is that exact same ignorant mentality that is killing people and making illicit addiction worse.. There is no academic debate about the value of prescribed heroin. It’s really a political and ideological debate rooted in an archaic system of drug and law control. That in turn creates stigmatizing and discriminating. The system of control and punishment is the worst policy
 
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Heroin makes people feel too well to simply forget about it. That's the problem, and once you have a problem with heroin you'll have a problem with life. Whether you are in Canada, Sweden or in Swiss, your life will suck and you'll probably have a difficult time to live without opiates. It's not about prohibition it's about quitting the propaganda game imho.
 
Life in general sucks, with or without drugs. Drugs give a temporary relief from the shitty woes of life. So either way life is going to suck regardless, unless your some millionaire or billionaire who can live the life he wants to live.
 
Of course, but if we are talking about heroin this gets much more complicated. I am pretty sure you know that.

My life was deeply affected by strong opiates. I did raise a family, have had great jobs, I could even say that methadone was the solution for all of my problems for so many years when I no longer was assisted by Government programs.

I had your arguments for a long time but at the end it comes to sadness, and a strong and day to day fight simply to keep myself sober and growing up. It would have been exponentially better and easier if I wasn't introcedd to H. Unfortonately I have had to grow old to get that. I am also speaking for others who lived long enough to understand that at some point in life you will realize you can't go on with heroin or opiates for an entire life without having missed so much of its essence. And the price one pays for being free and in constant search of happiness is really high but it is worthwhile.

From my perspective it's basically impossible to have the same results if you start your life by experimenting or being engaged to something that will jeopardize most of your future dreams. I see so many of us suffering in here, enough to say that if you could go back and make a different choice things would have been easier. The point here is when you get the chance to decide that beforehand.
 
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I agree heroin makes things much more complicated. But I believe each and everyone has their own tolerance to pain(physical and mental). When pain exceeds our breaking points is when drugs usually enter the mix. This can be sparked by losing a job, divorce, financial problems, insecurity, depression, anxiety, pain. Some say addiction is genetic, I believe partly so as everyones coping mechanisms are different. Someone inclined to use drugs as escape does not have the coping mechanism as say, an army veteran or a policeman, and I really do believe these coping mechanisms are ingrained in our genes and psyche. Thus I believe this is a medical and scientific issue, not a criminal or a moral failure as it is viewed. Heroin is simply a form of a coping mechanism to soften the hard shitty parts of life. Before Heroin was illegal, many great minds used it, and without any shame. Many lived normal lives. When the Harrison Narcotics Act came, a whole new propaganda of demonization came along with it. Rather than just a personal vice that should be someones own choice if they want, like cigs, it turned into a political war with a politically structured propaganda system that was intended to demonize and berate usage. In my opinion, this is what makes the lives of people addicted to opioids hell much worse than the drugs themselves. The "Drug War" doctrine became ingrained into our western society, with DARE programs in schools that taught drug use was a moral failure and these people deserve no respect. It was taught very early in the middle schools to ingrain this backwards mentality right from the beginning. The point is that can be done with ANYTHING, if they wanted to do it with alcohol, alcohololics right now would be demonized the same way as H users, even though pure H is much safer than alcohol.As I said in the past, Heroin is a very manageable addiction when it is administered in a medical setting and addicts are taken care of medically and not demonized. It is not neurotoxic like meth and the only drug damage it does, when it is pure, is a little constipation and drowsiness. Since it is medically administered there are no worries of OD, infection, HIV, HEP C, and black market crime. In fact would say H is probably one of the most manageable addictions as long as there is medical help to provide. Addiction to cigs can cause cancer, alcohol ruins the body, stimulants ruins the cardiovascular system and brain. These are much more harmful to the body long term. But since they are not demonized as much as H(with the exception of coke and meth), they are safe to use because users are not thrown into the horrible world of the black market and facist law intervention. If cigs were treated the same way as heroin, you would see the exact same problems with cigs. People stealing to support a nicotine habit, people worrying when their next nicotine fix would be since its only sold in the black market, the black market inflation of cig prices.

I've been addicted to opioids since 1995, and I've been on methadone since 2003. And I can honestly say I have made myself suffer. My aunt was addicted to cigs for 15 years and died of lung cancer. I have 2 uncles who died of cirrocis of the liver due to alcohol. Both socially accepted chemicals. My last check up I had, my health was in good condition, no issues with my lungs, heart or liver.According to "acceptable society" my aunt and uncle had 'acceptable addictions', yet they are both dead, and I, with the unacceptable one, is still alive and with no damage to my body.

I can say with 100% certainty it is the political archaical system that makes heroin so dangerous and complicated, not the drug itself. All you have to do is look at how the maintinence systems in Swizerland brought normallacy to their lives. Black market crime and the inability to provide proper medical treatment for users because of social stigma. Luckily parts of Northern Europe are seeing light, and hopefully the US can get their heads out of the sand. And its sad to see such an inexpensive needed treatment be not provided due to social political stigmas rather than concern for the lives of people instead.
 
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There is so much stigma and degradation, that you cannot typically even have access to opiates if you have debilitating, crippling, bedridden, mental illness inducing chronic pain that will eliminate you from the workforce. Physical disability sucks much, much worse than heroin addiction in my experience and if it was legal, I'd sign myself up on day 1. I'd have a better quality of lide because I wouldn't benin fucking agony all the time, I would have normal finances, and I would have the job of my dreams that my techincal degree entails.

instead, we have then"fentanyl crisis" and I have barely left my place in 6 months... and I am not even mentioning the regular addicts. This has fucked people who live with chronic physical agony anyways and who want and benefit from the drugs addicted or not. I personally think it's fucking retarded that it isn't legal, amd eventually this idiotic mistake will be hopefully corrected. It needs to be legal for any addict. You shouldnt have to blow all your veins out and lose everything before you qualify.

yes it sucks. Chronic, excruciating physical agony and other health problems are even worse. Plus, there is the whole freedom thing. Who the fucks else business is it.
 
I love opiates to me no other type of drug even compares. I've had codeine (orally), hydromorphone (orally, IM and IV), hydrocodone (orally and IV), morphine (IM and IV), fentanyl (IV), Demerol (IV), tramadol (orally and snorted) and oxycodone (orally). I had a mild addiction in the past but only use a couple times a month recreationally now and no longer mess with needles at all anymore. I've heard no other opiate can even compare to the feeling of H and I've been a bit curious about trying it. Now I know IV or even smoked or snorted would be an instant problem so I'd never even consider them. I was wondering if it's that much more addictive than other opiates if taken orally? Like would I have a problem just using it a couple times a month like I do with other opiates? Sorry I know this question is probably stupid but i was just curious.
 
CousinCocaine said:
I love opiates to me no other type of drug even compares. I've had codeine (orally), hydromorphone (orally, IM and IV), hydrocodone (orally and IV), morphine (IM and IV), fentanyl (IV), Demerol (IV), tramadol (orally and snorted) and oxycodone (orally). I had a mild addiction in the past but only use a couple times a month recreationally now and no longer mess with needles at all anymore. I've heard no other opiate can even compare to the feeling of H and I've been a bit curious about trying it. Now I know IV or even smoked or snorted would be an instant problem so I'd never even consider them. I was wondering if it's that much more addictive than other opiates if taken orally? Like would I have a problem just using it a couple times a month like I do with other opiates? Sorry I know this question is probably stupid but i was just curious.
Click to expand...
I have heard people on BL say that fentanyl, which is stronger, is not as pleasurable, just more sedating than H.
 
Fentanyl has the best nod of any I listed but Demerol has some insane euphoria and really trippy effects, so I honestly like it best. I use oxycodone the most nowadays though.
 
Sorry guys. I'm new and cannot figure out how to make my own post. I realize this is not the right place.
It says I need to add a "prefix" but I'm not sure what it means or something see an option for that.
What an incredible doing wrong?
 
CfZrx said:
I have heard people on BL say that fentanyl, which is stronger, is not as pleasurable, just more sedating than H.
Click to expand...


For me, when I was using, and had lower tolerance, I always found methadone to be the most euphoric for some reason.
 
No. To be blunt. I should have stayed away from opiates all together. But my path started out like a whole lot of other heroin addicts.

Started with sniffing pills, then sniffing heroin, then iv heroin

I can at least say that I put off iv use for a long time knowing that I would like it too much
 
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