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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

may i post this. having a lovely day.
WmFGI3p.jpg
 
Hylight said:
Wow, are you able to Express this too him ? ! Does he listen ?! Maybe he doesn't even realize that he is like that ?!
That would be even more horrible if he really was a narcissist.
However, I really am sorry.
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Yes, multiple times and in so many ways. He has even admitted to reading my journals in which I wrote all about those kinds of things, for a while it was the majority of what I wrote about. Honestly at this point I think my siblings think I'm foolish and the one being the problem because they have distanced themselves to only brief superficial visits on holidays. When I was in rehab, he didn't show to the family meeting and when we rescheduled for just me him and my counselor, he showed up late, drunk, ordered beer, and talked non stop about himself, how great he is at work and how everyone loves him at work. To the point no one else could get a word in. When confronted about this months later, he defends, denies, and justifies. He's socked me in the face multiple times because I pulled him off my brother, who he was punching in the face as well. The next day was the closest he's really come to apologizing, which was cut short by him acussing me of attacking him and warning to never touch him again.


Writing this out really makes me feel so foolish for not completely cutting ties like I had planned after all this right out of highshool- which I did for a few years. Then I started feeling guilty, like I overreacted- and I probably did at times, but the thing I've realized now is that until he is at least willing to admit his own mistakes and apologizes, it's silly to try. I've given him far too many years and far too much power, when I should have been living my life and working on myself.
 
So I just called the fuckers who were supposed to call me last week for the appointment I had, noone did, imagine my fucking anxiety, been taking benzo's on and off all week. I'm literally bursting at the fucking seems, kinda shaking uncontrollably now. I have been denied psychiatry, why? Because autism. Ok, makes perfect sense.

So I've been waiting for nothing for over 2 months, Great fucking christmas present. I'm about to grab my aluminium pole and air my grievances at the doctors office for a wrong fucking referral, cannabis addiction and autism apparently. I thought I made it clear that it was a bit more than that, but what the fuck ever. New referral means at least 2 more months, I don't know if I can deal waiting on something that's going to be some bullshit anyways.

Merry christmas!
 
my father asked me to build an organization he's part of a website. i told him that's overkill, there won't be anyone to maintain it, and there are better platforms to address their needs. he said it needed to be a website. so i built it, even though that's not really what i do. over a year ago. they've never used it. they don't know how. tonight i have yet another conference call trying to show a new batch of unqualified individuals how to use it. thing is, i barely know how to use it. certainly don't know how to teach it. there's no way to convince them that wordpress is not something you learn over a conference call. i said that before the project even started. i owe my dad a lot, so, when he couldn't be dissuaded, what could i do. i want this project to be over. it causing me so much stress and guilt. it's not going to work but i have to keep on trying because the alternative is letting my father down. dumbest part is he think it's him doing me a favor. like he got me a gig or something.
 
have you told him, explicitly, he's not doing you a favor, hydro? I understand some egos are just too high to the summit but language and tone and the manipulation of those can sometimes be the only way to get a point across if not, am sorry. Been in similar situations and they are but the worst head wreck. <3
 
Farrrk!

I’m MELTING.

It’s currently 40 degrees here (104 in Fahrenheit) my air con is starting to struggle and after a 4 day binge my body isn’t working right, I’m sweating BUCKETS, my heart beat feels strange and I nearly faint when I stand.
I’ve slept 2 hours in 3 days and I feel like I want to die but the dreaded anxiety is keeping me awake.

Note to self, no drug binges in the height of summer, FOOL.
 
Hylight said:
awe.
that happens to me also from benzo's. it scares the god forsaken buuujeezus whatever the f#cks outta me. bad!
plus don't do sooo much.
and believe me !
everything gets better when it
CAN'T get any worse.
build a cabin or an igloo 😁
c'mon dude! or matey
finny winny
you can be tougher than most of us.
raise wild mustangs. get out the shipload and get me a send some anchovies and some Swedish fish. Mmmm please send fish 😁.
anyway dont be soo sad, you are better than that !
Click to expand...

Igloo invite is for @schizopath and @Hylight
❤️❤️
 
Mafioso said:
Yes, multiple times and in so many ways. He has even admitted to reading my journals in which I wrote all about those kinds of things, for a while it was the majority of what I wrote about. Honestly at this point I think my siblings think I'm foolish and the one being the problem because they have distanced themselves to only brief superficial visits on holidays. When I was in rehab, he didn't show to the family meeting and when we rescheduled for just me him and my counselor, he showed up late, drunk, ordered beer, and talked non stop about himself, how great he is at work and how everyone loves him at work. To the point no one else could get a word in. When confronted about this months later, he defends, denies, and justifies. He's socked me in the face multiple times because I pulled him off my brother, who he was punching in the face as well. The next day was the closest he's really come to apologizing, which was cut short by him acussing me of attacking him and warning to never touch him again.


Writing this out really makes me feel so foolish for not completely cutting ties like I had planned after all this right out of highshool- which I did for a few years. Then I started feeling guilty, like I overreacted- and I probably did at times, but the thing I've realized now is that until he is at least willing to admit his own mistakes and apologizes, it's silly to try. I've given him far too many years and far too much power, when I should have been living my life and working on myself.
Click to expand...

I am really sorry to hear this @Mafioso
Boundaries my dear friend. You must have boundaries in place for toxic family.
Just cut other toxic people entirely out of your life!
No need for them at all and not necessary to have to be around them.
Family is a different story.

Try to find forgiveness and compassion. Maybe your father is very sick and you just don’t realize that these are symptoms.
I had trouble dealing with my dad’s strange behavior for a long time. We all did.
It turned out that he had a horrific disease and all of these things were “symptoms” of that disease.
It helped me to forgive and to understand this behavior.

Forgiveness is not necessarily for the other person. It is for yourself. So you can move on and heal.
I wish for you to be healed!

Sending you lots of Love!
❤💋🌹
 
the hospital i go to to for psych sent me to collections over a $50usd copay. i've made dozens of those copays before and after. missed one. the reason i didn't pay that one was the regular recptionist was sick and the replacement didn't know how to take the copay. next time i went i i tried to pay the past copay but she said no it would just got lost in the system. then they sent me to collections. admittedly they sent me a bill in the mail, but who uses snail mail anymore. not only did they send me to collections, but they requested the collections agency report me to bureaus if didn't pay in three days.

the kicker is i sent them a check the day before i got the collection letter. so now they have twice as much money as they should. and i called the hospital and they said that i paid by credit card to the hospital yesterday (i did not, and my online statement proves it). so they potentially have three times what i owed them.

i'm switching providers. if they mess up even more and report me to a credit beaura, i'm gonna sue. i'm having a hard time in life, but i wasn't two years ago so i have more than enough money to take them to court for credit damages.

it took me 12+ hours on the phone to work this out. but in the process i got medicade practically finished (srtarted a year ago but that's how gov assistance works). 'cade plan covers valium and prozac (which works great but has horrible side effects), so i'm switch from remeron and ativan. my parents and friends hate me on ativan because it's too strong for the first half hour.

my landlord accidentally withdrew over $11k through a ach transfer and then said it was my fault. i had to go to the bank to fix it. have 5+ years in marketing comms, so i ruined their online reputation in 15 minutes. i immediately got a call apologizing and offering me $500 to undo it. i of course agreed.

then my buddy is in prison and that stupid collect call thing they do over charged me. they said they would take a month to fix it. i said i'd just refute the charge. they said then i couldn't ever use it again. i said i didn't care. then they said they'll just fix it; please don't refute.

what a hassle. i'm going out and doing something fun tonight. not partying because i'm a good kid, but like seeing a movie, riding my bike, and a nice diner.
 
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fuck, fuck, fuck, im not sure why ive gotten worked up this way. years ago I would just smoke h when offered now, I think about its not a good idea, I wasn't even looking for it. but I guess im not strong enough to say no
 
Was bout to have threesome with my good friend and this one beautiful girl (their first threesome) but the girl started tripping out from her ptsd memories, she doesnt take any meds other than alcohol, and shit went downhill...

FUCK MENTAL ILLNESSES
 
i wanna ride my new bike around but it's so fucking cold outside. i rode it for a bit this morning. when i left it was 2 degrees f, and when i got home it was 9f. it was so cold my hands hurt for a solid 15 minutes once i got inside. now the internet says its 19f but there's no sun. before i actually had some errands i didn't need to run but i could use as an excuse to ride around. now that i'd be riding around without a destination, i know i wouldn't make it long before turning back. it's so cold on a bike. like being in a walk in freezer with an industrial fan turned on high and facing you the whole time.

on the good, i did get to ride around a bit this morning to start my day. returned some library books.
 
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