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wife not sexually fun

Seattle_Stranger has a point, there has to be some sort of a compromise, and to me it doesn't sound like she's even willing to budge.

I would honestly just be like "love, we need to talk" and then just air your problem and how you've tried but don't seem to be getting anywhere with suggesting to her that you need and crave intimacy in your life.
And while having this conversation, ask her why she doesnt want to have sex with you, and that you want a straight answer.
Maybe then you'd have something to work with/on together. :)
 
That's the thinking I needed (read: idea for a way to start the conversation). Thankfully, we'll have a long drive and plenty of time to broach the subject. Will update following the holiday. Thanks all, and enjoy!
 
psykedenlitenment said:
No, Jackie, only birth control.
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You know, birth control definitely takes a big chunk out of a woman's sex drive, my lady will attest. Sometimes it causes her to not be as "lubricated", she's positive it's the BC doing it. Maybe try an alternate one? Do you guys want kids together? Maybe it's time to start trying? That'll get her goin'... :)
 
Springtime is where the plan lies to start trying for kids. We're both really busy, she has a high school teaching job and grad school and coaches gymnastics three days a week. I work construction and because of all her work I take all the overtime my body can handle. Leaves very little time for the both of us. Probably a really major factor that I oversighted. I am still hesitant because I don't really want to burden her with "extraneous" (?) problems. Maybe I'm just a puss and need to grow some cahones. Maybe the appropriate time to address it will show itself this weekend. Either way, I'll update at the weekend's end.
 
Well, I started the discussion. It wasn't as difficult as I feared. Made a mountain out of a mole hill on that front. Don't really know if anything got truly resolved, but I impressed upon her that to me it's an issue. She claimed to be content just sitting around or making out, but doesn't *need* anything else/more. To which I replied, so you're happy with a middle school relationship. I asked what she might want to do to try to fix it, she said she'll have to think about what she'd do to fix the issue and that was kinda the end of it. I'm not really keen on crossing that bridge again in the near future, so I guess time will tell. Thanks all again for your interest and insight.
 
Tweek420 said:
Is she into drugs? Or open to trying any? Yall do some crystal meth, itll be the BEST sex of your lives.;)
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Doesn't sound like it.


OP: Good to hear kids are on the horizon, that will certainly make your sex life interesting and might actually "spark her" and make her realize how much she enjoys the act, especially if she associates it with emotionally charged things like procreation. Like I was saying, my lady and I "practice making babies" with some light role-playing and man, I'm gettin' a chub right now just thinking about it! It drives her through the roof, I can feel her body's response when I say things to insinuate we're...ya know.....trying... :)

From what you say about her responses to your conversation, it almost seems like she's avoiding it for some reason. She might have something she's bottling up, like perhaps a traumatizing sexual encounter in her past, maybe even childhood. Women will very often NEVER share such information in fear you will judge them or feel differently about them, they often feel embarrassed about it, which is so wrong, but a factor nonetheless. You might be completely sure that she hasn't, but you may never know for sure. Maybe you could ask her, and assure her that there's nothing she could ever say to change your opinion of her, and see how she reacts. You might uncover something huge and it might change her life (and yours).
 
Perhaps wanting kids might spark her into having sex for a while, but I can almost tell for certain that once the kids come along, then thats it, you will be back to where you are now or in a worse state of affairs. Its admirable that you find sex to be only a component in your relationship, and not the be all and end all, but there is a point where you need to get your needs met. Try a few more talks, and after that really reflect on if this set up is one that you are willing to put up with for the rest of your life.
 
She was riding the pony to put it bluntly this past week. Will be implementing things slowly so as not to retreat to seeming needy. More bulletins as events warrant
 
Been there, done that. Ten years of feeling like an unwanted piece of shit. If she knows sex is important to you she should want to do it to make you happy, and making you happy should make HER happy; and vice versa.
 
Sometimes a little analysis of sexual physiology can set things right. Are you aware that a woman's libido is very strongly associated with the level of sex hormones in her body at any one time? And that these sex hormone levels gradually rise to a peak in the 2 weeks prior to ovulation time? This is a highly general statement, but as a rule, most women have 1 week out of the month where they really just aren't that interested, and 1 week out of the month where they are very interested. The good week coincides with her ovulation. The bad week usually falls just prior to her menses. This is all out the window if she is on hormonal contraception, btw. Is she?
 
Raised from the dead.

We've been trying for a couple years now to start a family. Got into a clinic or whatever to check it all out. She's got something, non-cancerous, pressing on her pituitary gland causing her hormones to be off. Coincidentally, my swimmers don't swim. Gotta cut back on the herb.

Other than that, I've openly told her that I'm not going to be the sexual aggressor anymore. That was a bit of a while ago. Too many eye rolls and sighs of excitement to really be interested in doing anything if she isn't ok with it first or body language. *it's an AWESOME feeling* SCOFF.

Short story long: her libido was/is off due to the hormones being fucked.
 
I'm the same way with needing to "be in the mood", but my bf gets me in the mood with a massage! Works everytime. Hehe. Maybe try that? Break up the routine!

If you want to roll together, that sounds like a pretty awesome experience too. Why not just talk to her about it? Tell her your thoughts and experiences about MDMA and just give her some information.

Edit: Oh wow! Thanks for the update! Hahaha, I didn't even realize the thread date.
 
If you cannot talk with your wife, openly - there is something drastically wrong with your marriage.

Quit looking to blame/look for answers in here if you cannot have open dialogue.
Marriage is not just for appearance ( if you want an authentic one) and it appears you have not.
Leave her and find yourself - do both of you a favour ffs and stop pretending - life is too short for this kind of bullshit.
 
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