Attraction is one thing entirely.
And genuine confidence does not equate to being mad at the world, treating others like shit, or the like. It comes from having a sense of purpose. It comes from treating others well. It comes from learning from the mistakes that all human beings make and moving on.
When I was younger and had no idea what I really wanted, I went for the assholes and consistently got hurt. When I encountered truly nice guys who wanted a relationship for the "right" reasons, I lost interest quickly. Maturity brought me to the conclusion that success can be achieved in many different domains.
Misogyny and bitterness in any form may be attractive to a woman with low self-esteem or a relationship history that includes abuse, exploitation or neglect. There's one simple reason for that: misery loves company. When an "asshole" hooks up with a "needy type", both get to keep that part of their identity, but what they lose is the ability to grow together in any way.
I'll take the shy guy enjoying a good book at a coffeehouse who I may have to initiate a conversation with, but who will provide me with intellectual stimulation, over some blowhard at a bar who thinks drinks and money will impress me (or get me into bed).
Being an asshole might get you laid, but it stops you from being loved.
See
www.tuckermax.com (work warning as to content) for some prime examples. His law degree, affluent family, set of friends who go out and get ridiculously tanked with him and enable him to act like an ass only inspire him to do it even more. I read his book on a flight back from the east coast a few weeks ago, and although his exploits are probably exaggerated, he acts like a flagrant jerk to women so he can hurt THEM before they hurt HIM. His "ego" (using the term loosely) is really a protective mechanism. "You can't exploit me because I'll exploit you first" is the hallmark of a lonely man who desperately needs love, but is not capable of giving or receiving it for whatever reason.
The women Tucker wants are the ones who are truly smart - who see through bullshit. Yet the ones he attracts are just as bad as he is. Superficial people attract superficial people. Assholes attract victims. Sounds perfect from a logical perspective, doesn't it? But if you've read his book, you realize that with that dynamic, everyone ends up covered in shit, and I do mean that literally. He's a great case study in why assholes end up the loneliest ones of all.
Exarkann, you don't need girls in order to feel good about yourself. You seem like a nice guy with a lot to offer - you don't have to develop an ego problem in order to attract what you want. It's so hard to accept that the guy next to you who's buying rounds of drinks, bragging, and being a global fucktard is more likely to get laid than the nice guy who's keeping to himself and trying to get up the nerve to talk to someone he finds attractive, but the asshole is more likely to end up with an STD and a negative balance in his bank account, and while the nice guy may end up going home alone that night, at least he isn't engaging in the mutually exploitative dynamic I've addressed in this post.
A guy with a big heart will win; a guy with a big mouth will lose. It's not obvious in the short term, but when that genuine guy meets that genuine girl, the assholes are the ones left lonely. THAT, to me, is justice.
, so I didn't get to know you other than an introduction, but if you believe you're worth getting to know (which I get the impression you are) - then get to know someone you believe is also worth getting to know. Without prying, though, I thought you were involved with someone. If you don't mind my asking, has that changed?
