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Why women try to change (us) men?

redtailedhawk

redtailedhawk

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2005
Messages
74
Location
The Old Continent
I'm encountering more and more women in my life, who when ever I get close to, try to change me. There's nothing wrong with me that would be in need of changing, but it just seems they like to have this little "improvement" projects going on. :\

Upon Googling this phenomena it seems its quite common and that a lot of other men complain about this too.

Women and girls who are prone to this, can you tell why are you unable to simply accept guys in your life for who and what they are? Can you tell me more about what is behind your need or wish to continually improve the men in your life?

Men, how do you deal with it?

Thanks! :)
 
probably, it's some kind of biological instinctive behaviour similarly practiced when they are raising children
alternatively, they are women, so nobody knows the answer.
 
redtailedhawk said:
Men, how do you deal with it?

Thanks! :)
Click to expand...

It is instinctual, as Psyduck said. Females carry and create life, and are creative minded. Creativity is about change and so the struggle is there constantly with pretty much everything, including themselves on a much harsher level. Seems it would be difficult to actually feel in control this way except for with what you create. Women are more instinctual feeling, and more intuitive and this train of thought calls for more subtle change and fantasy. Men are more hands on and visual, judgmental, and so like for solid tangible existent material that is there at the moment.

Maybe by allowing them to have a reward punishment system you both can believe you are in control.
;)
 
Its not such a bad thing women seeking mental change, because men tend to transgress physichally where as women transcend mentally. This leaves us men with our toys or more likely to cheat wanting to be hands on, and for many reasons often leaves us receiving the cold silent treatment.
 
Because females secretly love drama. Especially the ones that say they hate drama, they are actually the worst offenders.
 
shimazu said:
Because females secretly love drama. Especially the ones that say they hate drama, they are actually the worst offenders.
Click to expand...

Its not the drama as much as the power recognized in modest means. Often women or females in general, will choose what seems to be the smaller role and micromanage. Men will write novels arrange an orchestra or build a statute in an attempt to move masses emotionally in hopes of conveying the feeling one women allowed them to feel at one moment in time.

There is a life of wonder in a whisper ;)
 
Let's be philosophical: asking a girl to try not to change you, is asking her to change :D
Anyway, my ex was a paladin of 'asking for changes to your SO and changing as your SO wishes are hallmarks of an healthy relationship'.
And there might even be truth in it: if you like someone as he/she is but for a couple of aspects of his/her behaviour(personality), and the relationship is serious, maybe working on those aspects (both sides of the couple) might pay off.

If it is a casual relationship, though, or a not-yet-so-serious one, it is

Because females secretly love drama. Especially the ones that say they hate drama, they are actually the worst offenders.
Click to expand...
Its not the drama as much as the power recognized in modest means.
Click to expand...
 
Josair said:
Let's be philosophical: asking a girl to try not to change you, is asking her to change :D
Anyway, my ex was a paladin of 'asking for changes to your SO and changing as your SO wishes are hallmarks of an healthy relationship'.
And there might even be truth in it: if you like someone as he/she is but for a couple of aspects of his/her behaviour(personality), and the relationship is serious, maybe working on those aspects (both sides of the couple) might pay off.

If it is a casual relationship, though, or a not-yet-so-serious one, it is
Click to expand...

Well, there is much more strength with the acceptance of change, and that goes for everything; including proving to yourself that it can be done !

=D
 
lol This is kinda a vague question. Sometimes, we like who you are and see potential, but you have that one annoying trait that we hope we can change. Sometimes, we don't figure out the annoying habit until after we've been around you for a long time. I don't even think it's intentional sometimes.

There are some traits you can change, but you can't change someone when it's something they want to do. Like drugs, if you don't like drugs and don't want to date a drug addict, then you have to dump and/or avoid the drug addicts. The drug addict doesn't give up drugs unless they want to. Maybe rock bottom will be losing you, maybe it won't but generally if you don't like drugs then you should avoid dating the person who likes drugs.

I'm never satisfied with myself, so I have a hard time settling with any 1 person. I always want to better myself financially, mentally, physically, so it is hard for me to tolerate someone who has 0 goals or some kind of ambition. I don't think I try to change that in a person, but I do leave or break up with that person when he doesn't want to do anything with himself. Can't change that about me either, and men have tried. LOL
 
I've never had a girl try to change me... or, or maybe they were so good at it that they changed me and I just never realized it before!

Hmmm... I'll have to think about this some more. lol
 
Lysis said:
lol This is kinda a vague question. Sometimes, we like who you are and see potential, but you have that one annoying trait that we hope we can change. Sometimes, we don't figure out the annoying habit until after we've been around you for a long time. I don't even think it's intentional sometimes.

There are some traits you can change, but you can't change someone when it's something they want to do. Like drugs, if you don't like drugs and don't want to date a drug addict, then you have to dump and/or avoid the drug addicts. The drug addict doesn't give up drugs unless they want to. Maybe rock bottom will be losing you, maybe it won't but generally if you don't like drugs then you should avoid dating the person who likes drugs.

I'm never satisfied with myself, so I have a hard time settling with any 1 person. I always want to better myself financially, mentally, physically, so it is hard for me to tolerate someone who has 0 goals or some kind of ambition. I don't think I try to change that in a person, but I do leave or break up with that person when he doesn't want to do anything with himself. Can't change that about me either, and men have tried. LOL
Click to expand...

It's pretty obvious that when such a self-aware image of virtue as yourself changes a man, it's for the good of the man. But where some women do what they do out of love, some women are petty and insecure enough to sink their hooks into a man for the sole purpose of moulding him into a lap dog.
 
because people are often more concerned with gratifying their own needs than the appreciation and love for another

but yeah like lysis said, it depends on what you mean by change. if its lifestyle decisions, political affiliations, sexual preferences, religious views, whatever, id stick with the above explanation and understand this person cares more about him/her-self than you. however, if its something like biting your nails, brushing your teeth, cleaning dishes properly, not tracking mud through the house, drinking too much alcohol, eating too much food to the point where you cant fuck, etc, well, theres always room for self-improvement, and it takes interactions with other humans to get good perspectives on ourselves from the outside. a lover is the best person for such perspectives!
 
I think women in general feel like failures if they are not married at a certain point or have a man in their lives. It comes back to how we are raised, and maybe this is changing as the generations pass. Women are raised to get married and have kids and that makes them complete. If a 30 year old woman wants to have fun, date and doesn't want kids or marriage, she is generally looked down on by other women especially. So, women take whatever man they can get or pays them any attention and then tries to mold that person into the guy she really wants. Not a good thing.

I remember my friend and I were sitting at work (we were work friends), and this guy who was generally a cool dude and chatted with us often said to us "If she's not married by 30, there must be something wrong with the girl." Well, my friend had just turned 30 and wasn't married and I was 29 and divorced. He just said it naturally, and we liked this dude and weren't angry, but we did say "wtf dude?? hello???" lol He said "Oh, sorry," but we did appreciate the glimpse into how people really think.
 
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