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You know you're drunk when...

CTdopeLove

CTdopeLove

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 15, 2005
Messages
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Everyone who drinks on a semi-regularly basis knows that when you get drunk, you always think you need more until you end up sick, riding the porcelin bus home. So in those brief moments of clarity while you're drunk, how do you realize you're drunk enough?

You know you're drunk when...
You sit down to piss (+points for male drinkers) and use the roll of toilet paper as a pillow (+points if you use 1-ply; also +points if you can remember, even vaguely, doing this more than once in the past).

~CTdopeLove
 
When you wake up in bed with some nasty fat ugly whore.

When you wake up and smell piss in your trash can.

When you get arrested because you decide every car on your block would look better without windows. (Props for naming the movie this is done in.)
 
when you wake up on the floor a foot from your bed because you couldn't make it all the way

when you wake up with unexplained cuts and bruises

when you wake up in the middle of a suburban road

when you wake up in the middle of a four-way intersection sleeping on a couch because you were too whambasted to notice your friends dragging you out there giggling drunk

when you wake up only to slip off the roof that has managed to keep you miraculously stuck until the end of your slumbers

when you light a cigarette the wrong way

when you EAT the cigarette

when you use the paper waste as an ashtray

when you set your fake purple fuzzy pimp hat on fire with a blunt.... and don't notice until someone puts it out
 
g0d of g0t 0D said:
When you wake up in bed with some nasty fat ugly whore.

When you wake up and smell piss in your trash can.

When you get arrested because you decide every car on your block would look better without windows. (Props for naming the movie this is done in.)
Click to expand...

SLC Punk
great flick
^ Now give me my propz yo


you know you were drunk when you wake up in a puddle of your own vomit.
 
when you wake up and notice the variety of stains on your shirt.
 
when you wake up with a wet bed vomit everywhere no money no cell phone no shoes and your dick hanging out of your jeans
 
when you ask the bartender if they know where you live

when you suddenly gain stand up comedy powers

when you get dropped off in your street and walk past your driveway 5 times

i have actually done these things several times... :\
 
never. laughed. so. much. at. one. thread.

also, when you loudly proclaim that because you have no access to a mirror, you wouldnt knowifyoud grown a mouth on your forehead or not, and thus proceed to slam an apple into your head until it turns to mush. once satified that your forehead is mouthless, you vomit all over yourself and pass out. (yes it all happened)
 
When you wake up with your dad standing over you, videoing you passed out on the floor, and by waking you up, hes kicking you gently in the head.
Apparently i had got in that night, and just fell to sleep, dad thought it would be funny to video me while i was passed out, on his way to work.
Cheers Dad. :)
 
...you use wine glasses for throwing-knife practice.

...you're throwing up in someone's flower bed.

...you cut the cables in peoples houses with your wire-cutters... because the central heating is making a noise that annoys you.

...you repeatedly attempt to open a door which is blocked by another mans head, on the other side.

...you fail to realise that a man is repeatedly attempting to open a door which is blocked by your head.

...you fall asleep on a solid stone floor, under a tea-towel.

...you whack out a knife and stab people who steal your place on the sofa.

...you knock people out when they ignore you.

...you make a god-idol in your friends backyard, which is represented by a smiley face, daubed in tomato ketchup, on his garden wall.
(we were quite young at the time)
 
youre lying on the floor, you've pissed yourself, and are being sick through your nose cos youre too pissed to open your mouth. you cant lie down on the floor without holding on.
 
When you stagger home, go to sleep in your bedroom and wake up in your sisters bed8)

It happened. Recently:o

Luckily she didn't come home that night%)
 
When you forget earlier in that day that you had gotten your lip pierced and repeatedly ask 'what the hell are they?!' to your piercings...

When you shout at someone for something they did AGES ago.

When you try and suck off your boyfriend in front of all of your friends and his because you 'felt like it'... [My missus did that ROFL]

When you have fallen down more times than you have taken a step...
 
When you wake up the next morning, check your phone and realise you've sent text messages to every single one of your ex-girlfriends proclaiming your love for them.

Happens to me every weekend.

Or when you wake up to discover your jeans are in the toilet, the reason being you threw up all over them and thought rather than use the sink you'd use the toilet to wash them. I just went home in my boxers. In fact that actually reminds me I never went back for my jeans, fuck.
 
when you throw up all over the inside of your mom's car (happened to me) 8)
 
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