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Write a letter to someone who may never read it! >>> v. 2

Dear you,

I should have done this or spoken to you about this ages ago, but despite how I act for the majority of the time I'm painfully shy about approaching you about this, and still can barely get the courage (or stupidity) to write and send this with you on the other side of the country.

First of all I value you as a friend, no matter what happened in the past and whatever the fallout may be from this.

Secondly, I've been attracted to you since the first time I met you.

While I know you said you needed to sort your head out, and I understand now probably isn't the best time to start anything.. but in order for me to get my head together and stop over analyzing everything I need to know if there is a possibility of us being more than friends at some point..

Because I'm more than happy to wait if there is, but if not I need to shut down the idea so I can get on with figuring out my head and what I need.

Consider this fair warning I'm highly submissive and a bit of a masochist.. if you tell me wait until you've sorted your head and your life out, I will.

I don't know why I can't get you out of my head.. but I do know I want you, I think you're smart, funny and in your own words; awesome.

I'm sorry if I fuck up the status quo, but I have to ask for my own sanity..

-N

P.s - that time we did hook up was amazing and I still don't understand what you did to me other than it was mindblowing.
 
Dear Sasha,

I loved you once. When we were young and dumb and ditching class to get high and your beautiful, long hands and your tiny petite body and how nervous I was sleeping next to you, like I'd smother your tiny self with my love. You felt it and we snuck out of your bed and spray painted every wall we could find. You vanished on me, ran away to Brazil on the coattails of your parents missionary group and fleeing into the streets of Rio. I thought I'd never see you again. I imagined you blowing lines with a sugar daddy, working the streets as a prostitute, maybe even as a jesus freak, maybe dead. But you came home. You came back harder, scarier, although you were still only five feet tall with those delicate hands and perfect nails and teeth that looked so sharp. But your hair was no longer flaxen, instead it was black. I saw you once, you wouldn't tell me what you had done and again you vanished. Whispers about heroin, abusive boyfriends, institutions. Through the miracle of facebook, I found you again. You're covered in tattoos. Photos of you holding a baby, your baby, Caydence, who died after three months covered in tubes. I was scared looking at you and her, you both looked dead. I was shocked your tiny body could hold a baby as it was, and I guess it really couldn't. Now all your photos are of you with plastic cups filled with shitty beer and surrounded by men who could never love you as I once did, and men you'll never love. I wish I could touch you, just to see if you actually existed, if any of this was real at all. I imagine I will, we'll smoke pot and hold hands and whisper about those times we sang songs together and ran from the police and played footsie during Geography and I know as soon as you say goodbye I won't see you ever again, and we'll both know it, and it will only make me love you more.

My love and affection, always,
Kenickie
 
dear me 5 years ago,

I miss being you no cares in the world you didnt give a fuck about anything I'd give anything for one more summer being you
 
To the one,

It was good to see you on Sunday night and flirting with you left me in all sorts of states..

Thank you for calling me and talking to me while I was bawling my eyes out in my sleep deprived highly emotional state..

Finally putting it on the table that we need to talk was such a major step for me.. thank you for replying in a positive way..

But after that I went through memories of our night together.. and I just want to do it again.. after I get to know you..

But I've been stressing so much I've made myself sick.. we need to have that talk as soon as possible..

Xxoo
 
Dear C

You've fucked things up, and I doubt everything will be sweet again mate. We used to be as tight as fuck, we all did. You've ruined it for somebody who is no good for you. Everybody hates her for turning you against us, even your family. Why cant you see it?

I don't wish faliure on your relationship bruvva, but I hope the engagement is off before we all forget we even knew you. It's only been 6 months and most of us have already given up.

Stop throwing away 14 years of friendship, I miss my raving buddy.

J.
 
I hope you feel pain. Fuck you, and I hope she cheats on you and leaves you for her husband. The only thing that would make it sweeter is if I hear about it. You just lost the best thing that ever happened to you, and I hope you feel it one day.
 
To "my friends "Meighan, Matty and Benny,

I don't know what it was but something made me upset.. I don't know if it was a combination of combination or being drunk and/or pipes and the metal playing in the background.. but I wandered off from the apartment to the water front about 45 minutes ago..

Not a text call or fb message... I feel rather insulted that you're so involved in getting high you haven't noticed that I'm not there..
 
I know you will never read this because I would NEVER introduce you to BL (for MULTIPLE different reasons) But thank you so much for yesterday.. and well.. since you made contact with me.

I think its REALLY cute how you reeled me in, and creative too!

Yesterday was the first time in a LONG time someone waited on me, was genuinely concerned about me.. and focused on just me. You spent all your time and energy on me (except during your constant naps, haha its good weed amirite?) and really made me happy. I have no idea where this is going, but I like that. Its best to not plan things too much, just let things flow. It makes me very comfortable that you are so confident in yourself and don't need me to survive. You might ask me for advice or a shoulder to cry on but don't NEED me to survive. Its a very refreshing feeling. After what ive been through in my life and the relationships ive been in, an hour drive seems like nothing. Especially when your with me. I hope things pan out, if not I really enjoyed the ride. :D
 
Dear girlfriend I have never met.

I know the day shall come that I will meet you and find true love and all the good stuff that comes with it. I only have one favor to ask...will you please hurry the fuck up? Times a wasting and I'm not getting any younger. Peace
 
I'm so sorry for the pain and stress I've put you through these past 3 years. I was a lovesick, jealous person clutching at straws to try and cope with my own emotions. I now realise that this only made things worse, and I have only just come to realise that you already felt a huge amount of guilt, on top of all the shit I was causing. It is testament to how fantastic a person you are that we are still best friends after all this. From now on, our friendship shall be guilt free and truly healthy once again. :)

Also tell Nick I'm sorry. I'm sure he's a lovely guy, and I think you're right when you say we'd get along. I'm sure my influence in your life only served to create confusion and barriers, but now that everything is sorted in my head, everything will be sorted between us too.
 
Sonic,

I'm touched you actually apologised. But then feeding me alcohol made me not able to escape my emotions.

You said yourself, You're the one person I should really stay away from but can't.

I've never heard anything more accurate about how I feel about you as well..

You've destroyed me so many times, and you're worried about destroying me further if you get any closer.

You destroyed me when you gave me a collar and then started dating Sarah, you destroyed me when you just stopped contacting me after defqon.

You destroy me every time we get involved, I don't see how you could make it much worse.

You're the one person who makes me want to be a better person.. I actually want to get my life on track when you're around.

When you're around I actually take care of myself. I quit smoking because of you. I stopped smoking meth because of you. And every time you leave again, I fall right back into those habits because I hate that you've abandoned me, and I don't get any explanation you just disapear.

I hate the fact that I love you, I'm not in love with you, I just love you. Because there's only one way that I could hate you as much as I do, and that is because I love you.

You're a jerk, you're a player.

You also are my master, the one that makes everything better because you're there.

And then everything falls apart because you're not..

What you make me feel is not fair, because you can't help yourself and you're always going to keep coming back to me.

Much love and hate
-Nat
 
Dear Mountain Boy,

Ending things with you was one of the most difficult things that I've done but looking back it was also one of the smartest things. Thinking about you know and our relationship I'm really starting to hate (well not hate but dislike) a lot of the things you did and that I did. You were an asshole, a controlling, manipulative, disrespectful, irrational asshole. I've told people about everything that happened between us and the majority of them have labeled it as an emotionally abusive relationship, their words not mine. I hope you find what you're looking for, a girl that is either as crazy as you or one that doesn't bring out the worst in you. You taught me quite a bit about life and myself but that doesn't excuse your actions. I spent so many nights laying next to you after our fights vowing to break up with you the next morning but never went through with it. How could I be so stupid as to not get out of bed say I'm done and go home? Its over now.

Love always,
Amanda


PS. I miss your dogs more than you.
 
C
I can't understand why I can't hate you. I gave you everything and essentially derailed my life over you and I got nothing back. Now you're with someone else and numb yourself with more drugs than even my irresponsible ass would fuck with. We're too young to be doing this to ourselves. I'm emotionally crippled because of the things I did to myself over you and you're constantly junked up to forget what some sick fuck thought was ok to do to you. No matter how much I may have helped you, I tore myself apart thinking I was your solution and you were my life. I wish I had never met you, but I say that with love. A horrible, depraved, stagnant love that makes me regret every romantic feeling I've ever had. I'm moving on, but I'm leaving so much behind, with only guilt and frustration to take it's place. I just hope I can pull myself together and do something with my life so I can look you in the eye one day, hear your apologies and lamentations, and laugh in your face.
 
S,

You broke my heart. And you don't even know it. I hate that you compelled me to write you anonymously. I hate that I'm still thinking about you. All the God-damn time.
 
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