Yourself, selfish?

[frostyangel]

I was wondering
when you were
going to realize
there is a
ridiculous
new foundation
in your stupidity

And just for a
second in your
entire existence
you might just
stop to give a
thought about
somebody besides
yourself

Taking a breath
through the new
day doors

then you just
might see
the light..
That shines
equally on
all of us.

That there is
more to this
life than
yourself..

And why is it
you think that
your so much
more invincable

Because, I seem
to recall you know
just as much as
me or the next

I fell upon
which you
never knew
wasn't just
your regular
solitude..

But it was
a true
friendly
attitude

When you
reach a
certain
age that
is
followed
by
milestones
you
begin to
realize
that all
you ever
fought
for was
only to
prove to
your own
eyes'
exceptance.

And maybe
you'll wonder
why someday
you were
so concerned
with all
these things
that you
found were
for nothing..

To notice that
there is another
step in what you
have.. what you
have to approve in
this new dimension
that predicts your
conquering another
lifes' chapter
that you think
someone, but no one
really cares

And in the end
where does that
leave you standing?

 

[haste]

I like the angst in this one - very powerful.

*out comes blunt but honest hastey*

I think its flow would have been better served if it wasn't so broken up - it seems disjointed and takes away from its flow, that is obviuosdly apparent if you read it without the breaks. For example...

I was wondering when you were going to realize,
There is a ridiculous new foundation in your stupidity,
And just for a second in your entire existence
You might just stop to give a thought about somebody besides yourself

Of course this merely my opinion and what would an Aussie know anyway?

*puts blunt but honest hastey away*

Still I love the words and its content, well done

Feel free to stab me now

 

[frostyangel]

Nah, I don't mind.. you can't get stronger without first being weak.. anothers can point out errors better than yourself..

This is nothing compared to how I use to write. This is just something I threw on a page .. and copied it here.

It's sad to say that only my best work comes out when my life goes to shit.. but my life has been going in the right directions for a bit now... and look it's like I'm fucking emotionless I could write every sad word .. but can't find one word to describe the good *shrugs*

 

[neverwas]

 

[Rollingrrl]

really good piece. I read it both in its original format and the way Haste suggested and frankly both have their good points.

And FA, its not really so sad that your best work comes out of your darkest times. I am proud that when I am facing the worst times in my life, I can still create something beautiful.

 

[Squeaks]