@potopie: Thanks for the advice and support. I've never been much more than a social drinker (thankfully) although I do like a good Martini occasionally. Not sure I want to risk trading one addiction for another at this point. I have a ton of sleep meds, but are trying to use them on an as-needed basis when I really need to sleep. I know from the last kick, my sleep patterns (which have never really been great) did eventually start to normalize to the 5 or 6 hours I usually can function on. I hear you on the TV/reading as well. I've found that the best thing you can do during WD/recovery is get your ass up and keep moving. Any mundane activity (like cleaning house...) is better than just laying in the fetal position waiting for things to get better. As I mentioned before, with me it seems like there is an internal battle going on between my body and brain. My brain keeps telling me that I feel shitty and don't have the energy to do anything, but if I can force myself up and to keep moving, the body kind of takes over.
Poppy Seed Tea Withdrawal Is Hell
- Thread starter iamgollum
- Start date
Thanks Debbie. The trip sounds amazing. I'd love to do another cruise but the wife is not a big water person. She does OK as long as she stays in the middle of the ship but usually is stressed all the time. We'll probably drive to Alabama since it's only about 12 hours. The sun is actually out here today which I think is the first time in the entire time I'v been in WD, so 2 weeks. Still not warm out but going to go take a long walk anyway.
@10YearsGone: Thanks for the support and encouragement. I do get cluster headaches but they usually occur on my right behind my eye and forehead. Makes me very light sensitive in my right eye so I walk around with one eye closed like Popeye. I've have a couple of MRI's but nothing shows up and there doesn't seem to be any specific trigger aside from when a major barometric change happens so the doc thinks it is sinus related. I broke my nose wrestling in college and they seemed to start soon after that, so who knows. What is weird though, is that I do not get them when I am using the PST on a regular basis. Don't know if it is the opium, some other weird alkyloid, or the histamine effect of the narcotic, but the entire 3 or 4 years of heavy use, I think I only had a couple. When not using they hit about every 2 or 3 weeks.
Day 14: At the end of the day I will have made it 2 weeks with no use--another milestone I think. I took a Lunesta last night which was the first one since the first few days of WD and I slept about 6.5 hours straight. Woke up feeling mostly human for the first time in 2 weeks. I am no doctor, but it seems that during the worst of cold turkey withdrawal, sleep meds actually may make things worse since the brain is trying to figure out how to function without the drugs. The chemistry is just so fucked up that introducing new agents only causes more chaos. I think that if one chooses to go through CT, they should just try a let the body do its thing for the first few days of hell until things start to normalize. I know last time, it seemed everything I tried to get relief either made things worse or extended the agony. Maybe it's just the way my body chemistry works.
Still sneezing a lot but no anxiety, nervousness, or depression at this point. I will say that I still feel slightly "off" though if that makes any sense. Concentration and thinking seems fairly clear but I just don't feel like I am completely there--a bit spacey. May be an after effect of the Lunesta, I suppose. Also, I will say that I really think the high-dose vitamin D is making a huge improvement in the achy/tired feeling. Ever since I started it, my legs actually feel pretty normal although still a bit tired. Plan to go for a long walk and then head into work and run a few errands today--and the thought of doing that does not seem like a huge undertaking as it has previously. Definitely on the other side of this hell.
Also, I scheduled a follow-up with my sleep therapist and think I am going to discuss my addiction with her and see if she can recommend a counselor. Since my medical doctor is a friend, I really did not want to discuss it with him even though I'm sure he would be supportive. Think this way I can keep things semi-confidential until I figure out the right support system.
Still sneezing a lot but no anxiety, nervousness, or depression at this point. I will say that I still feel slightly "off" though if that makes any sense. Concentration and thinking seems fairly clear but I just don't feel like I am completely there--a bit spacey. May be an after effect of the Lunesta, I suppose. Also, I will say that I really think the high-dose vitamin D is making a huge improvement in the achy/tired feeling. Ever since I started it, my legs actually feel pretty normal although still a bit tired. Plan to go for a long walk and then head into work and run a few errands today--and the thought of doing that does not seem like a huge undertaking as it has previously. Definitely on the other side of this hell.
Also, I scheduled a follow-up with my sleep therapist and think I am going to discuss my addiction with her and see if she can recommend a counselor. Since my medical doctor is a friend, I really did not want to discuss it with him even though I'm sure he would be supportive. Think this way I can keep things semi-confidential until I figure out the right support system.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
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I have them (Ch's), on my left side. My left eye swells shut, tears copiously, along with the pain that makes me want to run through a glass door. Just the most ungodly pain. They pretty much ruined my life. They're also the reason I became addicted to opiates.
Anyway, IAG, you have been such an inspiration to me, more than you know this week. I've been reinducting myself back onto subs after using for a few days. I've felt like shit all week. I thought of what you are going through and have been the past couple weeks. I told my husband your story too. He's the worst w pain and illness. Thank God he's not the one with cluster headaches lol. He would've killed himself by now.
Good for you staying strong, and knowing, with certainty - it really does come to an end
. You're kicking ass.
That guy I mentioned, that was clean for 35yrs, is 69yrs old. That's also sobering. Thinking - no, knowing, it can go on forever, if I let it. All it took was him taking the Oxy's he was selling for a month. By month 2, he started IV'ing. His story scares the shit out of me.
Well done IAG.
Anyway, IAG, you have been such an inspiration to me, more than you know this week. I've been reinducting myself back onto subs after using for a few days. I've felt like shit all week. I thought of what you are going through and have been the past couple weeks. I told my husband your story too. He's the worst w pain and illness. Thank God he's not the one with cluster headaches lol. He would've killed himself by now.
Good for you staying strong, and knowing, with certainty - it really does come to an end
. You're kicking ass. That guy I mentioned, that was clean for 35yrs, is 69yrs old. That's also sobering. Thinking - no, knowing, it can go on forever, if I let it. All it took was him taking the Oxy's he was selling for a month. By month 2, he started IV'ing. His story scares the shit out of me.
Well done IAG.
@10YearsGone: Wow, you CH's sound worse than what I experience. They suck and all I want to do is lay in a dark room, but I can function if I have too. Have you seen a specialist to try and figure out the cause? My doctor guessed that I have a tiny piece of cartilage from my broken nose lodged somewhere that is causing mine, but they could never find anything.
I'm glad my journey is helping you and I hope your recovery goes well. Just hang tough. Sounds like your husband understands and it's good to have support. I have suffered through the WD alone and it sucks. While I think that this CT is probably not as severe physically as last time, mentally/emotionally it has been worse. The only bright spot is that I know it will get better and have a basic idea of how long that will be. Last time was really the first time I ever went through a violent withdrawal, so it just seemed like it would never end and I had no idea when it would. At least now I have a baseline to compare it to and have confidence that if I can keep my shit in one pile everything will be fine.
That is really sad and somewhat depressing about the older guy you know--I like to think that's not going to be me but after this last slip I can see how it easily could.
I'm glad my journey is helping you and I hope your recovery goes well. Just hang tough. Sounds like your husband understands and it's good to have support. I have suffered through the WD alone and it sucks. While I think that this CT is probably not as severe physically as last time, mentally/emotionally it has been worse. The only bright spot is that I know it will get better and have a basic idea of how long that will be. Last time was really the first time I ever went through a violent withdrawal, so it just seemed like it would never end and I had no idea when it would. At least now I have a baseline to compare it to and have confidence that if I can keep my shit in one pile everything will be fine.
That is really sad and somewhat depressing about the older guy you know--I like to think that's not going to be me but after this last slip I can see how it easily could.
@iamgollum I totally understand your hesitation in the alcohol part I would also be hesitant. It can be extremely easy to substitute one for another with drugs. I saw you said you have lunesta I hope you have enough to make it through. Any med that you use specifically because you can't sleep without it...is just another addiction one with a strong mental connection. I hate the insomnia, probably the worst part. I would never mix the lunesta with booze, that's just asking for it. But if switching between a few solutions keeps you from having a sleeping pill addiction consider at least using two types of meds preferably one that is in the benzo class and one not. The days you get up from a benzo class will be a little better than the days waking up with the lunesta. But set a plan and date that you WILL stop using sleeping meds. If you don't sleep that night.. so what..at least it's not compound with all the other hell. Just please don't get off PST just to get stuck on something like sleeping meds. The PST has partially been a sleep aid for you for years now and part of the homeostasis you are trying to re-achieve is being able to sleep on your own.
I feel for you, of all the opiates I've been hooked to: PST, in my opinion; had the worst physical effects. A long hot bath helped me to calm the muscles and get an hour or two of sleep. When that didn't work I would work on a puzzle and soon enough im focused on something not opiates or w/d's. Still may not sleep but you are ok on next to no sleep for a few days. By then maybe your past the sleeping meds or take the lunesta on day 3 to calm down. But not the next day.. you got a reward, now no more sleep for a day or two. Some time during all this you will pass out naturally, after that you are so very very close and now you will have the confidence you CAN sleep without any pills. 3-4 hours a night without helpers is a big step and I'd love to see you finish this part.
Good luck let us know how you get along.
I feel for you, of all the opiates I've been hooked to: PST, in my opinion; had the worst physical effects. A long hot bath helped me to calm the muscles and get an hour or two of sleep. When that didn't work I would work on a puzzle and soon enough im focused on something not opiates or w/d's. Still may not sleep but you are ok on next to no sleep for a few days. By then maybe your past the sleeping meds or take the lunesta on day 3 to calm down. But not the next day.. you got a reward, now no more sleep for a day or two. Some time during all this you will pass out naturally, after that you are so very very close and now you will have the confidence you CAN sleep without any pills. 3-4 hours a night without helpers is a big step and I'd love to see you finish this part.
Good luck let us know how you get along.
Thanks CJ. I have not tried that one. I looked it up and it is sold under the brand name Remeron. I may ask my sleep doctor for a script--one thing I gotta say for her is she has no problems handing out drugs. Not sure if you've ever been to a sleep specialist but it is kind of stupid. First they wire you up and do sleep studies to prove you have insomnia (duh), then they do medical checks to make sure there is no underlying health issues, then they try to psychoanalyze you to try and figure out what keeps you up at night (work, relationships, kids, financial, alien abductions, life, etc.). When they can't figure out what is causing it they just start prescribing pills or combos of pills to see what works. Reminds me a lot of the process pain docs use--if they can't diagnose it or fix it, they throw narcotics at it. Then they get upset when you are hooked.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
IAG-
Yes, I've done everything possible. I'm from PA. 10 mins away from Center City, Philadelphia. I've gone to Thomas Jefferson Headache clinic to name one of the many places. I'm textbook. There is no known cause or cure for them. There's also no functioning during them. It feels like Satan is tearing my eye out, while pouring scalding hot liquid in my ear. I've learned to be still during them and use guided imagery meditation. It took a long time to be able to do that. I've done everything possible.
My husband is also an addict. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Yes, I don't have to hide anything. But, he's also a big reason why I fuck up. Imagine your wife drinking PST when you're trying your best to stop It's a difficult dynamic. It's gets really frustrating.
I also get Regular migraines. So yeah. There's that.
I'm stable, finally today. And grateful for it. Your journey is an inspiration to many. Hang in there. You're close to coming out on the other side.
Yes, I've done everything possible. I'm from PA. 10 mins away from Center City, Philadelphia. I've gone to Thomas Jefferson Headache clinic to name one of the many places. I'm textbook. There is no known cause or cure for them. There's also no functioning during them. It feels like Satan is tearing my eye out, while pouring scalding hot liquid in my ear. I've learned to be still during them and use guided imagery meditation. It took a long time to be able to do that. I've done everything possible.
My husband is also an addict. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Yes, I don't have to hide anything. But, he's also a big reason why I fuck up. Imagine your wife drinking PST when you're trying your best to stop It's a difficult dynamic. It's gets really frustrating.
I also get Regular migraines. So yeah. There's that.
I'm stable, finally today. And grateful for it. Your journey is an inspiration to many. Hang in there. You're close to coming out on the other side.
@Potopie: Thanks for suggestions. I've used the sleep meds on a rotating schedule ever since they were prescribed and even before I started drinking the PST again. I'll use the Lunesta for about 3 nights, then I would not use anything for 2-3 days and then switch to Trazadone or Restoril for 2-3 days then nothing for a couple, rinse and repeat. The Lunesta usually will wipe me out for 6 or 7 hours, but if I take it for more than 3 days I feel like a zombie. Honestly, I can't say I feel really rested after taking it most days--I'm not sure it actually puts you to sleep but really just erases your memory of being awake all night so you think you slept...Trazodone works pretty well (outside of CT withdrawal) but it seems to quickly reach a point of diminishing returns. The first night I usually sleep, but by the 3rd night I have to take and extra half a dose for sleep. If I take it any longer I really struggle to sleep at all. The Restoril is kind of a weird med (it's a benzo) and I usually don't sleep as long with it but will wake up feeling more rested and less mentally cloudy. I suppose that may be because it's a benzo but maybe just the way I react to it. I just don't like taking it a lot because I have heard benzo withdrawal is horrible. I also have a few Seroquel and about a dozen Ativan which definitely will put me out for 8-10 hours but trying to hold off on those in case everything else stops working.
And you are spot on with the hot bath suggestion. I usually take one in the AM and PM to help with the WD symptoms. Really helps calm the nerves and soothe the aches. Some suggested Epsom salts but I've found you have to get the concentration up really high for it to do anything. Most say to put a few cups of it in the tub. The theory is that you are absorbing Magnesium through your skin but at that weak concentration you would have to soak for about a week for it to do anything. I usually dump 2 or 3 of the 4lb bags in. The stuff is really cheap--like $2/bag at Walmart. I went in and bought every bag they had. Just a suggestion.
And you are spot on with the hot bath suggestion. I usually take one in the AM and PM to help with the WD symptoms. Really helps calm the nerves and soothe the aches. Some suggested Epsom salts but I've found you have to get the concentration up really high for it to do anything. Most say to put a few cups of it in the tub. The theory is that you are absorbing Magnesium through your skin but at that weak concentration you would have to soak for about a week for it to do anything. I usually dump 2 or 3 of the 4lb bags in. The stuff is really cheap--like $2/bag at Walmart. I went in and bought every bag they had. Just a suggestion.
Thanks Ash--wondered where you've been. Hope all is well.
Day 15: Rough night and rough morning so far. May need a bit of caffeine too get going today. No sleeping pills last night and only managed a couple of restless hours of sleep. Kept having a reoccurring dream that someone broke into my garage and stole everything in it--I mean everything: tools, equipment, shelves, light fixtures, garage door openers, the trash bin, snow shovels, etc. Exact same dream over and over. I kept waking me up in a cold sweat. Not sure what that means--maybe I should change the locks on the doors....anyone want to take a shot at dream interpretation?
Feeling really tired and legs seem more achy today. Also have a pounding headache and a lot of congestion/sneezing. Mentally/emotionally I don't feel horrible aside from that spacey "off" feeling. And, I have a ringing in my ears and a slight fluttering sensation in my vision today. However, I'm not really surprised since I remember this happening last time: There were good days and bad days, but eventually you stop noticing the bad days and the good days just become normal days. Just have to focus and lean into it. Another cold cloudy day here--had a heavy frost last night. Supposed to be mid-60's and rain tomorrow which would be a 40 degree temperature swing then drop back into the 20's. I really am looking forward to heading south. (Mental note: Do not ever go cold turkey withdrawal when the weather is shitty--wait until Spring/Summer. Or, better yet just don't go through it again...).
Lower back is really bothering me today. I took a long 4 mile walk yesterday and was out and about moving all day, but nothing strenuous that I can think of. I don;t think it is WD related--it happens a lot. Getting old sucks.
But, I did get up early and put a pot roast in the crock pot. We don't eat much red meat anymore but it was on sale and sounded good. Figured an occasional meal of beef won't hurt anything (aside form the cow). Plus my daughter is home form school for break and she said she wanted some home cooking so I have managed to make dinner the past few nights. It's been a while since I've done any cooking sine it is usually only my wife and I at home but it is kind therapeutic in a way. Definitely something to do later in recovery when you can actually look at food without wanting throw up...
Feeling really tired and legs seem more achy today. Also have a pounding headache and a lot of congestion/sneezing. Mentally/emotionally I don't feel horrible aside from that spacey "off" feeling. And, I have a ringing in my ears and a slight fluttering sensation in my vision today. However, I'm not really surprised since I remember this happening last time: There were good days and bad days, but eventually you stop noticing the bad days and the good days just become normal days. Just have to focus and lean into it. Another cold cloudy day here--had a heavy frost last night. Supposed to be mid-60's and rain tomorrow which would be a 40 degree temperature swing then drop back into the 20's. I really am looking forward to heading south. (Mental note: Do not ever go cold turkey withdrawal when the weather is shitty--wait until Spring/Summer. Or, better yet just don't go through it again...).
Lower back is really bothering me today. I took a long 4 mile walk yesterday and was out and about moving all day, but nothing strenuous that I can think of. I don;t think it is WD related--it happens a lot. Getting old sucks.
But, I did get up early and put a pot roast in the crock pot. We don't eat much red meat anymore but it was on sale and sounded good. Figured an occasional meal of beef won't hurt anything (aside form the cow). Plus my daughter is home form school for break and she said she wanted some home cooking so I have managed to make dinner the past few nights. It's been a while since I've done any cooking sine it is usually only my wife and I at home but it is kind therapeutic in a way. Definitely something to do later in recovery when you can actually look at food without wanting throw up...
I just spent 20 mins writing you a long message about how you can now proberly see the light at theend of the tunnel of cold turkey wd and i read this. luckly i spent so long writng it that it not post message Wd can sometimes make you think one day im doing good and the next day you feel worse just sometimes does.For your legs take a walk that seemed to help me plus nothing clears your mind like a walk unless you take one with my wife who not stop talking the whole time.Keep at it my brother hoping your day gets better
So sorry to hear that--severe chronic pain that can't be diagnosed is the worst. Seems like at one point they prescribed something called Zomig (or Zomeg?) for mine. It's been years ago, but it I remember it was a type of triptan that could be injected or used in a nasal spray. It did help but made me feel very dizzy with an odd tingling sensation all over which was almost worse than the friggin' headache. I decided to just deal with the CH's since I don't get them too often, but your condition sounds much more in severe. I also read recently that breathing pure oxygen can help with cluster/migraines, for what it's worth.
Glad you are feeling better.
Thanks Yuba--Really need and appreciate the encouragement today. Kind of disappointed I feel so crappy today, but at least it wasn't a complete surprise like last time. During the last kick I just assumed that every day would be incrementally better than the one before--never occurred to me that it would be a mix of good days and shitty ones. And, I hear you on the walking. My wife always wants to go and she usually wants to bring the dog who is the worst leash dog ever. It makes for a stressful outing since she barks at everything that moves (the dog, not my wife...). I love my wife (and dog) but sometimes a nice quiet, reflective walk is all you want.
I've noticed this issue too when posting long messages. I don't think the Autosave is working on Bluelight and it does not recognize activity so it automatically logs you out while you are typing.
A trick I've found is to "copy" your text before hitting post. If it doesn't take, you can log back in, paste your message, then immediately post it. This usually works for me.
I love my wife so much but not during a wd walk when you rather do it alone. I can say to you that once this wd is over remember these days of wd but when the cravings kick in you will forget. I find that these threads we do during wd help in so many ways one you get advice from people who been there and the other thing is i find when cravings do come on and they will a step back and read through the thread brings the misery of wd back and can stop a relapse did not work for me yesterday when i took pods but luckly must have taken to much and pucked them up a little while later but has now made me crve the needle which i never did before only smoked it.
Hi IAG,
I'm never far from here, although chronic pain and all that goes with it have had me struggling a bit.
Very proud of you, you have the absolute best attitude and you're doing so well, remember to be extra kind and patient with yourself, and if you need that extra walk or time out or breath of fresh air by yourself, do it.
I hope your back pain subsides my friend.
Great work as always IAG, and I'm sure I don't need to keep saying I'm proud of you, but I am, so I'll say it anyway. ; )
Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
I'm never far from here, although chronic pain and all that goes with it have had me struggling a bit.
Very proud of you, you have the absolute best attitude and you're doing so well, remember to be extra kind and patient with yourself, and if you need that extra walk or time out or breath of fresh air by yourself, do it.
I hope your back pain subsides my friend.
Great work as always IAG, and I'm sure I don't need to keep saying I'm proud of you, but I am, so I'll say it anyway. ; )
Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.