z-drugs more addcitve/more abuse potential than regular benzos IMO/IME

[mcwally]

Also, during one of the studies, someone committed suicide while recieving the placebo.

thats cause they could not believe they were being fed sugar pills and the other group was muching ambien :D

 

[Madmike]

Zolpidem is so easy to use long, long time (years), daily in the evenings, before physical withdrawals start.
I can sleep even without it. But, if I had an unlimited supply. I easily could start using z-drugs 24/7. Then I would soon be in hell!

But benzos, hell, if I take HIGH from them one weekend anymore, I get stronger withdrawals, I am constantly withdrawing from them and it hurts. Some say that you will never ever be benzo free. They entangle your brains and emotions and shake you like you never wanted to.
Relapse after a relapse. And benzos make me stupid.

 

[MistaJeff]

what does sonata do though? ambien got me all fucked up, like dreaming while awake. sonata didnt really do anything.

For me Sonata only lasts for about 30 minutes if I snort it, Ambien intoxicates me for over 2 hours if taken orally. Sonata makes me higher than Ambien but lasts much shorter so I prefer Ambien. Also, when I used to rail Sonata the voices would tell me to rail more and I would wake up with an empty bag wondering where all my sleeping pills went.

 

[Prelude2TragedyII]

Wow Im really disappointed with bluelight right now, i wrote like a 4 page reply to this post about my life and ambiens effect on it and it didnt post...it logged me out of my account...how beautiful.

 

[johanneschimpo]

Yeah, totally bluelight's fault. Lets boycott it

 

[Prelude2TragedyII]

Maybe the above poster will understand now why I was frustrated...Sorry if you took it as me disrespecting bluelight... I was just frustrated...I love bluelight...I mean hell, Ive been here since '04
-----RIDICULOSLY LONG----



Alright, this will be my second attempt on writing my story of the past 4 years and the influence ambien had on my opinion (It's a long post, but if anyone is seriously considering ambien, you always want to look at BOTH sides of the story.) If anyone doesnt want to read it , I wont be offended, I just wanted to put my story out on the table for people who may plan to use/abuse ambien.


Also since this thread was about abuse and addictive potential.


[This is about ambien...and the influence ambien had on my emotions, decisions, and in general, the person, I was. Ambien completely turned my life around and changed the person I was completely. and this is how it started]
[This part is about my family, if you want to read from the point where I started taking ambien without knowing my backround skip down to where you see a line of -----, thats where the actual ambien story starts)

First of all, my backround, and why I had the outlooks that I had at the time I started taking ambien.

Ill start with my parents , since they were the biggest reason I had an outlook on drugs anyways.

My Biological Father was addicted to meth, coke , speed, all the uppers, he loved them. thats what he did. He was also a crook, robbed stores, made counterfeit money, made fake ID's , Im sure you get the picture.
Well, at the age of 6, I was taken away from him , and my mom got full custody of me, and my Father only had Supervised visits, never took atvantage of him, so I stopped hearing about him at the age of 6.

At this point I moved in with my grandparents and my mother also lived with them. Thos years were nice, I was taken care of and sheilded by my grandparents. they took care of me... Then my mother found a step-husband 4 years later and we moved out.

He was an alcoholic, and verbally abuse , I didnt know what verbal abuse what until I met him. Never hit me, just , made me feel useless all the time.

Now lets get to my mother...
She had her drug use under control until she moved in with this guy (maybe she didnt and I was too young to noticed, or my grandparents hid her problem way from me really well.)
About a year into the relationship with this guy, both of us were both pretty mentally worn down
(this guy would drink a 12 pack in an hour. usually 16-24 beers a night and just talk shit about us to us)
Well, my mom started taking vicodin.
And I guess she started get addicted, got 3 doctors, and got 3 bottles of vicodin after her first script ran out. Within 6 months , she was addicted, no doubt about it.

I would come home from school (4th grade-7th grade) to my mother usually sleeping. She would sometimes be on the couch , on occasion she'd fall asleep on the kitchen floor making food. a few times she ODed and I came home to her with throw up all over her and had to I guess take care of her...tuck her into bed and made sure she ate some food to make sure she wasnt starving..(most of hear meals were litterally pills...by the end of her addiction she was taking 60 pills...daily.)

Anyways, theres alot of things in that house that went on that I shoudlve never seen...my mom at one point slit her wrist, called the cops and blamed it on me, once they got there, she ran from them, took her car, and drove it into a brick wall...after she ran her car into a brick wall...she came back home and tried to hit me with a hammer (my step dad took the hammer out of her hands). After she failed with the hammer, she started chasing me with a knife (I called her a crazy bitch , she told me to tell it to her face so she could kill me)

Anyways...Lots of crazy storys like that, Ill save you all the reading time...

Anyways, after that event with the knife and hammer, my step-dad divorced my mother.
So I was back to Living with the grandparents
(For some reason , at this point in my life, I DIDNT want to leave. I really dont understand why, but I didnt want to leave that environment, My guess is that I didnt want to leave my friends , but at the same time, I felt safe being in that house...even if all that stuff was going on.[if anyone has any insight to this, PM me, Im interested to know the psychology of it]

Anyways, after the divorced (it was during summer so I had no school , I had just graduated 7th grade , and was getting ready to start 8th as a stranger to everyone)... During that summer, I found it very diffcult to sleep, but I was still getting 6 hours of sleep everday ( I would just pass out when i got tired though, usually 7-8 am, wake up around 2-3pm)

Anyways...school started...and I needed sleep...and help with depression
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My depression and lack of sleep concerned my mother. and so my mother had me see a psychitrist (Yeah, I still think it was partly for herself since she stole the first 2 scripts I had)
My Psychitrist said that since I had just recently devoloped both depression and insomnia, it would be best to deal with insomnia first to see if it was causing the depression...so after a few trys, we found ambien...worked great. Yay for Me..I can sleep
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So Now I was sleeping, great. And my depression was gone...Wow , wonder drug.

Well, about 6-10 months into the drug, I said it wasnt working for my sleep anymore...Nor for the depression either...so , he tried me on an anti-depressant to help the depression to see if it would help me sleep. So I got scripted 60mg of Cymbalta.
Okay, well, first 2 weeks, didnt work after that, I slept for maybe 6 months...

Then I was a freshman in Highschool and started having trouble sleeping again, so he upped my ambien dosage to 20mg nightly (had seventy 10mg pills. [just incase I needed 30mg on somenights])

Well, After about 2 weeks of this, I started experiencing severe depression and anxiety right from the point when I woke up and left for school until the point I got home, and then I felt okay again.

Well, I told my doctor I was having severe anxiety at school and was breaking down before school, and I stopped going to school because I didnt want to ge because I was depressed and being around people I didnt know was causing anxiety.

He told me to wait a while and see what happends, and made another appointment with me in 2 months...Well, Within that time, things got worse, and worse, and I got pretty desperate...so
I self medicated.

(Let me remind you, Prior to this, I had never done drugs, These perscriptions were the only drugs I had ever tried, and I started to feel worse than I ever had even when completely sober. I was completely against the use of drugs , even taking perscritptions bothered me, I didnt want to take ambien, but I was desperate for sleep. and thats why this all happend. After taking ambien, I felt it was okay to try all these other pills that he wanted to throw at me. before ambien I would've never taken drugs, other than marijuana, I had smoked before ambien and never had side effects. I was just a little young and had trouble finding it.)

Well, It started with 5 mg before school, and I would goto school, and be completely content and the day would just go by...nothing really ever happend...it just...went by...

Well, My grades suffered because I couldnt remember what was going on while I was at school because I was on ambien. It just made me forget everything that happend through out that day. After my grades started to drop, I tried to stop taking ambien at school, didnt work, everything was way worse than it had been before... I was waking up every morning depressed and miserable , but I would just take ambien and forget it.

You might ask yourself why would I continue to do a drug that was making me miserable...Well. Theres a few reasons. First of all, I was addicted. Second, i had severe social anxiety which wasn't diagnosed until a few years later, no one believed me so I had no help other than what I could do for myself, and I was young, so I wasnt completely able to help myself , I didnt have the knowledge I needed to help my own mind.( I was 15 at this point, and I think some of the things I experienced with my mother/father left my brain a little behind in some points, like, emotinal devolopment or the ablility to look at myself and fix problems, i was to worried about my mothers problems at the time..but Im not sure..[[.if anyone knows the psychology behind this I'd be interested to know, PM if you'd like]]

So I did what worked best at that point, and I upped my dose and took more before school...10 mg every day when I woke up before school
(Another reason I had anxiety at the school was partly because I didnt get to goto the highschool I wanted, I was forced into a christian school an hour and a half away (Oh yeah, 3 hours worth of bus ride everyday of the week)

Anyways, if you havent realized by this point...Ambien has some pretty serious effects on your mindset, and the way you would react to things {Most drugs to this to my knowledge, just not many do it to the extent ambien does.}

Well, when I was on ambien I had no inhibitions, no motivation to pay attention at school, I didnt care about my grades, I didnt care what people thought about me...I was okay with it, beacause when i was on it, I would tell myself "this is me and if they dont like me for who I am, then I dont need them"...Well, I completely believe that statement, but, I wasnt "me"...I was on ambien and it made me someone that was no one...if that makes sense...
I was fun to be around...I just...didnt have a personality I guess...no Goals, nothing to look forward to, same ol thing...everyday.

That was about to change, I took 15mg before school, and it was a monday, so I had just gotten my money , and I had just gotten my check three days before (I've had a job since I was 14.)

Well , while I was on 15mg of ambien, I started to get bored, and I wondered what would be fun. Well, I had smoked weed a few times by this point...
It had been a while and I realised that I was in highschool, I could get weed no problem, I just needed to find who had it.

So I started asking around, found some people, and bought 60$ worth of weed, by the time I got home, I felt pretty dumb...I had never bought drugs alone, I had never smoked weed alone. but I just did both of those things because I didnt care, ambien made me feel like it was okay at the time.
(when your on ambien, your actions are right, everything you do seems right to you, and even if you KNOW its wrong, it doesnt bother you, you have this overwhelming sense that everything will work out, I guess a sense of security)

Well, I was walking home thinking about what the hell im going to do with the weed, I was scared of it to be honest...I knew that the fact that I bought drugs meant something was wrong.

Well, I got home , had it hidden well, and made sure it didnt smell...by this point, I wanted to just get rid of it...I was sober, and realized what I had done...I was going to throw it away, but I decided that was alot of money and figured Id just sell it to someone else for cheap ,to get atleast some of my money back.

Well, the night rolled around, it was time to take ambien. I took 10mg, and got ready for sleep ( I dont know if anyone else experiences this, but If I dont fall asleep within the first 20 min after I take ambien...im not going to be sleeping for a few hours.)
I couldnt sleep, I was too nervous about the weed, (it had been 5 min, If I wouldve relaxed I woudlve been fine) , that nervousness turned into curiosity after ambien kicked in, so i got up and started smoking...
I smoked until I blacked out, and did the same thing the next day at school.
Took 10mg before I went to school, waited until lunch, walked off campus to the river across the street (remeber, the rich private school I was forced to goto )
Well, I got back to school after smoking, and I smoked alot...a massive ammount...I got into class and blacked out...an hour and a half passed and I didnt remember one second of it...
I thought I was sleeping...people told me other wise.

After that I decided that wasnt so good and stopped smoking anymore and got rid of the rest of the weed.

Well, the next week , I did the same thing, and the same process kept happening and after a while It didnt bother me, I just took the ambien, and didnt worry about it. everything worked for me at that point. I guess this is about the point where I stop completely stopped caring about myself/life...I find it hard to write those words...but Its the truth...I stopped caring but I was too blind to see it.

Well, after about 6 months of this, I got bored, and saved my money and stopped taking ambien for about 2 weeks, well....

Relapsed and went back into the same thing, except this time, I enough money to buy lots and lots of drugs...ambien told me this would be fun...

So I asked around, alot of people, ALOT, even people who didnt do drugs (ended up getting called into the office because they thought I was a dealer...)
Ambien made it to where I didnt feel ashamed for doing drugs (I dont believe i should have too, but I SHOULDVE been ashamed for getting addicted and abusing it at times I shoudnt have been.)

Well, I ended up finding a connect for Coke, and some stupid kid who looked in his medcine cabinet for me...and this is where my life REALLY changes...and I never would have bought these drugs if I wasnt on ambien...

I bought 150$ worth of coke which I finished in a day and a half...
I loved it. I loved the hype. I loved how awake it made me, Hell I liked it enought to stop taking ambien for a day and just enjoyed coke all day...

Then I payed 200$ for morphine...
This is where I get the most beautiful thing and yet the most ugly thing in my entire life...

20,000mg of morphine for 200$....This kids grandpa died from cancer right when they filled his script...(Ambien told me "Eh , Why waste the drugs, they'll just throw it away after a few years")

So I told him they were cheap, like vicodins, and Id pay him 1$ for each...and he agreed.

Ambien told me it was okay to buy the drugs and take them, theres nothing wrong with it (and I still believe theres nothing wrong with it, addiction is a problem, not drugs)

Well, After I expereinced Morphine, I stopped taking ambien for anxiety, and for one year...everything was perfect...everything was right...I had everything together, my grades went up, I payed attention to school, I had friends, I had a g/f ...Everything was going right...

After about a year....I ran out of supply.
My morphine supply ran dry...and I was in for it...

2 weeks of overwhelming pain and aches....and 8 months of emotinal hell.

After these two weeks ( I didnt goto school for those two weeks, no way)
I started going back to school, tried my first day without ambien.

Let me start by saying that I have never felt so alienated in my life...even in a place full of people that i know...I knew everyone by this point, and everyone was on good terms with me, and I was scared of them. I felt like I didnt know anyone. I felt like I had never been in that situation before, I honestly felt like someone push the reset button on my social skills.

the next day of school, I went under the influence of 15 mg of ambien...it didnt help, what the hell? I was on 15 mg of ambien, and I still felt like I didnt belong , Like I had never been at that school in the first place, like the 2 and 1/2 years I was there were just...gone. (I wouldnt doubt that alot of this was due to the fact that, Once I started doing drugs, I devoloped new friends, and ditched the old ones, once I stopped morphine, I stopped hanging out with people who do drugs, and couldnt go back to the people who cared about me in the first place.)

Well, I decided to change schools.
I wanted a clean slate. I wanted to be some where that I felt like I could start over and just have one small group of friends I could trust and talk to...

Well, I switched school, and was back to taking 10mg of ambien , but at this point it didnt even help, I was still depressed and had severe anxiety before and during school. (after school , when I knew I didnt have to have social interaction, everything seemed okay)

Ambien didn't do it anymore for me, It made everything disappear, but it just, made me do things I didnt want to be doing.

So , I told my doctor that I cant attend school if I dont get help for my social anxiety, at this point, i explained to him how I feel and he told me I have severe social anxiety (he didnt know about my morphine addiction)
He perscribed ativan.

I tried taking it before school, took up to 4 at a time, it didnt seem to do much for me, it just made me more of an emotional rollercoaster...

So , I tried ambien one more time, it worked for maybe 2 weeks, then I had to drop out of school, my anxiety was so bad I couldnt function in social situations, I couldnt go to places with lots of people like Wal-Mart , or the mall, or anything, it just send me into a state of panic/anxiety/fear, and for somereason I dont know where that feeling came from. (still dont)

I dropped out of school because It was recommended to me by my psychitrist. He told me that I was one of the most intelligent patients that he's ever had and that if I wanted to I could just get my G.E.D. and go into college...

It sounded like a good Idea to me, get out of Highschool early and goto college. works for me...

So I dropped out, got my G.E.D. and registered with the college.
For 6 months I didnt do anything but sit at home.
I didnt know how to be with people, I didnt know what I was supposed to do to enroll in college, I didnt know what I was supposed to do with life in general, at this point I felt pretty helpless...

Well, I ended up meeting a girl , who had a similar story to mine, except...she got addicted to uppers, and turned out to be able to talk and work with people in society...like normal people are supposed to...
We talked for a while and started dating...She was here for me supporting me and telling me not to drop out of Highschool because she wants me to graduate, but I dropped out anyways beacuse I couldnt handle the anxiety, she was very understanding, but still frustrated that I didnt try harder.

After this, she was what got me to take my G.E.D. , I was too scared to go, I was too scared to call and talk to someone, I was too scared to take the test to complete my G.E.D. , she actually took me down to the school, got all the papers, filled them out for me and had me sign it... and then showed me the class for when i would have to come back...

(my biggest fear is the unknown, and I dont know how to overcome this, so I have to know what Im doing in great detail before I do it, or I cant do it, i dont know why)


Anyways , after I completed this, She took me to the college and pretty much made me test there and sign up for the next semested...so Im now enrolled in college for next semester.....

So , Life Currently...
It's improving.
I am no longer on any medications. (maybe ambien once every 2-3 months)
I was smoking weed, alot (about 150-250$ a week)
Decided to stop last night...(Just for a month to clear my system, and then I can start clean again, and work with maybe just smoking once a week)
because it was causing problems , I was doing it too often, it was just, controlling me instead of me controlling my life.

All I can say to everyone is to know yourself, You know what you can handle, you know what you can't. Keep your motives close to heart and mind and dont fall away from them. Be aware of who you are, and know who you are.
In my experience people without roots to their own personality seem to have a much harder time controling their drug use.

Drugs are amazing, They can give you so much insight to things that you may not know about or have questions about...Control the drug...Dont let it control you...

This is my story its on the table for anyone who wants to read it.
Sorry for it being so long...