3 days...it looks i may have taken near 150 dex tablets...5mg..
though this is not far from the normal me...10..20..30...is usual...
it must be the many xanax all day and night. creating a feeling of normality and balance.
even sleep each night....such a quick waste....so uneeded..so unaware of it.
today, many dex. many xanax. 1 pint bacardi tonight....consumption of others unknown
a usual night, felt good..fine.
but something was different...........
Tonight, i saw death in the mirror.
bloodshot eyes normal, but the eyes looking back....not mine.
face destroyed and wrecked. the face of the dying, the look of a movie character. never seen such thing.
It was death in the mirror.
Washed hands. washed face.
Looked again into the mirror....a look of dying pain.
I do not feel it....it is not me.
Walking back to my room, i escaped a close call.
tommorow i'll be perfect and normal, as i always have before.
but god damn, if the mind didn't agree i'm fine.
one would think i had already died.
sorry if this wrote out lookin almost like a poem. it isn't. must write what comes to me.
and no, this is not some depressing entry. it just takes alot to su prize me, and shit...i wrote so i wouldn't forget.
Amazing how the mirror image, can try to defy your inner feelings :D
(wrote this for journal....had wrong thing open...shitty.. it is now twice in.)