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Your Rock Bottom
- Thread starter Faded .45
- Start date
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
hobhead
Bluelighter
i would add my worst horror story but it is pointless and far too much like a NA/AA round of the same stuff . dreary stuff IMHO
Chaos23
Bluelighter
I have several 'rock bottom' experiences... The one that stands out the most is the following:
I was an IV heroin addict for 7 years. My parents had long since changed the locks on me and kicked me out of the house for repeatedly robbing them blind.
They were out of town and I broke into their house and had a HUGE yard sale where I sold thousands and thousands of dollars worth of their things for around 800 bucks.
Yeah. That has to be one of the worst in my life.
Or laying on the floor in a public restroom with urine on the floor digging for a vein for like 30 minutes because all of them were so shot out. I eventually wrapped the belt around my neck and hit the vein in my forehead. That was a memorable one.
Shit, there are too many to list. FUCK IV drug addiction. That shit is fucking retarded. I am just glad I don't do that shit anymore.
I was an IV heroin addict for 7 years. My parents had long since changed the locks on me and kicked me out of the house for repeatedly robbing them blind.
They were out of town and I broke into their house and had a HUGE yard sale where I sold thousands and thousands of dollars worth of their things for around 800 bucks.
Yeah. That has to be one of the worst in my life.
Or laying on the floor in a public restroom with urine on the floor digging for a vein for like 30 minutes because all of them were so shot out. I eventually wrapped the belt around my neck and hit the vein in my forehead. That was a memorable one.
Shit, there are too many to list. FUCK IV drug addiction. That shit is fucking retarded. I am just glad I don't do that shit anymore.
I agree with Sweet P.This thread is going to help more people than one might think. I know just reading it only strengthened my resolve to stay off of opiates. I got to the point where I was comfortable at my rock bottom. The only stealing I did happened to be the worst kind, taking pain meds from a person who really needed them. Stupid shit for a few crappy pills that I was only taking to not get sick. So User Name Here, don't feel like you were the worst person in the world for taking some patches. There are the rest of us that have sunk just as low while at our worst.
ShAYZoN
Bluelighter
Mine was afte taking 14 bombs in 6 hours coming home high as shit throwing up and tellig my mom my drug addiction. I just relapsed yesterday and I'm very depressed today and I am going to check myself into rehab.
User Name Here
Bluelight Crew
That's awesome. I am originally from a town outside of Atlanta, got sent off to rehab/Girl Interrupted-style school at 17, moved to SC and graduated from James Island High, attended school at the University of Mississippi, aaaand now I'm back here =) I love it here in Charleston. This will be my third year living here and I couldn't be any happier. Unfortunately it looks like I will be moving to Quantico, VA in about a year so I'm enjoying my time left the best I can...
How do you like Clemson? I go up there about twice a year to see friends and whatnot, and I like it there. I also have a lot of friends in Anderson and Greenville/Spartanburg. Are you at Clemson right now or have you taken the summer off?
stuckinaloop
Bluelighter
This post you just made was pointless.
supersmoker27
Bluelighter
So far It has to be the day my mom went through my phone on accident cause she thought it was hers and found out I was addicted to benzos and opies. fent and xanax mainly
Then she found an empty container where she keeps her money on my floor
Then banned my best friend from my house.
Then I did all the drugs I could find and went to burn bridges with pretty much everyone I know.
I have like 2 friends left.
Woke up in a haze the next day with pretty much everything i own smashed(benzo rage).
Then my mother took me to a rehab evaluation or something and the guy said i was the worst hes seen in a long time and i need to detox in a hospital right away or ill die from a heart attack withdrawing or some shit.
That freaked my mother out and she just kept bitching at me and I just got so fed up with everything I tried to od but was unsuccessful. and since then my lifes been hell, everyday gets worse and I have no goals or wishes except to be dead. but im sure that will happen soon with a overdose.
Then she found an empty container where she keeps her money on my floor
Then banned my best friend from my house.
Then I did all the drugs I could find and went to burn bridges with pretty much everyone I know.
I have like 2 friends left.
Woke up in a haze the next day with pretty much everything i own smashed(benzo rage).
Then my mother took me to a rehab evaluation or something and the guy said i was the worst hes seen in a long time and i need to detox in a hospital right away or ill die from a heart attack withdrawing or some shit.
That freaked my mother out and she just kept bitching at me and I just got so fed up with everything I tried to od but was unsuccessful. and since then my lifes been hell, everyday gets worse and I have no goals or wishes except to be dead. but im sure that will happen soon with a overdose.
ABCDFG I Ate The E
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2010
- Messages
- 435
I'm only 17 and have related to way too many stories on here. Just reading these helped me out alot though, I don't want to ever steal from my parents again. I feel so guilty about it now because I WAS addicted to mdma, not physically addicted but i did it so much in a short period of time because i thought it was so great, now looking back, the only way i got all the money for that was from stealing.
My rock bottom was being on the street for 2 years IVing dope and coke in the ghetto. I've shot up with people in dope houses, smoked crack on railroad tracks with 10 other random junkies, walked into abandonded houses into other people shooting into their necks, dicks, and legs. Seen many other street people around the area die off over that period. Besides that I went throuugh all of my savings within 5 months (around 10k) that I had saved up. I lost my job and had to sell syringes at a train station for $1 a piece in order to afford my dope and food. Would also shoot up random people or first timers in exchange for a little cash or more than likely some of their drugs. Never shared needles tho and have been tested negative for HIV and hep c thankfully. Lost most of my friends and respect I had. I took out a $500 loan and spent it on heroin in a couple days and 6months later I am still paying it off.
What made me change was I was getting desperate and sick more often and was barely getting high any more since I couldnt afford to dose huge, just to stay well. One day my dad was looking thry my drawers for some reason and found some old needles and empty bags and confronted me. I told him all about my addiction and he got me on suboxone...been clean for the most part ever since for 6 months now except 2 minor relapses.
What made me change was I was getting desperate and sick more often and was barely getting high any more since I couldnt afford to dose huge, just to stay well. One day my dad was looking thry my drawers for some reason and found some old needles and empty bags and confronted me. I told him all about my addiction and he got me on suboxone...been clean for the most part ever since for 6 months now except 2 minor relapses.
Draigan
Ex-Bluelighter
Its nice to read peoples stories. Puts a story to an avatar?
Fuck I don't even know when my rock bottom was. I have a pretty clear rock bottom when I got stabbed and WD from IV dope and w/e after that. But before that I had many many nights where I would be in WD or crying/afraid/screaming at myself for god knows whatever reason.
The whole fucking experience was a nightmare.
Fuck I don't even know when my rock bottom was. I have a pretty clear rock bottom when I got stabbed and WD from IV dope and w/e after that. But before that I had many many nights where I would be in WD or crying/afraid/screaming at myself for god knows whatever reason.
The whole fucking experience was a nightmare.
burntserkits
Bluelighter
Mine came in 1999. A year out of high school with no job and had been thrown out of parent's. I was strung out of meth and drinking heavily while living with a dear friend and her blind and partially deaf mother. We were living illegally in their country home that had been foreclosed on. They had already kicked us out but we broke back in and moved back in. No running water, no electricity. We were barely scraping by on hand outs and hot checks, which is a lot harder to do now. Still paying on fines from back then too. My family had disowned me and we were putting my friends poor mother through sheer misery. 
this takes me back to bad times....
this takes me back to bad times....JustaChippa
Bluelighter
I didn't really have one specific "epiphany" moment or event, just a long, slow, sad downward spiral over a period of about five years, during which time I surrendered more and more of my self-control, self-respect, and scruples. Sometimes things just align the right way and you know it's time to quit, and that was how it happened for me. The opportunity arose for me to move out of state, far away from any of my connects and sources, and I took it. I brought enough hydro with me to stay well for a week after arriving, then quit c/t on 8/17/08. Now it's just (very) occasional use for me, but oh how easily I could slide back into full-blown addiction! I have been thinking lately that maybe it's time to face up to the fact that I should probably swear off any and all opiate use forever, because I just like the pills way too much.
I've had a few of what I thought were rock bottom moments, but then something else happens.
The last incident that made me question myself alot was a few months ago, on the sidewalk outside a bar in Fresno. I was hammered, and coked out of my mind, and in a horrendous, pissy, depressed mood. A friend of mine I've known since I was 17-18 (I'm 27) jokingly said something to me about being a fuck-up....sometihng completely innocent and not meant in a hurtful way.
Without even pausing to think, I hit him. Hard. I'm a pretty big guy too, and I used to box alot and was in the Army for a time. So he went down, and I kept hitting him. Then I hit someone else who tried stop me. Thank god, both of them know the state I've been in and didn't press charges when the cops came and snatched me up.
The last incident that made me question myself alot was a few months ago, on the sidewalk outside a bar in Fresno. I was hammered, and coked out of my mind, and in a horrendous, pissy, depressed mood. A friend of mine I've known since I was 17-18 (I'm 27) jokingly said something to me about being a fuck-up....sometihng completely innocent and not meant in a hurtful way.
Without even pausing to think, I hit him. Hard. I'm a pretty big guy too, and I used to box alot and was in the Army for a time. So he went down, and I kept hitting him. Then I hit someone else who tried stop me. Thank god, both of them know the state I've been in and didn't press charges when the cops came and snatched me up.
unsettled
Bluelighter
"The last incident that made me question myself alot was a few months ago, on the sidewalk outside a bar in Fresno. I was hammered, and coked out of my mind, and in a horrendous, pissy, depressed mood. A friend of mine I've known since I was 17-18 (I'm 27) jokingly said something to me about being a fuck-up....sometihng completely innocent and not meant in a hurtful way."
Fresno does strange things to people, if I lived in Fresno my drug problems would probably be 10 times worse. I've never spent a lot of time there, just enough time to know it wasn't somewhere I wanted to be.
Fresno does strange things to people, if I lived in Fresno my drug problems would probably be 10 times worse. I've never spent a lot of time there, just enough time to know it wasn't somewhere I wanted to be.
Pomplemous
Bluelighter
Mine was the day that when I was well into H at the time, a nasty smoking addiction - the day I passed a parked lorry next to the road and into my mind flashed - give blow job for money - DING DING DING DGIN!! ALARM!!! You what? Wah, it's got that bad.
and around the same time I started to need more than I could really afford to smoke so thought maybe to start injecting like my boyfriend... DING DING DING DING!! ALARRMMM!! - You WHAT??
No Danger! I'm out of here - packed a bag and left after 6 years heavy use. It was easy to quit though when just up and leave town - moved into my brother's with his family and there's not much moping about you can do when there's a 2 year old child looking at you to play with them... (not mine)
and around the same time I started to need more than I could really afford to smoke so thought maybe to start injecting like my boyfriend... DING DING DING DING!! ALARRMMM!! - You WHAT??
No Danger! I'm out of here - packed a bag and left after 6 years heavy use. It was easy to quit though when just up and leave town - moved into my brother's with his family and there's not much moping about you can do when there's a 2 year old child looking at you to play with them... (not mine)
leiphos
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 8, 2008
- Messages
- 1,147
drone bombs?
my bottom was honestly the day i ate my first Vicodin...
i was able to control my opiate abuse for a few months, when 20-30mgs of oxy would get me off..then the Opana came around.
oh sweet yet sour Opana...it took everything from me. I was doing 80mgs of oxymorphone to feel normal at the worst point. I stole from my parents while i was still living there...jewelry, 400 dollars in old coins that i traded to an old man for 5 Opana 30s, anything that wasn't "too noticeable"...well they noticed. so i started to sell my shit, sold my Xbox, sold my computers, my ipod..anything of value.
my father knew all too well i was addicted to something. (i was 18 at the time, now 19) one night he confronted me and asked if i was using crack and ecstasy..i got pissed and left. (opana fucks with your emotions) i was homeless for about 3 or 4 months. i had a job at a grocery store, i stole money from the registers and stole pretty much anything i could. eventually they caught me stealing and fired me. so i stole from my friends and other stores, whatever i had to do to get more Opana. i lost so many friends who cared for me, but i was okay. i had Opana. i just wanted to escape the fate that was inevitable.
around the time i was kicked out, i had a beautiful girlfriend. she thought i was smoking a lot of weed cause everytime i'd see her i was half-asleep. i couldn't bring myself to tell my lover i was a dope fiend. so i lied to her, "borrowed" money from her for "food" cause she knew i wasn't living at my house and that i had lost my job. she treated me so well...and i treated her like shit. i chose Opana over her. time and time again i'd blow her off to get high.
so eventually, still homeless, i found the needle. i was banging oxy's and opana IRs...oh god how good the opana ir's felt. i would do anything for them, spend any amount of money on them..i spent 35 dollars for one 10mg pill.
needless to say my girlfriend found out, i forgot to erase messages and she read a bunch when i was sick that said "please help me find something, i need something i just need one fucking shot dude"...well she broke up with me. i was heartbroken, dopesick, depressed, and now suicidal.
april 11th 2010 i wrote a note that i intended to use as a suicide note. it said i was hopelessly addicted to painkillers and without them i saw no reason to continue my life as it was. there was more but i destroyed the note because it was too much for me to handle. no money, no job, college dropout, no friends, girlfriend, homeless, and i knew the only reason was because of Opana...yet i wanted more of it still.
i could not kill myself..i couldn't think about putting my parents and my girl through that kind of pain. so i started to clean up my act. when i didnt have money for opana (which are expensive as FUCK around Pittsburgh--40mg ER can go for 80 bucks) i would buy suboxone or xanax. these drugs saved me so much pain. i dont think i would have been able to clean up without them. when i was sick, i was SICK. i would vomit and sweat and shake violently. it was awful.
so after about a month of weening myself down and using xanax/subs i was able to stop. i felt better. i wasn't physically ill anymore but the psychological thing was equally as hard to get over. my girl helped me a lot, aswell as my remaining friends. they saved me from full on relapse..i loved the lifestyle of a junkie. i loved being high and not caring then having to do it all over again. it was something to live for, something to do. in hindsight i obviously don't feel that way lol...in fact, im still mentally unstable with opiates, which is why i still use occasionally. i must stress, it is very occasional. i will never let myself slip into that self-destructive path which is Opana abuse.
now i'm back to normal-ish. my girl is now my girlfriend again. she understands what happened and why i did it. she allows me to do pills every once in awhile, but she insists that she has to be there with me
. im going back to school in the fall, i forgot to mention i dropped out of college around the time that i got fired. i am allowed back to my house now, and my parents have forgiven me..yet they still don't know what i was on. i don't have the balls to tell them, in fear they might send me to rehab. and i also have another job at a best buy.
so the main point i want to make with this is, if you are consistently using any form of opiates or any drug for that matter, quit while you're ahead. addiction will creep up on you, one minute you'll feel completely in control, then the next you're stealing money from the registers at your job. you'll lose everything eventually..with addiction, you play a game you cannot win.
PS: there were a lot of other events that happened that swayed me to quit the lifestyle, one of which was watching my "drug buddy" overdose in front of me. we were smoking fentanyl in his car...he died in front of me. it brought me to my knees physically and mentally. im thankful that i avoided jail or death throughout this year of extreme oxymorphone abuse.
-hilkdog
i was able to control my opiate abuse for a few months, when 20-30mgs of oxy would get me off..then the Opana came around.
oh sweet yet sour Opana...it took everything from me. I was doing 80mgs of oxymorphone to feel normal at the worst point. I stole from my parents while i was still living there...jewelry, 400 dollars in old coins that i traded to an old man for 5 Opana 30s, anything that wasn't "too noticeable"...well they noticed. so i started to sell my shit, sold my Xbox, sold my computers, my ipod..anything of value.
my father knew all too well i was addicted to something. (i was 18 at the time, now 19) one night he confronted me and asked if i was using crack and ecstasy..i got pissed and left. (opana fucks with your emotions) i was homeless for about 3 or 4 months. i had a job at a grocery store, i stole money from the registers and stole pretty much anything i could. eventually they caught me stealing and fired me. so i stole from my friends and other stores, whatever i had to do to get more Opana. i lost so many friends who cared for me, but i was okay. i had Opana. i just wanted to escape the fate that was inevitable.
around the time i was kicked out, i had a beautiful girlfriend. she thought i was smoking a lot of weed cause everytime i'd see her i was half-asleep. i couldn't bring myself to tell my lover i was a dope fiend. so i lied to her, "borrowed" money from her for "food" cause she knew i wasn't living at my house and that i had lost my job. she treated me so well...and i treated her like shit. i chose Opana over her. time and time again i'd blow her off to get high.
so eventually, still homeless, i found the needle. i was banging oxy's and opana IRs...oh god how good the opana ir's felt. i would do anything for them, spend any amount of money on them..i spent 35 dollars for one 10mg pill.
needless to say my girlfriend found out, i forgot to erase messages and she read a bunch when i was sick that said "please help me find something, i need something i just need one fucking shot dude"...well she broke up with me. i was heartbroken, dopesick, depressed, and now suicidal.
april 11th 2010 i wrote a note that i intended to use as a suicide note. it said i was hopelessly addicted to painkillers and without them i saw no reason to continue my life as it was. there was more but i destroyed the note because it was too much for me to handle. no money, no job, college dropout, no friends, girlfriend, homeless, and i knew the only reason was because of Opana...yet i wanted more of it still.
i could not kill myself..i couldn't think about putting my parents and my girl through that kind of pain. so i started to clean up my act. when i didnt have money for opana (which are expensive as FUCK around Pittsburgh--40mg ER can go for 80 bucks) i would buy suboxone or xanax. these drugs saved me so much pain. i dont think i would have been able to clean up without them. when i was sick, i was SICK. i would vomit and sweat and shake violently. it was awful.
so after about a month of weening myself down and using xanax/subs i was able to stop. i felt better. i wasn't physically ill anymore but the psychological thing was equally as hard to get over. my girl helped me a lot, aswell as my remaining friends. they saved me from full on relapse..i loved the lifestyle of a junkie. i loved being high and not caring then having to do it all over again. it was something to live for, something to do. in hindsight i obviously don't feel that way lol...in fact, im still mentally unstable with opiates, which is why i still use occasionally. i must stress, it is very occasional. i will never let myself slip into that self-destructive path which is Opana abuse.
now i'm back to normal-ish. my girl is now my girlfriend again. she understands what happened and why i did it. she allows me to do pills every once in awhile, but she insists that she has to be there with me
. im going back to school in the fall, i forgot to mention i dropped out of college around the time that i got fired. i am allowed back to my house now, and my parents have forgiven me..yet they still don't know what i was on. i don't have the balls to tell them, in fear they might send me to rehab. and i also have another job at a best buy. so the main point i want to make with this is, if you are consistently using any form of opiates or any drug for that matter, quit while you're ahead. addiction will creep up on you, one minute you'll feel completely in control, then the next you're stealing money from the registers at your job. you'll lose everything eventually..with addiction, you play a game you cannot win.
PS: there were a lot of other events that happened that swayed me to quit the lifestyle, one of which was watching my "drug buddy" overdose in front of me. we were smoking fentanyl in his car...he died in front of me. it brought me to my knees physically and mentally. im thankful that i avoided jail or death throughout this year of extreme oxymorphone abuse.
-hilkdog