As far as masturbating to deal with your alcoholism, here's a suggestion, take it for what its worth:
Obtain a vehicle, find a nice scenic sparsely traveled hwy. Put on the cruise control, carefully undress, and then fantasize and masturbate. You might want to get your sperm clean and foamy with no naaasty smell. You can do it either way but some people reeally like the taster of clear foamy sperm. Once your done you can clean up and get dressed at your leisure. Better yet, pull the car over (this takes some preparation, planning, and common sense) and very casually take a nude stroll in whatever countryside your are in (there are nudists everywhere), take a smoke, snog, or bump. Enjoy and examine the soil, rocks, insects, plants, or wildlife. Rub your juices all over your face, mouth, nose, hair, chest, stomach, arms, back, groin, hips, legs, asshole, and your feet and toes.
When you are completely done (you need to get over you're body shaming, man), then proceed to casually stroll back to your car, walk slowly, unconsciously.
Maybe do a little yoga or stretching of your groin, back and limbs. Let your gut loosen in over you nuts (its going to feel like a hernia), clench your teeth and groan like YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN.
Then get cleaned up however much you see fit for the ride home (taking into consideration who uses the car). Or just get dressed and cleaned up piecemeal on the drive home.
Gently put back on whatever clothing you're comfortable with.
Snaf, if you can't to this alone, you are going to continue to have problems with alcohol related anxiety and depression (frankly, you drink too much, you need to mix it with some more YOU). And if you can't do this alone and enjoy you, your body, YOUR genetalia, and YOUR body, then you have no hope of making it with a WOMAN the way YOU WANT and the way SHE NEEDS YOU TO.
I'm out of cell phone screen here Snaf.
IMO