• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: Shambles

Work Colleague stories V. Let's Talk Cunts

Eveleivibe

Eveleivibe

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 28, 2013
Messages
14,780
Location
666 The Moon, Off Milky Way, GALAXY E47 10EV
Hiya ;)

OK so lets of us have been burned at work, right?! Well I figured why not have a thread where we can have a good ol' laugh about so, so, soooooo mny experiences.

I'll start. At an old company I worked with there was a right ***** cunt. Let's call her H. She was a little fat thing and made the back end of a look attractive.. Anyway, she was a cow to me; documented all my mistakes and tried to get her in trouble but I turned the tables on her and she had a good old ticking off ;)

One day we were in the office and everyone started bitching about H, saying ewww did ye see her knickers and her skirt shoved up her arse and all the cellulite. Anyway there was quite a laughing sesh going on and a discussion around her being a "lazy and annoying ***** " n how she used her disability as a reason to "take breaks from the office" n oh doesn't she moan about the changes in bands we've just had to endure???? and how the system changes every 5 years.
Hey won't it be great when we have to re-apply for our jobs, I fancy a promotion oooo don'tcha just love this new health minister????

Next thing H walks in.... Everyone instantly smiles sweetly.

"Oh, Hello, H, how are you? Would you like a cuppa tea? I'm abut to put the kettle on n have us all a nice, refreshing drink!"
"Oh, H did you have to go on for your """"" never mind we're glad you're back, would you like me to do anything for you?"
"Yes, terrible how the band system has changed isn't it... you're gna lose three grand a year??? My goodness I'd complain about that if I was you, dIIIIIsgusting"
"We know, changes every 5 years??? people having to re-apply for jobs??? How absolutely abominable!"

Well I was there, mouth open... What the......??????

Right.... NEXT!!! :D

Evey
 
I was working in a quality control lab for a mobile phone company and had been there for 6 years when we took on a young cocky trainee. Not only was he cocky and arrogant he was also lazy and used every trick in the book to make himself look good and me look like a dickhead. Unfortunately the other idiots on my team fell for it and I started to feel like I was being ignored and worthless. However, I thought to myself 'bide your time and give him enough rope and he'll eventually hang himself'. It took about 3 years of me looking like an imbecile before he eventually fucked up and left a porn site running on someone else's login. Cue him getting sacked and me laughing my tits off. Talk about getting hoist by ones own petard. Did I get an apology? Did I fuck. Instead, I got sacked a year later for being off my tits on phenazepam. Ah well, ya live n learn...
 
I've worked for 34 years. Over 25 in a professional role where you just don't fall out with people or raise to the bait. There's been office politics etc but nothing untoward.

Met some amazing people at work I call friends. Once shared an office with a bloke (an accountant) for 10 years and we hardly said 2 bad words to each other in all that time. Adore him.

People skills are so important in the workplace these days (well they are in mine, where I have to lobby, influence and promote concepts, manage people / projects and ideas). You just have to swallow your pride and get on with the job.

My current boss after restructure 3 in 2 years is a bit of a cunt, but we keep it polite and my Union fees are coming in handy as I'm going to take him to a grievance against disability discrimination. :sus:
 
^This. I've never fallen out with anyone at work (even the idiots) and now consequently, after about 8 years in the industry, I don't have to look for work anymore, because I know enough people who know I can do what I do without making a fuss that'll choose me when a position becomes available.
 
Here's for a REEEEAL petty one LOL....

I was in the toilet one day n in an extreme rush to get a loada papers out for some meeting. So I coomitted the crime of the century---I forgot to wash my hands.
A lady came into the toilet that moment, who resided in my office. Next, there was some whispering...
I thought "eh-up, what's all this about?"
Later I went back to the bog for a leak n what not n there was a HUGE poster on the door

"AS THIS IS THE NHS IT IS IMPORTANT THAT COLLEAGUES WASH THEIR HANDS AFTER THE TOILET!!!!"

Messaged received loud n clear ;)

Evey
 
The only cunts I've ever worked with have been foreign or plastic gangsters.
 
I've met some of my closest friends and even my girlfriend through my former job. Sure our chief was a dick at times, going on about how much he paid us and how we should be happy to work there and stuff, but the general vibe amongst the employees was great.
 
Scotsman said:
Lucky enough to do the hiring so surround yourself with good cunts who are all on the same page and it’s a thriving environment.
Make it something everybody wants to be part of and you can only but succeed in what you’re trying to achieve.

When you have a ratio of more good people than arseholes….the arseholes who slip through the net aren’t tolerated and tend to move on very quickly.
A self-cleansing system.
Click to expand...

The "work colonoic"
 
I used to do temp work and found some of the places I worked in a nightmare, some bosses complete cunts others were so nice I was sad when I left. one place was hysterical though, one of the apprentice mechanics was shockingly stupid he was dangerous. I had been told how bad he was with a variety of things he done but the funniest was one I witnessed myself. Standing beside his bike he put on his gloves then sniffed them, he then pulled out his lighter and sparked it, his gloves went up in flames and he ran about throwing them to the ground and jumping on them, I ran out with a fire extinguisher and asked what happened, he said I thought I smelled petrol. he was a dumb cunt.
 
If you behave like an annoying twat you'll fall out with lots of people....workmates or otherwise....

If you don't....then you won't..

Its not rocket science.
 
Last edited:
Scotsman said:
Indeed ;)

In days gone past doing other jobs the younger recruits would be the source of entertainment.
Usual stuff…send them to the shops for a tin of Tartan Paint or a Long Stand.

One lad got sent to the hardware shop to get a bubble for a spirit level....told him the bubble we had burst.
Guy in the hardware shop checked his shelves and sent him to Morrisons who then sent him back to the hardware shop =D
Click to expand...

Now you're talking out your arse after watching The Inbetweeners, Work Experience episode!

[video]www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGH-7cGfQ2Q[/video]
 
Eveleivibe said:
Here's for a REEEEAL petty one LOL....

I was in the toilet one day n in an extreme rush to get a loada papers out for some meeting. So I coomitted the crime of the century---I forgot to wash my hands.
A lady came into the toilet that moment, who resided in my office. Next, there was some whispering...
I thought "eh-up, what's all this about?"
Later I went back to the bog for a leak n what not n there was a HUGE poster on the door

"AS THIS IS THE NHS IT IS IMPORTANT THAT COLLEAGUES WASH THEIR HANDS AFTER THE TOILET!!!!"

Messaged received loud n clear ;)

Evey
Click to expand...

Washing your hands after using public toilets is like the most common hyigene thing to do, WHO ARE YOU??? =D
 
Scotsman said:
Indeed ;)

In days gone past doing other jobs the younger recruits would be the source of entertainment.
Usual stuff…send them to the shops for a tin of Tartan Paint or a Long Stand.

One lad got sent to the hardware shop to get a bubble for a spirit level....told him the bubble we had burst.
Guy in the hardware shop checked his shelves and sent him to Morrisons who then sent him back to the hardware shop =D
Click to expand...

Best one ever.....we had a young kid from college who wanted to be a paramedic come out with us for a "work shadowing" day..I sent him to the shop at lunch time to get me 20 Lambert & Butler....

"what if they don't sell Lambert & Butler?"...says he

" In that case just get me anything".....says me.

20 minutes later he returned with a ginsters pasty.
 
Last edited:
Scotsman said:
Indeed ;)

In days gone past doing other jobs the younger recruits would be the source of entertainment.
Usual stuff…send them to the shops for a tin of Tartan Paint or a Long Stand.

One lad got sent to the hardware shop to get a bubble for a spirit level....told him the bubble we had burst.
Guy in the hardware shop checked his shelves and sent him to Morrisons who then sent him back to the hardware shop =D
Click to expand...

hahahahaha love it I remember a wee guy getting sent for a tin of tartan paint, he came back with a tin of white paint made by a company called tartan, the guys started sending them for long stands instead :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top