I have had a pretty bad life but always managed to stay away from drug's. Until recently, when i moved into my dad's hes a massive alcoholic and has got me drinking daily and smoking weed on a daily basis. This does not help when me and my girl friend of 2 and half years break up. Iv never had such bad depression all i want to do is go find something to relive my pain. Iv been contemplating oxy's since apparently they will relax you like a mother fucker which is exactly what i need. I'm in such a hole that i cant see the top, i have no job and i'm living with my broke alcoholic dad that cant pay the bills. I don't eat on a regular basis because we are to broke to buy food. I just got out of a bar tending school and i'm trying to get a job around town since my DJ career isn't lifting off. I don't know why but all i am thinking about is a way to alter my reality so that its not bad anymore i.e. drugs and weed and booz isn't working anymore. Iv been keeping away but once i get some money i'm afraid i'm going to fall.
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Wtf is going on?
- Thread starter Lights0ut
- Start date
OverDone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 5,404
hey man, you're in a bad spot right now but keep in mind that pain is only temporary. It WILL pass. Easy to say but hard to do, I know but you definitely don't want to go deeper into drugs (especially harder, physically addicting drugs like oxy's).
From what you've stated, you've only recently started doing drugs and drinking heavily. Its good that you are seeing red flags this early in the game. If you choose to seek out those oxy's than you will be setting yourself up with more misery. Addiction is expensive and it takes away much more than your money.
Have you considered therapy for your depression? Many have found that antidepressants are quite effective in treating depression. My experience with anti-d's is full of resentment but even still, it is a MUCH greater alternative than opiates.
You've mentioned that you realize that drugs and alcohol aren't working. Shit, the relief they provide is only temporary and in the end, all things considered, it is best to feel this pain and get professional assistance than to multiply that pain from taking more drugs and different combinations of them. It always ends in considerably more pain
Take a look around The Dark Side here on BL and read some folk's experiences. This shits real, man. If you can avoid going deeper than PLEASE do so.
Relationship heartache hurts like a motherfucker but it'll pass, man.
dude told me once that 'ya gotta go through it in order to get through it'. A simple phrase but it has helped me put things in perspective many, many times.
Keep talking to us, LightsOut. There are some very intelligent, wise and experienced folks here in TDS. You'll see that you aren't unique. That's a truly positive thing because no matter what one of us is going through, there is always someone here that has already been there and can shed some light on how to get to the other side with minimal damage.
We can't feel your pain for you but we can sure as hell try to make it easier to deal with
From what you've stated, you've only recently started doing drugs and drinking heavily. Its good that you are seeing red flags this early in the game. If you choose to seek out those oxy's than you will be setting yourself up with more misery. Addiction is expensive and it takes away much more than your money.
Have you considered therapy for your depression? Many have found that antidepressants are quite effective in treating depression. My experience with anti-d's is full of resentment but even still, it is a MUCH greater alternative than opiates.
You've mentioned that you realize that drugs and alcohol aren't working. Shit, the relief they provide is only temporary and in the end, all things considered, it is best to feel this pain and get professional assistance than to multiply that pain from taking more drugs and different combinations of them. It always ends in considerably more pain
Take a look around The Dark Side here on BL and read some folk's experiences. This shits real, man. If you can avoid going deeper than PLEASE do so.
Relationship heartache hurts like a motherfucker but it'll pass, man.
dude told me once that 'ya gotta go through it in order to get through it'. A simple phrase but it has helped me put things in perspective many, many times.
Keep talking to us, LightsOut. There are some very intelligent, wise and experienced folks here in TDS. You'll see that you aren't unique. That's a truly positive thing because no matter what one of us is going through, there is always someone here that has already been there and can shed some light on how to get to the other side with minimal damage.
We can't feel your pain for you but we can sure as hell try to make it easier to deal with
thanks man thats a real upper see i know in my mind that drugs are not something to fuck around with and i feel if i "just try it" il get fucked and ruin everything i have going for me. But my body screams i need an escape maybe a vacation would be better. I dont know im drunbk as fuck and im going through a emotional roller coaster. i honestly have to say tho BL might save my life...
Kallisti
Bluelighter
That really sucks! Once you start bartending you may be able to make enough in tips over a weekend to be able to rent a room somewhere if you can find a place that lets you pay by the week or maybe by the month. It sounds like your living situation is pretty crappy but it also seems that if you can get somewhere else to stay and are away from those negative influences, then the urge to use may be more manageable. Opiates make you feel happy, productive, and calm but for such a small period of time before the honeymoon phase is over and then all those things that you were covering up with opiates comes back tenfold; like the depression, anxiety, pain, etc.
Is there any way that you could deposit the money you are going to make into a savings account immediately so you will be less tempted to spend it on drugs? Or a person you trust that you can give them your money to help you be accountable to what happens with it and to make sure you just spend it on bills and food and stuff? Just a couple of thoughts to consider......hope things get better for ya.
Is there any way that you could deposit the money you are going to make into a savings account immediately so you will be less tempted to spend it on drugs? Or a person you trust that you can give them your money to help you be accountable to what happens with it and to make sure you just spend it on bills and food and stuff? Just a couple of thoughts to consider......hope things get better for ya.
OverDone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 5,404
nah, your body isn't screaming that you need an escape, its your brain trying to adjust to the shock of loss. Change is fuckin' hard sometimes (most times) but we learn to adapt. The pain of loss still hurts but we get better at accepting things as time goes on.
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
^
he speaks the truth.
"Iv been keeping away but once i get some money i'm afraid i'm going to fall. "
you recognize and can admit to your problem, but you need to give your self some more credit, most of us
are afraid of 'blowing it' one way or another. as an addict though, we are quick to manipulate, place blame, and justify; it sounds like you are setting your self up for a fall.
i have, many times, im great at self sabotage. it was the only way i could convince myself to go on, with out trying much, or facing much either and feel great part of the time.
whats going to help your reality is when you get that job, and you get out of this frame of mind. id suggest to go walk a few blocks if you live in the city, and comment on something positive, neutral, or in agreement. sometimes getting caught off guard in a few moments ordinary personal exchange, or how you felt before this hit.
most importantly, you need a change of life style, is that something you could look forward to, or have been thinking?!? you dont normally drink so much? im sure youll be able to save up quick and find a place, visit, but dont get caught up in that mode...
continue working a while, and maybe go back to school after doing some research, and find something to study you have a passion for. there is a lot yet to come, be excited, take it on and grow from it no matter what the out come.
he speaks the truth.
"Iv been keeping away but once i get some money i'm afraid i'm going to fall. "
you recognize and can admit to your problem, but you need to give your self some more credit, most of us
are afraid of 'blowing it' one way or another. as an addict though, we are quick to manipulate, place blame, and justify; it sounds like you are setting your self up for a fall.i have, many times, im great at self sabotage. it was the only way i could convince myself to go on, with out trying much, or facing much either and feel great part of the time.
whats going to help your reality is when you get that job, and you get out of this frame of mind. id suggest to go walk a few blocks if you live in the city, and comment on something positive, neutral, or in agreement. sometimes getting caught off guard in a few moments ordinary personal exchange, or how you felt before this hit.
most importantly, you need a change of life style, is that something you could look forward to, or have been thinking?!? you dont normally drink so much? im sure youll be able to save up quick and find a place, visit, but dont get caught up in that mode...
continue working a while, and maybe go back to school after doing some research, and find something to study you have a passion for. there is a lot yet to come, be excited, take it on and grow from it no matter what the out come.
The only person i trust is myself at this point me friends are bigger drug users than i am. The only reason i havnt dosed on opiates yet oither than a morphine pill i was handed when i went to grab some mdma a while back it made me feel numb ish then mixed with pot made me invisible but i didnt crave it or want it thats y im thinking i could try a 10 oxy and if i like it make a plan and stick to it maybe once a week il do it, i do very good with plans lol my mind is pretty 1 track if i set it to something i wont happen. But back to why i havent dosed yet is because i think i can handle this but everyday it gets worse and worse... iv stoped my drinking untill tonight.
edgewise1
Bluelighter
Changing your reality for a few hours is not the answer, because at the end of the day the problems are still there, and in some cases even more pronounced. Lot of good suggestions made here but YOU are the one who ultimately decides which direction you take! Hang in there dude, you got a lot of folks pulling for you here at BL!!!
Kallisti
Bluelighter
Oh wow, that is soooo true. You must be a very insightful person.......this post speaks to a lot of things going on in my life right now, too. Thank you
To the OP: I think that, kindof like what panic in paradise was saying, admitting that you are afraid that you will fall is pretty courageous because there are a lot of people out there, including me, that feel the same way but are afraid to face that fear head on. It doesn't sound like you have a huge opiate tolerance so if you are truly intent on trying them please please please be careful..........if you take an opiate while drinking you are opening yourself up to a lot of unhealthy risks. I just want you to be ok! Maybe keep us updated on your situation?? Stay strong
PhillyPsychonaut
Bluelighter
I would really try and get your emotions and thoughts in order before you get into another addiction. Saying you will only use an opiate once a week does not mean you are not addicted. When I first relapsed, I would use heroin about 3 times a month and smoke weed and drink occasionally, but I had to get honest with myself and realize that I do not need substance abuse to control my life. It's hard, but it is possible. Get a therapist when you start making money, and move out ASAP. Being codependent on your father will only make your addiction to alcohol worse.
Also, don't go into the realm of opiates when all you think is they make you feel numb. The euphoria will hit you, and hit you hard, which will keep you coming back. I don't care what anybody says, you may think you have willpower, but when the thought of doing more oxy does not leave your mind, you are left in a tight situation, which will usually end up in using. I would get off of alcohol first before you go and put yourself into a very expensive life of lying, cheating, and stealing your way into your next fix.
Learn from your dad, and yourself, that an addiction to any substance will ruin your life, ESPECIALLY when you are already in a bad spot to begin with. Having family troubles, money problems, and you're own personal taste of alcoholism just gives your mind more leeway to use more. Pain will be the end of you, until you finally realize you don't need an addictive substance to help you cope.
tl;dr - Get real with yourself, and you will be on a road to success. Drink more and add narcotics to your repertoire of addictions and you will crash and burn!
Also, don't go into the realm of opiates when all you think is they make you feel numb. The euphoria will hit you, and hit you hard, which will keep you coming back. I don't care what anybody says, you may think you have willpower, but when the thought of doing more oxy does not leave your mind, you are left in a tight situation, which will usually end up in using. I would get off of alcohol first before you go and put yourself into a very expensive life of lying, cheating, and stealing your way into your next fix.
Learn from your dad, and yourself, that an addiction to any substance will ruin your life, ESPECIALLY when you are already in a bad spot to begin with. Having family troubles, money problems, and you're own personal taste of alcoholism just gives your mind more leeway to use more. Pain will be the end of you, until you finally realize you don't need an addictive substance to help you cope.
tl;dr - Get real with yourself, and you will be on a road to success. Drink more and add narcotics to your repertoire of addictions and you will crash and burn!
Last edited: