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The Suicide support thread

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n3ophy7e

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The previous suicide support thread is here.


This first post is taken from the original suicide thread which can be found here.

We also have an extensive list of mental health support and resources which can be found here.

Help is never too far away so please reach out if you need assistance <3

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.


1. You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.


2. Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.


3. People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.


4. Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

* Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
* Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
* Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
* Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
* Call a psychotherapist
* Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen

But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

5. Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
 

n3ophy7e

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It's okay mate, we all make mistakes every now and then. No harm done :)
Don't fall in to the trap of being too hard on yourself se <3
 

zombiesarepeaceful

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I'm seriously considering going on disability for the degree of depression, anxiety and other mental shit that I experience on a day to day basis. I can't keep this shit up. Its ruining my life
 

Serene Imp

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I never realized how hard it is to choose how to die. I've had the thought in my head for time to time but it was never a serious thing, till now. I can't do this anymore, I can't pull myself out of it either, I've givin it time, 3 weeks. Things are just getting worse, I tried bettering myself and the pain just won't go away. I'm finally fully ready to die. I'm writing out my last will and testament, it's almost done, just got to get a witness to me signing it. I made the mistake of telling my one friend in jail and now I just feel super guilty. To tell someone something like that knowing they can't do anything about it... Once I get these pills, k and a bottle, I'm 'taking 2 days' to myself, probably go to a hotel or something so no loved one can find me and stop me. I'm thought about reaching out for help and I guess that's why I'm writing this, though there's not much to be said that can sway me otherwise now. I just feel like I need to tell someone at least before I do it, help it stop circling my head so much and just go with it...
 

zombiesarepeaceful

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I'm not anti suicide man...so all I can say is good luck and I hope you find peace, whether its in life or elsewhere.
I have learned though...and I believe this for the most part...that if you're meant to die at a certain time, you will. If you're not meant to die then, somehow by some fucked up chance happening...it won't work, or you'll be found in time, etc. That seems to be how stuff works.
 

n3ophy7e

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I never realized how hard it is to choose how to die. I've had the thought in my head for time to time but it was never a serious thing, till now. I can't do this anymore, I can't pull myself out of it either, I've givin it time, 3 weeks. Things are just getting worse, I tried bettering myself and the pain just won't go away. I'm finally fully ready to die. I'm writing out my last will and testament, it's almost done, just got to get a witness to me signing it. I made the mistake of telling my one friend in jail and now I just feel super guilty. To tell someone something like that knowing they can't do anything about it... Once I get these pills, k and a bottle, I'm 'taking 2 days' to myself, probably go to a hotel or something so no loved one can find me and stop me. I'm thought about reaching out for help and I guess that's why I'm writing this, though there's not much to be said that can sway me otherwise now. I just feel like I need to tell someone at least before I do it, help it stop circling my head so much and just go with it...
Hi Serene Imp, this breaks my heart to read that you've made your decision, and I don't even know you! Think of how badly this will affect your loved ones, and I know you have loved ones because you mention them in your post. If you kill yourself it will absolutely destroy their lives forever. And you know that they will be worried and will come looking for you when they haven't heard from you for a while. Doesn't that prove to you that they really do love you and care about you, and that they wouldn't want you to do this??

Posting in this thread, is this the first time you've reached out for help? Asking people for help is really difficult, I know. But at least give yourself a better chance at beating this, and give others a chance to help you, because if they knew how much you were struggling they would definitely want to help! But they can't help you if they don't know what's going on, people can't read minds. Please, tell a close friend or a family member how you're feeling and what you're planning to do. Have you considered talking to a doctor about your depression as well? I honestly think that would be a good idea. You don't have to mention that you're suicidal, but there are a lot of ways depression can be treated, so give yourself a chance.

Also, I know you mentioned that you've given it time....but in the grand scheme of things, in comparison to your life span, 3 weeks isn't a very long time. I know from personal experience that hours and days and weeks seem like eternity when you're depressed and desperate to feel better, but please, wait a bit longer. The way you've been feeling these last few weeks will not last forever, I guarantee it. Bad experiences and negative emotions come and go, all throughout life, but one thing is for sure, happiness and good times always come again. But you have to actually stick around in order to experience them. Don't go yet, please <3
 

Captain.Heroin

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I'm seriously considering going on disability for the degree of depression, anxiety and other mental shit that I experience on a day to day basis. I can't keep this shit up. Its ruining my life
I'd say go for it. I am sure it would help out.

Have you considered alternatives? I would really consider moving if I was in your shoes, although it's hard to say that since I am obviously coming from a different place in life.

Take your time and think about it, you have choices and that means you're in control. :)
 

zombiesarepeaceful

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I'm googling about all of these things to do if you're suicidal, yadda yadda blah blah blah...and they never mention oh -- What if you don't have the fucking money to see a shrink, hmm? What if you work from the ass crack of morning to the ass crack of night just to support yourself and as a result, can't get to see your shrink or pick up your goddamn prescriptions? What if you don't have the time or means to take a break from life and check into a psych ward to get yourself stabilized? Hmm? Then you're fucked? that's what I'm thinking. I have to work to support myself if I want to give this living bullshit a shot. I have called clinics and shit, scheduled an appmt with a shrink here and with my job which I can't take a day off from (don't have the seniority yet to be granted a day off, and I just started this job)....I'm not sure if I can even make that appointment. They ask am I suicidal on the phone and I lie, cause I can't afford to have the white coats after me. I don't tell them I drink every night or that I'm struggling with a chronic health problem which embarrasses the living shit out of me to go to the ER for, and they still can't figure out what's wrong with me and I'm not getting better, I'm just in pain and feel sick still. It's been 2 yrs that I've been dealing with that fucking problem. THen my state of mind, its fucked. I know I keep posting here and I don't expect jack shit to come of it cause that's not how life works. But this thread on BL is one of a very few places that I can vent all this shit. I can't tell anybody I know in person. I have to keep my strong front. Well, here I am. Strong front and all. Considering going to the ER again cause of this chronic health problem is causing me pain and fucking with my body again. Only to be told again that they don't know what's wrong with me and give me more pills that don't work. gee, thanks world. I wish my mother had killed me when I was young like she wanted to.
 

n3ophy7e

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ZAP I know you're feeling desperate and helpless right now, but just like all the other adversity that you have gotten through in your life, you are going to get through this rough patch as well. You are one of the strongest people I have ever come across on here, and I think you should give yourself more credit and recognition for that.
Keep the psych appointment, and can you fake sickness to get out of work for that time when your appointment is? They can't fire you for being sick. I just really think it will help you to have at least some contact with a psych, to see someone face-to-face who is there to help you.
For the same reason, if you're in serious pain you should probably go to the ER. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Let us know how you're going okay?? Take care man <3
 

mrflowers00

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i want to die but every time i've tried i've failed i've gotten very close but it just hasn't happened but even though i want to die i've given up trying to kill myself at least for the time being but as soon as my dad and gpa are gone i'm going to kill myself and no one can convince me otherwise
 

Captain.Heroin

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i want to die but every time i've tried i've failed i've gotten very close but it just hasn't happened but even though i want to die i've given up trying to kill myself at least for the time being but as soon as my dad and gpa are gone i'm going to kill myself and no one can convince me otherwise
How long have you felt this way? Do you know why you feel this way?
 

mrflowers00

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i've felt this way for years it started when i was 13 to 14 and now i'm 22 and i feel like this because my life sucks due to bad choices i've made and i have chronic pain and severe panic disorder and severe depression, i'm bipolar #2, and i hear voices i'm schizophrenic and i've always been broke and i did really bad in high school so i dropped out and got my GED so i applied for social security disability and i'm thinking about going to culinary school so i can do at least something with my life and not be homeless
 

badfish45

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My friend is suicidal. I really like her, yes that way. And i'm afraid, and a while ago she'd attempted, failed twice, and she told me she almost did it friday. i've been talking to her a lot, and hopefully that helps, but she's lived a hard life and I'm scared that she might want to kill herself. She's on suicide watch, but that isn't worth shit. I don't know, it's less likely she will, but the fear of it still floats in my head.
 

n3ophy7e

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badfish the best thing you can do for her is to continue being the good friend to her that you have been. Chat with her, listen to her, let her tell you how she is feeling without fear of being judged. Your support means a lot to her, even if she hasn't said it in words to you yet.
Tell her how it would make YOU feel if she died.

I wish her (and you) all the very best, and let us know how she's doing okay? <3
 

badfish45

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Thanks neo. During an off period I sat and talked to her, and I did express my concern. I told her what scares me about it is that killing herself means that she lived her life without any happiness and that suicide was her only option. If it ever comes up again, I will be sure to tell her how it would make me feel. But right now I don't want to bring it up to her, I don't want to make her uncomfortable, and the most I can do is be there for her, and that's my goal.

Thanks for the support. I'll be sure to keep you updated <3
 
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zombiesarepeaceful

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