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Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Vintage55

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
14
Aight y'all. I'm good today and I hope some of y'all are too. I confess I didn't read much of the thread sonce my last post just coz I'm a bit all over the place and just wanted to post somewhere, indulging my inner narcissist, let out by the shitty purity but seemingly genuine racemic amphetamine I've been dosing all day on top of a few benzos. Came clean to my current therapist about my dishonesty regarding my drug use. Hopefully he can tell me something useful that I can actually do something with that isn't just something obvious I already know.

Sertraline - honestly - I know maybe it's partly my fault for not just letting it do it's thing without being my own doctor - but after close to 4 months near total sobriety getting on an SSRI has basically just pushed me back into cyclical polydrug abuse. It's surely not a coincidence. Only reason I'm on these fucking things really is a route to establishing some kind of legitimacy for my consistent failures to manage my life in certain ways. They are an interesting class and one I've always been curious about but - at the moment it feels like an endurance test as to how much additional anxiety I can pump into my brain before i can say OK great, tried that one, maybe we can just accept my mind isn't well suited to certain facets of reality right now and that's OK. Do I have the psychological stamina to try another after this? Fuck, I dunno. Maybe not.

Apologies for just narcissistically jumping in and ignoring everyone else's struggles but I wish you all happiness. May you all be well, and free from suffering. Whatever you're feeling now is OK. You deserve happiness, and whatever you've done to find it - is enough.
I've been on and off Zoloft (sertraline) for over 20 years now. I suffer from depression, sometimes it's debillatating. Zoloft has been the only med that even comes close to helping me and I've tried many. I'm not saying that it's a miracle cure by any means. Many drugs I can't take because of horrible side effects. I too have kinda come to the conclusion that it's ok if I'm not the happiest person. We are all individuals and live our lives to the best of our ability at the time. Hang in there, I understand your struggle. ☮️
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,291
Hating the fact that only illegal drugs help me including some with the least side effects, but some also that are disastrous, but the fact that there just is not a medication out there that can relieve my from my suffering and the immediate relief of drugs of abuse is killing me. Sometimes its nice though when I don't go overboard.
 

TripSitterNZ

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
4,568
Location
The Dimension of LSD-25
the only thing that keeps me alive is LSD thank albert hoffman. My mood changes so much and sometimes i feel so empty and hopeless. Ever tried to reach out for help to your closest friends and be totally shutdown and told to man up and stop acting like a bitch?. Well thats the story of my life. If thats the case did i ever truly have friends or was i just friends with assholes?.


In a society where if you true to your own sexuality suddenly everybody will leave you. How do people live on?.

Im going to go on a lsd binge over the next three weeks to discover the unconditional love and bliss of the transcendental realm to keep myself moving foward.
 

deficiT

Sr. Moderator: DC, TDS, NSADD
Staff member
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
4,626
Location
The Belly of The Beast
Ever tried to reach out for help to your closest friends and be totally shutdown and told to man up and stop acting like a bitch?. Well thats the story of my life. If thats the case did i ever truly have friends or was i just friends with assholes?.
Sounds like you just had some asshole friends. I hope your three week trip helps you find some peace.
 

TripSitterNZ

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
4,568
Location
The Dimension of LSD-25
Sounds like you just had some asshole friends. I hope your three week trip helps you find some peace.
i plan on doing 50 ug on bicycle day then maybe 300 ug later that week but it depends how i feel. Or maybe just mdma later that week and save this LSD for a few more months or just take microdoses on the regular. Idk ill see how everything plays out on bicycle day. Plus if im tripping high doses on weekends that just isolates myself socially and this girl likes to just invite herself over on saturday nights.
 

schizopath

Moderator: Music
Staff member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
16,030
Location
Dimension XYZÖ
Whatever, im doing pretty good. Its just bupre wd. Nothing too bad, im stronger than that. Never going back to daily use.
 

TheSieferts

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 15, 2021
Messages
4
Been struggling with my addiction today. Been clean for 5months up until this last weekend. Got the itch, bought a bottle of booze to calm me down. Worked. But it's not the same high. My DOC is crack. I'm everything but functioning on it. So I need to substitute it badly. Tried Molly but I take ssri. *ugh* when I found out about the SSRIs killing the high I stopped taking them. But not until I snorted 1gm of Molly and feeling hot.

I need help trying to find better substances to replace the crack with so I can function. I'm am addict. That's not going to change but I should be able to hold down a job and deal with my family. Any suggestions are appreciated. Also if this isn't in the right thread feel free to move.
 

SAT4N_420

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2020
Messages
166
Location
COVID-19 infested Hell
Well, I got a new job. My coworkers are really friendly, my managers are level headed, treat employees with kindness and respect and they're really chill and laid back. It's not a very demanding job so it's not too draining even when I'm depressed, and if I'm struggling or falling behind my coworkers are more than happy to help me out. The pay is a bit on the lower side but for the amount of work I have to put in it's pretty fair.

All of this and yet...I don't feel any happier than what I did before. Everyone else around me is happy for me, why can't I be?
 

on.my.way🌿

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
478
Good to hear! He must have done some serious shit to get over four years.
Rape, abuse, stalking and threats, against me and another girl. Plus drug charges.
I never thought he would get convicted for all of it. It restored my faith in the justice system a bit. He will probably appeal but im happy for now atleast <3
 

on.my.way🌿

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
478
Im actually in EMDR therapy, just haven't seem her in a while. Time to book an appointment maybe.
Most of the stuff happened 5 years ago but the stalking continued until the day he got arrested, he posted the last letter that same day. All the police hearings helped me process it a bit though.
 

on.my.way🌿

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
478
Gonna buy some benso and tramadol tomorrow and im already nervous about having to go outside and talk to people and stuff I hate it so much
 

on.my.way🌿

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
478
It was terrifying going out in the.city today bc of the.ptsd, but it went well though. Got some strange anxiety reaction from the mix of tramadol and bensos, so I took 900mg preg and now im finally feeling a bit relaxed.

(I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS MIX OF DRUGS IT CAN BE DEADLY
)

(I have this wierd tolerance to both bensos and preg, and im used to mixing, that's why I take so much)
 
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