absolute crap, no purpose, a waste of skin, space and oxygen, a punishment, horrible, horror, hellish, are some of the things i think of when i pause to hear my thoughts.
I relate to that, my intrusive suicidal thoughts are coming up again. My internal narrative is a fucking shitshow, continuous stream of bullshit telling me I'm not good enough, stupid, lazy etc etc and at the moment then when that stops I'm just overflowing with anxiety.
I need to start making decisions and doing behaviours that will protect and support my mental state, i.e. being open and communicative and ready to be vulnerable, but not so much as to invite the possibility of things that could be overwhelming.
I feel like shit today and it's in large part due to my poor decision making.