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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Macenroe

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 6, 2013
Messages
104
Hope y'all get better! 7 years ago felt like shite for almost two years, it goes away in time, get out there and try new activities/hobbies, get it out of your head, is hard because we think when we wake up next day, it'll be gone.. but everyday gets better! Cheers
How bad were your symptoms? Did you tried medications?
 

Macenroe

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 6, 2013
Messages
104
Hello there

I´m in year 6 now and using professional support of therapists.
i realized that some symptoms are rather rarely among LTCers.
if you have any of the following symptoms, please contact me:

- intolerance to sugar
- extreme head pressure
- disorder of time perception
- extreme fatigue
Have you recovered? Medications?
 

martomat

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 10, 2017
Messages
11
1)recovered partially. had some drug relapses during recovery process that worsened my status.
2)tried medication, but none worked.
3) only mentioned some of my symptoms
4) you have head pressure and fatigue. from which drugs did it came from? have you recovered and if yes, why? on which part of your head did you feel your pressure? did your head pressure also change sometimes into a tingling? i realized for myself: pressure means it gets worse, tingling means it gets better
 

lionheart90

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
240
Thanks for taking your time and write this nice comment.

Have two questions,

How you explain that my memory issues don't fluctuate much, gives me the feeling that's something broken, not just psychotical or chemic imbalance.

Second question... I've forgot (no pun intended, loool)... Ok here I've remembered. In the beginning before I knew what's LTC or even the effects of MDMA my memory was trash, back then wouldn't make sense I've talked myself down so much.

Cheers
I would explain the lack of fluctuation the same way I would explain why the issues last so long.

The disorder causes an effect, and in order to create balance in the body an adaption is made. This new adaption is engrained in the body, that is to say that is embedded in the brain as a series of pathways and connections. Then when the healing has taken place, if those adaptions are still engrained in the body, then they become the new issue.

We could almost even say, the real issue with the LTC is that the body heals itself wrong. And it is our duty, as intelligent operators of the body mechanism, to go back in and fix what didn't heal right.

If you go to a surgeon and they mess up the healing, you can just go back to them. When we mess up our mind through healing, we can either do the healing ourselves or seek a therapist to help us fix our minds.

The LTC has a physical component and a mental component. It is a very complex disorder. What begins as psychological becomes physical, and what is physical can become psychological. So you see there is a lot of back and forth between the two. Potentially an endless feedback loop, if we never step in and correct the issue.
 

Chaotnr.1

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
3
Do you feel good at night? I feel shit in the morning and I usually get better by 3 PM with almost zero symptoms at night.
Yes it definitely gets better throughout the day.
But I can't say I am symptom free at night just slightly less anxious and the brain fog lifts a bit.

I was never a morning person so I always felt better in the evening even before the ltc, but right now I feel so much more sensible to this morning dread.
 

martomat

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 10, 2017
Messages
11
am I the only one who can treat his state of illness by gaining positive experiences? for me, writing a good exam note, kissing a girl and so on seems to shake up my neurotransmitter system, so I get some "flashes" and my brain starts to repair. it´s the ONLY treatment method i have, and i´m working with this method the last 5 years. improving my life - it´s my medicine i found for myself and i made big recovery processes with this. I call my method "gaining flashes". am I really the only one out there?
 

I hope it gets better

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
38
Hey guys I hope everyone is doing well.

Like everyone else I was in a bed space mentally,emotionally,physically and even spiritually when I came about this forum. I was in a disparate state and the thought of suicide was lingering in my mind.

A short recap for those that don't know ,On the 24,25,26th of December I did Xtc for 3 days in a row ,it was my first time and I didn't know any better about the effects of the drug and I suffered the consequences deeply for it in the coming days ,weeks and months.

I didn't feel like myself and I felt like I didn't like or even love anything at all I was scared I couldn't feel emotion towards anything even my family and loved ones, feeling emotionless is one of the scariest feelings I felt .

I thought my life was over , I mean what was the meaning of life if you didn't feel the pleasure and excitement of it? I asked myself this question every time I woke up and for every second of every hour of the day.

My life was over until I got onto this forum and community , I scoured through all the post and was finally brave enough to tell me story to like minded people, and the reception and advice I got will forever be bestowed in my heart , everyone here literally saved my life.

I stand before you a recovered man because of everyone's advice and comforting ,I want each individual that was there for me in my time of need to pat yourselves on the back ,be proud of yourselves and feel good about yourselves as in my books you did good by me.

And to those that are giving up on life thinking they did permanent damage and they can't recover I want you to get your chin and shoulders up and fight the good fight as there is light at the end of the tunnel.

And to you newbie on this forum searching and scouring for answers ,recovery is possible keep in mind that even the best doctors and shrinks don't know the full capability of the brain ,the brain will amaze you from what it can recover from ,hold on as a couple of months or even years from now recovery is possible.

The people of this forum are some of the strongest people everyone here has my utmost admiration fighting a mental fight with yourself is not easy . It takes a strong person to stand up to that.

I thought I should come back and tell my story in the hopes that someone out there will get some motivation and hope to not give up as its possible ,despite what the doctors and scientists say ,its possible.

Thank you.
 
Last edited:

Skyland912

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 5, 2020
Messages
8
Hi everyone! This my first post

I took mdma 3 months ago, maybe it was 150mg pink versace very strong one.
And next day when i woke up i feel wierd its everything looks like strange. I had a huge panick attack at night and i fear af.
These are my symptom:
-dp/dr all day 24/7
-poor memory
-HPPD and i can't concentrate
-anxiety and depression
-anhedonia ,I can't feel pleasure
-brain fog ,I can't realize what I am see and I feel dumb
-I always tired
-suicide thoughts
I am trying eat healthy and do sport everyday but i feel like not alive.
I'm thinking about the past and i can't planing my life.
How much chance do i have full recovery, Do you have any advice?

Sorry for my english I from Hungary 20 years old male
Have a nice day everybody!
 

Lookingforanswers25

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 23, 2020
Messages
12
Hey guys,
I’m really struggling here everyday is a battle, the physical symptoms I have are overwhelming. I feel sick pretty much all the time and nauseous, just walking is getting harder and harder. My muscles are deteriorating. I also have burning headaches that come and go as well.

Going back to one of the old threads, there was a user called Ryan23. I’ve tried to get a hold of him but it looks like he’s gone off line a while ago and not come back on. Was hoping the blue light staff might know what happened to him? I have very similar symptoms to him and it looked like he went through hell.
 

anon1644

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2017
Messages
27
Hey guys,
I’m really struggling here everyday is a battle, the physical symptoms I have are overwhelming. I feel sick pretty much all the time and nauseous, just walking is getting harder and harder. My muscles are deteriorating. I also have burning headaches that come and go as well.

Going back to one of the old threads, there was a user called Ryan23. I’ve tried to get a hold of him but it looks like he’s gone off line a while ago and not come back on. Was hoping the blue light staff might know what happened to him? I have very similar symptoms to him and it looked like he went through hell.
you might want to try effexor. and not just try an initial dose for a few days/weeks (you will feel weird and shitty at first), but a hefty dose for at least several months, minimum of 8 weeks on the highest dose. it helped a lot with my stomach issues, head pressure, and muscle twitching/fatigue/pain
 

Macenroe

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 6, 2013
Messages
104
you might want to try effexor. and not just try an initial dose for a few days/weeks (you will feel weird and shitty at first), but a hefty dose for at least several months, minimum of 8 weeks on the highest dose. it helped a lot with my stomach issues, head pressure, and muscle twitching/fatigue/pain
I am on effexor too. This is my eight week. Started on 225mg for last week. What dose are you on? Experiencing any symptoms or fully recovered? How long have you been on it and when did you started to feel better and on which dose you felt the benefits?
 

martomat

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 10, 2017
Messages
11
you might want to try effexor. and not just try an initial dose for a few days/weeks (you will feel weird and shitty at first), but a hefty dose for at least several months, minimum of 8 weeks on the highest dose. it helped a lot with my stomach issues, head pressure, and muscle twitching/fatigue/pain
wait: you found a medicament that improved your head pressure? what did your head pressure look like, was it a dumb pressure and on what part of your head did you feel it?
 

anon1644

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2017
Messages
27
i started around 4th of july last year and increased 37.5mg at a time. i'm on 225mg now since around the end of February. idk what your symptoms looked like but i would have never ending cycles where i would feel okay for a few days and then the pressure and agitation and ringing in ears and muscle twitching would get way worse and kind of settle in for a week or so at a time before letting up some. i started to have good weeks and bad weeks once i started the medication, whereas before the medication it was mostly just bad 98% of the time. i still have bad days but they seem less intense as i've increased the medication, and the good days have gotten even better. it has also improved my stomach pain/bloating and sexual dysfunction, which were my other severe symptoms. i also still have some days where it's hard to focus my eyes and i have to just lie down and close my eyes for awhile.

i would say the head pressure felt like it was between my ears, just above/behind the roof of my mouth, in the base of my head extending down into my neck and abdomen. it feels kind of like an anvil, sometimes with some tingling/numbness as if you had gotten a numbing agent for dental work or something like that. the pressure moves around and changes, sometimes it feels like what some people describe on here as brain zaps, and rarely it turns into a pounding headache more like a traditional headache/migraine. sometimes it would feel more like straight up pain as in a build up of lactic acid in my neck, like a shin splint or something (best i can describe the sensation). i tried a bunch of different migraine meds but they didn't really help. effexor seems to have helped the most.
 

anon1644

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2017
Messages
27
i also had difficulty urinating (even when i really had to go) and overall felt like blood was not circulating properly throughout my body and into my head. like there was some sort of pressure preventing normal blood flow. that has all improved, although i definitely don't feel 100% yet
 

lionheart90

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
240
I feel like this is hopeless.

Most of us are like 29 and talking about how we will never feel like we did at 26.

nobody ever feels like they did at 24-26. Its called the peak of youth for a reason.
 

shouldvestayedhome

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2017
Messages
107
I feel like this is hopeless.

Most of us are like 29 and talking about how we will never feel like we did at 26.

nobody ever feels like they did at 24-26. Its called the peak of youth for a reason.
You have a point however, it should be a slow decline not a sudden negative change thought to mood and thought process (Ie memory, executive function)
 

martomat

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 10, 2017
Messages
11
yeah my head pressure feels very blunt (is it the right english word?) when it gets worse. when it gets better it changes into tingling what means the pressure dissolves itself. is this tingling what the people understand as "brain zaps"? my tingling feels really electric.

and how did your erectile dysfunction feel? was it only your erection or also your intensity of feeling? (for me its both)
 

lionheart90

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
240
You have a point however, it should be a slow decline not a sudden negative change thought to mood and thought process (Ie memory, executive function)
the decline is slow if it were only related to age. the LTC has a decline of its own, and is very sharp decline, but its not related to age or time.

Once we heal from the LTC, a lot of people think "well I've recovered, I should have everything I had before". However, a lot of time usually passed while dealing with the LTC (usually 1-3 years), and so this "return to normal" mentality is actually a hindrance. We'll never return to where we were before. And if you honestly sit down and think about it, we never are the same and can never return to the past. Time makes that impossible. So why would the LTC be any different? Why would we return to what we were once after so much time and troubles have passed?
 

Dcoqo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
40
Hey guys!

Ive been doing fine for over a month, but last night anxiety came back. I could not get any sleep. It is this kind of anxiety/panick that hits me without any reason and won’t let me go. Have you experienced something similar?

Maybe quarenteen has something to do with it, maybe it triggered it, Idk. But fuck, I hope I don’t have to go through this again. I’m really scared of going back to bed this night.
 
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