Will this work or will benzo addiction claim me?

[yompf]

Hi, ive been on heroine and roxys....
I kicked.
I have horrible anxiety , opiates dont really help that right now, not what im looking for however a week on opiates and a week on benzos would b fine to not get physically addicted to either. BUT. no can do. Opiates dont do the same thing for me anymore. I need to be myself, not high... Hmmm. I could try that, it might work this time...
Anyway
So i got this job, door to door. 15 an hour plus boneses.
I absolutely CAN NOT do it without liquor or a benzo. Obviously i cant drink .lol. if i was buzzing and a door got slamed in my face i would get myself fired. It would be a funny story.
My dog needs a 5000 dollar surgery, meds and other things. My days off work are fri and sun. So far its been a week and a half, .5 mg and a red bull get me through the first part of the work day then i take half of that and another red bull after lunch. It gets me by fine. Im just tired and ive been really unhappy since i started the benzos. Like when it wears off ,when im home, im irritable and quick to tear up over the dumbest crap. Like fri i did not work so i drank beer instead. Needed the beer because i felt so horrible. Like a really bad pms. Im female. Lol.
Wonder if i should try zanex. I dont remember zanex ever making me feel like that.
So with that low of a dose , ONLY on the days i work, if i suffer through the off days , fri and sun .... Yal think i will still pick up a physical dependency?
I dont think so.
Ya know ive been asking myself if i should just go head and take em eveyday. As long as i can get them i can keep the job even with the addiction. Its worth it for my dog...
But why am i waking up feeling so horrible. Kinda shitty. I dont like it.
Idk what to do....
Maybe feeling a like this is better then a full blown addiction...
Ya know... If im even able to stay strong enough, and not do them fri and sun no matter how crappy i feel.

 

[Felonious Monk]

Needing drugs to do your job is not good plan, especially in recovery from opiate addiction. It's definitely going to lead to benzo dependency as well. Do you have any other options for jobs which wouldn't be so taxing to you?

 

[barada]

Maybe feeling a like this is better then a full blown addiction...
Ya know... If im even able to stay strong enough, and not do them fri and sun no matter how crappy i feel.

I will guarantee with 100% certainty that feeling like this is better than a full blown Xanax addiction. Xanax addiction is nothing short of a nightmare. I came off a 4 year dependency a few months ago and absolutely fried my nerves. If you are trying to rationalize Xanax usage by using these days, and not using those days.. that kind of thinking will lead to a physical addiction. You know the pain of opiate withdrawals... I've kicked both and nothing compares to kicking Xanax. Seizures, psychosis, Paresthesia... it is absolutely uncool.. The acute withdrawals last for 2 months, with post symptoms lasting up to a year..

What alarms me about your post is I had the exact same thinking - I was only going to use to get me through work. It didn't work out like that and I went through living fucking hell to kick Xanax. I am still in the very ugly post-wd stage with an affliction called Paresthesia. Basically I fucked my nervous system up and my extremities having a burning sensation every single day. Toes feel like they are going to explode, ears ring like tinnitus, and scalp and bridge of nose to cheekbones burn.

Don't get addicted to Xanax.

 

[noahiscool]

I agree with these other post . Since you already have a addictive personality I made that very same mistake. Quite opiates and went straight into benzos. Anyway, if it's really that difficult for I'd highly recommend kava as a good alternative. It pretty much has all the same effects as benzos, minus the addictive aspects of it and there are no withdrawals. Look into it and give it a try. Hope that helps.

 

[yompf]

Thank you i will look into kavo and if i can find it ill try it.
But as for now, what do you think? Can i eat a benzo everyday besides fri and sun and not get addicted? What about 6 days a week? Is that one day enough to avoid a pysical addiction ? Im going to try alprazolam.
Im really carfull since my opiate addiction , not to get dependent on anything. With this job though.... I do need something.
Idk what i was thinking yesterday, actually considering getting dependent on the k pin without even TRYING not to.!
Thats why im going to switch to alprazolam. That has always worked for me. I can take it one day and the next day not even need it, because i actually wake up feeling great.
This k pin is affecting me weird.
Soooo.... Ya i know its risky ... But...
TECHNICALY
Can i eat a benzo like alprazolam 6 days a week and not get dependent?
What about everyday but fri and sun.?

 

[DementiaSavantPlus]

I believe you can ("officially, medically") take benzos daily for three weeks or one month without the risk of a resultant withdrawal syndrome. This would be isolated within a six month or one year time period. Your plan is essentially the same as taking a dose daily, right? Cycling off for a couple of days per week is insignificant.

Benzo withdrawal is as painful as it is interesting. It's the "everything bad" collection of physical/mental symptoms, along with often a spiritual feeling (seizure aura/depersonalization) and a sense that you are being punished. You may or may not want to get into it. I have never CTd Xanax, but clonazolam WD was like some kind of regeneration through pain and soul-burning in a half-awake dreamscape (when I was finally able to enter a light sleep stage). During waking hours, its like having a virus and being disconnected, anxious, and sometimes paranoid.

 

[barada]

You eat alprazolam (Xanax) every day of the week except one, you will get addicted. If you try to rationalize your use and hold back just one day a week, that's like an alcoholic that says "I only drink after 8pm, except Sundays"... it's addict mentality. Xanax is super addictive and will steal your soul and that one day a week you don't eat one, you will find you are amped up, anxiety through the roof, chest pains.. and next thing you know you are eating 7 days a week.
You are your own person, you will do what you want to do... but I deal with addicts daily, and all their stories start out with your kind of rationalization.
Xanax is a beast, I have gone through hell to kick it, and I can only warn you so much just how fucked up your life will get if you get dependent on Xanax.

 

[skn]

.5 mg is nothing, but they are right Xanax addiction is the absolute worst

 

[TheRapperGoneBad]

.5 mg is nothing

.5mg of xanax is .5mg alprazolam a benzo.

Whether it's 5mg or .5mgs your ingesting an intoxicating substance that is very habit forming.

Medical doses start at .25mg as if the dose you take matters or determines if your actually addicted/dependent or not.

 

[yompf]

So far lets say its been 20-25 days since i started.
My plan was to not dose any benzos, kpin whatever , on fri and sun. To try and hold off a full blown benzo addiction.
I really dont think that would work.
but three days back to back i think would b perfect
Or even fri and sat , two days off in a row. Not this weird fri sun thing.
I think the back to back days make a big difference.
Im not talking about mentally .
Anyway. So , my dose is low . .5. .25. That ..75 . Ok.
Its went like this.
Mothers day happened on one of my off days , so i dosed .
That was sun , and mon my work week started. So i dosed normally.
Except one day i ate them like candy. No more then 2mg all together. . Ok i know thats not alot. Lol.
Anyway the day after i did the same and realized..... I skrewed up my dosing plan. My stash was lower, i did not have a legit connect , my cash was low , and i did not perform so well at work....
Which was y i was taking them in the first place.
So i quit that.
Back to normal doseing. Bare min.
Then on my next day off , i got in fight with my boyfriend, we were both drinking,a good way i thought
To get through the off day.
It turned into a big fight , so i went to go stay with my friend.
So of course i dosed. Just a little.
. 5.
Then i went to work the next day.dosed normal.
My other friends dad , who was really cool, had passed away, so i went to keep my friend company and really dipped into my stash.
Back at work. This last week ive been wanting to take a little extra, .75 mg in the am an .25 after lunch. I know its not alot but at the same time i AM still doing more which was just expected . By most people with drug experience. But at least its not THAT high a dosage. Its really just what i feel is bare minimum .
Now today is my fri. Earlier i was feeling panicky , i smoked some weed and walked my dog.
I feel better.
But even if i get through the day. I really have no way of knowing the true damage this little stint did.
Because tomorrow i work.
I cant find out THERE.
I need a few days of nothing in my system to see where i am.
Im not sure what to do.
The worst part for me , during opiate withdrawl was the physical pain.
Im thinking this is more insane mental.
Feeling skrewed.
I guess finding better ways to deal with stress on my off days
Is priority. Keep my dose low. Hell il try a norco one week at work then a benzo the other
I should of done thst in the begining anyway, just to see if MAYBE norco help.
Now if im gonna try, id have to slowly lower the benzo dose at the same time to see if norco would would work.
I wish i could live normaly .
Im freaken nuts

 

[keeping]

fam benzo addiction was one of the darkest moments of my life - and i've seen some shitttttt aha no warr stories tho no war stories.

on a serious note, needing alprazolam, clonazepam etc., just to get through the life isn't really a life.
addiction sucks, as i know you know.

etizolam wd scarred me mentally, i'd take a thousand heroin wd's over those 5 days.
nah nah never again. but using opi's in place of benzos is still a suicide pact but you're not nuts, you're just surviving.

insomnia is the worst, it always was the linchpin to my relapses - but there are other things you can do to counter it
i dunno, i'm high and a hippocrit, just know that you aint alone and you're as sane as fuck

- keepz

 

[Uber_Penguin]

Ok, coming from someone who hasn't ever been hooked on benzos, but definitely doesn't mind them and would get addicted with regular access, and who has certainly been addicted to opiates, let me try to put a hopefully somewhat unbiased response here as someone who's been around addiction and mental health for some time.

I'm not going to say "OMG you're going to get addicted stop!" since that won't change anything but, well, you probably are going to if you keep using, and I feel like you potentially know that. If your question is will you get physically addicted I'd imagine probably not if you stay at that dose, but person, benzos even when a doctor is handing them to you are not for continuous usage, they're purely for at most breakthrough anxiety or a one off stressful situation (i.e. someone is terrified of flying but needs to take a plane to get to someone's funeral), because what WILL happen is that eventually the dose won't cut it anymore. While you may not feel legitimate withdrawal after you stop taking them, you're going to be pretty antsy and when people's tolerance goes up I don't know if I've ever known anyone who was using enough to have their tolerance increase but didn't increase their use to meet said tolerance. Benzos are, unfortunately, ludicrously addictive. Anxiety and working through anxiety is extremely unpleasant, so it's far easier to just lean on something that kills it off. Couple that with the intense and rapidly developing physical withdrawal and you have something that can trap even the most wary individuals let alone ones who are already prone to addiction.

But I guess beyond trying to estimate the rate at which you'll develop physical dependence there isn't much more we can tell you. As you've seen if we all had to place bets it seems most money is on you becoming physically and psychologically dependent (assuming you aren't already the latter), but I'd imagine that as someone who's seen opiates you're probably aware that once a person sets down the path to addiction there's really nothing anyone can say that can stop them so...idk, I'm really sorry you're headed there cause I know how it is, and if it counted for anything I'd say stop now since it's going to be so, so, SO much harder to quit then deal with your anxiety sober later on after you're used to just popping a pill to make it go away, but any addict knows that later is for future us to deal with, so the understanding we're screwing ourselves rarely changes anything.

We're all pretty insane, and if I had a dollar for every time I wished I could live "normally" (if there is such a thing)...well, I probably would've spent it all on dope at some point knowing me, so yeah.

 

[TheRooster4080]

It sounds like you're already addicted. 4mg is the daily pharmaceutical therapeutic maximum. Anything over 4mg and you're looking at seizures, paresthesia, nausea, vomiting, basically all the symptoms of withdrawal.

As others have said before, skipping days does nothing in guarding against addiction. Do you have access to good mental health care? Somewhere you can take xanax for a little while longer under the direct supervision of a physician. Then together they can monitor you weaning off and titrating up on a long term plan. I've found that if you go in and are just honest with a doctor and tell them what you want; you're likely to get a better result than if you go in saying what you think they want to hear.

Good luck!

 

[yompf]

Maybe , but me going in and being totally honest with a doctor , might have the opposite effect. Lol.
Im not gonna do THAT.
and I dont want zoloft or any crap like that either.
Yes if i were to stop now it would suck , i know i have some level of addiction.especially since i just realized yesterday , these arnt .5 they are one mg.
I did have . 5z at one time from another person . I really dont remember where and when how or just wtf ! I started thinking they were .5 like i FORGOT or something. I MENT to stay on .5 because it WORKED.

Maybe thats from the long term opiate use lol.

God i feel like an idiot.
I am where i am though.
Early enough to stop , or taper and stop ,with minimal withdrawal symptoms, manageable . It has not been THAT long but surly long enough.
Hearing you guys talk about how this is worse then opiates .... Kinda scary.
Whats really bothering me , is that im reading about kava kava and other herbs and such.... I remember that 5 htp really helped alot , after i took it for a bit.
And i even have a bottle here now.
I didnt even think to try a different alternative. Im all for natural herbs and holistic treatments.
I didnt even research any altetnative.
Meditation and stuff like that is cool, ive been to see shamanic practioners and what not for OTHER issues...
But i needed a quick fix.
Actually, when i first got this job,
I couldnt afford any herbs or crap anyway , and risk it not working aswell, then not being able to afford any benzos...
For this job i needed a quick solution. Zanex would of been best since its been the only benzo that really works for me, but there are so many fake bars in my area i just wont even bother looking anymore.
My friend brought me some k pin and i luckly RANDOMLY found a couple suppliers in my area after that.
Anyway . Even with the k pin my boss is asking me y i dont eat lunch with everyone else and saying that i need to change my attitude. He says it in a nice way..
See. Positive attitude is what makes this job happen. I just worked 85 hours in two weeks at 15 an hour. Plus bonuses , which will go up here soon if i dont mess up.
We gotta go door to door, and i can fake it at each door. Set them up for a free estimate to get their 20 year old roof replaced or old ass windows etc.
So i gotta be in top chippy shape, starting with the moment i get out of bed i gotta say YA. ! Im gonna freaken DO IT. Or it wont work. Lol. Roofs are expensive. People dont want an anxitey ridden mess at there door.
Im not selling roofs im just putting them in the position to be sold.
And also the guys doing the selling are making bank.
Anyway, i think zanex is the only thing that woukd make me feel comfortable eating lunch for an hour with everyone.
Sigh.....
Whatever.
Ok ...
So im not trying to get high.
I like too.
Im maintaining though.i have hardly been high. Lol.
Now i guess since im already hired and doing OK . I dont think hes gonna fire me if i get a little weird. Not eating lunch with you guys , i got anxiety dude f off lol.
Minimum to keep the job is two appointments a day. I can do that and even if i dont some days ,he wont let me go right away. However i am nervous he may switch me to part time instead of full. But ill STILL have a job ..
So new plan.
On the first, im gonna order the best kava kava online and figure out my own taper plan and, shit ,just stop the benzos before i REALLY screw myself.
I have heard because kava targets gaba receptors that it is not a good idea , but i think its a doable plan as i have heard the latter.

 

[yompf]

I think skipping days DOES make a huge difference . It just has to be the right days , back to back.
I know i can eat an opiate a few times a week, then take a few days off and be just fine.
No withdrawls

 

[sekio]

Unless you can function for several weeks without BZDs, you should be looking into other means to treat your anxiety that aren't GABAergics and preferably aren't pharmacological at all... CBT, more social activity, aerobic exercise, I dunno.

Benzos really are just a band-aid temporary fix, the general medical consensus is you shouldn't take them for more than about ~2 weeks if you are taking them daily. They can go from something you can handle entirely to a Real Bad Problem quicker than you'd like, and unlike opioids if you dig yourself deep with benzos you'll need to go to a hospital to detox so you don't seize out and die.

In any case, being reliant on benzos to function at your work is going to doom you in the long run, either you will get tolerant to the benzos, or they wil run out one day and you'll have a meltdown, or perhaps worst you might mess the dosage up one day and end up doing regrettably stupid shit.

Go smoke some weed if you can handle it instead? Kava is mostly another GABAergic, it will do approximately the same stuff benzos do but in a less reliable fashion (not standardized as a pharmaceutical).

 

[Cinz]

You could be suffering from depression. Go to a psychiatrist and tell him your symptoms. SSRIs help for anxiety caused by depression, which sounds like your case.

Benzos make you more depressed if you don't have real anxiety. Also its not worth the addiction. It wipes your memory out and time will fly by so quickly that it will be a waste. It also makes you lose all motivation.

Also the only way to get over your anxiety is to welcome the anxiety. stop caring about if other people see you as anxious. Its not a bad thing. You can use the anxiety as fuel

 

[yompf]

Doesnt depression and anxiety go hand in hand. ? Like my anxiety leads to me hating myself , and that turns into its own deppresion of sorts..... I dont see the difference... Im constantly anxious, around people mostly, and im depressed because i wish i had friends, at least normal interactions... Ya i could use therapy as a tool.
I didn't like the last guy i went to. The only time in my life i volunteered for such a thing. I mentioned to him about my meth use and he said he could not help me i needed rehab for a year .

I quit meth,
i HATE the stuff.
Hell everyone out here wants to SHARE it.
I picked up a habit ignorantly thinking i was immune because i hated being awake and i hate tweakers and i never REALLY enjoyed it for longer then the first few min.
Anyway i told him that and my plans to quit. He didn't believe me. told me i COULD NOT DO IT.
well he was wrong
i did.
Kicking that wasn't SHIT compared to opiates.
Whatever.
Anyway, i dont have time anymore for appointments like that .

 

[yompf]

So i got addicted. Big surprise.
I ended up going the ER and they gave me librium. 7 day taper plan. Im on day 4. Doing fine.
Will NOT try that again

 

[Mmp85]

You sound like you have very legitimate anxiety that needs to be treated.
There are non benzo options for anxiety and I know they don't feel like a magic solution the way benzos do but they're better than nothing.