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Why women are attracted to the assholes

The debate of "nice guys vs. jerks" has been raging for quite a long time. The nature of being a "nice guy", however, is commonly misunderstood. It is believed that being polite, considerate, friendly, tender, romantic, etc. is what being a "nice guy" is all about and thus those qualities should be avoided, as it is the "jerk", the rude, the inconsiderate, the impolite, the rough guy who always gets the girl while the "nice guy" is waiting outside in the pouring rain with flowers in his hand.

It doesn't mean that women prefer rude over polite, inconsiderate over considerate, etc. It all becomes clear when we look at a very important issue often overlooked when trying to define what makes the "jerks" beat the "nice guys" when it comes to getting the girls. It is sexuality - the "jerks" are not afraid to show that they are sexual beings, while the "nice guys" hide their sexuality as a part of their agenda of being friendly, polite, and courteous towards women.

Peta, Clifford's Seduction Newsletter: "It dawned on me as it has, that the androgyny is key. Women fall for bastards because they don't turn off the sexuality.. "nice" guys think women will be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny [sending all nice guys to LJBF-land]"




check this out (the site is quite funny,everythings mainly all sujective so is BS) i like the three second rule
vvvvvvvvvvvv

http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/01_The_Basic_Rules/niceguys.shtml
 
SLR mods, you should make a mega-merged "why do women like assholes?" thread and sticky it. This strategy has worked pretty well in PD to build up a large repository of information on common questions, and it will relieve the regulars of this forum from repeating themselves for the umpteenth time.
 
Beatlebot said:
Just because he's an arsehole to you doesn't necessarily mean he's an arsehole to her.
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This is a key example of a guy that is an arsehole.

If he's an arsehole to another guy for no reason and/or because he doesn't see he can getting anything out of you.He is an arsehole.The way you treat people(Especially,where you don't want something out of them and they haven't treated you badly.) shows the kind of person you are.

The guy above is only being nice to her,for his own selfish reasons to get something out of her.Hence he is an arsehole.

A truly nice guy/girl will try to treat people well,unless the other person/s gives them a reason NOT to.It's called respect and doing the right thing cause it's the right thing to do.
 
I suppose my personality has been perceived as both sides of the spectrum - as "nice" and "asshole." most of the time the women that come to me (rather than me to them) come to me because they think I put off that certain standoffish vibe. I wish that wasn't the vibe I put forth, because once you get to know me it couldn't be more far from the truth... but whatever works in the dating game works ;)
 
assholes are going to attract women who love assholes
nice guys are going to attract women who love nice guys

its that simple
 
sorry in advance if i'm repeating anything that has already been posted, i was just skimming through..

my take on it is as follows -

*firstly, who says that women tend to go for assholes?
some girls are looking for someone nice and honest and non-asshole-ish and go for guys whom they think are like this, and then later find out that they're assholes. they didn't go for what they thought was an asshole.. who would?
alot of girls go for nice guys, and (as i saw was previously mentioned) other guys just see the nice guys as assholes because they are jealous, and focus on all the negative things they see/hear about the nice guy.
alot of girls may also whinge alot about their boyfriends, but never really talk about all the nice things their boyfriends do for them. think of it like this - you're angry with your boyfriend because he did something rude (it happens!). you dont want to complain to him about for fear of looking like you're a nag or whatever the hell your reason is. you complain to someone else! but if he does something nice for you, you can thank him and there's not that wall there from the negative event, making you turn to friends for support.
there's alot of other stuff i could write here aswell..

*secondly, what do you mean by an asshole?
as stated before also, i think, an asshole to you isn't necessarily an asshole to her. people act differently towards different people and a girl might see a side of an 'asshole-ish' guy that nobody else sees.

*thirdly, i think girls and guys naturally have some degree of competetion. by that i mean, why accept what you already have? i know i, for one (for some unknown reason??), also tend to be that little bit more keen on a boy who is that little bit more standoff-ish towards me, because it's a challenge to get him. something in the human psyche? instincts?
i won't get into tremendously boring detail, but i beleive that one major thing that allowed humans to evolve so rapidly after a certain point was the whole 'the grass is greener on the other side' thing. the fact that we're never truly happy with what we have pushes us to acheive more and further evolve.

okay so maybe i'm just rambling with no purpose now but i think i managed to include some worthwhile points.. this kind of discussion could get really heated!

for the record, though, i had a typical NICE GUY boyfriend for 2 years, and it was the best relationship i've ever had. even though we have now grown apart i still value mister nice guy and look for his qualities in future boyfriends. i have learnt from my experiences with the true assholes of this earth! and i will certainly not be choosing one again=D

ps. keep in mind that you can't classify someone as 'an asshole in all his relationships' or a 'nice guy in all his relationships'.. sometimes a guy can be an 'asshole' to a girl (or vice versa) for any number of reasons, yet be an absolute sweet heart to the next girl. people aren't so simple as to be categorized each into a neat little box!
 
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I think its more likely, evolutionary wise, that a female just wants a strong, assertive, overbearing, dominant, male to watch out for her.

I don't think there's enough actual correlation between sensitivity and observational powers. Considerate men way back when were probably just under the rule of the overpowering "asshole" ones. So the women went for these dominant "assholes."
 
we love the chase.
we always want what we can't have.
generally speaking that is.
 
It's funny that the question is always phrased in terms of "assholes" and "nice guys". It's also funny that the person asking the question always seems to expect the answer to be along the lines of "nothing you can do about it, girls are just irrational/stupid". A couple of hints:

Attraction has little to do with rationality. Irrationality doesn't equal stupid.

"Nice guys." If you're too shy to approach a girl, that doesn't make you a "nice guy", it makes you a wallflower. Girls typically don't even notice wallflowers. If you keep buying her drinks, that doesn't make you a "nice guy", it makes you a tool. Girls don't respect tools (but they do appreciate free drinks). If you make it clear that you'd settle for her in a heartbeat, you're not a "nice guy", you're boring, desperate and not worth her time. If you shower her with compliments, that doesn't make you a "nice guy", it makes you a blatantly obvious one, and girls get suspicious around guys like these. Instead of "nice guy", let's say "awkward and desperate guy": now, how sexy is that?

So, what's an "asshole"? Given the juxtaposition, it's likely to be a guy who doesn't act like the "nice guy" [*]. Imagine the complete opposite of the "nice guy": instead of convincing her that he is worth her time, the "asshole" has her trying to convince him that she is worth HIS. It's a complete role reversal, and it works.

Sex isn't something that girls "give" and guys "take". It isn't something that a guy should have to bargain for.



[*] I am NOT talking about abusive guys, the true "assholes". The situation where a girl stays in an abusive relationship has nothing at all to do with attraction.
 
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Monty Cantsin said:
It's funny that the question is always phrased in terms of "assholes" and "nice guys". It's also funny that the person asking the question always seems to expect the answer to be along the lines of "nothing you can do about it, girls are just irrational/stupid". A couple of hints:

Attraction has little to do with rationality. Irrationality doesn't equal stupid.

"Nice guys." If you're too shy to approach a girl, that doesn't make you a "nice guy", it makes you a wallflower. Girls typically don't even notice wallflowers. If you keep buying her drinks, that doesn't make you a "nice guy", it makes you a tool. Girls don't respect tools (but they do appreciate free drinks). If you make it clear that you'd settle for her in a heartbeat, you're not a "nice guy", you're boring, desperate and not worth her time. If you shower her with compliments, that doesn't make you a "nice guy", it makes you a blatantly obvious one, and girls get suspicious around guys like these. Instead of "nice guy", let's say "awkward and desperate guy": now, how sexy is that?

So, what's an "asshole"? Given the juxtaposition, it's likely to be a guy who doesn't act like the "nice guy" [*]. Imagine the complete opposite of the "nice guy": instead of convincing her that he is worth her time, the "asshole" has her trying to convince him that she is worth HIS. It's a complete role reversal, and it works.

Sex isn't something that girls "give" and guys "take". It isn't something that a guy should have to bargain for.



[*] I am NOT talking about abusive guys, the true "assholes". The situation where a girl stays in an abusive relationship has nothing at all to do with attraction.
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Thats very good response.
 
Not all girls like assholes. The girls who hate themselves like them though.

I think most girls like nice guys. Maybe at younger ages... thye like the "pirate" type of person. It's all documented I believe.
 
My theory is assholes appeal to a women's low self-esteem. They (woman)think they are worthless and assholes re-inforce this
 
Good post by Monty, but still. Not all confident guys who approach girls are assholes seeking to have girls prove to them their worth. If they were that conceited they would wait for girls to come to them and become a "wallflower."
People don't fit into these nice little categories of "awkward/desperate" and so on. What do you call a guy who just starts up a conversation because the girl looks interesting? I suppose he's testing her out to see if he likes her, which could be a take on her proving her worth, but everyone interested in a relationship does that, so why is he predisposed to be an asshole? He isn't. He might as well be a "nice guy". Yet a lot of women tend to end up with asshole men. It seems to me a lot of women just like a dominant man they can be submissive too, and thats exactly what they get, a conceited overbearing asshole. Its a rank generalization to begin with, and it's probably true no more than any other generalization is.
 
Monty Cantsin said:
[*] I am NOT talking about abusive guys, the true "assholes". The situation where a girl stays in an abusive relationship has nothing at all to do with attraction.
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from what i understand, this thread is talking about the guys that would be abusive, just have never carried it out physically.

its not talking about guys who are out going, fun, and interesting.

rather guys who constantly flirt with other girls, demean their girls worth by lying to their face, cheat, are always getting mad at the girl for being mad at him for all of the above, and are forgiven every time.

you can switch around "girls" and "guys" in the above.

what you were talking about were actions that some men take that aren't appealing to girls.

the actions assholes make are the ones that girls/guys claim aren't appealing to them, but the ones that the person they are hanging off of portray.

funny thing is even while with that girl or guy, they'll still say they don't like those attributes when discussing relationships.

on a separate note, i agree that often the "nice guy" is used to describe the reclusive pessimist.
 
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