Finished this last night but didn't want to wake up my mother as the computer is in her room until mine is fixed.
Wrote it down analog so now I'm copying from my abhorred handwriting. The elegant keys have spoiled me it seems.
"The Idiot Savant." Reviewed line by line 7/20. Will review again after several other reads without stopping to jot down first impressions. I like this method personally and we'll see if it flies.
Paragraph 1; Line 1:
Strong, intriguing/enticing start. I detect a subtle bit of foreshadowing leading to me to think this to be a promising read. Good hook and sound and fairly likely that the reader won't resist at least 2 more paragraphs, depending on how they materialize. Setting is revealed in few, but concise words, which I like. Punchy, descriptive, to the point short sentences alternating in a catchy pattern. Prose is good so far but a touch familiar, not a bad thing mind you (imo).
Paragraph 1; the rest:
Denotes location nice and subtle. Tells a good deal about what appears at this point to be the protagonist and focal point, our underdog. Again, the shortage of the paragraph and how much information it conveys is great, especially considering the amount of the populous at present who share the attention span of a dead car battery.
Paragraph 2:
Discord introduced early on. Denotes a horrific dilemma the youth is trapped inside on account of his physical abnormalities and their effects on his social life, or lack thereof which he seems to prefer. I'm an introvert myself and hate when people expect me to talk about something mindless or be around people I don't quite care for. Big audience here, and you may have won them over in quite a short span of time.
The description of his disability and the paradox of having a "brilliant retard" are quite to my liking, and talk of his physicality gives us a bit more information about not only our protagonist, but the whole story in motion. Last sentence characterizing a group of people w/ slang is a device I often employ myself (IE: the "Downs"), its good style. Keeps the reader from getting hung up on unrecognizable and unnecessarily long titles like "Down Syndrome Citizens," or something similar. William Burroughs used to sometimes use acronyms sardonically, ("Operation WOG, Wrath, of, God.) Enough about that old dope fiend though
I find myself with the desire to keep reading as it's progressing quite steadily and smoothly, based on these first two chapters alone. I'm not trying to be complimentary here, this is a readers honest opinion. As I've stated, I've not critiqued much literature and am new to writing fiction all together. I'm looking for faults though believe you me, you'll know them when I find them. Another plus to the last block of screed is how little is said, but how much is revealed as is probable, leading us to become ensared into the question all authors crave of their readers, "What happens next?!"
Paragraph 3; Sentence 1:
I enjoyed how Heidi is ripped out of the closet here, as it were, and how she exemplifies all that is essentially wrong with the typical modern shallow selfish woman (or man, doesn't matter); one who believes "all children are special," but more importantly; "...but MINE is WAY MORE SPECIAL THAN YOURS." This line of selfish reasoning is dangerous and its why kids like me grow up all fucked up. I'll quote the late G. Carlin "Every child is clearly not special."
I see this shit on a daily basis (I'm in America, btw) and it shows her character riddled with a kind of empty, superficial quality to your readers. I think this paragraph should have used a bit more though. You've already enticed me into reading this far, a slight expansion her would have been delightful, albeit not entirely necessary. Maybe an account of the two discussing the ridicule, some examples of said ridicule etc. Still dig, and I'm sure this will come to fruition eventually as you're usage of the paragraph is consistent and anything more might have made it less fluid. We'll see.
Still dig so far. "My son, the retarded Da Vinci." Fucking excellent. Sardonic and reveals character is so few words. I like that style. I'm personally a bit more long-winded, run on sentences and whatnot, but there's more than one way to skin a cat, and I'm being both objective and subjective here, so it's a bit weird I'll admit. Not only is it great [the quote] in revealing character and subtle future plot hints, but the sardonic nature of such a statement made by such a woman shows a great bit of truth about the shallow, ego-dominated nature of Western Culture and those who stand by it. (I consider AUS Westernized.)
Paragraph 4:
Ah, I see what you did there. Had a feeling the relationship of mother & son would be expounded upon, I was prematurely impatient. The short and revealing paragraph styles works strong in your favor, and in ours as readers.
Paragraph 5:
Ah, now the reader finally gets to know the boy. A common theme in his predicament but a profound one which I happen to share. I'm an introvert and love being left alone, though not invisible. The exaggeration implies a misery that at this point could know no bounds. I did want to left the fuck alone in grade/high school, and still do to this day. People just can't mind their own business. I'd imagine you'd touch a large demographic with this character trait and sentiment tied intrinsically to the plot.
I already feel compassion for the child. It's certainly important to empathize a bit with your protagonist in some if not all pieces of literature. You've achieved this within four concise paragraphs for me. I'm trying to find fault still but I'm being fairly subjective with this one concept here, as it hits close to home.
I dig the pace of the story so far, advancing this quickly tells me something grandiose will bring the tale to an eventual end.
Also, I dig anyone who publically criticizes and exposes the horrible "indoctrination centers" or "public schools" as their referred to and how they tend more often than not to do little good in the education department, and in my case, ruined a perfectly good childhood where I could have learned everything on my own (which I ended up doing anyway, just developed an anxiety disorder due their graduation rhetoric and totalitarian approach to learning).
Paragraph 7:
I already disdain this boys delusional mother, moreso than earlier. I knew it would come to this based on earlier readings, but now we're expanding into higher frontiers of loathing, offering a) a great villian ("nobody does more harm than people who feel bad about doing it, or in this case, are oblivious") and antagonist.
I like the balance between the two opposing forces. Let me ask you, is this woman really this dumb and oblivious? Or is she calculating and just plain rotten sadist? My guess is the former and if that's the case I have nothing to offer in the way of negative criticism.
Paragraph 8:
Moving along nicely we now have a concrete and more or less fully formed (in the readers mind) antagonist, and being family at that! Control freaks make excellent characters in my opinion, especially the bad guys. Definitely rooting for Tom with each passing sentence, you've applied an emotional attachment between me and your main character. Good show!
I'd like to hear more about what the condition does to his physical appearance, his motor skills, his vocabulary, etc. I've a feeling this will come soon. One incongruousness part I noted personally was that the title gave me the impression he was autistic. I just now realized it was downs we were speaking of, even though it's been mentioned several times and I've even commented on it. I guess the title can be important, I always assumed it was irrelevant.
Paragraph 11:
Interesting here these dates he's set up on sound far inferior in intellect to his, ironically enough. Shallow, limited in intelligent decisiveness, vacuous behavior...
To be continued have to run out for a short bit.
Thou.
