i believe most bad trips spiral out of control because you instinctively say "NO" to a bad thought. unfortunately because you are tripping hard, the thought of "NO" brings to mind an even worse "NO" image, which you reject with another "NO"... if you get a 'bad thought' try to just chant a confirming mantra. "YES" is a wonderful word, or you can make up your own. only when you learn to accept the images that your own brain puts together, will you be in for a fully immersive experience.
^ I agree. I think that the negative ideation you experienced during your "bad" trips were just magnifications of some psychological issues that you haven't really worked through in sober life.
We all engage in ways of thinking that we've developed as defenses against experiences in life, for instance psychological or physical abuse, that we weren't able to change or address with action because we were too young/powerless to be able to do so.
My first few LSD trips were magnificent. My perception of the external world became richer and I loved it. It was like re-reading a book that I'd read as a young kid, but that I wasn't able to understand fully. When I re-read it as someone with a little more life experience, I was able to enjoy all of these new and complex thoughts.
The next couple of trips, on LSD and mushrooms respectively, were challenging because I became consumed with thoughts about how much I loathed both myself and most of my actions.
It was difficult at the time, but because I became aware of these thought patterns, I was able to figure out where they came from and why I was using them as a defense against rejection/criticism that I'd experienced daily through physical and verbal abuse.
I took a break from psychedelics for a while and started meditating for the first time in my life. I also started therapy and learned some Cognitive Behavior techniques to help me to both deal with them and even use them in a productive way.
Meditation helped me to accept those thoughts for what they were and to just let them float through my awareness without freaking out and saying "NO!" to all of them, like greenmeanies said. I think it's natural to hate and reject thoughts that you think are "wrong", or that scare you or make you angry. But everyone has those thoughts and they're just one part of you, not the expression of your entire being.
Understanding and dealing with destructive negative thoughts isn't an easy process and I've continued to practice meditation. I've gone through lazy periods when I stopped meditating but I really try to keep practicing and it's helped me immensely in my struggles with depression.
Also, after I took my break from psychedelics, I was able to trip again and really enjoy it. Every trip wasn't easy, but I had the tools to accept the negative parts of the trip and usually that allowed me to move through them and enjoy the rest of the trips.
tl;dr. Try meditation to learn to accept the negative thoughts that made your trips "bad." And examine the negative thoughts to figure out where they're coming from so that you can address the source of the thoughts.
Maybe read a book on meditation and a book on Buddhist thought like Pema Chodron's
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.
And, as others have suggested, some
good MDMA might be a good choice for a next trip. Or clean LSD. If you can't find clean MDMA, please don't take it. Taking bad pills could really hinder your progress.
No matter what psychedelic you choose for your next trip, try a smaller dose. Sometimes my friends would tease me (in a very light-hearted, good-spirited way) about taking, say, half the dose that they were ingesting. But I never regretted it.
