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Yall who are "Clean" - Will you ever use again?

so, you ever gonna get high again?

  • YES - someday-but no set plans. all i know is i will use again before i die

    Votes: 15 34.1%

  • YES - As soon as ___ happens

    Votes: 13 29.5%

  • MAYBE - I dont plan on it, but hey you never know, i might

    Votes: 11 25.0%

  • NO - Im off this shit 4-EVAR!

    Votes: 2 4.5%

  • Other (please explain in the thread)

    Votes: 3 6.8%
  • Total voters
    44
K

Khadijah

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Dec 18, 2003
Messages
16,368
Location
Hell
So heres a question for all my "recovered/ing" addicts out there, people who are currently "off" their drug of choice and 'in recovery' or wtf ever you want to call it. Whether your clean spell is long term or short term or wtfever--if you are currently off the shit, this question applies to you.

Are you ever gonna use again?

That question is a little big tho...So, ill break it down...

--Do you PLAN to use again someday in the future, when the time is right, but you just dont know when that time may be, it could be 2 years from now? Or maybe like, when you are 50 years old?

--do you PLAN to use again sometime sooner, when a set thing occurs (probation ends, IOP ends, once you get out of rehab, once you do this that or the third)

--Do you not plan to use again, but leave it open as a possibility, cuz you aint totally against it, but just right NOW you dont really think you will?

--do you plan to never use again for the rest of your life, and firmly stick to that and truly believe that you are totally, completely done with using--FOR EVAR!

etc....

If you do plan to use again, tell us about the circumstances that will have to be in place before you will get high again. If you dont plan to use again tell us your thoughts on that, if you feel that you can definately say 100% you will never touch shit again, or if you are takin a more day by day approach to it.

Vote in the poll, too, and if you say other post here about your situation.

I would like to see yals thoughts on the kind of scary idea of "a life time of nevereverever doin that shit again" and your views on exactly wat stayin clean means to you. :)
 
for people really serious about their recovery, it's impossible to say if you'll ever use again. who knows want can happen next week, tomorrow, next month etc? the only thing we all can count on is that today we wont get high or drunk.

but personally i plan on relapsing in a week or so..

edit: also does staying clean for other people mean not touching their doc or abstaining from all drugs? what about nicotine and caffeine?

cutting off contact with people that were involved with drugs, what about this site? i know its the internet and can't physically touch you but still?? thoughts/comments?
 
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I'm serious about my recovery and I know that I will use again and its not going to be some weak willed shit I'm gonna carefully plan my binge relapse to like two days one for use one for recovery. Move on and be done with it.
 
man theres alotta votes on the poll but only 2 replies--dont just vote, post too! I like to hear yalls opinions about it, and the poll gives a basic idea but i like hearin a lil more indepth answers on exactly how you feel . If you voted yes when ___ happens, wat is that event? if you said yea, just sometime in your life but you aint sure when, do you have any particular circumstances that you think would have to be in place before it could happen again? Etc. dont be shy yall, reply! :)
 
i will ~probably~ never use again. I've completely removed myself from the area where I was using, cut myself off entirely from people I was friends with (or married to!) while I was using, and have no plans to be around heroin ever again. I've touched death and would rather not get that close until I'm actually dying.
 
I'll break it down..........

My 8 year anniversary just came and went..... So its been a while since I used anything illegal.

I can say that I'll never use opiates again unless I get hurt and they give me opiod pills, but I'll probably tell them not to.:p

I can say that I've done all the acid I'll ever need, so wont do that again.;)

Same with shrooms, no more.....:|

Will never use cocaine again.....:p

Doubt I'll smoke pot, cause I dont have any sources anymore.:|

Might try hash again, but no source, and its always been rare.:\

No to methamphetamines:p

Never tried X, but cant say whether I'd do it or not, but no source for it, so......8)

No to most Rc's, but I have to say that I am curious about a few of them, but curiosity hasnt led me to doing it yet.8)

No more alcohol either.......:p

So, you're guess is as good as mine whether I'll do any drug ever again........Maybe not, but who knows........
 
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I can't wait to do some opiates again.

I have not done any since august, with the exception of a batch of poppy tea.

I am away at school, and there is not much of an opiate scene here. Also, the amount of money that it would take to get me high would get me drunk for a month... soooo I will stick to drinking.

So I will probably not use until I am home again. I don't really actively seek out opiates, but I have an idea of who has what when I am back home.
 
Yes I'll use again when money and supply come back up to par. Well, I already have used plenty of times since I was a full blown oxy addict 2 years ago. I learned my lesson. A 3 - 5 day oxy binge is as far as I take it now. Usually its only 40 - 80mg every 3 weeks or so. I've been "chipping" nicely. Well, that's if my use falls under the chipping category lol
 
I have been clean for 7 months, and while I do not have a desire to start using again, I know just how inevitable it can be at times. I highly doubt that I will never use again, but I know I will not actively pursue it neither.
 
I just picked my prescription again today. My life isn't getting any better without it and the reason I quit stimulants was because they stopped working. I imagine it will go in this cycle for me:
Quit.
Relapse.
Do it once or twice a week.
Every other day.
Everyday.
It will stop working quit again.
Repeat.

Something that would break the cycle is if my life gets better, or if I stop getting my prescription. I imagine that my life will get better first, but until then, I will take my 'antidepressants.'
 
All I can say is - it's true what they say about the 12-step program. Once you learn how to be clean, you are fucked drug-wise. You will never be able to have fun getting high ever again. Or at least I won't, nor anyone else I know in the program. I was clean for 3 1/2 months, and I was convinced that I would never use again. But I did. And in the last 2 months I've been revived at the hospital 4 times. It's gotten worse than it ever did. I am a studying pharmacologist, therefore I know the details of every drug, what it does to you, what to mix and what not to. And I've thrown that shit out the window. My favorite thing now is to mix benzodiazepines, barbiturates, GABA analogs, and opiates/opioids together with weed. I have become suicidal. I didn't used to understand. I used to talk shit about people who used that term. I used to joke about it because I was a dark/goth almost type person. But now I've attempted suicide. Now I literally have no regard for my life. I'm supposed to turn myself into the state mental hospital today, but I don't know if I can/will. I can't live without the drugs. I want SO BADLY to be back where I was. For months I was happy for the first time in my life. The sun shined every morning in my life. I had so much more than I could ever have wanted. I am sick. I have a disease that is going to kill me very soon. I've been told that I have weeks, maybe a month or 2 to live like this...I live in a town that is one of the biggest "recovery" cities in America, and I've been told now numerous times that I'm a worse drug addict that most people have ever seen. I hate that shit. What a fucking blow to my ego & self-esteem (or what little I have left). I love you guys. Keep trying. This shit is not a joke. I am scared for my life now, and I hate getting high. But I can't stop myself, because apparently I have problems that run much, much deeper than extreme drug abuse. Take care, all. God bless.
 
Im sorry to hear about your situation yo, but to believe all that shit, it just makes you worse. It straight up aint true the thing you say about once you are clean you are fucked drug wise and if you use you will go right back into horrible addiction, etc. It aint true at all. Im livin proof of that as well as a few people I know and we aint the only ones. I aint sayin its good to use or w/ever, if you cant handle it you cant handle it, but its absolutely wrong that idea that you subscribin to that you talk about in your first couple sentences. Dont listen to these fools, talkin about you have no control and you gonna die and all that shit. I aint saying be in denial. you need to know just how bad you are of course, but the point is you DO have the power and you CAN get your shit back together, and fuck all that negative bullshit people are tellin you yo. the 12 steppers thrive on misery and repeating the self-destructive mantras to everybody who will listen--"you can never control your 'disease', you are gonna die, if you dont listen to us you will end up in jail or dead, you are an addict forever and will never be nothing else", etc. That shit aint the type of garbage you need to be hearing. its pure negativity and unhealthy thinking disguised as self help, that aint the shit you need to get your life back together.

I can tell you myself from my own experience in this life that you dont need to be like that, and that shit aint fuckin true. when you think that way, that "oh well i am fucked from using, so im just fucked, and there aint nothing i can do" and sittin around waiting for somebody or somethin to save you, you just get worse and worse thats how that spiral happens. its a self fulfilling prophecy , tell yourself that you are powerless and aint got no control and are just gonna use til you die becuz thats your unchangeable nature and you cant control it or do nothing about it, and eventually you will become that way. it dont mean you have to tho--it happens to you BECAUSE you believe that shit and hear it so often. that aint the natural way shit works and there is so much science to prove that.

i aint tryna get into a anti 12 step type of rant that aint the purpose here, just to hopefully let you understand that you aint got to be the way that you are, and that if the shit that those programs say IS true for everyone, then why am I here and tons of other people who I know who got clean, got our shit together, and then used responsibly and moderately for years afterwards without havin problems. It can be done. For somebody like you i dont know if it SHOULD since you BELIEVE that you cant control it--but all im sayin is, if you want to get clean you can get clean without all that bulllshit from the program buzzin around in your head and makin you believe all this negative bullshit about yourself. Good luck yo, i hope u able to work your shit out and please remember not to let all that mess from na that basically boils down to "you aint shit without us", get to you. :)
 
I'm sorry, but the method that the 12-step program promotes is the ONLY way to get clean. To get your demons out, and to be honest with someone else AND yourself. Also, making amends to all the ppl you fucked over. It's just a process. But I agree with you. I know that some ppl can do it and control their drug addiction. I'm talking about people like me. I can't and I am going to die. But I appreciate what you said, Lacey. Thank you, sweetheart.
 
Listen man, no bad feelings but I just really hate hearing people tell me that you cant get clean without the steps since i AM clean and i DID get clean without them. and so did my man, and so did many people that i know.

i guess maybe you meant that its the only way YOU believe that you personally can get clean. If you think its the only way to get clean for you then go for it. just remember to each their own, your way aint the only way. good luck with that tho, in my experience and the people i known in my life, the people who go hardcore onto the 12 step shit usually end up failing becuz of all that negative bullshit--exactly like you are saying-- "I am gonna die"--No you aint! You are the one in charge of that! I hope you dont honestly believe that shit deep inside yourself from gettin brainwashed by all these crazy ass people out there.

i hope you can be the exception to the na experiences i have seen my friends n people around me have. the only people I have ever known who had a successful recovery have been people who took their own control of their lives and finally got their shit together thru their own discipline determination and faith in themselves. nobodys saying that when you dont do NA you dont take a good look at yourself and get help from others. you do, you just dont do it by going to meetings and following the rules somebody else made up. its important to do lots of shit to get clean and if you do the main basic things it dont matter if you follow it in a particular order or "steps"--if you do those things, you will end up clean, regardless of if you are a member of NA/AA or just doin it on your own with support from ur family, etc. it takes alot of work either way, you know, before there was NA and AA, people got clean. So how did that work if there was no steps yet to get them clean? They did becuz those things aint necessarry but the program wants you to believe that they are. i hate to see the desperation that i see in you and so many folks who been hearin all that mess for so long that they cant think no other way. But if you feel that is the thing thats right for you then do you. I just dont understand how a person can feel that a program that tells them such miserable negative things and forces them to believe shit like you are saying like "well, im just gonna die, so i cant do nothing about it except keep using, bye world" could be a good or helpful thing. But if thats the thing you think is gonna work for you then i hope it does and good luck with it, i really hope that shit works out for you:)
 
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Im clean because I dont have any connections at my college. Its a rural town in the country so really pot is the only thing around which sucks pot gives me panic attacks. Itll be christmas break before long I will be back to the grind. I know heroin is gonna be the death of me but I really dont give a shit I just love opiates too much.
 
I've been clean from IV heroin/oxycodone for about 17 or 18 months now. I still use oxycodone some times, and even though much of the addictive feeling still comes about with those it was really about the needle. Without that it's manageable.

I'm 99% sure I'll never do heroin again. I know I'll never seek it out and I hang out with so few serous users anymore chances are I'll never run across it again. But if it's hypothetically set in front of me, I'm not sure I could say no.

If I ever run across some oxycontins, which is more likely, I'm not really sure if I'd shoot them or not. I'd hate to go down that rabbit hole again, even though oxy was easier to manage to me.

So, I plan to never do it again, and I'll never find it, but if it finds me who knows...
 
Hell yeah I plan to, I'm going to wait until I have more money and get my priorities straight. I quit drinking and it's been almost a year now, THAT I dont plan on doing again, probably forever. But everything else hell yeah!
 
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