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Young, Lost on a Dark Path and Need Help

S

sgtteamkill

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
71
Well im goin to try and explain my situation as well as i can without going into much detail. For starters i just turned 20 and anyone who can offer me advice please i beg you to give your help.

It all started my senior year, roughly 3 years ago, when i smoked some weed and had a severe panic attack. That happened 2 more times smoking weed and then finally it started happening all the time. In a nutshell in the end it got so bad i became bedridden with anxiety and dropped out of school. I think its also important to add i did experiment with opiates occasionally.

Well after many a doctors and many a prescriptions turned down the anxiety turned into SEVERE depression, this is where things get hazy, at some point in this time i got really addicted to methadone, both my parents take it and i was taking about 5 a day. I cant remember what came first the depression or the addiction. My doc also prescribed me Vyvanse for the depression because i asked, this i dont know was best.

Well after about 2 years of the worst shit ive ever been through i finally weaned myself off of the methadone, quit taking vyvanse, and got back to life. I felt great! I was happy and out and about daily seeing my friends again. At this time I started drinking daily, and i met my wonderful girlfriend. Well after a month or so i fucked up...my friend had some morphine and i started taking opiates again.

This quickly spiraled downhill to a full fledged addiction again, and back to those feelings of wanting to just be alone in my room and away from the world. I told my parents and they put me on a methadone "regiment" to wean me off again, this time FOR GOOD.

Well, now im down to about 2-3 methadone a day, without it i am completly immobile, tired and just all around out of it. It also only works for about 4 hours. Well today is the day we decided it was time to get off of this shit for good, im ready to live, i missed out on my senior year, prom, walking with my friends at grad and who knows what else all i know is all i have now is my wonderful girlfriend who has been there thru thick and thin.

Basically im wanting to know how should i stop this? Should i go cold turkey? Wean? How quickly? And most importantly, after being off the drug how long until i can experience happyness and joy again? I miss living, really all im looking for is opinions, experiences and support. I cant imagine a harder time ahead of me in my life:(.
 
I can't share any experiences, because I've never really done opiates, but if my opinion is any help to you, then I think it makes sense to give up methadone the same way you did before. Because you've done it before, you know you can, so that fact will comfort you :). Life will be there for you when you get back, and you've got a lot more to look forward to then you've missed. I believe you can go clean because you clearly want to, and I wish you much luck!
 
sgtteamkill said:
Basically im wanting to know how should i stop this? Should i go cold turkey? Wean? How quickly? And most importantly, after being off the drug how long until i can experience happyness and joy again? I miss living, really all im looking for is opinions, experiences and support. I cant imagine a harder time ahead of me in my life:(.
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Hey sgt, sorry to hear of your troubles man. It's good to hear you're ready to quit though, and that you recognise it's the right thing to do. I don't have any personal experience with quitting opiates but there is a lot of information on here about quitting/tapering/withdrawals/etc. Check out the heroin/opoid thread for lots of support and discussion on opiate addiction. It can take a while for you to feel back to normal again, as your brain and body recover from the addiction. But you will start to feel better, and gradually you will regain happiness and joy again. You will need support during your recovery so it would be a good idea to look in to getting some drug counselling or regular therapy now, so that you can have an established relationship with a counsellor before you start tapering down. And of course your parents and girlfriend are there to help you too.

I wish you the best of luck, keep us updated <3
 
what ever you dont panick if you dont feel totaly right after coming off your meth after a few weeks, i thought i would never feel normal again after coming off my meth, normality will start creeping in after a while! it does take a while to get out of your system, it was kinda satisfying for me when i started to feel normal and happy again, i felt refreshed!
 
I thank you all greatly for your help, for those interested i will do my best to keep this updated.
 
That sounds horrible. Am very sorry. I can't say I've been addicted to Methadone, however, there was a period in my life I was hooked on 30 pills a day to a barbiturate plus codeine. I weaned myself off, but did so too fast. Life sucked pretty bad for about a month, but it slowly got better. After getting busted back in 1994, in the grip of this addiction to pills, I had been a mega doctor shopper + forging my own scripts, which is the reason I got busted. I wanted to crawl up into a little ball & hide 4ever, stay in my room, & never again be forced to deal with the harshness of life. I was forced, however, to either kill myself (didn't want to be penalized in purgatory--alive but in spirit form) or go to work whether I wanted to or not. About 2 months of not full time doc shopping, NEVER again forging my own scripts, life got better.

Although I did hang on to the doc that was the most generous in how many pills he would allow me at a time, compared to having 50+ sources down to one, cut my use sharply. I do NOT recommend quitting methadone cold turkey. I used to dose methadone patients for a living for a couple years. I probably had 2000 clients & every single one of them told me when they had to go to jail, after the 3rd day of no dose, it was pretty fucking horrific. From what everyone tells me, methadone is THE worst I've actually witnessed & spoken to others trying to kick alone. Therefore, I definitely suggest either taper under medical supervison--or talk to your parents, research Ibogaine. It will detox you completely off the drug w/o horrible kicking in about 36-72 hours...& they have medically supervised clinics in Canada & Mexico...it's illegal in the US, unfortunately, but to tell the truth, had I been able to finance a trip over a year ago to Canada to detox me off Tramadol, I would have done so in a New York minute. The detox sets your brain chemistry back to your pre using days or where they should be from the research I've done. Either way, I'd see a professional & explain to the doc the hell you're going through. Hope this helps. Hugs.
 
Yeh know..... I've yet to hear of anyone successfuly coming off a methadone taper. It always turns into an infinite taper, due to the protracted nature of the w/d's when finally stopping. The way I look at it, methadone is excellent harm-reduction for heroin users, but is disasterous for treatment of addiction to almost everything else
 
Well everyone its still fairly difficult but I am now down to 2.5mg a day and out doing stuff again! I feel so accomplished, that was the hardest thing Ive ever done and am still doing. Its a long tough road, but the end is what makes the hard travel worthwhile. I just wanted to re-post as a few people wanted me to keep this updated. Thank you again everyone
 
I would recommend going down 1ml of methadone a day or every 2 days. I just recently went cold turkey off 70mls of methadone + heroin and I am still suffering (29 days after last dose). It's a bastard of a drug to come off, hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It wont be too bad if you wean yourself down. Good luck mate, it's really good that you want to come off it, it's not real living when your on opiates and a lot of people get stuck in the bubble.

EDIT: Just seen your post. Well fucking done my friend! I think if you can get down to 1ml and jump off that, it wont be too bad then. Get some Lofexidine or Clonidine and some sleeping meds and you'll get through it, be careful with the sleepers though, you should only take for the worst 3 or 4 days really.

Keep up the good work mate!!
 
sgtteamkill said:
And most importantly, after being off the drug how long until i can experience happyness and joy again? I miss living, really all im looking for is opinions, experiences and support. I cant imagine a harder time ahead of me in my life:(.
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Were drugs what was making you happy? Assuming you were happy before you took them you should have no problem being happy once you get through the detox. That part is hell so once it's over you need to put some real effort into finding things that make you smile. Stay away from the zombie movies and watch Toy Story and Cars again. Little things like that maybe. Can't hurt!
 
You recovered once you CAN do it again you need the will power and maybe need treatment, i know thats hard to hear.

In rehab i heard it can take 15-18 months to get your brain back to a nearly normal state, sounds like about how long it took you last time if i read correctly. Thats just what i head though..
 
Ixchellian said:
Noe!!!

Evil Dead 1&2, Army of Darkness, and Bubbahotep! Hail to the king, baby! =D

Nobody tell me that shit ain't funny.
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Sorry Ix but Mater trumps anything zombie and Toy Story just has so much visually too. I love all the Pixar flicks. Thank God I have a 4 year old grandson to watch them with daily!

I like a good zombie movie too but it takes more brain cells to watch it. I constantly have to pause and look again to get everything in. I like to absorb movies...:)
 
sgtteamkill, i don't know if this is useful or might be useful at some time but in the uk there seems to be a lot of success with subutex as an alternative to methadone. just in case - if it is possible just to switch to subutex, that is, straight from methadone. not that you're not doing really well already with your tapering down. my partner's subutex has a blocker so he can't use heroin or enjoy it - i think that's right. He has no desire for heroin and he is able to work for himself, take holidays with me, and have a full and normal life again - even though his subutex dose is still quite high - he prefers that to take a couple of years to get sorted & healed emotionally and sorted and do it properly and forever and know he genuinely is stable and doesn't ever want or need to use again. he has been started by our town's free drug support team on a very gentle taper - over a long period and exactly as he feels comfortable. We have a lot of users in our town so there is a lot of support. I'm a non-using partner so like your situation I have been with him when he was using and through his voluntary switch from heroin to subutex. I didn't realise I must admit that the emotional healing, balancing would take so long even when you are on a substitute medication so I need to learn more about that side coz I kick off probably unnecessarily sometimes with frustration at behaviour I don't understand, but I guess the partners are the main support and we need to recognise we need to get some support ourselves to be strong and patient and be more understanding. I just thought there is a lot of support I believe for subutex (suboxone i think is same) - here on Bluelight in case you want to explore that - but only if you ever need an alternative option to methadone. Maybe it's easier to taper or actually come off and stay off. Maybe you can lose the desire/need to use heroin easier by using subutex with a blocker - I'm not sure. I just know it's favoured over here and is successful.
 
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