• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Why women are attracted to the assholes

kittyinthedark said:
^You misunderstand my dear.

Of course true confidence has nothing to do with being overly cocky or being an asshole, however, those two traits fall on that end of the spectrum. Women go looking at that end, and often overshoot their goal. It really is a continuum - often the most cocky, obnoxious guys are the ones that are the least secure. But we usually only see the outside at first...
Click to expand...

Well put.

I agree with your analysis completely.
 
I have a dubious attraction to guys that are 'arrogant', once in the relationship it does equate to him acting like an asshole to me. Makes me word dam hard for anything emotionally from him. And I also have this deep desire to help and heal his issues, cos they are usually emotionally fucked up. My ex had an air of utter confidence, making me want THAT, then I found his arrogance enchanting, and wanted soooo much to help him overcome his psychological issues...... warped arent I !!

Going to the Freudian paradigm (i hate Freud however) in my instance I had a Father who was emotionally unavailable, and surprise, all the guys I've been deeply attracted to have also been emotionally unavailable!

There's obviously my own issues implicated in my attraction to the arrogant type, once I've sorted them out it will all be good. LOL, whenever that'll be I'm 30 now.

X Isis
 
First, once again LL and Kitty have the right of it in their two posts above. There is very little evidence to the contrary, and while Im normally big on everyone's opinion counts, in this case if you find you disagree with what LL and Kitty have said, chances are you could use some ironing out of an issue or two in that area.....

but, then, who couldn't use an iron here and there?

Regarding Ishy's post above, she hits on an important point. Many women (and gay men) are attracted to guys who seem confident, invincible, masterful of all things masculine. What many of them find when they get these uber alpha males is that they are in fact very insecure with themselves in a way that seems incongruent with all the King of the Mountain attributes they seem to posess. And then, these partners find that really, why they are attracted to the smoke and mirrors of that persona is that they do want to heal them. Or, more accurately, at the heart of it, those of us attracted to assholes have to admit we would be happier than a pig in shit for our man to continue being the biggest asshole in the world but totally melt in owr arms, making it obvious that we are the sole achilles heel for this otherwise indestructable mountain of a man.

You want to be the Beauty that tamed the Beast. You want to believe there is something that special about you. The sad truth is that you are that special, but you'll never have that ending you picture unless and until he grows into a more mature human being. And that is something he has to do independent of you.
 
Fallacious reasoning.
Post hoc ergo propter hoc.

This guy is an asshole.
This guy gets a lot of poot-nanny.
Assholes get a lot of punani.

Wrong. It's:

This guy is extremely attractive to women.
(Usually in obvious, superficial ways, stupid)
This guy gets a lot of poot-nanny regardless how he acts.
Thus he gets to act like an asshole.

Remember, hot chicks are at least as superficial as you are. If you're looking for more than a hook up, you'll find girls with less superficial motivations. But then they're probably looking for more than a hookup too, so beware! lol.
 
I agree wholeheartedly with what you are affirming, but not necessarily with what you are rejecting as the result of an argumentative fallacy.

True, the world is full of hot uber male guys who get to off-road, smoke out, win the x games and model for 2xist by the time they are 21, thus ensuring they get a pass on having to treat a girl right in order to get laid. These are hardly worth mentioning, as one unfortunate dirtbike accident can take this guy from envied to pitied in blink of the eye.

But, not all assholes with a veritable harem of women to lazily graze among are "UFC star-meets-surferboy hot. In fact a whole hell of a lot of them are down-right frightening. One doesn't even need to consider an Ike Turner or the entire set of pimps interviewed in the documentary "American Pimp" to know this is true. Most of us can point to someone we know, grew up around, are related to, or possibly who we have been in a relationship with who quite simply kept women in his bed, life and grip solely on a pathological combination of charisma, confidence and being a manipulative asshole.

So, while it may be a flawed inductive process to go from the observation of sequential events straight to a conclusion that assholes can hold a certain attraction for many, it seems totally reasonable to deductively look at the wealth of anecdotal evidence from pop culture and our individual experiences as a solid enough reason to assume that proposition at least legitimate enough to proffer an opinion on as to why it is so.
 
Last edited:
Whoa dude that text was pretty dense. (not saying you are though) It's also worth mentioning that I was responding not specifically to you, but to anyone with the idea that being an asshole gets you laid.

I used the word "attractive" instead of "hot" on purpose. Attractive can mean many things, but the end result is "chicks want to do you". (=sexually attractive or SA)

You mention charisma, but that's exactly what the shy, I-can't-get-the-hot-girl guys do NOT have. For girls to want to do you, you need to be interesting or entertaining in some way.

The ONLY way (imho) that an otherwise non-SA guy can become more attractive through being an asshole is by association. If he's on-the-bubble" and girls aren't quite sure if he's attractive, they might take his assholishness as positive confirmation. Or if playing the role of an asshole gets a quiet guy to come out of his shell, maybe that's all the oomph he needs in certain situations to become SA to some girl.

It's akin to an unstimulating homely guy going out with a couple hot female friends who seem to be having a great time with him. Other girls are going to become extremely interested in this guy. Positive confirmation right in front of their face: girls interested and/or entertained.

But I think in 99.9% of cases, a guy who's not SA who acts like an asshole goes from being ignored because he's ugly and/or short and/or quiet and/or completely unstimulating to being ignored because he's a short ugly asshole. But that's just my opinion.
 
If you are wondering why all the assholes are getting the girls... then join in and get a piece of the pie... become the ASSHOLE hahahaha

The old saying goes, if you can't be them you might as well fucking join them!!!
 
I used to hang out with this chick who was very shallow and a crazy party girl, and she used to tell me of all her ridiculous sexual adventures and Hollywood parties. We got along great because there was no sexual desire there, but we just enjoyed each other's company. She used to tell me how she'd only go for the biggest assholes and all these jackass guys.

I liked listening to her idiotic reasoning behind these stories, and most of the time, it was just her wanting attention (which they gave her) and her messed-up idolizing of bad boys.

We would talk about our relationships and whatnot, and she'd always try to convince me that I needed to be more of an asshole if I wanted to get more girls. Thankfully this taught me that if I wanted to date girls like her, then sure, I should be a dick. But I don't think deep down most girls want to be with assholes. They all go through their fair share of them in their lives I'm sure though.
 
I'm only attracted to nice guys. They always just end up being arseholes. Arseholes are sometimes really good at hiding it.

I don't like pushovers and "yes" men. So overly "nice" guys are a turn off too i suppose.
 
doofqueen said:
I don't like pushovers and "yes" men. So overly "nice" guys are a turn off too i suppose.
Click to expand...

Agreed +++

I feel that I need a challenge, I have a strong personality and want a man who can stand up to that and match me. ;)

I had a relationship with a saint of a man - Unfortunately it seemed to bring the worst out in me and I started to walk all over him, because I could. We were off and on for bout 18 months, he'd be at my beck and call.......... I didn't like the person I turned into when I was with him.

I'd really like to find the balance between a nice guy that also has some strong character traits including a hint of arrogance with underpinning confidence to keep me enthused in the relationship.

Isis
 
What all us women want and need is a man with a balanced strong-sensitive polarity.

Very hard to find.

Sometimes we misjudge and end up going too far on either extreme.
 
Indeed. A killer instinct combined with tenderness family suchnsuch; a mook is not the one to conquer the world with his woman behind him!
 
I'm starting to feel like a rejection junkie. I always want what i can't have and i never like guys that are REALLY keen on me. Always the ones that are not as available as i want them to be. My mind sux.
 
Apologies for posting this for about the 37th time, but, in my opinion, this is BY FAR the most accurate succinct (and even clever) explanation for this phenomenon:

QUESTION:

Why are women attracted to men who are assholes?


ANSWER:

They're not.

Women are attracted to men who are good-looking, wealthy and confident.

The "asshole" part is kind of like cole slaw.

Nobody ever orders it . . .

. . . but sometimes . . .

. . . it comes with the meal."
 
^^ that is most likely true in a lot of cases but i just dont think you can give one clear and concise answer for this.
Every female is different, had different experiences ect..

Any woman who is attracted to men who treat them bad knows how painfull it is. I personally do not think it can be simply explained.

i know that a reason i have been attractedd to these men in the past (along with low self esteem - fuuuucking8) ) is that im scared to be loved because im scared of being left. Every man who's ever said he loves me has left me or abused me or betrayed me at some point or another.

So being with emotionally distant men is my only way to assure that i dont get hurt. I expect them to fuck me over so when they dont treat me right, dont love me its just what i knew would happen. Its that little bit easyer because i prepared myself & i knew they would do it.

Im aware its a problem, im working on. theres no point in denying they exist though. Thats not going to get you anywhere in terms of getting over it.

im 20 & dont expect to have myself all figured out at this age. As long as your aware that it is a problem when you are attracted to these kind of men & make steps to change it then i think you will notice a change & start to become attracted to men you are more compatible with in the future.

sorry for this long post btw
 
Last edited:
Women like men who are confident in what they feel, think etc - that part is just ingrained genetics as 40,000 years ago, choosing the right mate could be a life or death decision. Thing is, confident men generally come in 2 varieties. Type1 are outgoing, seemingly self confident in their mannerismsm but the give away is an inbility to accept any criticism, good natured piss taking etc and react by suddenly coming out with an unneeded, unexpected burst of vitriol as a self defence mechanism.

Type 2 are equally outgoing, but possibly not demonstrating the 'show off' element that the first type seem to exhibit (not needing to appear the centre of attantion). They also respond to criticism by considering what's been said with an acknowledgement of any fault on their behalf and an apology. Their sense of humour also has a generally self-depreciating humour, making themselves the butt of a joke; this is almost impossible for the 1st type to do in case they think someone might think it 'real' - this leads to a vicious cruel sense of humour that is almost exclusively at someone else's expense


That's all I can think of at the moment as I want to watch something on the telly!
 
Yes. It's all genetics. 50 000 years ago, a man with confidence would lift the left foot slightly higher above the poison lizard, and squint his eyes harder, avoiding sun-stare. Also, nerds were known to be crappy at lifting boulders and building palm-tree shelters. It's in our genetics. The guy with the bling bling would have the resources to build dinosaur hutts, coconut motorcycles, etc.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top